J

 

Knowing the DiMarcos are in hiding makes me feel better, but only slightly. They can come back at any time. With everything that has happened, I’m hoping they know they can’t get Pop to do anything he doesn’t want to do. And getting into bed with the DiMarcos has never been and will never be an option, regardless of how in the red the shop gets.

 

Even with everything Mark did, we’re still bringing in money. It hurt financially, but it didn’t cripple the business. Z’s Service is still strong and moving forward.

 

I am trying really hard to be strong and move forward, too. I’m not going to lie. It’s hard as fuck, but I refuse to be a victim. Yes, horrible things happened, but I won’t let them define me. I’m moving on. It’s the only thing I can do. I’m back at work and going to the gym, but I’ve only been back to the apartment once. I tried to stay there. I was on edge and every noise had me jumping, my heart thundering in my chest the whole time. It was the longest night of my life. I called Dr. Charles first thing the next morning. She explained that your home is your sanctuary. Once someone tarnishes that security and you don’t feel safe anymore, it’s very hard to get that back. It’s work. Sometimes even after all the work you do, you still can’t be there. I decided it’s just an apartment. I’ve been staying with Pop. My lease runs out at the end of the month, so I have a few days to get the rest of my stuff and either store it or throw it out. Cole and Asher are meeting Jules and me there in a few hours.

 

I put the key into the door and push. It looks the same, but it doesn’t feel the same. The hominess is gone. It was taken from me. I hate sleeping at Pop’s. I know he doesn’t mind, but I miss my own space where I can just be without answering questions or talking. Dinner is a production, too. I miss my bowls of cereal over the sink.

 

“So, where do we start?” Jules asks from behind me in the kitchen.

 

“It all has to go. I guess the best way is to split it by what’s going to storage and what’s going with me to Pop’s. The kitchen can all be packed for storage. I won’t need any of it. Why don’t you start here and I’ll go start in the living room so we can have some boxes done by the time the guys get here.”

 

“So Ash is coming with Cole?”

 

I roll my eyes as I gather the supplies we brought to pack everything. “Yes, I told you that. What’s the deal anyway?”

 

“We’re just friends. We hook up sometimes, but it’s nothing serious. Neither one of us is ready for all the emotion and bullshit that comes with a relationship. It’s basically just sex.”

 

“So he’s your booty call? He calls just when he wants sex and you’re okay with that?”

 

“Well, yeah. That is what a no strings relationship is about. We’re friends. I text him funny memes I think he’d like. He texts me stuff the other guys say at work.”

 

I stop packing the box and move to the kitchen door. Jules is wrapping plates in the dish towels, putting them into a box. “How exactly does that work? Do you date other people?”

 

“Sweetie, how do you not know how a friend with benefits works? We’re just having fun. Yes, we both see other people, but nothing serious. We talked about it. If either one of us decides we want to start something with another person, we just bow out of this thing. No hurt feelings, no issues. It works for us. Ash is gorgeous, has a sexy job, and he treats me good. He’s just a great guy. I’m not ready to be tied down.”

 

I watch her as she talks. She’s happy. Who am I to say it’s wrong just because I couldn’t do that kind of relationship? I walk back to my boxes. “You’re right. I’m sorry. You don’t have to explain anything to me. As long as you’re happy and no one gets hurt.”

 

“Bitch, I am happy. I know not everyone gets it, but it’s what I need. Speaking of relationships, what’s the latest on you and mechanic boy?”

 

“Mechanic boy… Let him hear you call him that.” We both laugh. “Things are okay… They’re good…great. I don’t know how to describe them. We get along great. Even after everything, he still wants to be with me. Why? I have no idea.”

 

“Why? Because you’re a catch. He’s a lucky man and he knows it.”

 

“But that whole thing fucked me up. I know I’m different than I was before. It sucks finding out what you thought you knew was one big lie and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker.”

 

“Please. Justin was an asshole. You can’t base the type of person you are on that loser. Personally, I think Cole has had a great impact on you.”

 

As we talk and work, the hours fly by. Boxes upon boxes are filled, labeled, and pushed up against the kitchen wall. It is nice to just hang out with Jules, no bullshit, just best friends laughing and talking about everything. I feel like this is one of those things we needed. It’s been too long.

 

“Knock, knock,” Cole says, pushing the door open. “We’ve brought beer and pizza.” He carries the pizzas to the stove, since every other surface is covered with stuff. I never realized how much junk I really had.

 

“Food!” Jules yells, running to the stove to open the box, grabbing a slice. “J is a freaking slave driver. I’ve been at this for hours without any food or water. I was held hostage and thought I was going to die.” She says that last part around a mouthful of pizza. Cole and Asher just look at her, eyes wide. I start laughing.

 

I start laughing. “Guys, come on. It was funny.”

 

Jules’ eyes widen. “Oh god, J! I didn’t even think—”

 

“Bitch, shut up. I’m fine. The guys just need to relax.” I push on Cole’s stomach. “Grab some pizza before she eats it all. We got shit to do.”

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Cole asks, getting a slice of pizza.

 

“I’m good. Really.”

 

And I will be.

 

*

 

When the last box is finally put into Cole’s truck, I sigh in relief. I have four completely packed vehicles. Three going to storage and the stuff in my Jeep going to Pop’s. I’ll just have the basics—clothes, toiletries, and a few books. That’s my life in boxes.

 

“Hey, guys, can you give me and J a minute?” Cole asks.

 

“Yeah, take your time. We’ll be out here,” Asher answers, leaning on the bed of the truck, talking to Jules.

 

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

 

“Nothing. I want to ask you something.”

 

He leads me back into the empty apartment. It looks smaller somehow. He leans on the kitchen counter and reaches for me. I walk to him. He lifts his hand, wrapping it around the back of my neck, and rubs his thumb over my jaw.

 

“J, I’ve watched you for the last couple weeks. Today, for the first time in so long, you looked happy. You laughed and joked. It was natural, not forced. You were smiling. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’m so proud of you. You knew this thing was too big for you to handle on your own and you took control. You took control of your life.” Speechless, I stare at him. “I wanted… No. I needed you to know I am so in love with you.”

 

I just blink at him. He loves me? After everything, he loves me?

 

I run my hands up his chest and stop when I reach his heart. I can feel how hard it’s beating. Knowing how nervous he is melts me just a little more. With tears in my eyes, I tell him what I’ve been feeling for a while now. “Cole… I love you, too.”

 

His mouth crashes onto mine, our tongues tangling, both of us moaning. He pulls me closer until I can feel his hard length against my stomach. “I need you,” I say into his mouth. He wraps his arms around me, spins us, and pushes me against the counter.