Alys

For three days, I locked myself away in my room. The house was blessedly empty with Lili and Lewis working on getting shit together to start the renovations on their new home. They would come home each evening, but I stayed in my cave, and Lili knew that I wouldn’t welcome the company.

I cried. I slept. I smoked some pot. I smoked a lot of pot. I cried some more. I slept and slept and slept, and when I dreamed, they were bizarre. X and Laurie would make appearances. Connor would walk around, carrying a fucking litter of redheaded babies, while Quinn danced around in Princess Leia’s metal bikini, proclaiming to one and all that she was the Earth Mother.

I found myself firmly wedged back into my deep depression.

Since I worked from home, I did my job from my computer, accounting the staggering sums acquired by NOLA’s Own. It was a sweet gig—one that X had been adamant I get. When I had proven myself to the guys while on tour for Twisted Festivus last year, they’d had me take over their personal accounts.

The amount of money I had myself was disgustingly awesome. To my shock, when X had died, he’d made me the sole beneficiary to his estate. I had a share in the corporation that was NOLA’s Own, too, inheriting that from X as well. Overnight, I had gone from an upper-middle-class income to never having to work another fucking day in my life. I’d never spend it all in my lifetime.

I hadn’t kept all the money though. I’d given X’s parents and his sister each twenty-five percent, keeping one-quarter of the vast fortune he’d accumulated for myself. With my shares in NOLA’s Own, I kept earning money. Phil’s dad, Louis, invested a large chunk of that income, making me even more.

Losing X had broken my heart, leaving me with such a profound sense of loss that I was sure I’d never truly be whole again. But he had given me something I’d never have achieved on my own—complete freedom.

A soft knock came at my door. I was tempted to just ignore it. I hadn’t bothered to change out of my sweatpants and T-shirt in three days. Hopefully, the terrifying sight of me at my computer desk would scare off the person who dared to interrupt my misery.

The doorknob turned, and the door opened up a crack.

“Muffin?” came Kenna’s husky voice.

I slumped into my computer chair. “Yeah, come in.”

The door opened fully, and Kenna along with her husband entered my room.

“Hey,” said Kenna, her eyes sweeping over me.

Although her expression revealed nothing, I knew she was a little surprised at the state of me.

Phil had no filter, however. “Goddamn. What the hell?”

My lips mashed flat with irritation. “Thanks, Phil. Good to see you, too.”

“Have you even left the room?”

“When I’ve had to pee,” I snapped. “Are you just here to criticize me? Because, if that’s the case, you’re welcome to leave.”

Phil scowled and dropped his ass on my bed. “We’re fuckin’ worried about you.”

Kenna remained standing, practically looming over me.

“What?” I asked, defensive. “I’m fucking depressed, all right? Give me a break.”

Without taking her eyes off me, Kenna sat down next to Phil on the bed. “Connor called. He’s coming home tomorrow afternoon.”

“Why is he coming back so soon?”

“He’s scheduled to be in the studio,” replied Phil. “The Space Monkeys are makin’ their next album, and we have the first four weeks with them.”

“Oh, yeah.” I had completely forgotten about that.

“I thought maybe you’d want him to move into the Plantation House,” said Kenna.

Phil rolled his eyes. “It’s just a house. Ain’t no plantation to it.”

Kenna smirked. “Not anymore. But, anyway, if you would rather Connor not live here, then Phil will tell him—”

“Me?” Phil asked, incredulous.

“I’m not telling him he’s not living here,” said Kenna. “And I seriously doubt he’ll want to move in with Da and Gloria. There’s more than enough room in the big half.”

Phil breathed deeply through his nose. “Are you tryin’ to turn our house into a fuckin’ commune, Kenna?”

“No. It’s already a commune.”

Phil looked at me. “There’s another option.”

“Yeah?” If he had the balls to tell me I needed to move out, I’d Krav Maga his ass into next week. “What’s that?”

“You know we’re looking into clubs in London, yeah?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, we want to sort of re-create Bougainvillea there. You know Bougainvillea as well as any of us, and if you went, you would know which place would be best to buy. You can stay at Devon’s. I’ll call him and see what you’d need to get in.”

“Where is Devon?” I asked.

“He left for Japan the day after the weddin’,” Phil replied, a happy smile emerging from his impressive beard. He reached out to take Kenna’s hand, lacing their fingers. “But you can go and have a break for a while. Get away from here for however long you need.”

“When would I leave?” I asked. I hated flying, but the thought of spending some time away from everything making me miserable was extremely appealing. If I didn’t have to see Connor, then I wouldn’t have to constantly question my decision of ending things between us.

“The jet can be ready to go in the mornin’. I’ll make the phone calls tonight and set everythin’ up.”

Kenna smiled sadly. “That might be just what you need, man.”

“What about my work?” I asked Phil.

“Muffin, if you can do it in here, you can do it in Devon’s fancy fuckin’ flat.”

