I stay with Shania once everyone else has left. Lucy goes over to a friend’s house, clearly seeing that we want some time alone.

Well, I want time alone.

Don’t know what Shania wants.

She doesn’t get a choice. I’m staying.

Once we’re alone, I wait for Shania to shower and join me in her living room. She comes out, hair dripping, eyes still red and puffy, which tells me she spent her time in the shower crying. She walks over, sitting beside me. I can feel the warmth of her body, and smell the floral scent radiating off her.

“You okay?” I ask her.

“Honestly? No. I mean, this is what I’ve wanted for so long. This is the moment I’ve fought through so much pain for. But I’m scared. I’m scared about the idea of Yana being in the picture. I’m scared he won’t like me. I’m scared Nicolai will only give me a tiny amount of time. I’m so damned scared I can barely breathe, Lincoln.”

I lean forward, taking her chin in my hand and lifting her head, until she’s looking me in the eye. “Firstly, I’m not goin’ to let Yana ruin your life again. I can promise you that. If Nicolai involves himself with her, that’s his choice, but I will not let her hurt you or your son. Secondly, your boy is going to love you. Because how can he not? He’s young. It’ll take time, but I promise you, it’ll happen. And thirdly, Nicolai will give you the time you want. He will because he owes you that, and you need to stand your ground with it. Know you want to keep the peace, and I think that’s a great idea, but don’t bend over and let him decide where to put it, if you know what I’m sayin’?”

She smiles, shaking her head, “Only you could put it that way.”

“Just bein’ honest with you, sweetheart. You deserve your son in your life. Not a couple of days here and there. Sure, might start like that. But don’t you back down. Don’t you let him call all the shots. You fight for that boy, the way you’ve been fighting for him the second you found out you were pregnant.”

Her smile quivers, and she looks down at her hands, forcing me to release her.

“Do you think I am awful for wanting to give him up for adoption?”

“Fuck no,” I say, my voice stern, so she can see how serious I am. “Absolutely fuckin’ not. What you did, fuck...that took balls, Shania. You’re a good person, can see it in you. For you to make a choice like that, would have been hard, probably the hardest thing you have ever done.”

“I just wanted him to have a good life,” she tells me, her voice shaky, “I grew up with parents that argued and hated each other. I didn’t want that for him. And at that time, Nicolai and I couldn’t agree on a single thing, let alone reasonably raise our child together. Plus, I was young, broke, and was stripping for a living. I had nothing to offer him. Not then.”

“You don’t have to justify your actions, Shania. Fuck, you do not have to. Because everything you did, was out of the good of your heart. You kept it together back there, proud of you for that, but you are allowed to be angry. Fuck, I’d be angry.”

“I am. But he was right, too. I wasn’t going to give him a choice, either. I wanted Tommy to be adopted out, and I wasn’t going to move on it.”

“And did he agree to it?”

She nods. “At first, yes.”

“Then you didn’t do the wrong thing. You both discussed it. He changed his mind at the end. That ain’t on you.”

“No, it isn’t, but he did have a right to change his mind. I mean, if I had changed my mind, it would have been my right, also.”

“Fair enough, but to steal your son and fuckin’ leave you broken...that he didn’t have to do.”

“No,” she whispers. “No, you’re right about that.”

“It wasn’t fair, and while he has obviously taken care of him, you’re here now, and you get a say also.”

She bites her lip, and then looks up at me, those eyes still glassy, “Do you think I have any chance here? Do you think he’s going to let me in without a fight?”

“Honestly? I don’t fuckin’ know. He’s hard to read. Keeps a very calm appearance.”

Shania nods. “Yeah, he’s always been like that. He can keep calm in the most chaotic situations, which makes it very hard for me to know when he’s lying.”

“I’ll tell you somethin’, and it’ll probably make you feel better. He loves that boy. Could see it in his eyes. Loves him a fuckin’ lot. Because of that, I don’t think he’ll do anything to hurt him, which means he probably won’t do anything to hurt you. Could be wrong, but I can’t see it happening.”

She nods, and swipes a random tear from her eye. “What you said back there tonight, about me being alone, full of milk, my body thinking I had a baby still...that hit me so hard. That was how it felt. I remember sitting in my bathroom, on the floor, my breasts just pouring milk out, overfull and needing to feed my baby. My body still sore from birth. Everything still soft and squishy from having him. But he wasn’t there. And it wasn’t like I knew he was in a loving home, with a loving family. I didn’t know where he was, and that made it hurt so much more. I thought I was going to die, Lincoln. I honestly thought I’d never make it through that pain.”

I take her face in my hands again. “But you fuckin’ did. You did, and you came out stronger. And now, you’re goin’ to get him back. Everything is going to be okay.”

She laughs croakily. “Would you look at us, getting along...”

I snort. “It’s only because I feel sorry for you.”

She chuckles. “Really? That’s it?”

“Yeah, plus you’re really fuckin’ cute when you’re cryin’.”

“Is that so?”

“Mmmm,” I murmur, pulling her closer to me.

“Lincoln,” she says, her voice breathy now.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you, for tonight. For everything, really.”

“Welcome, sweetheart.”

“And...there’s something else.”

“Yeah?”

“Will you make love to me?”

Fuck yeah I will.