One Hundred Fourteen
Ayden
A few months passed and I adjusted to living with Sasha. She was nothing like Reese. For a long time, I felt as though I were simply going through the motions. Devin and Laney cried more it seemed when Reese was gone. I wondered if it was because they could sense my sadness. Many times, I questioned my decision. Sasha was the only one who seemed pleased by it all. Reese had left our house and moved in with Ava. I received several threatening visits by Ava, each one leaving me shaken. Reese visited with the twins when I dropped them off at Ash and Amber’s house. She was still one of Amber’s bridesmaids and was excited about the wedding. Of course, I was his best man.
Ava was invited to be the maid of honor. The thought of Ava standing there in some stuffy gown sent me into hysterics, but Ash told me she’d refused the dress Amber wanted her to wear. The only way she’d be a part of the ceremony was if she could wear the dress of her choice. Amber had reluctantly agreed. Sasha was being petulant about the wedding, as she hadn’t been invited to have any part in the ceremony. Amber had gushed about having the twins be ringbearer and flower girl, but they were much too little. Sasha had bought them special outfits to wear though.
The house I’d shared with Reese was boarded up. I simply couldn’t bring myself to sell it. I still wanted her to move back into it. Sasha had been harping on me to get rid of it.
A few weeks before the wedding, Sasha had made us a special dinner of my favorite, Honey Glazed Salmon. It was succulent, but not nearly as good as Reese’s recipe. We ate in silence as the twins slept.
“I just wanted to tell you how amazing this past month has been since you’ve moved in. The twins are sleeping better now that you’re here all the time.” Sasha beamed as she pressed a forkful of salmon to her mouth.
I sipped my wine and nodded in agreement. “They do seem to be happier,” I admitted. “Don’t forget I’m heading Vegas on the 19th for Ash’s bachelor party.”
Sasha laughed rolling her eyes. “Seriously? He owns a club in Vegas. Why does he want to do his bachelor party there? I was counting on you to plan something more original.”
Wiping my mouth with the cloth napkin, I then laid it down by my plate. “It’s not really in Vegas. If you can keep a secret, I’ll tell you where it really is.”
“Where?” Sasha leaned forward in her chair.
“Utah. We’re going skydiving.” I winked at her.
Her mouth fell open. “Oh my God, have you ever been skydiving? That sounds so dangerous.”
“I’ve done it a few times in Hawaii. I know Ash has been once when he was in New Zealand, but he hasn’t been since. After we go sky diving, we’re going to hit a few bars and do some rock climbing.”
“I hope not after you’ve been drinking.” Sasha held her fork in midair.
“Hell no. We’re only going to be gone for the weekend.”
“What about the bachelorette party? Do you know where they’re going?”
“No clue. I thought you were invited.”
“No, I wasn’t. Reese was, I know.”
“She’s in the bridal party,” I explained.
“Guess they’re letting me know where I stand,” she muttered. Standing up, she began clearing the dishes.
I sat watching her. She was trying so hard, I thought. Maybe if we were going to be a family I should give her a chance.
But I had no passion for her. No real love. She certainly wasn’t my soulmate, a tiny voice whispered inside me.
But she was the mother of my children. I walked over and handed some dishes to her.
“Thanks,” she whispered.
Reaching over her, I turned off the water faucet.
She looked up at me. “What the hell are you doing? I’m washing those!”
I took her hands into mine. “Sasha Jamison, will you marry me?”
Her eyes widened and she fell back against the sink. “What the hell are you talking about? Since when do you want to marry me?” she demanded.
“Since now. I want the twins to have a whole family. I want the world to see us as a family.” I smiled as I held her soapy hands.
She just stared at me.
I could feel the tension between us.
She was trying to decide if I was being for real. “Yes,” she whispered.
Shocked, I stood there numbly holding her. I hadn’t expected her to say yes. I thought there would be more of a struggle.
“When should we do the deed?”
I shrugged. “I don’t want to steal the limelight from Ash and Amber. Maybe in a few months? I don’t want anything fancy.”
Sasha smiled. “But I do. I have a huge family back in Houston. I want to invite them all here.”
As I listened to Sasha ramble on and on, I realized I’d made a huge mistake. I didn’t want to marry her. I wanted to marry Reese. One of the twins began wailing so I ran to comfort them. I was rocking both babies back to sleep when Sasha emerged from the hallway.
Sadness filled her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
Silently, she took Devin from me. We put the sleeping babies into their crib.
As we parted to go to our separate rooms, I stopped to take Sasha’s hand. “Join me tonight, Sasha,” I whispered. My heart wasn’t in it, but I felt as though we should be joined together if we were going to make this work.
Hesitantly, she took my hand as I led her to my room.
Bringing my lips to hers, I tried kissing her. My entire being rebelled against me. I couldn’t do it. I kept seeing Reese’s face instead of hers.
