A knock at my door has me taking a long sip of my coffee, contemplating answering it.

It has been a hard few days. The desperate need to see my son, knowing he’s so close, has been hard. I just want to take him in my arms, and breathe him in, and get some relief for this dull pain radiating through my chest. But, I’m giving Nicolai time. Only so much, though. I won’t push, but I won’t be dismissed either.

It has been hard.

But Lincoln has been amazing.

He’s been my rock. Here for every step of it.

I never thought it would be him. If you asked me a few months ago who I thought would be the man to step up for me, I would have never said Lincoln. I honestly didn’t think we’d ever be anything but fighting friends, and yet here we are, actually getting along. I have feelings for him, there is no doubt about it, the question is does he have feelings for me? I’m not sure, but I do know he’s been here for me. That has to mean something.

I won’t look too much into what.

I’ll just let it be what it needs to be, for now.

But the last few nights with him, making love to me, has almost sent me over the edge. Then he stays with me, sleeping by my side, keeping my body warm, making me feel safe. He leaves for work in the morning, and then comes over and does it all again. We talk, a lot. About everything, mostly Nicolai and I.

It’s nice to have someone to just talk to.

And he’s a surprisingly good listener.

Back to the knock. I put my coffee down and walk towards the door, wondering who the hell is deciding to visit me at this time of the morning? Okay, that’s slightly dramatic, because it’s past seven ... but still. Most of the girls from the club call first, they’re good like that.

Maybe a friend of Lucy’s.

I reach the door and unlock it, opening it to find the last person I ever wanted to see again in my life.

Yana.

She’s standing there, looking exactly the same as the last time I saw her. Only now, her hair is cropped short, and she looks normal in a pair of jeans and a tank. I’ve only ever really seen her half naked, so it’s safe to say, seeing her normal...is rather weird.

Still.

I’d rather not have to see her at all. Ever.

“What are you doing here, Yana?” I growl, my voice low, and extremely impatient.

I’m not eighteen anymore.

Okay, I’m only twenty-two, but still. I’ve learned a fucking lot in those years, and one of those things is that I’ll never allow myself to be pushed around by anyone, ever again. I won’t back down and take crap. I’m stronger now, fuck, I’m stronger than I’ve ever been before in my life. Yana is no longer a threat to me.

And I have no time for her.

“I want to talk,” she says, holding my eyes with determination.

She’s not going to leave until I talk to her. I can see that rather clearly.

“We can talk,” I say, “but nothing you have to say to me, is going to change anything that’s happening. So, whatever you’re here for...I don’t care.”

“Nicolai is lying to you.”

Her voice is smooth, and calm.

Manipulative. Just like her.

“How so?” I ask, keeping my voice calm too, even though her words do spark something inside of me.

“He is seeing me, he just didn’t want to tell you that because he knew you wouldn’t agree to it. He doesn’t want any fights. I can prove it.”

My chest clenches, but I won’t fall into her trap. I know what she’s doing, she’s trying to get a rise out of me. This girl wants me to fail, she wants me to screw up like I did before. Not this time. No. Whatever she tells me, I’ll speak to Nicolai about when I’m calm. I won’t react in the way she’s hoping I will.

“That’s not what he told me,” I say casually. “He told me you’ve only been friends again for a few weeks.”

She sighs, and shakes her head. “Well, he’s a liar. I know this, because I’m pregnant with his child. Here, I have an ultrasound to prove it.”

She reaches into her purse and pulls out a black and white picture of a tiny bean in a big dark circle. Definitely a pregnancy picture, and, at a closer glance, a picture that definitely has her name up top. Seven weeks, three days. Or so it says.

My stomach twists, but I keep it together. If this is true, then Nicolai has been seeing her longer then he let on. Did he truly not tell me because he thought I’d react and make things harder for him? Or did he lie just because he doesn’t want me near my son, and wanted me out of his house before I ever got the chance to see him? Panic grips me, but I keep it together.

“I’m not sure what exactly it is you want from me, Yana. I’ve done nothing to you, not really. And yet you’ve done everything you can to get me out of the picture. Why?”

“Because Nicolai is mine, and every time you’re around, something goes wrong. Something goes fucking wrong. He changes. You took him from me once, I’m not going to let you do it again.”

“I’m not interested in Nicolai!” I snap. “I got over that a fucking while ago. After what he did, I have no intentions of letting that change. I’ve learned my lesson, maybe you should focus on learning yours.”

“You say that now,” she says, her voice getting slightly higher in pitch, “but the truth is when you two start spending time together, start raising Tommy together, you might just find those feelings again. I can’t have that. I won’t live with that.”

“Is that why you sent that man around here? To get rid of me?”

She waves a hand. “He was harmless.”

“No, Yana, he wasn’t. Look, you can’t control this situation. Tommy is my son, and Nicolai’s son. Which means we’re going to have to work together to raise him. Nothing you can say or do is going to get me out of the picture. I’m not letting my son slip away again.”

Her face gets red, and she clenches her jaw. “You honestly think Nicolai is going to just let you in to do as you wish? He’s being nice to you, for now. But the truth is, if he really wanted you in the picture, he would have found you earlier. Did you ever consider that? He’s known where you’ve been this whole time. He knows you partially own that café. He knows where you are, and what you’re doing.”

He does?

My chest clenches, and the rage that I’m working so heavily to suppress, raises its ugly head. Nicolai knowing where I’ve been this entire time, changes everything. Because if that’s true, then he possibly knows I was looking for him. If that’s true, then he’s kept my son away from me, without even trying to help me out. If I hadn’t found him, would he have ever let me see him? Tried to find me?

No.

The cold, hard answer...is no.

I grit my teeth, and say to Yana, “You need to leave, I have absolutely nothing to discuss with you. If Nicolai and I wish to discuss our son, it’s between us. Now, I’d appreciate you leaving me alone.”

“I’m not going to sit back and just take this,” she tells me, voice stern. “I’m carrying his baby now, and I don’t like you. That’s my family you’re trying to stomp in and ruin, and I won’t have it.”

“Your family?” I laugh bitterly. “No, Yana, they’ve never been your family.”

“Tommy adores me, he thinks I’m his mommy. He doesn’t know who you are, Shania. Leave it that way.”

Those words are soul crushing. The idea that my son could even look at Yana and think anything good about her, makes me want to cry. Not because it would be his fault, but because if that’s the case, then Nicolai decided she was more important in his life, than I was. Which means she’s probably very right.

He was never going to try and find me.

He was probably going to create a family with her.

And that hurts like hell.

Because dammit, that’s my son.

And I won’t lose him again.

~*~*~*~