Chapter Eight

J

 

Walking through my front door is the best feeling in the world. All I want is a shower and to sleep in my own bed. Spending two days in that truck was more than enough for me. After the kiss and the awkward conversation, there was only silence…unless we were talking about food or work. Those were the longest two days of my life. We probably could have pushed it to three, but both of us felt the tension and the need to get away from each other. Granted, getting home at two in the morning isn’t ideal, but whatever. All that matters is it’s over. The damn engine is now sitting in the bed of the truck in my bay at the shop with a note for Pop that I won’t be in tomorrow. Whatever happens to the engine is someone else’s problem. I need sleep. This trip has wreaked havoc on me. My nerves are shot. The one thing that hasn’t seemed to change is my attraction to Cole.

 

How the hell did I get into this predicament? Why did he kiss me? If he wouldn’t have, I could just pretend this thing between us isn’t really there. I could have just swept it under the rug, but no. The bastard had to kiss me. Now I know the taste of his lips, the feel of his chest crushed against mine. It’s all I think about. I want it again. I need it.

 

Shit. I’m screwed.

 

Loneliness cripples me at night. During the day, I can suppress it. The shop, Pop, and the boys keep me busy, but at night, there isn’t music loud enough, blankets cozy enough to take away that ache I feel. Not just because of sex. Yes, I miss that, too, but I really miss just being with someone. The comfort of knowing someone else is in the same space as me. With Justin, I didn’t have the support being in a relationship is supposed to give, but he was there at least, sharing the same space. I wasn’t completely alone in everything I did. Is it normal to want the other side of the bed warm? To want to share the couch and remote with someone? Or am I so pathetic, I feel a physical need to be with someone else? The ironic part of it all? I hate being with people, but I also hate being alone. So where the hell does that leave me? Unfortunately, it leaves me alone in my damn head most of the time.

 

*

 

Rolling over and seeing it’s only nine thirty in the morning physically hurts. I cover my head with my arm. Even though the sleep I did actually manage to get was deep, it wasn’t enough. It took me forever to fall asleep. I replayed every damn moment Cole and I spent together until my exhausted mind couldn’t take anymore.

 

The pounding on my door drags my ass out from under the covers. If it were up to me, I would have stayed in bed all day.

 

“Bitch, I know you’re in there. Open this door!” Jules yells, pounding on the door some more.

 

I swing the door open and turn, heading down the hallway to the bathroom. “Why are you here?” I yell as I sit on the toilet, bathroom door wide open. This is the kind of relationship we have.

“I called the shop and Nan said you were taking the day off. Since it’s Monday and the salon is closed, I figured we could catch up on the hottie you were with all weekend.”

 

After washing my hands, I walk into the kitchen. I see she hit the Starbucks on her way over. Thank the Lord. I am in no mood to wait for the coffee pot to slowly drip its liquid goodness. I need my fix, fast. I grab the cup with “Bitch” written in black marker and smile. Every time Jules hits Starbucks, she gives them that as my name. The baristas always raise an eyebrow, then shrug and write it anyway.

 

“Jules, it was uneventful. Trust me. I was stuck in a cramped truck with him for hours on end. We really didn’t talk about anything,” I say, looking at the wall behind her.

 

“Liar.”

 

My eyes widen. “What?”

 

Jules makes her way over to the couch and plops down. “You’re lying. After all these years, don’t think I can’t tell when you aren’t being straight with me. Spill.”

 

“Seriously, nothing happened.”

 

“J, I have not been waiting for three days for you to tell me nothing happened. I know that look.”

 

I take a deep breath and head into the living room. When I sit beside her, sipping my coffee, I feel her eyes drilling holes into me. “Fine,” I say, glaring at her. “Something did happen, but it was a mistake and won’t be happening again.”

 

“I knew it! Fucking spill!”

 

“What are you? Twelve? He kissed me.” Before any words can come out of her open mouth, I say, “But we both agreed it was a mistake.”

 

“A mistake? Why? He is so sexy, and you need a man in your life. Someone who can break down those walls. Cole can do that.”

 

“No, he can’t. Besides the fact we work together, I’m just not ready yet, Jul.”

 

“But you can’t hide at Z’s and in this apartment forever. You have to start living.”

 

With that simple truth slapping me in the face, I stand, knowing I’ll start getting defensive. That’s the last thing I want, especially with Jules. I know she loves me, but she can be brutally honest at times. “I need to get a run in before my lazy ass won’t get off the couch. Thanks for the coffee. I’ll call you later.” I shut my bedroom door, knowing Jules will see herself out.

 

I hear her yell, “I love you, bitch. I just want to see you happy. Don’t forget we have Sarah’s party Saturday night.” I hear the front door slam.

Damn it! I had forgotten all about Sarah’s bachelorette party. I’m not looking forward to it. Jules insists I can’t wear jeans and have to dress up. Great.

 

*

 

The rest of the week passes without incident. I’ve talked to Jules, making up for my shitty behavior the other day by letting her talk me into buying a little black dress, slut heels included, for Sarah’s party. She also made me feel just guilty enough that I agreed to let her do my hair and makeup. It’s no offense to Jules, she is amazing and can truly work miracles, but me being me, I either wear my hair up in a ponytail for work or straight down. I don’t fuss with it. Jules being Jules, she said that would never do with the outfit I picked up. She does tend to know best about these things, but I refuse to let her know that.

 

Being at the shop with Cole this week has been awkward, but I refuse to let what happened ruin my sanctuary. This is my comfort zone. This is all I have. We’ve talked about work, but it’s been forced and weird, so I now just say hello or goodbye. Pop hasn’t seemed to notice, but he’s been tense and angry. Something he usually never is.

