Almost Four Months Ago
The lights grew dim until only Phil was left in the spotlight. He pulled out a stool and sat with his mic, giving the speech about X, while the rest of us grabbed our own seats and instruments that waited just offstage.
No longer were we NOLA’s Junk. We were now NOLA’s Own.
We all knew that Phil had wanted Kenna to hear “An Ode to Zephyr,” the song he’d created for her. He’d refused to let us do anything to it, and to be honest, I didn’t think there was anything to be fucking done. Jason had wanted to add a bit of flair to it, but I’d stood by Phil’s decision, and Jace had backed down without a stink. But, so far, the girls hadn’t shown up.
I was dying to see Alys, to pull her into my arms and hold her. I missed her so fucking much. Her laughter—the fucking way she laughed until the tears rolled and her nostrils flared—the way she smelled like a gentle whiff made of an ocean breeze, how she’d sneak secret glances and winks my way when she thought no one was looking.
We’d pulled it off for so long.
Until I’d fucked up, and she’d married X.
But she wasn’t married anymore. X had even told me to take care of her—our girl—and I felt no fucking guilt in reclaiming my woman. While I had truly loved X as a brother, with some blurred fucking lines, there was no one on this earth I loved more than Alys.
My fucking girl. My woman. Always has been. Always fucking will be.
That I’d had to share her at all still stabbed me with some deep-seated fury. No amount of fucking meditation had calmed that open wound. I didn’t blame her; I couldn’t. I had all but pushed her into the arms of another man.
The music swelled, dipped, spiraled around us. What it felt like to create music, to listen to it…it was unlike any high I could describe. It was a rush, and at the same time, it was the most soothing of caresses, like the hand of love stroking my soul.
For “An Ode to Zephyr,” I was playing the maracas, something I could have done in my sleep, but it didn’t take away from the song.
For me, music had no ego. There was nothing about it that made me need to be anything other than a conduit. I didn’t care how well I played, only that I heard it, felt it, understood it. I thought of myself as an instrument. The music was always there, ready to speak through me.
From my seat on the stage, I saw my sister pushing through the crowd to stand before Phil. My heart exploded with joy at the sight of her. I’d missed her, too. Even though she openly wept—something Kenna was not known for—I could feel her elation. It pulsed around her, creating a shimmering aura of greens, blues, white, and something new. Sparkles and flashes of deep rose interspersed with her cool colors—the bits of Phil that were now forever a part of her.
“We’ll come full circle, she and I…once more to begin anew…” sang Phil.
I couldn’t understand how Phil hadn’t jumped off the stage and bum-rushed her already. But then he leaned back, and I saw him open his eyes. Before me, his own aura blazed high, reds and hot white with traces of deep purple and lime green.
As happy as I was for the two of them to finally reunite, I was searching the audience for my own love. I knew she wouldn’t miss this, and I didn’t even care if it was because this was a tribute to her dead husband. Alys was here, and I would see her and hold her again.
Phil slid off the stage and then jumped the barricade, landing solid on his good leg. The crowd was fucking deafening, cheers and screams rebounding around us. Phil and Kenna were locked in an embrace that threatened to fuse them together, and I couldn’t help but smile.
Then, like a beacon, a pale face emerged from the shadows to my left. Alys was looking at me like I was the only person up here. She wiped tears from her cheeks and gave me a little wave.
Phil hopped the barricade, launching himself back onto the stage, and we all wrapped arms around each other and bowed.
My eyes never left Alys. The sight of her left me breathless, aching, and desperate. I couldn’t lose her again. Whatever it took, whatever she needed, whatever she told me to do, I’d do it.
Backstage, Kenna was already there, waiting. Phil grabbed her hand, and the two of them ran off without a backward glance.
“I guess we’ll see them tomorrow,” said Flipper next to me. “I mean, it’s not like we’re celebrating the life of a fallen brother or anything.”
“I don’t think X would have given a shit,” said Jason. “If anything, he’d tell them to get the fuck out of here.”
We all put our instruments in their cases while Devil’s Advocate started getting their shit ready for their set.
“I’m glad the girls are back,” Jason quietly told me. “Sheri’s really missed them. Hell, I’ve fuckin’ missed them.”
I nodded. I had missed them, too. It was fucking Karma that they had completely cut me from their lives for nearly three months. It was what I had done when shit went sideways with Alys after Grandma Betty passed away.
