Seventeen
Veronica
Trying to work after the morning we’d had was next to impossible. I sat at my desk simply staring at the files the words blurred. I couldn’t focus. All I could think about was the firestorm that would come after I informed Bryce our engagement was off. The hell that my father would rain down upon me…I could hardly stand to think about it.
Reaching up to finger Ash’s locket hidden beneath my blouse, fear of the repercussions of our rekindled relationship scarcely mattered anymore. Just thinking about Ash brought a smile to my face and heat to my pussy. My hand fell to my lap where I briefly touched myself feeling the pleasurable soreness.
Suddenly, the door to my office swung open. There stood my father his face bright red.
“Veronica! Why the hell are you still in here? The team from Coburn Thomas are waiting in the conference room. It’s nearly 10:45!”
I glanced at my computer. I’d been sitting here staring at the files on my desk for nearly an hour.
“I didn’t realize. Sorry, Dad. I’ll be right there.” Frantically, I ran my fingers through my hair and tucked my blouse into my skirt.
“What’s wrong with you, Veronica? You’re usually so punctual. Something’s going on. I don’t have time to hash this out with you right now, but you and I will be talking this afternoon.” He watched as I gathered my files.
“I’m fine, Dad. I’ve just had a lot going on is all.” I groaned inwardly as he scolded me all the way into the conference room.
“You better hope this has nothing to do with Ash Blackthorne, Veronica. I meant what I said,” he warned me. I clenched my right hand into a fist my long fingernails digging into my palm.
He swung open the door to the conference room. I walked in plastering a grin to my face.
After the meeting, I followed my father back to his office.
“Okay, Veronica, what the hell is going on? I watched you the entire time during that meeting with Coburn Thomas. You aren’t on top of your game like you usually are. Where’s the shark I hired six months ago?”
Collapsing into the chair across from my father’s desk, I rolled my eyes. Here I was a grown woman and he was still talking to me like I was a child. It was just like when he sent me away to that horrid Catholic boarding school.
Those sadistic nuns…
I shook partly from the memory and from rage. I wasn’t going to let him do this to me again.
“Dad, if you really want to know what’s going on I’ll tell you, but you won’t like it.”
He stood up behind his desk his puffy hands curled into fists. His grey hair stood out from his head making him look deranged. The wrinkles in his forehead had become more prominent over the past year causing him to look even older than his seventy years.
“Go on, Veronica. I have a suspicion it’s about Ash Blackthorne.” Beads of perspiration began to trickle down the sides of his face. The collar of his shirt was buttoned too tightly and the loose flesh of his neck hung over it. He didn’t look well.
I sighed. I didn’t know if I could do this. I’d never really stood up to my father before. Then I thought of what Ash would do if he were here. He wouldn’t take this shit not for one moment. I reached into my blouse and pulled out the locket.
“See this, Dad? It was a gift from Ash ten years ago. What to know what it says? It says ‘Mine’ because I belong to him.”
His eyes bulged as he peered at the locket.
“My God, Veronica, what are you saying? You’re still carrying a torch for the man that dumped you ten years ago? Why? You have Bryce, a fine man who wants to marry you! Why would you throw all that away for that tacky nouveau riche prick, Ash?”
Jumping up, I slammed my hands on his desk.
“Dad, I have taken your self-righteous crap my entire life! Ever since Mom died, I’ve been your fucking punching bag. You have lorded over me my entire life, and you know what? It stops right here right now. I love Ash! If Ash asked me to marry him, I would. I never loved Bryce and I never will. And Ash didn’t dump me years ago, we parted on mutual terms. We were going in different directions, but all that’s changed. We’re together and I want to be with him. And you know what else? I’m his. I’m more than his. I’m his submissive. I do what he says.”
My father’s face was turning an ominous dark shade of red. His entire body was shaking. His breath came in short gasps.
“You traitorous bitch. I never thought I’d see the day when my only daughter declared she was some man’s whore. You sicken me, Veronica. I’ve missed your mother for over thirty years. Every day I’ve longed for her to be with me, but today I’m actually glad she’s dead so she can’t see the whore you’ve become.”
Rage boiled within me. With one sweep of my arm, I shoved all the items on his desk to floor. Glass shattered everywhere as the computer monitor crashed to the floor along with all his framed pictures of me.
“How dare you speak to me like that! Whore? You’re the one who raised me! You’re the one who shoved me into that hell hole that masqueraded as a Catholic boarding school. Do you have any idea of what those sick, twisted bitches who called themselves nuns did to me in the name of God? You have no idea! Or maybe you do. Maybe you wanted to see me punished after getting into trouble with Rick. Losing that baby wasn’t enough. You wanted to see me suffer. Well, Dad, congratulations you got your wish. I was punished, oh, how I was punished.”