Sensing my discomfort, Sasha pulled away. “It’s okay, Ayden. Maybe another night.” She forced a slight smile before turning in for the night.
I watched her walk down the hall to her room. When she shut the door, I saw tears shining on her face.
What had I done?
Rolling over in the bed, I found myself lying atop a crumpled letter. Sitting up in the bed, I opened the envelope and read.
Ayden,
This letter pains me as much to write as it does for you to read it. We’ve been down a long, hard road these past few months. Initially, when I returned to you, I thought you being with me would be for the best. I wanted our children to have a family. I saw what it did to both of us having terrible home lives and I wanted to avoid that for our children.
But I was wrong.
You see, as I watch you with our children holding them, feeding them, putting them to bed I see your tremendous, giving heart in your eyes. The love you feel for them puts a smile on your face and lights up your eyes.
But when you look at me that light goes out. There’s no real love between us anymore if there ever was.
Reese is the one who lights up your face. The mention of her name makes your steps lighter, your face brighter.
You don’t do that with me.
When I first noticed this, I tried kidding myself by saying ‘It’s just post-pregnancy hormones’ but it’s not.
The truth, the cold, hard unescapable truth was staring me in the face and I hated it. So, I rallied myself to fight for you, for us. I’m ashamed to admit I used our infant children to guilt you into staying with me. When you finally left Reese to be with us, my heart soared with promise. I believed that I could make you fall for me again. I could re-ignite the passion that we once shared.
But I couldn’t because it’s gone.
You’ve found your true soulmate and she’s not me. It’s Reese. When you asked me to marry you, it was an empty gesture on your part.
You don’t love me. You love her.
When I accepted, I did so for our children. It was a farce I knew it. But I had to ask myself why would you ask me if you didn’t really love me?
Because you’re a good man. Your heart is pure even if your actions aren’t.
Ayden, my darling, you’ve been searching for redemption ever since your first girlfriend overdosed and died. You think everything is your fault and you should be punished. You believe you don’t deserve good things because you’ve done some bad things in your life.
But you do.
You’ve long ago repented for your sins. You’ve done your time both literally and figuratively. It’s over.
I’m going to set you free.
As the tears flow from my eyes, I’m hiding them from you. I can hear you in the next room rocking our children to sleep. It touches my heart.
But you don’t belong with me. You belong with them. And with her.
So, once I discovered the wonderful life I thought I’d built with you was nothing but a lie I went to my attorney. I had him draw up papers and I’ve had my legal rights to our children terminated.
That means they’re all yours.
They are free for Reese to adopt them as their legal mother.
That’s my gift to you both and to them. You see, Ayden, I was never really cut out to be a mom. I love them beyond all reason, but I love them enough to give them up. I’m a wild child. I always have been. Ever since I discovered I was pregnant, I’ve resented having to give up my party lifestyle. When we split up, I partied all night and began dating a biker from Sinister’s MC.
I was happy.
But then I found out I was pregnant. I resented it. I hated you for it and I loathe to admit it, but I even hated our unborn babies.
However, I decided to accept it as fate that maybe you and I were meant to be together, but when I saw you with Reese, I knew deep in my heart I wasn’t.
I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I’m watching you with them and they look like angels curled up sleeping in your arms.
My heart can’t break anymore because it’s already broken. I’m shattered inside. The only thing I could do is to give you your children to raise with the woman you love.
I’ve spoken to Reese. As much as it pains me to admit it, she’s a wonderful woman. She loves you and our children. Life can be cruel sometimes. She wasn’t able to bear the children you wanted.
But I could.
At first, when I found that out, it made me sadistically happy. Finally, there was one thing I could do for you she couldn’t.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that you can’t fight fate. She is a brutal mistress. You and Reese are fated to be together.
Life may have taken Reese’s ability to have children, but fate restored it.
She will be the mother of your children now.
Don’t fight this. Don’t try to find me. I don’t want to be found. You see, if you find me you may just convince me to change my mind and none of us wants that. So leave me be.
I only ask one thing of you. Please tell our children kind things about me when they are old enough to ask. Allow me to remain a decent human being in their eyes for I do love them.
Thank you, Ayden for trying to make us a family. I appreciate all that you have done for me.
Now, my love, perhaps my only true love, go with God. Raise our children and live well.
All my love,
Sasha
The paper fell from my hands. On the nightstand, there sat a large manila envelope. I opened it to find a stack of legal papers. Racing to her bedroom, I saw that Sasha was indeed gone. All her clothes and several suitcases had disappeared. I immediately checked on the twins. They were sleeping peacefully in their cribs. Then, I thought of Reese. Sasha said she’d spoken to her. Maybe there was a chance after all.
With my hands trembling, I dialed Reese’s number. It was still early in the morning so I didn’t know if she’d answer.
“Hello.”
