I’ve been ridin’ for two days. Stopped off last night and got some shut-eye. I didn’t tell Leylah I was on my way. Honestly, I’m not sure how she would react if I did. She’s not my biggest fan right now. It’s been over a month since we’ve really talked. I know I’m a dick, but things have been hard lately with all this Armillio shit goin’ down. I can’t put her in harm’s way. Knowing me, talking to me, or having anything to do with me does exactly that.
But fuck if I can’t stop goin’ in her direction. Hands on the handlebars and music in my ears.
Soon as I pull in and shut the engine off, I look up to her apartment and the door swings open. I haven’t gotten off my bike yet, and she makes no move to greet me. I know she’s pissed, hurtin’ inside ’cause of what I’m doing to her. But what Armillio does… he ruins lives. He’d ruin hers too. He already is. Just look at us.
Leylah looks beautiful in her tight black T-shirt with my daughter growin’ under it. She starts down the stairs at the same time as I sling my leg over my bike. Still tingling from ridin’ so long.
“Hey, beautiful.” She stares back at me, searching for answers, no doubt. Answers for where I’ve been, what I’m doing.
“I heard your bike, but I was just about to leave. Supposed to be meeting Erin.” She tries to be strong, but I can see right through it. I’m hurting my girl, and it kills me. She looks up at me, squintin’ from the sun in her eyes. I pull her closer to me, grabbing on to the holes in her shorts, lacin’ my fingers through the rips at her thighs. “Roman.”
“Don’t, babe,” I say in warning. I take the risk and lean down to kiss her. She doesn’t fight me long before her lips are moving against mine. Her belly touches my stomach during our kiss, and I can feel the baby movin’. I put my hand to it, one last time. My baby girl kicks me, right where my hand is. I should be happy, but it’s just a reminder of all the havoc comin’. All the things I have to lose are standing right in front of me.
She takes a step back like she’s about to run the hell away from me.
If only she would, this wouldn’t be so hard.
Standing over the bathroom sink, dry heaving, I feel like I might faint. I was getting ready to meet Erin for dinner when I heard Roman’s bike outside. I know that bike. Knew it as soon as it turned into the parking lot. Surprised the hell out of me when I opened the door, and there he sat. Scruffy, dirty, dark circles under his eyes—he’s not my Roman I saw a few months ago. This Roman looks haunted, hurt all the way down to his soul.
Now I’m hiding out in my bathroom. I told Erin I would be a little late to dinner, and she said to just bring him along. I don’t know if I’m ready to face him just yet, especially in public, not after he practically abandoned me and our daughter with nothing more than a text message.
There’s a quiet rap of his rings knocking against the door. That sound, his rings on his pretty fingers… I could puke. “Leylah.”
“Yeah?” I answer, trying to steady my voice so he doesn’t know how shaken I am.
“You okay?” I don’t say anything. He tries to open the door, but it’s locked. “Leylah, let me in.”
I flip the lock, and he pushes right in. He stands behind me, matching my stare in the mirror. His large frame crowds the small space, and I feel like I can’t breathe.
“You hungry?” he asks.
I nod, and he walks into the living room.
“Where're your keys?” He’s looking around the living room, inspecting it, for what, I don’t know. “Probably shouldn’t take the bike,” he says with a grin on his face, nodding toward my belly.
I walk over to the bar behind him, feeling his stare on me, and dig my keys out of my purse. It’s going to be a long night.
On the way to dinner, Erin sent me a text saying she was going to sit this one out and let us have our alone time. I could kill her for bailing on me, but she’s probably got a point. This is something we should do in private.
I’m not trying to be a huge bitch. I love this man sitting in front of me, but I can’t begin to describe what’s happening or how it got to this point.
“I miss you,” I say. I’m slowly softening, trying to get a feel for what he’s doing here.
“I miss you, babe. More than you know.” He looks away, everywhere but at me.
“Then what’s going on? Why the silent treatment? You’ve been avoiding my phone calls, and I haven’t seen you in such a long time. Now you just show up here unannounced and everything’s supposed to be okay?” He takes a sip of his beer and leans back in the booth. He’s still quiet, so I continue. “This is exactly what I freaked out about when I was told I couldn’t fly anymore. I should have just fucking done it anyway.”
“It has nothing to do with you not flying, Leylah.”
“Bullshit it doesn’t!” My voice hitches, louder than it should in the middle of a restaurant.
Roman runs his hand across his beard. “Just trust me, okay? Even if you don’t like it.”
I’m so frustrated. “Trust you? For what? You lied to me and won’t even talk to me half the time. I feel like I’m bothering you when I keep sending text after text and get nothing from you in response. Our baby isn’t even born yet. How am I supposed to do this with you if you won’t even give me something now?”
“I didn’t lie, Leylah. Why are you checkin’ up on me anyway? I haven’t done shit wrong. You know I love you and that baby.”
“Do I?” It’s a low blow and I know it, but I say it anyway.
Roman snorts. “You fuckin’ should. I didn’t lie to you. I did work. I worked with my buddy on his bike at his house. He didn’t tell me before that he was having a party later, invited me to stay.”
“And that would have been so hard to tell me? Instead you just say you’re working all the time! That’s all I get from you, Roman.”
“You’re pissed off ’cause of a picture of me on Facebook, you realize that, right?”
“It’s not just a picture to me.”
“Okay, it won’t happen again.”
Our waiter brings our food, and I don’t even know if I can eat at this point.