Cole

 

This has been one crazy month. Darren is finally out of the hospital and back home. J’s been running her ass off, splitting her time between being with him and at the shop. The DiMarcos have been quiet, which worries me. When Darren was in the hospital, Justin sent flowers and a card. J trashed them immediately.

 

My mind is running, thinking of everything going on, when my phone rings. Belle. “Hi, Monkey. What’s up? How is the new job going?” I sit back on the couch, kicking my feet up on the table. It’s been a few weeks since I talked to my sister.

 

“Hi, Cole. The center is good. I’m learning so much, but my heart breaks every time they bring a child in. I know this is what I am meant to do, but damn. I don’t know if my heart can take the abuse.”

 

“That center is exactly where you need to be. They need you. To some of those kids, you are all they have.”

 

“I know, but some days are just so much harder than others.”

 

I can tell there is more to this phone call than just wanting to chat. “I know you didn’t call just to shoot the shit. What happened?”

 

“I just had a rough case today. Little girl, five years old, has been getting raped by the stepbrother since she was two.” Belle starts sniffing. “The look in her eyes… God, Cole. She was so blank, so lost. I just wanted to hold her close and never let go. The spark she should have was snubbed out by the asshole, who has been raping her since he was twelve.”

 

“Jesus, Belle. I don’t even know what to do with that information. I know I could never do what you are. My ass would be in a prison cell permanently.”

 

I hear a faint knock on my door. I know I can’t hang up. If Belle ever needed a shoulder to cry on, that moment is now. I look out the peephole and see J standing there. Unlocking the deadbolt, I open the door wide, putting up a finger so she knows I’ll just be a minute. I motion for her to come in and sit. I shut the door behind her and walk back to the couch, sitting down next to J.

 

“Cole, I just don’t know if I can let every one of these kids get to me like this. I’ll be a shell of a woman if I do.”

 

“I know you want to help them all, but you need to put a wall up at some point. Monk, they will break you if you don’t. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, but you can’t save everyone.”

 

“I know, but I want to fucking try. I don’t know how to build that wall, Cole. You are the master of the wall around your heart. You may need to teach me.” I hear her giggle, then swallow loudly.

 

I laugh. “Belle, are you drunk?”

 

“Not yet, but I am well on my way.”

 

“Getting drunk every time a little kid shows up at the center because they were raped is not the way to deal with this. If you are drinking, do not leave that apartment. Call me tomorrow, when you feel like shit with a hangover, and I’ll remind you why this is a bad idea.”

 

“I’m fine. Just a long day. Jenny is on her way over. We are going to get drunk and eat a bunch of junk food. I’ll be fine. I promise. I love you, Cole, and I miss you.”

 

“I love you, too, Monkey. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I pull the phone from my ear and hang up, looking over at J.

 

“Sorry. My sister was having a bad day.”

 

“It sounds like she is dealing with some really heavy stuff,” she says.

 

“She is. She interns at the Center for Abused Women and Children. She mostly works with the kids, and some days are worse than others. I am just afraid she will lose that drive and excitement she has for what she’s doing. There are some really bad people out there.”

 

“That there are.” She puts her hands in her lap, intertwining her fingers. “The world is full of a bunch of crazies.”

 

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I’m waiting on J to speak. I’m not upset she’s here, but I’m curious as to why. She just keeps looking at her hands in her lap.

 

“Why are you here, J?”

 

“I don’t know. Pop kicked me out of his house. He talked to Todd, who told him he needed to talk to me about the accident. I told him everything. Well, not everything, but what he needed to know about the shop break-in, the DiMarcos, Justin, the threats, the accident. He lost his shit. Threw a mug and told me to get out of his sight. He’s never talked to me like that before. He wants us at his house tomorrow at eight. He’s pissed. I’m sorry, Cole. Sorry for dragging you into this. I just needed to talk. I…I don’t even know why I came here. I should go.” When she starts to stand, I grab her wrist, pulling her back down to the couch.

 

“Stay.”