As I made my way out from backstage though, Alys was there, and like magnets, we were drawn to one another. Wordlessly, she moved into my arms, and I wrapped as much of myself around her as I could.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you, Sunshine,” I told her, stroking her light-brown hair.
“I missed you, too. So much…” She sighed, hugging me tight, her tits soft and warm against my ribs. “We need to talk.”
“About what?”
Instead of answering me, she pulled back, took my hand, and led me to the overhanging VIP porch out back. A couple of roadies were hanging out, smoking a blunt next to the door.
“Awesome set, man,” said Steve. “You guys made X proud tonight.”
At the sound of X’s name, Alys dropped my hand.
“Thanks, man,” I replied, wanting to slap the fucker for reminding Alys that this was X’s party.
Alys walked to the far end of the porch.
“Is she all right?” Steve asked delicately, keeping his voice low.
“As all right as can be expected,” I replied. “We’ll see you guys inside, yeah?”
“Sure thing.”
To these guys, seeing Alys and me being so close was no big thing. I seriously doubted any of them knew the sort of history between us. They thought that our feelings for each other were like siblings, seeing as we had grown up together. Right now, Alys didn’t want them to know, and while it burned me deep, I understood.
X had been dead for only four months.
As we reached the railing, Alys turned to face me. Her big hazel eyes shone with so much emotion that I could feel it, hear it, as though it were a symphony to set my soul alight.
“What is it?” I kept my voice low to keep it from traveling.
She took a deep breath. “I told Kenna and Lili about us. About everything. I…” She closed her eyes. “I told them I missed you and loved you more than anyone else in the world.”
The rawest, most amazing joy blew up in my chest. “You did?”
“I also told them about us…and X.”
“Just what did you tell them about that?”
“Well, it’s not like I went into details…much. I think Lili might be fantasizing about you now though.”
My eyes damn near crossed at the thought.
“And with Lewis, too…”
“Damn, Alys—”
“But that’s all beside the point,” she stated, straightening up to her five foot eight height. She squared her shoulders for good measure. “Connor?”
“Yeah?”
She cleared her throat. “I’m so in love with you. I need you to know that. I always have been. I…there’s no one else I want to be with.”
Oh, thank fuck!
“Alys…”
I went to reach for her, but she shook her head.
“You might still hate me, Connor.”
“I’ve never hated you.”
“Well, you might after I say the rest.”
“That’s not possible.”
“It’s just…I need time. I need to make sure I’m in a good place in my head. And…”
“And what?”
She took another deep breath. “I don’t want X’s parents to think I could move on so quickly after losing him. They don’t know about his…well, sexual orientation. Or that three of us were involved. Or that, before I met him, you and I were…whatever we were.”
“Alys…whatever we were? We were in love.”
“Are you still in love with me?”
“Always.” I reached out and took her hands. “Always, Sunshine. More today than yesterday.”
“The last time I asked you to wait, you didn’t talk to me for months,” she said, her voice trembling.
“Last time, I didn’t think you’d fall in love with another man,” I replied. “I was pissed at you and wanted to hurt you as bad as I was hurting. I was an ass, Alys. I had it coming. I never…” Now, I was the one who needed the extra air. “Wanting you to hurt goes against everything I am. This past year has been—”
“Hell,” she stated. “It’s been absolute hell.”
“Yeah, but there were some good times, too,” I told her. “The thing is…I’m glad X had you—us—while he was here. You gave him something solid, Alys. He loved you.” I lifted her hands so that our palms pressed together, and I laced our fingers. “I think it was something we both had to experience.”
She nodded. “I do, too. I don’t regret a minute of it. And that we were able to have what we all had together…”
“I won’t share you again,” I told her. “Ever. As happy as I was to share that experience with you, it broke something inside me, too.”
“I know,” she replied, her eyes filling with tears. Her fat lower lip quivered, and I wanted to press a kiss to it—to soothe it, to draw it into my mouth and lovingly stroke it with my tongue. “When you said you couldn’t do it anymore, I wondered if I had lost you forever.”
“I thought I’d already lost you,” I said softly. “I thought I needed to find my place in this world all over again. One that didn’t include you…at least, not in the way I knew you were meant to.”
“So…does that mean you’ll give me a little time?” she tentatively asked. “I just…I don’t want people to think that X didn’t mean as much to me as he did. And still does. No one knows about our past—”
“I’ll wait, Alys,” I promised. “I’ll always wait for you.”