Alys

The universe inverted itself, and the world had taken on a sick, bile-colored tinge, tainted and strange.

I couldn’t release the pain I was feeling. I had damned myself by keeping Connor and me a secret. Now, I didn’t even have the comfort of my friends to unburden myself of the broken emotions that sliced me up from the inside. My soul was lacerated so deeply; I didn’t think I would ever recover.

I wondered if I’d become like Kenna—someone who walked around as a shell of my former self. I sounded the same, I looked the same, but the part of me who had made me who I was had been diminished.

It was necessary that I didn’t allow any of that to show. Kenna and Lili would know something was wrong, and I couldn’t tell them. If I had been honest with them from the beginning…

Then, I wouldn’t be in this position now.

Connor would still be talking to me. He would be mine in every sense.

He would still love me.

That had to be the worst of it. My insistence on waiting to go public with our relationship had chipped away at Connor’s love until there was nothing left.

Every day, I would wake up and act like my world hadn’t crashed and burned. A week after Grandma Betty’s passing, I went back to work like I was normal and shit. If anything, I was tackling more work than I ever had before, and my father was stoked with how much I was getting done.

Every afternoon, I would go to Krav Maga, forcing my body into absolute exhaustion, so I could collapse into bed and sleep each night.

Sometimes, it would work.

Most times, it wouldn’t.

Every night, when I went to bed, I would call Connor.

Every night, I would be left heartbroken that he never answered.

I would send text messages, begging him to get in touch with me. I would tell him that I loved him with all my heart, my soul, that my life was meaningless without him in it.

He never answered. Not once.

“Seriously, do you think Phil is gonna move into the Plantation House?” Lili asked from her reclining position on the couch.

I was pouring myself a mason jar of iced tea at the breakfast bar, watching a huge cloud of smoke billow up from what looked like nowhere. “Maybe. I don’t see why they would fix it up and not use it. But, seriously…”

“What?”

“What are the fucking chances that that man will be moving into the house behind ours? It’s like some sort of cosmic alignment or some shit. It seems surreal.”

Lili sat up, propping her elbows up on the back of the sofa to look at me. “I’m telling you. This has been destined from the beginning of time, man. Phil and Kenna are cosmic.”

“What makes you think so?”

She shrugged. “Laurie.”

Kenna’s mother had had some weird-ass connection to everything. I wasn’t a firm believer in psychics and all that jazz, but if there ever were a person who was able to predict the future or commune with some higher power, then it had definitely been Laurie.

“Yeah.” I turned and brought the pitcher of tea back to the fridge.

Time hadn’t started healing my spirit, but I was getting better at pretending like I was all right. There were times I’d catch Lili staring at me, her black eyes assessing, searching for something she just couldn’t figure out. I got the impression that she knew something was off about me, but she kept her mouth shut, which surprised me.

Upon my return to the living room, Lili snatched my tea from my hand and took a few glugs, handing me the joint in return. I was used to it after all the years we’d been best friends.

“So…I’m really excited about tomorrow,” she said. “I keep wondering what’s going to happen, you know? I mean, damn, man. They’re fucking rock stars! And we’ll be hanging out with them!”

I grinned as I blew out my smoke. “It is exciting.”

“How do you think Phil’s gonna react when he sees her?”

“I’m more concerned with Kenna. It’d be refreshing if she passed out or something. She’s always so freaking controlled, you know? I’d like to see her lose her cool for once.”

“Nah, that won’t happen,” said Lili.

“No, it won’t.”

We finished smoking the joint and sat there in a haze for a few minutes before Lili reached out and snagged the remote control off the coffee table. Clicking on the TV, the Food Network bloomed to life, and Kenna’s favorite hunky chef, Lewis Lee, showed us how to make spicy pork dumplings with a ginger barbeque dipping sauce.

I was surprised Lili had made it through the show to be honest. When the next show was another one of Lee’s, she didn’t change it, and I had to say something.

“You feeling okay there, Lili?”

She shrugged. “He’s really cute.”

Lewis Lee was more than cute. He was drop-dead gorgeous.

“So, are you excited to see X again? You guys kind of hit it off that night.”

“I really haven’t thought about it. He was really funny though. I was cracking up the whole time I was talking to him.”

“Plus, he’s a ginger.”

“He is that.”

“Speaking of gingers, it’s too bad Connor can’t make it for the concert. I bet he’d love to meet NOLA’s Junk.”

It took everything I had to keep calm and composed. Just hearing his name had my eyes burning with tears. Luck was on my side though. Lili was gazing at Lee while I waged war with my tear ducts.

“Yeah,” I replied.

Fuck him.

He didn’t deserve any more of my tears.