Chapter 26

Andrew

Three days and twelve hours. That’s how long it had been since I’d last heard Lanie’s voice.

But who was counting?

Shutting down the computer in my downtown office, I groaned and leaned back in my chair. It had been days since I last stayed so long at work, but I hadn’t been able to stomach the prospect of going home to an empty house. Being eight o’clock, Karen would have left for the day. Raven was having some big dinner with the rest of the German club, something I had insisted she go to. Just her joining the club had been a big deal.

So, left all alone, I’d opted to stay at the office.

But now everyone else was gone, and I had run out of things to do.

Shrugging into my coat, I picked up my briefcase, snatched up my keys, and left the quiet room. The main area of the floor was equally as silent, everyone else long gone.

As I rounded the corner, Jacob, a young intern, jumped and dropped the papers he held.

“What are you still doing here?” I asked.

“Um, just, I was just leaving, Mr. Marx,” he pathetically gasped.

Realizing I’d barked at him, I shook my head and sighed. “Let me help you with those.”

As I bent down to help him collect the papers, he watched me with wary eyes.

“I’m not going to bite,” I told him, handing the last paper over.

He gave me a weak smile, not convinced.

“Here.” I hit the button to call for the elevator. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Jacob’s eyes went wide at the cuss word, but he said nothing. We shuffled into the elevator, standing at opposite ends and waiting for the ride to be over.

“Do you hate me?” I asked.

Again, Jacob’s eyes became perfectly circular. He reminded me of a scared bunny rabbit, always looking for the next bush to dart under. “N-no, Mr. Marx.”

“But you think I’m mean. Is that it?”

I’d heard the whispers, seen the way everyone quieted down when I came into the room. For years, I’d thought it meant I had the upper hand.

Until Lanie came into my life. With her around, my attitude had changed. I’d become more laid back, nicer to everyone at work. In return, productivity had grown. My employees laughed and smiled more. I’d realized that being a hardass all the time didn’t equate to getting things done.

This week had been different. Not talking to Lanie, it felt like bugs crawled under my skin all day long. I’d been more irritable, quicker to yell at people. I knew it.

I wished there was something to be done about it, but at that point, I felt so fucked up, I didn’t know where to begin.

“Have a good night.” I smiled at Jacob as the elevator doors opened. “See you tomorrow.”

He nodded, still looking spooked, and scurried out of the elevator. I gave him some space as he crossed the lobby, waving goodbye to the night guard, and walking to my car.

I needed a drink. Real bad.

The country club was aglow with lights, sparkling white strands of them dripping from the bushes and the eves. Handing my keys to the valet, I inspected the scene with a smirk. They weren’t quite holiday decorations, but they were close. Thanksgiving was on its way, and the second that ended, everything red and green would be up, the giant tree the club put up every year on full display.

At the bar, I slid onto one of the familiar seats. “Whiskey,” I merely said. The bartender had worked at the club for years and knew which bottle I preferred.

As I adjusted my coat so I wasn’t sitting on it, my fingers brushed against my cell phone. Unable to stop myself, I pulled it out.

One little text message. Just to see how Lanie was getting on. Surely that couldn’t hurt?

Hope you’re doing well, I wrote.

My fingers twitched with a need to say more, but anything else would be pushing the envelope. Sending the text, I took a drink of whiskey, savoring the way it burned on its way down.

From where I’d set it on the bar, my phone lit up with a text.

I’m good. How are you?

My inhale stung even more than the whiskey had. Awful, I wanted to say. But I couldn’t. I’d decided to cool things and with good reason. I might not have had the most glowing personality, but I stuck to my guns. That I could always say.

Fine, I typed back.

As soon as I sent the message, I hated myself. If I was going to make basic, one-word small talk, I shouldn’t have gotten in touch at all.

“I’ll have another one,” I told the bartender and then slammed the rest of my drink.

I eyed my phone as he filled me up, waiting to see if Lanie would write back, and knowing she probably wouldn’t. Not until I had something more substantial to say myself.

I rubbed my closed eyes, hoping I’d suddenly wake up and find this had all been a dream. I’d wake up in my bed with Lanie by my side. She wouldn’t be my close friend’s daughter. She’d be the woman I planned on making my first girlfriend in years, the woman I wanted to spend the holidays with, the woman I’d take on vacation next summer.

But reality doesn’t budge that easily. Lanie was still Bob’s daughter, and I still lived a lie.

Every day I went without telling Bob the truth, I became a more despicable person. Us not seeing each other in person that much anymore didn’t matter. I had his number in my phone, just as I had Lanie’s. I could call him up and spill the news any moment I found the guts to.

And yet I hadn’t. Because I was a coward.

I understood why Lanie was so resistant to telling him about our relationship, but I couldn’t stop holding our silence against both of us. Mainly me. If I couldn’t step up and take responsibility, how could I be the kind of man Lanie or Raven—or anyone else for that matter—needed?

