Connor

After Alys had run out of the house with Lili chasing her, I pointed to the couch in the living room for Quinn to have a seat. What I wanted to do was tear after my beating heart, but I knew that nothing I could say or do at this point would change a damn thing. If anything, Alys needed a few minutes with Lili to settle down and think.

If only I were so fucking lucky.

“How is it even possible, Quinn?” I asked, sitting next to her but not too close. “You were on birth control. We used protection. I mean, it would take a fucking—”

“Language!” snapped Da.

“You can take your ass out of here right now, old man. I’ll fuckin’ talk the way I want with whatever fuckin’ words I see fit to fuckin’ use.”

Instead, my bear of a father plopped himself in an armchair.

“I, um…I was taking antibiotics?”

“Are ye tellin’ us or askin’ us?” snarky Da asked.

I closed my eyes and begged for the patience needed to make it through this conversation.

“Te-telling you,” Quinn stuttered. “And I guess that screwed up my birth control.”

“Quinn, there was nothing wrong with the condom when I took it off. It didn’t break or anything,” I told her.

“There could’ve been a small hole, and some leaked,” she said quietly.

Something was definitely off about her. Quinn wasn’t a shy woman, but I guessed being confronted with my father scared the piss out of her.

“Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

“Because…last time, you said it was the last time. I thought I could do it on my own. I moved to Pensacola and got a job at a daycare center. I thought I’d be all right. But, when they found out I was pregnant and unwed, they ended my trial period early.” Her lower lip quivered. “I didn’t even know they could do that.”

“Did you drive here?” I asked.

She nodded. “I didn’t have your number anymore. When you told me it was really over, I deleted it. I didn’t…” Tears spilled from her eyes, and she bit her lip. “I didn’t want to be tempted. I was so angry…”

A hot flush crept up my neck, into my face.

After I had bent Quinn over the sink in one of the many bathrooms in this house, she’d confessed that she was in love with me. I had told her that it was best if we didn’t see each other again. She’d been my friend since my sophomore year of college, and I cared about her…but love?

There was only one woman in the universe who had my heart, and in that moment, I had known that I was no longer going to find happiness in anything that offered itself up.

I had been heartbroken over X’s death, and Quinn had simply been a way to lose myself for a few minutes. I hadn’t truly wanted her, just the oblivion of getting lost in something warm, safe, and familiar.

It wasn’t like I could’ve turned to the one person it would have meant something with.

“So…” I said. “Why are you telling me now?”

“I need help,” Quinn whispered. “I know you don’t want to be with me; I’m not asking for that. But the bills are adding up, and I can’t find work. No one wants to hire a woman who’s going to be taking sick leave so soon after being hired.”

“You’re asking for financial help.”

Quinn’s face blazed red. “I suppose I am. My folks won’t support me. They said I got myself into this situation—”

“Seriously?” barked Da. “What sort of parents turn their kids away like tha’?”

Quinn cleared her throat. “Mine. Look, I just need a little assistance, and after the baby is born, I can look for work. If I can find a daycare center that doesn’t care I’m a single mother, I can put him in the daycare program, and usually, they give discounts to the workers, you know?”

“It’s a boy?” I asked.

She nodded. “I thought to name him after you. Do you have a middle name?”

Oh, fuck no.

“Nothing you want to bestow upon a poor, innocent child,” I replied.

“It’s Gealach,” Da cheerfully piped.

Quinn’s face twisted comically with shock. “Oh. What sort of name is that?”

“Gaelic,” Da replied. “It means, the moon. We were weirdo hippies when we decided tae reproduce.”

“At least they were kind enough to me to make it my middle name. Poor Kenna didn’t have that luxury.”

Da scowled at me. “I’ll leave ye two tae discuss this then.”

“Thanks,” I grumbled. “You could’ve done so ten minutes ago.”

Da lumbered to his feet and left the living room.

An uncomfortable silence permeated the space between Quinn and me. She fidgeted, wringing her hands in her lap.

“Quinn…”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I went to your place first, but I heard there was something going on here, so I just came over. I didn’t know it was Kenna’s wedding. And, if I had known you were with Alys…”

“Then, what? You wouldn’t have told me?”

“I would have waited until tomorrow. Tiny said it was invite-only, and I was upset because I thought maybe he saw me as one of the groupies trying to force her way in. I…we’re friends, right? I might have been in love with you at one point, but that’s in the past.”

I reached out and took her hand in mine, reassuringly squeezing it. “We’re friends, Quinn. We’ll figure out what we need to do, okay? But you don’t have to worry about doing this on your own.”

She sagged into the couch, closing her eyes. “I’ve been so scared, Connor. You have no idea. My sister has been helping me behind my parents’ backs.”

“Why have they written you off like that? You guys aren’t so religious or anything.”

“They’re mad that I got myself into this state and think I should learn a lesson. Like I haven’t,” she scoffed. “They gave me my old crib and some baby clothes leftover from when my brother was a kid, and I’m truly grateful for that. But they refuse to let me come home until I find work. Apparently, Dad doesn’t want to have to deal with a baby crying in the middle of the night.”

I couldn’t imagine having parents like that. When my mother found out about the pregnancy, I was sure she’d be over the fucking moon. I knew Da secretly was. In my family, children were a blessing. Although I wasn’t thinking that in this particular instance, I hoped that, as time went by and the fucking shock wore off, I’d be happy about having a son, too.

“Is…is Alys going to be okay?” Quinn asked.

“Sure,” I replied, knowing to the deepest parts of me that she wouldn’t.

My heart felt bruised with each beat, every rush of blood pumping a panic through me that begged me to go and find her.

It’s not supposed to be this way. Only Alys should be the mother of my children.

