Fifty Three
Ayden
I’d been attending church fairly regularly. I found it to be a soothing experience and a lot less judgmental than I thought it would be. Father Marcus was turning out to be more of a friend than a priest. After the sermon on Sunday morning, I would stay after to help him clean up then he and I would go down to the local pool hall and shoot pool.
After I’d given him a solid beating at game seven, we called it quits. Strolling over to the bar, we each ordered a beer.
“You still drink, Marcus?” I asked amazed.
He laughed. “There’s a lot you don’t know about being a priest, Ayden. I’m not all pious and saintly acting. I’m a regular person who just happens to be a priest. I still enjoy the occasional beer or two.”
Slamming back a Bud Light, I wiped my mouth. “Marcus, you never told me your story.”
“What do you mean?”
“The track marks. You’re a former drug user yourself.”
“A long time ago, yes.”
“What was your poison?”
He sighed peeling the label off his beer bottle. “Heroin same as you. There’s nothing better than slipping a needle full of smack into your arm, is there?”
I shook my head. “Nope. That’s why it’s so fucking deadly.”
“Exactly.”
“So how did you get off of it?”
He signaled the bartender to bring us two more bottles. “To make a long story short, I lost my wife and my daughter.”
I snapped open my beer. “How?”
His eyes grew misty. “This was about ten years ago. I was a young man running the streets doing things I shouldn’t. My wife and I were heavy into drugs. She became pregnant with our daughter and stopped using. I tried to do the same, but I couldn’t. I hid my habit from her or so I thought. As you know, habits get to be expensive.”
I knew that, I thought, thinking of all the times I’d stolen to support my own insatiable need for heroin.
“One night I was desperate for a fix. I was broke. I went to my dealer to ask him if he could just front me a little until I got paid. He’d done it before so I didn’t think it was a big deal. Well, this time he denied me. I left fuming. Later, that night I broke into his place and stole his entire stash.”
“Oh, shit.”
His eyes looked off into the distance as if he was seeing something I couldn’t. “He knew it was me. So, a few nights later, he decided to get revenge.” He grew silent. “By stabbing my wife and daughter to death.”
I sucked in my breath. I felt dizzy. “Oh my God,” I whispered.
“My God is right.” He guzzled the last of his beer.
“So, how did you—?”
“—get through it? I didn’t for a while. I did all the things most people do. I screamed, cried, cursed God, and vowed revenge, but when it came right down to it who did I have to blame? No one but myself. I put my family in danger by ripping this guy off. One night drunk out of my mind, I stumbled into a church much like you did last month.”
I sipped my beer.
“I fell to my knees in front of the cross and swore to God that if He could hear me, if He could help me get off drugs, I’d spend the rest of my life serving Him.”
Someone blew a ring of smoke towards us. I began coughing.
“And He did. So here I am. I’ve been sober for the last eight years.”
I whistled. “Damn, and I thought I’d had it bad. So, what happened to the asshole who murdered your family?”
He shrugged. “I think he was killed by another dealer. I’m not really sure. I gave up trying to find out. I don’t think of him anymore. I’ve made my peace with God and with myself.”
“So, what’s the key to staying sober, Marcus?”
He laughed. “Ayden, there’s only one key, faith in God. He’s who sustains me every day. If you want to stay clean, you have to keep your eyes on Him.” He gazed down at his watch. “It’s getting late, Ayden. Thanks for the beer.”
“No problem.” I smiled sliding off the barstool.
As I walked back to my car, I thought about what Marcus had said. To stay clean, stay focused on God.
Could I do that?
I’d never been very religious or a man of my word.
In fact, I’d disappointed everyone in my life, especially myself.
Could I really let go of what lay behind and press forward to the future?
Or was I simply doomed to repeat the past?
There was only one way to find out.
Ash.
But he hadn’t texted me his address yet. I simply couldn’t wait a moment longer.
I had to find him.