I stopped to catch my breath. Glass crunched beneath my feet as I stormed around his office.
“Now Ash has come back into my life. He’s awakened in me desires I never knew I had. Desires you and those sadistic nuns tried to stifle and convince me were sinful. There’s nothing sinful about loving someone. As far as my being Ash’s submissive, I love it. When his whip strikes my flesh, I cry out for more. He gives me everything I need and everything I want. So if you want me out of your life I’ll gladly go. All I want is Ash.”
I stopped pacing to gaze at my father. His eyes were slightly glazed and his face had gone from bright red to ashen.
“Dad?” I asked walking over to him.
Without warning, he crumpled to the floor clutching his chest.
I screamed falling to my knees.
“Dad! Are you okay?” I placed my hand on his forehead and felt his clammy skin.
“Get out,” he whispered.
Hearing my scream, his secretary, Kristin threw open the door.
“Veronica! What’s going on? Oh my God!” She gasped as she saw the mess and my father lying on the floor.
“Call 911!” I ordered as she raced back to her desk.
“Dad, what’s wrong?” I tried to grab his hand.
“Get out!” He stammered rolling his eyes up to look at me.
“Dad, please. Forget all that. An ambulance is on the way.” Tears welled up in my eyes.
Focusing on the locket hanging from my neck, he spoke again.
“I have no daughter. Go.”
I stood up backing away. Kristin flew back in to be at his side.
“Get out, Veronica!” he screamed, still clutching his chest.
She looked at me as I scooted towards the door.
“Is she gone?” I heard his voice ask faintly. She looked at me helplessly.
I nodded as I fled the office.
What had I done?
Tears spilled down my face as I raced to my car. Hands shaking, I dialed Ash’s number.
“Ronnie? What’s wrong? I can’t understand you.”
My words tumbled out amidst choking sobs.
“My father…it’s my father…he..he..”
“What happened, Ronnie? Where are you?”
“I’m at the office.” I wiped the tears from my face with my sleeve. As I looked up, I saw the ambulance sitting in front of the entrance carrying my father out on a stretcher. He looked so pale. Kristin got into the ambulance with him.
That should’ve been me.
“Ash, he collapsed. We had a fight. It was awful, so awful.”
“Hold on, Ronnie. I’ll be right there.”
Ash’s office was only a few blocks away. I held the locket between my fingers praying the whole time my father would be all right. I meant what I had said to him, but I didn’t want him to die.
Moments later, Ash’s sleek black car pulled up next to mine. He threw open the car door and wrapped his arm about my waist.
“Ronnie, it’s going to be fine.” He walked me over to his car.
“I want to see him.” I stated so grateful Ash was with me. I fell upon his shoulder as he drove.
“What happened, Ronnie? You said you had a fight with him. Was it about me?”
“How did you know?”
Ash nodded. He pulled into the valet section of the hospital.
“Because your father has always hated me. He despised my father as well. I don’t know why. Something happened between those two several years ago.”
I sniffled. Ash pulled a monogrammed handkerchief from his inside his coat.
“Here, Ronnie.”
I took the fine cloth and blotted my eyes staining it with my mascara. I’m sure I looked a mess, but I didn’t care.
The valet stood next to his car, but Ash took a moment to wrap his arms around me brushing the hair back from my face. His lips pressed against my cheek.
“Ronnie, it’s going to be okay. I’ll be right there with you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
As he held me, a feeling of peace enveloped me. I knew with him by my side I could weather any storm.
My phone vibrated as we walked into the ER. I glanced into my coat pocket and saw it was Bryce.
Shit, I’d forgotten all about him. I knew I was going to have to break our engagement I just couldn’t do it right now. I was too worried about my father.
As Ash walked over to the front desk to find out where my father was, I sent a quick text to Bryce.
Having a crisis at the office. I’ll call you later.
Anything I can help with?
No, just business.
“He’s being admitted. They don’t know anything yet. They’re doing an EKG.”
Ash sat down with me and held my hand.
“I’m sorry you fought with him over me, Ronnie. But I know what you’re thinking, if you hadn’t fought with him he wouldn’t be here.”
Tears welled up in my eyes recalling all the terrible things my father and I had said to each other.
“It was awful, Ash. He just wouldn’t listen to reason. He’s always had some kind of idea in his head about who I should be. He wants to me to be a replica of my mother or rather who he envisioned my mother to be. I was so young when she died, but I know she wasn’t a saint.”
Ash kept holding my hand. I leaned against his shoulder.
“Ronnie, I told you years ago all I wanted was for you to be yourself. You never have to be ashamed with me.”
“I know, Ash. I just want my father to be all right.”
He kissed me on the top of my head.
