“Leylah, you’ve got a secret admirer,” Denise says, nodding to the nurses’ station. There’s a large vase filled with purple and white roses sitting there with my name on it. I pop the card off and open it. “He’s cute too.” She winks over her shoulder as she walks away, off to do her rounds.
Ley-
Thanks for having lunch with me the other day. Not going to lie… I’ve been thinking about it a lot. About you a lot.
I enjoyed it.
Pretty flowers for a pretty girl. Have a good day.
R.
If Denise saw how cute he is, that means he delivered them himself. I’m disappointed that I missed him. I’m grinning like an idiot when Lexie walks up and snatches the card out of my hand. “Hey!”
“Oooo, interesting.” She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.
“Stop it, it’s Ryan.” I roll my eyes. Shutting her down before things get too serious around here, I put the card out on my station where I can admire it. I had explained to her what happened, but only briefly. I left out parts about the divorce and Roman being Maddy’s dad. So maybe I didn’t tell her everything. I love Lexie; I just don’t want that vibe mixing with my work life. I’m trying my best to make better decisions and better myself.
The calmness of the morning is short lived as EMS burst through the double doors with a woman on the gurney. I grab my stethoscope and run alongside the bed. “What ya got?” And so the day begins...
The rest of my day matched my morning. One giant madhouse. All. Day. Long. Sick people, broken bones, cardiac arrest, one drowning vic. I called a code at least six times, possibly my new record. I’m exhausted. In the blur of the day, I realize I never thanked Ryan for my pretty flowers. I buckled them into my front seat so they would make it home safe and sound.
“These are nice.” Erin takes the card out of my free hand.
“I know,” I say matter-of-factly as I rip it back out of her hand. “And none of your beeswax.”
“Seriously?” She pouts like a toddler.
“Why is everyone so fascinated by my flowers?”
“Are they from Ryan?” She draws it out in question.
I stare at her for a moment, plotting her death. “Yes. They are.” I set my stuff down and look around in confusion. “Where’s Sidney?”
“Oh, I sent her home. I got off early and came home. Your daughter and I have been having some quality auntie-bonding time.”
“I don’t even want to know what you did to her.”
She laughs. “Shut up, she loves me.”
I walk over to my baby and pick her up. I’m surprised she’s still awake. It’s the one thing I still don’t enjoy about working—not seeing her on the days I work is rough. Never gets any easier. “I’m going to take her to bed. I’m beat.”
“Love ya.”
“’Night.” I kick the door shut behind me and lay Maddy down in bed with me. She rolls over, putting her hand on my mouth. “My sweet baby girl. Did you have a good day? Mama missed you.” She claws at my lips with her little fingers, and I pretend to bite them, making her laugh.
It doesn’t take long for her to hit the sack. She just can’t hang past her bedtime. Scooping her up and tiptoeing to her crib, I lay her down with one arm while I pat her butt with the other, whatever it takes to keep the sleeping baby asleep. When I decide I’ve stood here long enough and she isn’t going to wake up, I take my shorts off and climb back in bed. Reaching over to plug my phone in, I remember I still have a thank-you in order and send Ryan a text.
Me: Thanks for the flowers. They are beautiful <3
I’m exhausted from the day, but my brain doesn’t catch the memo. I lay my phone down on my chest and surf Netflix. You know you’ve made it as an adult when it’s nine at night and you’re already in bed binge-watching Ashton Kutcher and Sam Elliott. Meanwhile, you can’t stop thinking about what a silver fox Sam is. Good ol’ Netflix. I need to update my relationship status on Facebook to that: Married to Netflix.
My phone buzzes on my chest, making me jump.
Ryan: You’re welcome.
Ryan: Busy day at work?
Me: Very… I meant to text you earlier but never had the chance.
Ryan: It’s cool.
Ryan: How’s Maddilyn?
Me: Passed out. Couldn’t hang :(
Ryan: Lol. Know the feeling.
Minutes pass and neither one of us keep the conversation going. I’m about to change my ringer to silent when it buzzes again.
Ryan: How inappropriate do you think it would be to ask to see you again?
Me: Very. I think.
Three dots that indicate he’s typing appear and disappear. This happens several more times before my phone starts ringing.
“Hey,” I answer quietly.
“Hey.”
“Ryan, I—”
“Ley, listen—” We both start at the same time, but I sit quiet and let him go first. “I know things are weird right now. I get it. It’s awkward and confusing, but I miss you. So much.” He clears his throat. “I never stopped missing you.”
All I hear is a ringing in my ears. My throat burns, and I don’t know what to say. So, I do what I do best and make light of the situation. “Pretty sure you did. Your keyboard in your office would say otherwise.”
He sighs. “Dammit, Leylah. I’m serious.”
“I know, that’s what scares me.”
“What are you so afraid of?”
“It’s not just me anymore, Ryan. I have a whole other human being I have to take into consideration before I go fucking up her life too.”
“You think I don’t know that?” He snorts. “I was there the day she was born, Leylah. Because I wanted to be. I’ve been here since the beginning. How many times do I have to tell you that to get it through that thick skull of yours?”
“It’s just weird.”
“What’s weird?”
“I don’t know. What are we doing, Ryan?”
“What can I do? I really fucking miss you.” His voice is pained, hardened. “Let me see you again. Let me show you, if that’s what needs to happen. Don’t be scared. I don’t want you to think I’m just creeping my way back into your life because he didn’t take care of you. I never wanted to let you go. I’ve always been here.”
“Okay,” I whisper. I hope I’m not making the wrong decision, again. I can’t go through all of this and survive if it fails.