Fifty Nine
Amber
Melissa’s smiling face greeted me as I walked into her office. I sat down on the same comfortable chair as before. The room didn’t seem as inviting as it had the first time I was there.
Maybe because it was becoming all too real for me.
“So, Amber, how are things going?” Melissa sat down watching me as I got settled in the chair.
“Things are good.” I shrugged.
“How about with Ash? Are you two getting along better?”
I looked at her curiously. When had I ever indicated that we weren’t? “I don’t know what you mean. We’ve always gotten along.”
Melissa smiled. “I wasn’t implying you didn’t. Last time you were here you said Ash had been pressuring you into giving him details about our sessions.”
I did? That was news to me. Maybe I really was going crazy. “No, I don’t think I did.”
Melissa looked at me and flipped through her notes. “Yes, Amber, you did.”
My eyes widened. All of a sudden, the room felt stifling hot and so incredibly small! My heart began to pound.
“Look, Amber, it’s okay if you don’t remember. That happens sometimes. The important thing is you’re here. We can deal with whatever happens.” Melissa smiled and extended her hand out to me.
I stared down at her well-manicured hand. I didn’t feel like anyone touching me right now. “I just don’t know what to say, Melissa. I promised Ash I would try to find out what was bothering me, but I just…?
“It’s too much right now?” Melissa ventured.
I nodded holding my breath. There was something there I just couldn’t face it. Not yet.
“Amber, I’d like to try something with you. It will sound a bit scary at first, but I need you to trust me. Do you trust me?” Melissa reached into the drawer of the end table and withdrew a small box.
“Yes, what is it?” I stared at the black box wondering what was inside.
Opening the box, she pulled out a small silver figurine of a dolphin.
I was puzzled. What the hell was she doing?
“Okay, Amber, can you have a seat on the couch over there?” Melissa gestured to the small blue sofa.
“Why?”
“I want to try hypnosis with you.”
I laughed staring at her. “Are you serious? Therapists still do that? I thought that was only in the movies.”
“Yes, I’m serious, Amber. True, I don’t use hypnosis often, but I think it may be helpful in your case.”
I edged off the chair casting a wary glance over at the sofa. “Why do you think that will help? Are you sure it will even work?”
Melissa held the dolphin in her hand. “Yes, I do. Look, Amber, it’s worth a try. Just lie back on the sofa and focus on the dolphin.”
I walked over to the sofa and laid down. I still wasn’t sure. I had a very uneasy feeling in my stomach.
“It’s okay, Amber. Although I don’t do this often, I’ve hypnotized many people over the years. You’ll do just fine.” She smiled reassuringly.
Trembling, I tried to relax. I stared up at the ceiling noticing the beautiful hand painted mural. “Did you have someone paint that?” I asked referring to the mural.
She glanced up and laughed. “Actually, I did it myself a few years ago. I’ve always enjoyed painting and thought it would give clients something nice to look at.”
I took a deep breath and waited. I had no idea what to do next. Was she going to start waving a pocket watch on a chain at me?
“Now, Amber, I want you to look at this dolphin.” She held the silver figurine of the dolphin up.
“The dolphin? Where’s the watch on a chain?” I chuckled.
She shook her head. “No watch. I find this dolphin works better. Just focus on the dolphin. Don’t think about anything else. Focus all your energies on it and just relax.”
Reluctantly, I did as she requested. This little dolphin seemed harmless enough. I kept staring at it as she spoke softly to me.
“That’s good, Amber. Now just relax. Feel yourself falling back into the couch. Your body is relaxing. You’re so very relaxed now.”
I felt laughter bubbling up inside me. There was no way this was going to work!
She kept dropping her voice lower and lower. I kept my eyes locked on the dolphin. I just didn’t see how this was going to work. I felt as though I should fake being hypnotized just so I wouldn’t hurt her feelings.
But how does one fake hypnosis?
As I contemplated how to feign a hypnotized state, I found myself feeling very relaxed almost sleepy.
“Amber? Amber, are you there?”
Of course, I was here! But wait….who was that in the corner? I swore I could see a dark shadowy figure.
“Amber, when I count to three I want you to open your eyes and tell me what you see.”
No, I didn’t want to open my eyes! There was someone there—someone I didn’t want to see!
“One….two….”
NO! I felt like screaming squeezing my eyes tightly together.
“Three.”
My eyes flew open. I looked around me. I wasn’t in Melissa’s office anymore. I was sitting on my pink canopy bed at my parents’ house back in Chicago.
“Amber, where are you? Tell me what you see.” Melissa’s voice emanated to me through my mental haze.
“I’m in my room.”
“What room?”
“My room at mommy and daddy’s house.”
Melissa’s voice was close. I couldn’t see her, but I could hear her. It was as if she was a whisper in my ear.
“What does your room look like? Is there anyone there with you?”
I looked around me. I was wearing my pink silk nightgown with the white lace around the collar I had gotten for Christmas. My hair hung around my shoulders in golden ringlets. The sheets were pink with white hearts on them. “It’s so pretty. Mommy let me pick out new sheets and a new bed this year.”
“That sounds nice.”
“It was for my birthday.”
Hearing the childish lilt to my voice, Melissa inquired about my age.
“I’m a big girl now, Daddy says. I’m seven.” I heard my voice proclaim proudly.
“Wow, that is a big girl! Is there anyone else in the room with you? Is it day or night?”
Gazing around my room, I saw all the stuffed animals I stacked in the bed around me. They were my friends, my protectors. “My stuffies. They’re my friends. They protect me while I sleep.”
“Why do you need protection, Amber?”
Then, the room became dark. Night descended instantly it seemed. I shivered and pulled the covers up over my body. “From him,” I whispered.
“Who is he, Amber?”
As I huddled down in my bed with my favorite brown teddy bear at my side, I heard the door squeak as it opened.
“Ambercakes?”
NO! I felt myself scream.
“Who is it, Amber? Who’s with you?”
I saw his green eyes illuminated by the flashlight he carried. His hands weren’t much bigger than my own, but they were so much stronger.
Strong enough to hold me down.
“NO! Please, stop! I don’t want to do that. It hurts me!” I cried. I began to sob loudly clutching my arms to my chest.
“Amber, it’s okay. It’s Melissa. I’m going to bring you out now. When you hear me count to three, you’ll be here with me and safe, okay?”
“NO!” I screamed over and over again, holding my hands tightly around my body. I could feel his fingers sticky from the Cheetos he ate earlier that evening wrapping around me.
“One…two….”
I heard Melissa’s voice getting closer and closer to me. I felt his fingers slipping from my body.
“Shhh….Amber…it’s okay. No one needs to know about this. It’s our special secret.” His lips brushed my ear. His breath smelled of stale cheese and Mountain Dew.
“Three!”
Melissa’s voice reverberated throughout the room.
My eyes fluttered open as I sat up. “What the hell happened, Melissa?” I touched my face and found it wet with tears.
“Amber, who was in the room with you?” Melissa handed me a tissue.
“Who was in the room with me?” I looked around. Was she crazy? She was the only person here.
Unless….
Oh, my God.
Screaming, I covered my face with my hands rocking back and forth. As soon as I opened my eyes, I could see him grinning at me with his fingers covered in Cheeto dust. They were always so sticky and cold.
When he slipped his hands….
“Oh God! No, no, no.” I wept as Melissa rushed to my side.
“Who was it, Amber?” she asked softly.
I sighed deeply. “My—my brother, Mark.”