Phil and Kenna walked in through the front door, his arm around her shoulders. He glanced over at Quinn and me and gave us a nod. Kenna refused to look in my direction. I knew she was mad at me on behalf of her best friend.

“Are you hungry?” I asked Quinn. “There’s food. Lots of it.”

Quinn gave me a weak smile. “I’m always hungry.”

“Come on. We’ll get you something to eat. I’ll see if it’s cool for you to use a spare room here tonight.”

“Oh, I was just going to drive back.”

“That’s a hell of a drive to make twice. Plus, we’ll need time to figure out what needs to be done.”

“Um…okay. Yeah.”

I led her to the kitchen and heaped a plate full for her, ignoring the stares we were getting. Sheri had had a few drinks and was glaring up a storm. I didn’t think she’d attack a pregnant woman, but I could see she was thinking about it.

“I need to talk to Phil real quick. You gonna be all right by yourself in the living room?”

“I’ll sit wi’ her,” said Da. He’d been hovering around in the kitchen once we walked in.

I had to find Alys. It was killing me, knowing she was hurting.

When she’d come back in July, I had sworn I’d never hurt her again, that I would do everything to show her just how much I loved her. Even though this wasn’t intentional, I’d broken something; I just felt it.

For the love of the gods, why? Why did this have to happen?

I found Phil way in the backyard, smoking a spliff with Jason and Flipper. When he saw me, he held out the joint, and I hit it hard.

“Fuck, man. What is that shit?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “It doesn’t seem fucking possible. I’m always fucking responsible about that shit.”

“Don’t sweat it too much,” said Jason. “We’ve got lawyers who’ll take care of everything. It’s not the first time some chick has tried to claim one of us fathered her kid.”

“She’s not some chick,” I replied, taking the liberty of being distressed and hitting the joint again. “She’s been my friend for years. She’s a good girl.”

“She kept the bus fuckin’ spotless when she came on tour,” said Flipper.

“And you in a good mood,” joked Phil.

“I need to ask a favor, man,” I asked Phil.

“Anything.”

“Is it cool if she crashes here for tonight? Maybe even another day until we figure some shit out. There’s no way I want her anywhere near Alys. Not that either of them would do anything, just…”

“Yeah, I get it. Set her up in one of the spare rooms. There’s a couple that aren’t taken. Whatever one she wants.”

“Thanks.”

“Alys went home by the way,” Phil said. “And the rest of the females are fuckin’ pissed.”

“Right. Because that’s exactly what I need right now.”

“Just givin’ you a heads-up. I’ll get Kenna to change her attitude. Once she does, you know she’ll get the others to, too.”

“Yeah.”

Phil clapped me on the back. “It don’t have to be a bad thing.”

It didn’t have to be…

But it was.

After eating some food, Quinn opted to go to bed instead of drawing more attention to herself and the situation. Kenna, Lili, and Sheri weren’t the only ones pissed at me. My own mother was glaring daggers at me. After such a public display of Alys and me officially getting together, for this to happen was just a bitter pill to swallow.

Alys had lost her husband, and for her new boyfriend of a few hours to have some woman show up and declare she was carrying his baby…well, I supposed they felt she’d suffered enough.

I felt she’d suffered enough.

I walked Quinn to a spare bedroom. She had her own bathroom. She also had a huge flat screen TV, and I found the remote and tossed it onto the bed for her.

“You’ll be all right?” I asked.

She sat down on the bed and nodded.

“If you need anything, just give me a call, okay?”

“I don’t have your number anymore,” she replied.

“Oh. Right.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through my Contacts until I found Quinn’s number. I called it, and her phone in her bag began to ring. “You’ve got it now.”

“Connor…thank you.”

I didn’t feel like I could acknowledge that. I wasn’t doing this because I was a kind person but because it was the right thing to do. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

To avoid running into anyone who’d give me a verbal smackdown, I snuck out through the front door, and Tiny gave me a pitying look as I passed him. Walking the long drive and hanging a left, I took the small dirt back road home.

The lamp on Alys’s nightstand was on, creating a dim golden glow in the window. I didn’t know what I should expect when I walked into the house, but I hoped I was prepared for her fury.

There was only silence as I made my way up the stairs. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. It was damning and cold, and it terrified me on some level. If Alys were just angry, I would know how to defuse it. This went beyond that, and I felt helpless.

When I softly knocked on her bedroom door, I received no answer. So, I slowly turned the doorknob and was greeted with the sight of my Sunshine asleep, curled up in a ball at the edge of her bed. Weed perfumed the air. My guess was that she’d smoked a blunt because a thick layer of haze hung from the ceiling.

Alys’s face was blotchy, her closed eyelids red and swollen. She had wept hard tonight, and it felt as though my chest were caving in, as I knew it was my fault.

Quietly, I made my way across the room and opened the window.

While growing up, this had been Kenna’s room. I had spent hours of my childhood hanging out in here, listening to music. But Alys had transformed it into her own space. It was a classy room now. No trace of a teenage Kenna anywhere.

Walking back around, I turned the lamp off, plunging the room into darkness. I loved that this house was set away from the others in the neighborhood. No streetlamps forced unwanted light into the rooms. My eyes adjusted to the soft moonlight, and I took my shoes and clothes off, leaving on my boxer briefs.

If Alys were awake, there’d be no way she’d allow me to crawl into bed with her. Not after the shit that had gone down tonight. But I was going to take full advantage of her being asleep. Slipping in behind her, I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her into the curve of my body. The scent of her filled me. Her sleepy sigh caressed its way into my brain, telling me that, on a subconscious level, she was right where she wanted to be.

“Forgive me, Sunshine,” I whispered.