Chapter 53

Lanie

I rolled over in bed, looking for Andrew’s warmth.

But it wasn’t there.

Groggy, I sat up and blinked. The light was dim, but there was enough of it coming through the curtains that I could see I was alone in the bedroom.

“Andrew?” I called.

When he didn’t answer, I climbed out of bed. The chilled air hit my bare skin instantly. Looking around, I saw my sweater from the night before. Tugging it on, I padded out into the hallway and to the top of the stairs.

There, his voice wafted up from somewhere in the living room or kitchen. The words were muffled, so I couldn’t tell what he was saying. Judging from the lack of anyone else responding, he was on the phone.

At least his tone of voice didn’t sound particularly angry or sad.

A memory from the night before came back to me, and I smiled to myself. For sure, my favorite place to be in the whole world was Andrew’s arms. I hoped that the night we’d had made his soul feel at least a tad bit lighter. If not, then perhaps seeing Raven would help.

And who knew? She could even wake up that day.

Slipping back into the bedroom, I tossed my sweater with the other clothes and proceeded to take a shower. As I lathered and rinsed, conflicting thoughts and emotions arose.

Andrew had been so intense and giving in bed the night before. It had made me think—briefly—that he was doing better.

But then I remembered the drinks he’d had at dinner. Surely that wasn’t normal.

And what about the talk on the couch? I couldn’t ever remember him being so open.

I gnawed on my lip as I turned off the shower and reached for a towel. My poor guy was going through one of the roughest times of his life. I couldn’t wait to get downstairs and hold him, to show him that I was here for him no matter what.

I dressed in my clothes from the day before, the act of putting on underwear twice making me wonder about leaving a few things at Andrew’s house. Would he be all right with that? Would Raven, once she woke up, be weirded out by it?

She wouldn’t have to know. And it wasn’t like I was making a play to move in. It would just be nice to have some fresh underwear to put on after a shower.

Downstairs was quiet, and I slowed my walk, listening for Andrew as I crossed the hallway. I found him in the kitchen, dressed in a sweater and jeans and typing on his phone.

“Hey,” I said.

He looked up, and though he smiled, the expression was devoid of joy. Strained.

I felt it right away. Something was wrong.

“Is everything okay?” I cleared my throat. God. I couldn’t even go on.

“Everything is fine.” Andrew pocketed his phone and sighed heavily. “I haven’t heard from the hospital, so you know, no news is good news.”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

Stepping forward, I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my face into his sweater. Andrew squeezed me tightly, so tightly, it started to hurt. Just before I said something about it, he let me go and stepped back.

“Speaking of the hospital, I need to be getting over there.”

“Right.” There was something barren about his eyes, and it made my stomach knot. Folding my arms across my chest, I tried to ignore the feeling. “Do you want me to come with?”

“Uh.” He licked his lips and looked away. “It’s for the best if I go by myself.”

“Oh. Okay.” I tried not to let my disappointment show. For some reason, Andrew still didn’t want me at the hospital. It made sense before, but now I couldn’t stop myself from feeling like him keeping me out of Raven’s room was personal.

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked. “That made you not want me to visit Raven?”

Andrew’s eyes widened. “No. Not at all.” He took my hand, held it for a few seconds, and then dropped it. Pushing his hair back, he exhaled.

“Andrew,” I slowly said. “What’s up? You look like a caged animal.”

“Let’s sit down,” he said in a hoarse voice, avoiding my eyes.

“I’m fine.” My response came out as cutting, but I didn’t want to sit. Whatever was going on, I wanted to hear about it right away.

“Okay.” He nodded, folding his arms. “This week apart has given me a lot of time to think.”

“Uh-huh.” My heart pounded, climbing its way up my throat.

“Lanie.” Abruptly, his demeanor changed. His eyes softened, and he ducked his face to look straight at me. “You’ve been great through all of this.”

But you’ve shut me out.

I said nothing. I’d given him too much lip already. I needed to be supporting Andrew, not starting fights.

“The way you helped Raven, the way you helped me …” He trailed off as he shook his head. “I don’t know how I’ll ever really show you what you mean to me.”

Last Saturday came back to me. Cuddled up in bed at the resort, I’d told Andrew I loved him. He’d asked me to repeat myself, so I assumed he hadn’t heard my confession.

Now, it was strange that he was saying he’d never know how to show me how much he cared. All it took was three simple words. People said them to each other all the time.

And yet, here he was being vague and speaking in near-riddles.