I perked up at that. “How fancy?”

“He’s got some seriously killer digs. He calls it a flat, but it’s more like the top two floors of some high-rise in the middle of London.”

“Fuck it,” I said. “I’ll go.”

“Awesome,” said Phil.

“Do you plan on making Connor suffer for a long time?” Kenna asked me as she pulled Phil’s ’50s black pickup truck close to NOLA’s Own private jet.

I shot her a glare. “Make him suffer? Is that what you think I’m doing?”

“Honestly? Yeah. I think, deep down, you’re bitter about all the pussy he’s been in, and you’re taking Quinn being knocked up as some sort of Karmic slap in your face for marrying X. You’re pissed and hurt, so you have to make sure he is, too.”

“Wow. Your opinion of me has sunk pretty fucking low there, Sweet Pea.”

“No, it hasn’t. It’s not like I’m claiming to be above a petty smackdown myself. I’m just wondering how long you think you’ll need to drag this shit out.”

I stared out the windshield at the plane. “I guess until I can look at him without wanting to break his face. Getting the hell out of here might help with that.”

“Do you miss him?”

My throat tightened around my vocal cords, and I could barely push out a tortured, “Yes.” I took a deep breath. “I’ve missed him every day since I went off to college.”

Kenna nodded. She truly understood how I felt, and because of that, I didn’t resent her frankness.

“You know that we all would have supported you two, right?”

I closed my eyes, fighting the tears and losing. “I do now. He was so young, Kenna. But he was so wonderful and devoted to me. Even when I went off to college, he’d sneak out and see me, telling Da and Gloria that he was spending the weekend at a friend’s house. Those were the best times—those weekends I got him all to myself. We used to live for them. Is that weird?”

“No.”

“The older he got, the more beautiful he became, and when he went to Miami, I knew there was no way I could ask him to be faithful to me. We wouldn’t be able to truly be together anyway. Seeing each other during the holidays barely held us over, and even then, I was terrified of being caught.”

“Even though he wasn’t jailbait anymore?”

“I was scared that you and Lili would pity me. I mean, for fuck’s sake! Look at him! He’s fucking drop-dead gorgeous! To this day, I have no clue why he’s attracted to me. I look at Quinn, and I get how he wants to fuck that woman’s brains out. But me? Next to her, I feel like a washed up old woman.”

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“I’m not. Plus, she’s got really nice hair. I fucking hate her.”

Kenna burst out laughing, and even I had to grudgingly grin.

Once she simmered down, she took my left hand in her right, squeezing my fingers. “I get the feeling that Connor would wholeheartedly disagree with that. If anything, I think he banged her because she reminds him of you.”

I blinked in surprise. “What?”

“The two of you could be sisters, Alys. You haven’t noticed that?”

“No. We look nothing alike.”

Kenna snorted. “Then, open your fucking eyes, man. All this time, you had the greatest of loves, and you let fear and doubt break you both. What would have been so wrong about the two of you letting us know after Grandma died?”

“Nothing,” I replied, sagging beneath the weight of what that meant. “By then, I guess I was just so used to hiding it, and I was still trying to find the balls to tell everyone, to buy myself a little more time.”

She sighed. “I don’t understand how you could think that we’d put up any sort of stink. Well, maybe from Lili, but it would’ve been in an evil, good-natured kind of way.”

“You know, she’s like the only person in the world that saying that about actually makes sense.”

“Right? But, seriously…why did you think I would have been upset about it?”

“Because you’re my best friend. He’s your baby brother. And, as wildly open-minded as Da and Mom and Gloria were, they might not have thought it was such a good thing, me snatching his virginity like I had.”

“He took yours, too,” she pointed out.

“I was afraid of, at the least, disappointing them. I was afraid of alienating you and Lili. I didn’t want my own parents to think I was a perv. And then so much time passed that it was just normal to keep it a secret.”

Kenna nodded again. “I suppose so.”

“Then, everything else happened, and here we are,” I said softly. “He’s taking care of his baby mama, and I…” I swallowed thickly. “I’m running away because I honestly no longer know if it’s more painful to see him again or miss him.”

She squeezed my hand. “Instead of running away, why don’t you run toward yourself? Find out who you are without Connor or X defining you. I know who you really are, Alys, but I think you’ve lost yourself these past two years. I get the feeling that you’re having issues more with who you are now than anything that’s actually going on.”

“I think you’re right.”

She leaned across the seat and wrapped her arms around me. Kissing the side of my head, she said, “Call me when you get there. Call me whenever, for whatever.”

“I will.”

Over the last year, I’d become acquainted with Heathrow Airport. As I disembarked the private jet, I made my way through customs. I hadn’t brought so much with me, but I planned to go shopping for new clothes. I didn’t own much that would keep me warm in the British autumn weather.

Once I got to Arrivals, I spotted a well-dressed man holding a sign with Alys Stuart printed on it. Surprised, I made my way over to him.