Someone took the seat next to me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“What are you doing here?” Saxton asked with a laugh.

I snorted, the depressive cloud broken by his appearance. “Just having a couple of drinks.”

He accepted my handshake with a skeptical look. “I never see you here during the week. Not unless you’re having a meeting.”

“And I never see you here without a woman.”

Saxton caught the bartender’s attention. “I’ll have what my good buddy is having.”

I chuckled, either because of the whiskey I’d pounded or out of pleasure from seeing Saxton. “So what about it? Why are you here all by yourself?”

He turned to face me straight on. His hair was different again, the highlights he’d had the other week replaced by darker tones. “I figured it might be best to give that a breather. Just around here, you know. If I keep showing up with girls at the country club, how am I going to pick up girls at the country club? They’ll all think I’m—”

“Exactly what you are?”

Saxton winked and put a finger to his lips. “Shh.”

“My lips are sealed.”

“I know they are.” He swirled his drink around. “You don’t even talk about your own life.”

I shrugged and looked down at the bar. My phone’s screen was still dark. Lanie was probably hating me for bothering her.

“Come on,” Saxton urged. “I’m waiting.”

I eyed him. “You just accused me of not talking.”

“And that was supposed to open you up.” He rolled his hand through the air, telling me to get on with it. “So let’s go. Why are you here all by yourself on Wednesday night? No business meeting. No daughter. No lady friend. Last we talked, you were seeing someone on the regular. What happened with that?”

“Nothing.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my answer.

“Then why do you sound so pissed?”

I pushed my fingers through my hair. “It’s not going that well.”

“Well, you know what I think about that.”

I gave him a hard look. “Not because we’re not getting along. We’re amazing together.”

The memory of Lanie’s mouth pressed to mine hit fast and hard, but I shoved it away. Nostalgia was for the weak.

“We’re not working out due to things beyond our control,” I explained.

“Sorry to hear that.”

I scrutinized Saxton’s face, eventually deciding he meant it.

“You know this isn’t worth it, right?” he seriously asked. “Getting all fucked up over one woman?”

I just blinked, annoyed but knowing there was no point in arguing. Some people were set in their ways, and Saxton was one of them.

“You need to be having fun, Andrew.”

“That’s what you always say.”

“Yeah, because I’m right.” He leaned back in his seat, his suit’s jacket falling open.

“This may be a surprise to you, but a serious relationship comes with its own brand of fun.”

“What?” he guffawed. “Sitting at home and arguing over where to go for dinner or whose friends to see?”

Saxton didn’t get it. He’d never been married. He had no idea what it was like to have someone you could count on every day, how it felt to wake up next to your best friend. Combine those experiences with a little bit of chemistry, and you didn’t need anything else.

“You did your duty, Andrew,” he quietly said. “You have a kid, you’ve added to the world’s population or whatever. It’s time to have fun.” Saxton took a drink, eyeing me over his tumbler’s rim.

Just as I figured. Saxton would never understand.

For some reason, I couldn’t retreat. “What we were having wasn’t only fun. It was more than that.”

“And now it’s making you sad.”

“For now,” I forcefully answered. “But that’s because there’s some shit going on. And look.” I turned in my seat to face him straight on, just as he was with me. “I get your philosophy. Most people cause drama, and that’s not worth it.”

“Amen.” Saxton raised his half-empty glass.

“But sometimes it is worthwhile.” I quickly went on. “Some women are worth the hard days because the good days are a thousand times better.”

“So you’re not breaking up with her?”

My ears grew hot. “I don’t want to.”

“Look, I get that you’re a romantic, but how much good has that done you? Take me. You never see me moping around, crying in my drink while alone at the bar.”

Nearby, the bartender chuckled.

“He gets it,” Saxton smiled, pointing the man’s way.

“I’m not crying,” I growled.

“It was a metaphor for whatever it is you’re doing.”

“Right.” I stared into my drink, the desire to take another sip gone. “I’m gonna go. Let’s do lunch soon.”

Saxton gave me a nod and pulled out his phone, probably preparing to text whatever girl was on the menu for the night. Popping my jacket’s collar up, I crossed through the lobby and out into the front area.

The country club was on the edge of a residential neighborhood, surrounded by trees and with downtown in the distance. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and stared at the skyscrapers’ lights. The past few days, I’d tried every trick in the book to get Lanie off my mind. Work. Exercise. Sleeping aids. Hell, I’d even tried porn, which didn’t work at all, since seeing other girls only made me miss my own woman more.

The truth couldn’t be run from. I needed Lanie. I wasn’t entirely sure how we would sort out the mess we’d found ourselves in, but I was tired of it keeping space between us.

Taking out my phone, I sent the best text that I had all week.

I need to see you.