“I know you care,” I told him. I wanted to reach for his hand, but his arms were still folded tightly.

“You’ve opened me up again.” His voice cracked, and he swallowed.

“You’ve changed me too,” I softly said, taking a small step forward.

Andrew’s shoulders loosened, and he dropped his arms, gaze sweeping across my face. His lips parted, and he looked as if he might reach for me, but he didn’t.

“This coma has shown me how stretched thin I am,” he quietly said. “Even with your help, I haven’t been giving Raven enough attention.”

“Yes, you have,” I quickly answered.

“Then why did I not know she was seeing Jason?” he volleyed back.

I shrank back, guilt filling me. “I knew,” I whispered.

The shame made my skin hot, made me unable to look at Andrew. I stared at the floor for a long time, waiting for him to scold me. When he didn’t say anything, I slowly looked back up at him. Instead of an angry expression, he wore a look of sadness.

“I decided not to tell you because I didn’t think he was this much of a danger to her,” I explained. “Raven told me about their relationship in confidence, Andrew. At school. She came to me as a counselor—”

“I’m not mad,” he cut in, sounding so sad. “I understand.”

“You don’t wish I’d told you?”

“I understand why you didn’t,” he just repeated.

I pulled on the sleeves of my sweater, feeling more uncomfortable. He was acting so stoic. Any reaction—even fury—would be better than what he’d presented me with.

Andrew sighed and closed his eyes. “Lanie.”

I waited.

When his eyes opened, there was a hardness there. My insides twisted to see it.

“Once Raven wakes up, she’s going to need everything from me. I can’t fuck up parenting anymore. I’ve realized that I don’t have the necessary time to give to two wonderful women. It has to be her.”

My head spun as I tried to make sense of the words. “Are you saying you don’t want to see me anymore?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I can’t.”

My jaw dropped. A complex of emotions rose in me. Anger. Disappointment. Awful, awful pain. It was like Andrew had curled his fingers around my heart and was squeezing it to death. How could he possibly think that getting rid of me was the right thing to do?

“Teenage girls keep secrets from their parents, Andrew,” I explained, working hard to keep the shake out of my voice. “Even if you spent half of every day with her, she would have hidden her boyfriend from you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do,” I snapped. “Teenagers are kind of my specialty.”

His brows pushed together, but again he looked more tired and sad than angry. “I have to try, Lanie. She’s already seventeen. I don’t have much time left to make things right before she goes to college.”

“So you’re going to get rid of me?”

“Don’t say it that way, Lanie. That’s not what’s happening.”

“Yes, it is.” My throat became thick and my eyes hot and wet. “Instead of working to find some kind of balance, you’re tossing me out of your life for good.”

“Raven—”

“I love her, too, Andrew. I know she’s not my daughter, but I care for her as well. I want to see her get better and thrive, and I would never do anything that would get in the way of that happening. So believe me when I say that I don’t think our relationship is hurting the one you have with her.”

Andrew hung his head, and another painful silence filled the room.

“I’m not tossing you out,” he quietly said. He raised his face, eyes soft. “I love you too much to string you along, to keep you tied to me and not give you what you need, so I’m setting you free, so you can find someone who will take care of you.”

There they were, the words I’d wanted to hear. I love you. I just hadn’t received them in the way I’d wanted to.

“You didn’t hear what I said, did you? Raven isn’t being hurt by us.”

Andrew didn’t respond. He picked up his jacket from the back of a kitchen chair and put it on while my insides went ice cold.

“You’re really shutting me out.”

His jaw fell. “I told you it’s not like that.”

“Except it is,” I snapped.

The tears that had been building in me finally won and two of them spilled from my eyes. I turned away, not wanting him to see me cry. Andrew could know he hurt me, fine—but I didn’t want him to understand how much he’d truly broken me. I’d gone years waiting to find someone like him, and the minute things became hard, he shut the door in my face. All the fairness I’d thought life contained had just disintegrated in an instant.

“It is,” I sadly repeated. Without another look at him, I rushed from the kitchen.

I yanked my coat and purse from the hook in the hallway with shaking hands. If Andrew was going to come after me, now would be the time.

At the front door, I paused, hand on the knob. The house was eerily silent, though I knew he was right there in the kitchen, probably waiting for me to leave.

A dry sob climbed its way out of my throat. Andrew wasn’t coming after me. This was the end. All of that sweetness he’d shown me the night before had been nothing more than his way of creating a grand finale.

Tears blurring my vision, I left the house, forcing myself to not glance back even once.