“I need a favor.” I cringe as I ask this because I know how she’s going to react. She just walked through the door from work, and she’s tired. Best chance is to face my fears and ask her while she’s weak.
She untucks her shirt and throws her keys over to the bar. The loud thump makes Maddy jolt. “Sorry,” she whispers. I got home from work an hour earlier. The baby was out like a light when I came in. Since I started back to work this month, I found a girl fresh out of college, Sidney, to help me out on the days I work. Lexie pointed me in her direction, and I feel so blessed to have found someone who’s so good with her so I could bypass daycare.
“What favor?” She sips her peach-flavored wine cooler she grabbed out of the fridge and sprawls out on the couch.
“I was wondering if you would mind watching Cloud for a day or two? Just change her food and water. Maybe tell her how pretty she is every now and then?” I smile, trying to make light of what I’m asking. She is not amused.
“Where are you going?”
I switch arms and lay Maddy over my shoulder, patting her little footie-pajama-covered butt.
“Newport.”
“What! You’re fucking kidding me, right?”
“Erin, you have to understand. And I’m sorry if you don’t. I have to go there and figure out what the hell is going on. If anything, it’ll give me the closure I need to move on. Just when my heart finally stops feeling like it’s being stabbed repeatedly, he calls or texts, and it starts all over again. I can’t just sit around here every day wondering.”
She shakes her head in disapproval and stalks off to her bedroom. She shuts the door but yells out a second later. “Fine, I’ll watch your damn cat!”
I smile. She took that much better than I expected.
After spending an ungodly amount of time getting a rental car and a hotel just in case, I finally get it sorted out. No one ever told me everything takes ten times longer with a baby in tow, but I’m quickly learning. The car rental attendant sends someone out to help me latch the car seat, and thank goodness because I’m exhausted. I forgot to bring the baby wrap, so I can’t wear her, and I don’t have enough hands. I almost contemplate going to the hotel and doing this tomorrow, but if I don’t do it now, I might not be able to.
Everything is in the car, and Maddy is still sleeping, even through all the ruckus at the airport. Taking a few deep breaths, I pull out of the parking lot and hit the highway to figure out our future.
Pulling up to Roman’s house, my nerves start to set in. I haven’t talked to him since he facetimed me on New Year’s Day. I don’t know if he even wants this. Me and all my baggage. Our baggage.
There’s another car in the driveway, and I don’t know what to make of it. What if he has friends over? Or worse? The bike is parked next to his truck, so I’m pretty sure he’s here. I should have called and told him I was coming. Maybe this was a mistake.
Maddy starts fussing from her car seat, and I know I don’t have long before she needs feeding. It’s now or never. I unbuckle her and lay her over my shoulder. I’m still pissed at myself for not bringing her wrap.
I don’t even have to knock on the door before it swings open and out walks Roman and another woman—a pretty woman, wearing a pair of shorts that could pass as a fucking pair of underwear. We all stop and stare at each other, and I know. I feel it all the way down to my bones. How could I be so stupid? I don’t say a word before I turn around and run back to my car.
“Fuck! Leylah, wait!” Roman yells. He’s running after me, trying to stop me from buckling the baby back in her seat. I can’t even grab the fucking straps right, my hands are shaking so hard. My vision is blurry from the tears threatening to spill over, but I won’t cry in front of him. I will not. I did this to myself. I can cry later. Somehow, I manage to get her buckled and the door closed, shoving Roman off me to get in the driver’s seat. I lock the door so he can’t stop me, and drive out of the driveway as fast as I can.
Looking in the rearview mirror, I see Roman is right where I left him, standing in the road with his hands in his hair, that bitch walking up next to him with her arm out to console him. I can’t look anymore, so I speed away. I need to get to the hotel where I can crash and let it all out.
When I get to my room, I give Maddy a bath, feed her, and snuggle up in bed beside her. I know she’s as exhausted as I am after the day we had. She stares up at me while drinking her bottle without a care in the world. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. I’m so sorry I did this to us.” I hold her tighter and let the tears fall.