“Hello, I’m Alys,” I said. I might have smiled, but I was jet-lagged and heartsore, so I wasn’t too sure.

“I’m Eric Pritchard, Devon’s housekeeper, driver, and whatever the hell he needs me to be. He rang to tell me to come get you and bring you home.”

Eric’s accent was sweet. Not much taller than myself, he had soft blue eyes and light-brown hair. Not unattractive, but not remarkable in looks, he seemed to be a nice, neutral man to have around.

“Great,” I replied, forcing some cheer into my tone.

“Follow me then,” he said, taking my suitcase.

I wasn’t sure what I had expected, but Eric had picked me up in a Land Rover. He placed my luggage in the back and then opened the back passenger door for me. Inside, I found a bottle of water and an envelope with my name on the seat. I opened the envelope and found a printed note from Devon.

Alys,

My home is yours. If you need anything, let Eric know, and he’ll make sure you have it. I’ll be arriving in a couple of weeks. I’ll see you then.

Devon

I smiled and tucked the note back into the envelope. I was pretty sure that there were thousands of women who’d kill to have Devon tell them his home was theirs. The fangirl inside me would be holding on to that bit of paper.

Not for the first time, I found myself in a sense of surrealism. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought I’d be rubbing elbows with my favorite rockers, living like a queen, and being looked after by Devon GianFranco’s housekeeper.

Holy shit, I’m in England.

I was alone. For the first time in years, possibly my whole life, I was by myself.

When I’d gone to college, I hadn’t been so far away from my family that I couldn’t jump in my car and head home to see them. I’d spoken to Kenna and Lili on a daily basis. No doubt I still would while here, but with the time difference, there probably wouldn’t be much opportunity for anything in depth.

Eric zipped us through the streets. With the sun now below the horizon, the lights from the metropolis twinkled in a blur around me. Within twenty minutes, he was pulling into a garage of a building that I couldn’t see the top of.

Once parked, Eric hopped out and hurried to open my door. Then, he grabbed my luggage, and I followed him toward an elevator. When he swiped a card through a slot, the elevator began to bring us up.

And up.

And up.

Finally, the elevator stopped and opened up into a bright foyer. The walls were a light creamy color, and the floor was tiled in a soft beige stone, polished to a high shine. I was a little surprised to see such subtle decor for Devon’s home.

After I took off my shoes, Eric led me into the spacious apartment. Again, nothing glitzy. Just a wide corridor with doors and some dark wood decorative furniture placed along the coffee-and-cream-colored walls. There were paintings on the walls, and maybe when I wasn’t so blah, I’d take a closer look.

“The bedrooms are on this floor,” said Eric. “Devon told me to give you the room next to his.”

“Is there something special about that room?” I asked.

Eric shrugged. “It’s where he puts the important guests, so I suppose that’s a compliment.”

I smiled. “Coming from Devon, I’d say so.”

“He told me about you, Kenna, and Lili. I think he truly loves each of you.” Eric stopped in front of a door and looked at me, appraising.

“You’re close with him then?”

“We’ve been friends since childhood. He told me you and your friends are some of the most genuine people he’s ever known.”

Wow.

“What a wonderful thing to say.”

Eric smiled. “Here’s your room. Mine is across the hall if you ever need anything.” He opened the door and reached in to flick on the lights.

It was a room fit for a fucking queen. Lush, luxurious, a pinewood four-poster mega bed had sheer white hangings and a white and silvery bedspread. The light-gray carpet was soft, and the walls were painted a shimmery silver-white.

Eric pointed to a door. “That’s your bathroom. Devon said your favorite dinner is a medium-rare steak with mushrooms, garlic mashed potatoes, and asparagus.”

My jaw dropped in shock, and I stared at Eric.

“When you’re ready, just come on up and have some food.”

“Okay.”

How the hell did Devon know my favorite dinner?

Eric left me, quietly shutting the door behind him. I took a good look around, not sure if I should actually touch anything in here.

Who did Devon have this room decorated for? Brigid?

It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. As far as I knew, she had been the closest thing to a relationship that he’d had in a really long time.

I headed into the bathroom and was blown away all over again. The same color scheme was in here—white and sparkly gray on the tiled floor and walls. It had a huge bathtub and a separate shower.

I was really starting to question why I wasn’t using my money on shit like this. After X had died, I’d simply gone home to my room and the bathroom I shared with Lili. Granted, it was the one place that truly felt like home, so that was probably why.

Except being in Connor’s arms, my brain snidely pointed out.

Suddenly, I felt the weight of misery pile heavily onto my shoulders. My heart ached with a dull pain, and I just wanted to crawl into bed and never leave.

But I couldn’t. I had a job to do here and my favorite dinner to eat and a mindset to get into gear. I had fought through a hell of a depression already, and I wasn’t willing to sink back into those depths.