 

When her eyes meet mine, every wall I’ve been hiding behind, every reason I have to stay away from her, falls away. I can’t let her walk out. She’s scared and feels alone. If she walks out of this house, she won’t be back. I know it took everything she had to come here. She’s making a statement. It’s time for me to make mine.

 

I move my hand from her wrist and slide it up her arm until I am cupping her face. “Don’t leave, J. We’ll figure out everything with Darren. Yeah, he’s mad, but once we sit down and explain things, he’ll understand. It will be fine. I promise.”

 

I lean over until my lips are almost touching hers. “I’m done fighting this. I don’t have the energy to push you away anymore. If I’m putting all my cards on the table and being honest, I need you, J. I need you more than I need my next fucking breath.”

 

I hear her gasp when my lips crash into hers. I put everything into that kiss. She makes me want things. Things I never knew I could have. Things I shouldn’t take.

 

She kisses me back with just as much violence and lust. I lean over to grab both her hips and lift, sitting back so she’s straddling me. This is where she’s meant to be, in my arms, on my cock. My jeans start to strangle me. The harder she makes me, the tighter they get. When she moves her hips to center herself over me, my only thought is not to lose it in my jeans like a fucking teenager.

 

When she rubs her center over my cock again, I growl into her mouth. “J, you keep doing that, I’m going to make a fool of myself.”

 

She pulls her lips from mine. “What are we doing, Cole?”

 

“Well, babe, right now, we are making out like a couple of horny teenagers dry humping on mama’s couch, but what I’d really like to do is strip you bare and taste what I have been dreaming about for months.” I kiss down her neck.

 

She leans her head back, giving me more access. “That’s not what I mean. This… What is this thing between us?”

 

“I honestly have no idea, but I’m fucking tired of fighting it.” I look into her eyes. “I fucking want you, J. I have since I first laid eyes on you.” I slowly pull her shirt from inside her jeans. I need to feel her skin on mine. The look in her eyes is pure lust, but I can’t tell if she’s okay with this. Reluctantly, I remove my hands from her sides and lean back against the couch. The sound she makes can only be described as a whine. “If this isn’t something you want to happen, you need to speak now. I don’t know what this is or how we will handle it in the morning, but I am willing to find out. I want you in my bed, J.”

 

She looks into my eyes for a few seconds. “I want this. I want you, but…”

 

“But what?” I say, moving my hands back under her shirt to her sides, lightly touching the skin over her ribs. I want those gorgeous breasts in my hands, in my mouth, but I need her to either commit to this or get off my lap. The choice needs to be hers.

 

“I haven’t… Not since Justin. He really fucked me up Cole. I don’t know that I can without freaking out. The things he made me do. I…”

 

I pull my hands away from her body, putting them under my thighs to keep from touching her. “I am not Justin. I am not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do, J. I won’t hurt you.”

 

She nods. “I want this. I do.” She puts her head down and starts playing with the bottom of my shirt. “Just…”

 

I pull her to my chest, my lust pushed to the back burner for now. “Jesus, J. What did that fucker do to you?”

 

“I can’t let him ruin this. He has held me captive in my head for so long, Cole. He’s made my life a living hell, even when I wasn’t with him. My head is so fucked up because of him.”

 

“We don’t have to do this. If you aren’t ready, that’s okay. I’ll be here when you are.”

 

“No. I want this with you.” She pulls my shirt up, exposing my abs. “You are just what I need to forget.” She runs her hands up my stomach to my chest. My cock jumps just from her touch, hardening even more. She leans forward, licking my bottom lip, whispering, “Make me forget, Cole.”

 

I grab her ass and pull her hard against me, rubbing her hot center against my cock. “If you can’t do this, I need to hear it, J. I’m not kidding. If anything starts freaking you out, tell me.”

 

“As long as it’s you, I’ll be fine. Take me to bed, Cole.”

 

I finally understand. The attitude, the wall she lives behind, the shield stopping anyone from getting too close… She’s scared. I want to be the one to protect her. I want be her shield from all the crazy in the world.