“It’s Ayden. I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“You didn’t. What’s up? Are the twins okay?”
“They’re fine. It’s Sasha. She’s gone.”
There was nothing but silence on her end for a moment. Then I heard her voice barely above a whisper.
“She really did it.”
“What?”
“She came to me last weekend when you were gone skeet shooting with Ash. She and I had a long talk. I thought she was just feeling guilty about making you move in with her. I had no idea she’d actually leave.”
I didn’t know what to feel. I was happy for Reese and myself, but sad for Sasha. She was going to miss the babies so much.
“Do you want to come over?” I asked her.
She was quiet for a while.
“Sure.”
Clicking the phone off, I wondered if I should call Sasha. I hoped she was okay. Her letter stated not to call her.
But I couldn’t do that.
I tried dialing her number, but it had already been disconnected. I had no idea where she might’ve gone. Maybe her sister’s or her family back in Houston. I felt as though I should honor her wishes and leave her alone. When Sasha made up her mind about something, she wasn’t going to change it no matter what I said or did.
Minutes later, Reese arrived. She looked as beautiful as ever. I hadn’t seen her for a few months. I’d only been dropping the twins off at Ash’s house and she’d been seeing them there.
Immediately, she threw her arms around me. “God, I’ve missed you!” She cried as I held her tightly.
That night, we took the twins back to the house we’d once shared and celebrated with a bottle of the finest champagne. We fed the twins and took turns rocking them to sleep.
Reese’s face was glowing with happiness as she announced she had a surprise for me.
Lying in our bed, I felt at peace. Rolling over, I found the red bow pendant in a velvet box. I had bought a new chain for it. I waited anxiously for Reese.
My love for her hadn’t diminished one bit in the time we’d been apart. She stood before me trembling all over clad in nothing but a filmsy black gown. The moonlight shone through the window illuminating her perfect form. Her curvy hips swayed slightly as she moved towards me.
Taking the gold chain from the box, I clasped it around her neck. “My soulmate,” I whispered to her.
She fondled the pendant lovingly. “Yes, you are.” She brushed my lips with a kiss.
I yanked off my shirt tossing it aside.
Reese’s hands found my chest and traced every muscle, touched every scar, and tattoo. She bent her head to run her tongue from between my pecs down to my navel stopping just above my cock which was rigid as could be.
My need for her was great. “Reese, look at me. See how much I want you.”
She sucked in her breath as she brought her lips to my waiting cock. Her tongue swirled around the tip lapping at the droplets of pre-cum. Gazing up at me with her big blue eyes, any lingering uneasiness she’d felt had disappeared as she took me into her mouth.
My head fell back as I groaned loudly. It had been so long, too long sin,ce I’d been with her. No woman had ever made me feel this good. It was more than just physical with Reese it was lovemaking on a spiritual plane one I had longed to visit again.
My hands lovingly cupped her head as she sucked me harder and harder. Expertly, she worked her tongue around my shaft licking the length then teasing my swollen balls with her fingernails dragging them slowly over the tightening flesh.
Finally, I could wait no longer. I brought her to her feet then swept her into my arms. Carrying her over to the bed, I laid her down gently. I wanted to let my eyes feast on her beauty.
Stripping her nightgown from her, my eyes drank in her luscious body, her curving hips, her full breasts, and her slightly rounded abdomen. She was absolutely perfect. Her long blonde hair spilled around her shoulders like a golden halo. Her lips, blood red and full, parted slightly as she waited for me to touch her.
“Ayden, I missed you so much.”
Parting her legs, I slipped my hands beneath her ass and brought her to my lips. Then I traced my tongue from her core to her clit. She tasted of salty sweetness and I couldn’t get enough. Sucking her clit into my mouth, I slowly pushed a finger deep inside her. I worked it in and out slowly relishing how tightly she gripped it.
“My God, Ayden,” she cried her hips grinding against my mouth. She arched her back driving her pussy down onto my face.
“More, baby.” I groaned as my tongue darted inside her. Her juices glistened on my face as I continued to lick her.
Then, her legs began jerking as she groaned loudly. I felt her pulsate around my tongue and finger as she came.
“I want you inside me,” she murmured.
I was more than ready. I entered her sliding deep inside her ensuring she felt every inch of me. Her slick walls pulsated around my length as I began driving deep inside her. Reese’s hands clutched my ass her long nails digging into me. Her head rolled from side to side with pleasure. It had been so long, too long since we’d been together. I found myself drowning inside her. She’d absorbed me until we were one person. One heart. One soul.
Looking deep into her eyes, I kissed her passionately. In her, I found myself washed clean. The sins of the past were erased. I was made whole.
All of my lingering fears dissolved until there were none left. Finally, I had found my redemption.
Hearing the twins murmur in their cribs as I laid spent next to my wife to be, I had found my heaven.
At last, I was home.