“I know how much it hurts to lose your father. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss my dad. I don’t know what happened between our fathers years ago, but it must’ve been terrible for them to despise each other like they did.”
“Ash, I really don’t care what happened with them. It doesn’t give my father the right to hate you. You’ve never done anything to him. Whatever grudge he has against your father doesn’t apply to you. Anyway, our fight wasn’t solely about you. He and I have had our issues for many years. When he sent me to that school…”
I bit my tongue. I couldn’t divulge all the disgusting things the nuns had done to me there. Not now.
“I know, baby. You told me how terrible it was.”
No, I hadn’t. He had no idea how bad it really was.
“Ash, there was so much more, but I can’t…I can’t tell you right now. My father…”
“Veronica James, please come to the front desk. Veronica James.”
Ash and I raced to the front desk. I held my breath clutching Ash’s hand.
“Miss James? The doctor will see you now.”
“My father? Is he okay?”
The receptionist smiled her eyes sparkling with sympathy.
“Please follow the nurse she’ll take you back.”
I felt faint as Ash guided me to the room where I assumed my father was waiting.
As we walked into the room, I was shocked to see the bed empty. A doctor in a white physician’s coat stood next to the bed.
“Miss James? I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but your father has passed away. We did everything we could to revive him, but his heart simply gave out.”
I swallowed hard. Ash held me up as I collapsed against him.
“Gave out? What do you mean? Did he have a heart attack?” I heard my voice as if it were someone else’s.
The doctor walked over to me and patted my hand.
“According to his medical chart, your father had advanced heart disease. He had had several smaller heart attacks within the past few years. His doctor had recommended a bypass surgery a few months ago, but he refused. Today he suffered a massive heart attack. Before we could even get an EKG on him, it was too late. I’m so sorry, Miss James.”
My mind was reeling. How could this be? He was just here a few hours ago arguing with me in his office. How could I have screamed at him like that?
I killed my father. My own heart felt as if it would burst. Great, gasping sobs exploded within me. I clutched Ash’s coat and screamed into it.
“Doctor, you mentioned he’d had heart trouble for years. Wasn’t this inevitable given he’d refused the bypass surgery?” Ash, as always, assumed control.
“Yes, it was. Apparently, Dr. Kiger, his cardiologist had advised him of that. Why he refused the treatment I don’t know, but the blockage at that time was nearly ninety percent. Without bypass surgery, his life expectancy was less than a year.”
“With that much blockage, would the bypass have saved him?”
The doctor sighed with a shrug.
“Who knows? With a blockage that severe, it’s likely that the bypass wouldn’t have given him much longer. I’m so sorry for your loss.” The doctor squeezed my hand.
I felt nothing. The air around me had collapsed. There was nothing…nothing.
“Ronnie, would you like to see him?” Ash’s eyes filled with tears as he turned to me.
“Of course, Miss James, I can take you to him if you like.”
I stood frozen.
“Ronnie, this is the last time you will see your father before his internment. I think you should.” Ash wrapped his arm about my shoulder.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Is there any other family we should call?” The doctor smiled kindly at me.
I shook my head.
Ash gripped my shoulder tightly guiding me to the room where they’d taken my father’s body.
Walking in, I saw him lying on a stretcher his hands at his sides. He didn’t look like I expected he would. He merely looked as if he were sleeping.
“Ronnie, go ahead.” Ash placed the palm of his hand on my back.
“Take all the time you need.” The doctor shut the door.
With Ash behind me, I shuffled over to my father’s side. The lines in his face were relaxed now his lips pale and slightly drawn.
Slowly, I picked up his cold, slack hand.
“I’m sorry, Daddy,” I whispered tears falling from face dripping onto the sheet below.
Looking down, I recalled all the good times I’d had with my father. I remembered how he used to tuck me in at night, read my favorite story to me before bed, how he took me to the zoo to see the animals every year, spending Christmas in Ireland with my grandparents and cousins, the summers at our house in the Hamptons. I remembered how proud he’d been at my first communion buying me the most beautiful white dress and giving me my mother’s communion veil. I recalled how happy he was at my college graduation and his joy when I announced I’d wear my mother’s wedding gown whenever Bryce and I would be married. I recalled him holding my hands with tears in his eyes when he explained my mother had went to heaven and wouldn’t be coming back. He let me sleep in his room in my Barbie sleeping bag every night for a month. My mother’s death had brought us closer together so it seemed until I got pregnant.
Holding his hand, I then remembered how disappointed and full of rage he was at my unexpected pregnancy. The angry way he shoved me into the hateful Catholic girls’ ‘school’ for unwed mothers. The way he screamed at me when I told him about Ash and how his voice sounded when he called me a whore.
It was all too much for me. I felt his hand slip from mine as my legs buckled and Ash caught me.
Everything went black.