I’m excited to find out the sex of my baby. Our baby. Roman rode in yesterday. I can tell he’s tired from the drive, but he’d never say that out loud. I didn’t know if he was going to be able to make it, cutting it so close to the wire, but he told me he’d never miss something like this, and he meant it. He’s nervous but trying too hard not to show it with his arms crossed and leg propped up against the wall.
“Are you okay, babe?”
He leans over and grabs my hand, giving me a kiss of reassurance. “Always.”
“I love you.”
“I know.” He winks.
I’m naked from the waist down with a flimsy paper sheet for my modesty, or what’s left of it, obviously. Dr. Stranton knocks on the door, interrupting our moment.
“Go ahead and lay back for me.” Dr. Stranton rolls the ultrasound cart into the room and parks it next to the table. He squirts the lube on my belly, and the little gray blob pops up onto the screen. He turns it away from me to check all the baby’s measurements. I know the drill. I’ve done many scans myself, but it’s different waiting to see your own baby. “Everything is measuring great. Fluid looks good…” He’s clicking away at the buttons on the cart when he asks if we want to know the sex.
I don’t even have to think about it. “We definitely do.”
He pushes the monitor toward Roman and me, and I don’t even need him to tell me it’s a girl; I can see it for myself. It’s so surreal how much more the baby looks like an actual baby every time I come in.
Dr. Stranton looks over at Roman and says, “You better get the shotgun ready, sir.” He prints out a photocopy of our baby girl, and all I can do is stare. I have prayed for this moment for so long, and I’m truly happy. I prayed and prayed for a baby with Ryan for the longest time, and it wasn’t happening. I was about ready to give up, but my prayers were answered. Maybe not the best timing in my eyes, but everything happens for a reason; we just have to trust that. “I’ll give you time to get dressed. You’re all good to go when you’re ready. Just see Lisa on your way out and schedule your next appointment.”
As soon as he shuts the door, I peek over at Roman. He’s still standing there, arms crossed in caveman mode. He turns me on, and I’m so giddy I could squeal. That moment you get when your chest feels like it’s going to explode with love and excitement… I have that now. I’ve never felt it like I do in this moment.
“You’re beautiful. Just like that.”
He’s kissing me again and lifting me up off the table. “My ass is out!”
“I know. I like it.” The sound of his hand smacking my bare ass is so loud it can probably be heard in the waiting room. “Get dressed before I fuck you right here.”
“Really romantic.” I can’t help but push his buttons just for the hell of it so, I add, “I might like it though.”
My back to his front, he growls into my ear. “There’s my dirty girl.” He kisses my neck and locks his hands around my swollen belly. It’s mesmerizing, looking at his tattooed fingers on my naked skin.
“Love you, babe.”
I throw his own line back at him. “I know.”
We stopped by the apartment to pick up Erin and go to dinner. Now that we know we’re having a girl, we can pick out a few baby things we’ve been dying to get. Roman wasn’t too thrilled about going shopping like we were, so I, at least, promised him dinner out of it.
“So, when are you gonna let her move out and in with me?” Roman’s looking at Erin, challenging her. His question is playful, but I know there’s some truth behind that smile. Erin can handle him though.
“Never,” she says, smiling right back.
Meanwhile, I’m elbow deep in chicken fajitas, and I’m not going anywhere near this conversation.
“Come on. My daughter wants to live in Cali. By the water. It’s too hot here.”
Erin laughs. “You mean to tell me that a big ol’ bad biker like yourself can’t handle a little bit of Texas heat?”
Roman frowns. “Can’t and don’t want to are two different things.” There’s an awkward silence around the table, and I don’t like it. I just want to eat my dinner in peace, dammit. “I can’t leave the shop, babe.” His words are directed at me now, his demeanor calmer than before when he was hashing it out with Erin.
“I know. I didn’t ask you to.” I smile, trying to diffuse the tension. I make a show of giving Erin a face so she’ll shut her mouth. The waiter comes back and leaves the bill. “Can we go to Target now?”
We’re in the middle of the baby aisle when my phone vibrates. I stop the buggy and dig around in my purse, searching for the culprit.
Ryan: Hey. How are you?
I look around, forgetting that I’m standing in the middle of Target. Erin and Roman are looking at something at the end of the row we’re standing in. No doubt arguing over who’s right and who’s wrong. Why is Ryan texting me?
Me: Good. How are you?
Ryan: I’m good, Ley. Sent papers back to you in the mail.
Right. Our divorce papers. Nothing has been finalized yet, and he’s been waiting for me to send him the documents from my lawyer so he can have his attorney sign off on them too.
Ryan: Just sign it. Send it back. Should be a breeze from there.
Me: Okay.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit sad that it’s so easy for him to do this. Maybe it’s just another sign that we would have been down this path anyway.
“Which one? Bonehead over here says this one.” Erin is holding up two infant sleepers. One says “The world’s best aunt,” and the other says “I love my daddy.” When I don’t say anything, she drops her hands down to the cart. “What?”
Snapping out of it, I put a fake happy face on. “Nothing, get them both.” She knows me too well to drop it, narrowing her eyes at me. “Really. Why do I have to pick? Just get them.”
“Okay,” she says suspiciously, giving in and placing both outfits in the cart. “But you’re so telling me what’s going on later.”
I sigh.