 

“J-bird, my office.”

 

I look up to see Pop standing in the doorway that separates the offices and the bays. Stepping away from the brake job I am working on, I grab a degreaser wipe from the dispenser in my toolbox and wipe my hands, making my way to Pop’s office. I walk past Nan’s desk, trying to give her the eye to see if she knows what crawled up Pop’s ass, but she refuses to meet my stare. Hell, this can’t be good.

 

I walk into his office and start to head for the garbage can, but don’t make it three steps before he tells me to shut the door. I stop and meet his eyes. Nope, this isn’t going to be good at all.

 

He waits until I sit across the desk from him, meeting his gaze. He looks older. I don’t know how that’s possible, but just since last week, he looks older, more worn, tired.

 

“J, there is some shit going down, but I don’t know where it’s coming from. I’ve been working my ass off trying to find out, coming up empty. I hate to think the worst of these people. I consider them family, but someone in this family is lying. When I find out who, heads are going to fucking roll.” He punctuates his sentence by slamming his fist on his desk. I jump at his outburst. I know he would never lay a hand on me, but ever since Justin, I tend to be a little jumpy. He’s breathing heavy, eyes looking a little wild. It scares the hell out of me.

 

“Pop, what are you talking about? You aren’t making sense. What’s going on?”

 

“I need to ask you something. Now, it may piss you off, but I need the truth, J-bird. It kills me to even have to ask you this.”

 

“Pop, what the fuck are you talking about?”

 

“Have you been low on money? Do you need any help with bills and shit?”

 

I sit there for a moment. “No, I am doing fine. Why are you asking me that? Just spit it out.”

 

“Someone in this fucking building is a thief. I needed to make sure that, for whatever reason, you didn’t take money and forget to tell me or meant to put it back and didn’t. I had to know it wasn’t you.”

 

Jumping out of my seat, I raise my voice. “No, it wasn’t me! I can’t believe you would think that, even if for only a fucking minute. Pop, this is my home, your life. Why would I fuck with that?”

 

“Sit down,” he almost growls, staring at me. I cross my arms over my chest, hurt and pissed that my own father could think I would do that to him. When I don’t make a move to sit down, he stands slowly, pointing at my chair. “Jocelyn Jane, sit your ass back in that chair.”

 

In all my years, I can only count on one hand how many times my father has called me by my whole name. It isn’t something I am used to hearing. It has only ever been used when I have pissed off Pop in a major way. Keeping my arms crossed, I slowly lower my ass back to the chair as he sits in his.

 

“J, in my heart, I knew it wasn’t you, but I have to look under every rock. This is my fucking livelihood. I won’t let someone come in here and fuck with it. I have worked too damn hard to get to this point to let it all come crumbing down.”

 

“How much are we talking about here?”

 

“Thousands, J. I am talking about thousands of dollars missing over a period of six months. From what we can tell, it’s been happening in small amounts, but they’re apparently getting greedy because the last sum was rather large, alerting the bank.”

 

I sit back in my chair, my jaw dropping. Someone is stealing from him. Someone he trusted. God, someone I trusted. I have called these people family my entire life. How could they do this? I can’t even look at them the same after this. How can I work with them and not suspect each and every one of them? It could be anybody.

 

Pop sits there shaking his head, as if reading my thoughts. “The only people who know about this are me, Nan, and now you. You have to keep this to yourself, J. The only way I am going to be able to catch them is if they think the bank account is still open to them. I need you to keep an eye out. Anything you hear that may be off, if you see any of the guys acting suspicious, I need you to let me know. I can’t have whoever this motherfucker is here any longer than necessary.”

 

“Pop, how can I not act differently around them now?”

 

“You are going to have to. There is no other option. If I didn’t think you could handle this, I wouldn’t have told you.”

 

I don’t know how I can do that, but whatever Pop needs me to do, I will. I blow out a breath. “Okay, Pop. Whatever you need.”

 

When he stands up, I see this is physically taking a toll on him. “Get back to work, and keep your eyes open.”

 

I stand and walk up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, laying my head on his chest. “Pop, I know this is horrible, but you need to take care of yourself. Are you eating? Are you sleeping?”

 

He pats my back and grasps my arms, pushing me away slightly to look into my eyes. “Yes, J-bird. I am eating some and trying to sleep. I’m good. You don’t have to worry about the old man.”

 

Looking into his tired eyes, I do worry. He’s all I have. “You know I worry, Pop. That is never going to change.”

 

“I love you, J-bird.” He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

With those words, Pop heads back to his desk and sits, picking up his cell phone. I watch him dial a number and sit back. I am almost completely through the door when he calls to me.

 

“Hey, J,” he says, holding his cell phone away from his mouth. “Cancel family dinner for tonight.”

 

I nod at him as I walk out the door. What the hell excuse am I supposed to come up with to cancel dinner tonight?

 

I head straight for Nan’s desk, waiting for her to meet my eyes. When she finally looks up, she looks as tired as Pop. “We need to cancel tonight’s dinner, but I have no idea what to tell everybody as to why.”

 

She nods. “I’ll handle it. I’ll make sure the guys all know before they leave for the day.”

 

“Thanks, Nan. I am going to finish this brake job, then I’m out of here. This day has turned to shit.”

 

“I hear that,” she mumbles as she types away on her computer.

 

I can’t wait to get out of here. There is so much running through my head right now, I can’t see straight. I am almost glad I have Sarah’s party tomorrow... Almost.