X

“We need to talk,” Alys whispered in my ear.

I’d been waiting for her to come through the backyard and meet me on the patio. Jason and Sheri were sitting with me, having a few beers. We’d just finished band practice a little while ago. Phil had headed over to Kenna’s place, and Flipper was on his way to see Vivian.

A strange little niggle of fear tickled my chest. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Without a word to the others, I stood up, and we headed into the house, up to my room.

“Babe, you’re kinda freakin’ me out. What’s goin’ on?” I asked as I shut the door behind me.

She dropped her bag next to the bed and sat down. “Kenna’s brother got in from Miami.”

“Okay.” I sat down next to her. “Why does this require a freak-out?”

“Well, he called her and said he wanted her to bring po’boys from Molly’s for lunch tomorrow. And she told him we’d all go.”

“Uh-huh. Still not understanding why we need to freak out.”

“What I’m about to tell you…no one knows, okay? Like, not a single fucking soul. And, when you find out, you might be…upset.”

“You’re freaking me out more, but I still don’t know why.”

“I was with Connor for eight years,” she whispered. “We never told anyone. We planned to tell everyone when he graduated college and moved back home. The thing is…it ended bad. He…I pissed him off. When Kenna’s grandma died and he came home, we were together, and he told me he wanted to tell everyone. I still wanted to wait. I…I couldn’t face it alone, you know? I was scared, and he called me out on it. Then, he walked out of the house, and I haven’t spoken to him since. Today, Kenna told him that my boyfriend and I would be coming, too.”

“Did she ask you first?”

“No. I mean, there’s no reason I wouldn’t. I guess she assumed that you’d come, too. I just wanted you to know in case…I don’t even know.”

“Are you still in love with him?”

Her face showed pain and sorrow, the same I’d seen the night of the after-party. “I love him very much. He broke my heart, but he was more than just my secret boyfriend. We had grown up together. I never thought I’d not have him in my life.”

A hard pinching sensation enclosed around my heart. “Do you want to break up and be with him then?”

“What? No! It’s just that shit might get weird tomorrow, and I wanted you to have a heads-up. And…Kenna doesn’t know. Neither does Lili.”

“Why did you keep it from them?”

Her eyes welled up with tears. “At first, it was because he was so young when we got together. He was fourteen, and I was almost seventeen.”

“Oh.”

“He was very mature for his age,” she defended. “But, still…I couldn’t bear the thought of upsetting Kenna like that. Or our families. We’re all so close, and I was scared of how’d they react. I figured, if we waited until he was eighteen…and then I asked him to wait until he was done with college and was home, so I wouldn’t be alone when I heard all the flak from everyone. I was an absolute coward.”

“But how do you feel about him now?”

“I haven’t thought about him much at all recently. I’ve kinda been involved with you. And you’ve made me so happy, X. Connor made his choice to cut me from his life, and I accepted that. I’ve moved on.”

“We started dating not long after you guys broke up then. Was that really enough time for you? I mean, after eight years…”

“We were never really together. It was eight years of stolen moments and hiding what we were from everyone. He’d come to visit me in Lafayette sometimes. That was the freest we ever were, and those moments were few and far between. We were always sneaking around, and…”

“What?”

“He got trashed one night and ended up fucking some other chick. That was another reason I told him we should wait until he was finished with school to make things official. I didn’t want to be this ball and chain holding him back from experiencing everything.”

My heart sank for her. “Alys…how could you think that way about yourself? He obviously loved you very much. He wanted to be your boyfriend even though he was in another state.”

Her sweet little face crumpled, her plump lips quivering. “I was the one who fucked up. I know that. But it’s over now. I’m with you, and I…I love what we have.” She sucked in a deep breath. “I love you.”

The warmth from those words flooded me, melting my insides into happy goo. I took her tear-stained face in my hands and kissed her. “I love you, too. With all my heart, Alys.”

Slowly, she pulled back. “So, now, you know everything. I have no more secrets. But I don’t need the others to know about me and Connor, okay? Done is done.”

“No worries, babe. You can trust me. And, speaking of secrets…I guess I have one that I should probably tell you.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh God. If mine was bad, I can’t imagine what yours is.”

“Well, the guys know it, and it doesn’t bother them, so I’m hoping to hell it won’t bother you.”

“Okay.”

I just dropped it like a hot bomb. “I’m bisexual.”

She blinked. “What?”

“I’ve fucked both chicks and dudes.”

Her eyes widened even more.

“And, since you were revealing your deepest, darkest secrets, I figured you needed to know that.”

“You’ve fucked dudes?”

“I’ve fucked a lot of ’em, babe. The way I look at it, sex is sex, and if it’s done right, it feels fuckin’ good, no matter whose hole it’s in. I think both women and men are beautiful sexual creatures.”

Her eyebrows rose up. “Huh. I did not see this coming.”

“Does it bother you?”

She averted her gaze and gave it time to percolate in her brain. But then she shook her head. “It doesn’t. Actually…thinking about it is kinda hot.”

I beamed at her. “I think so.”

“But does that mean you want permission to fuck guys on the side?”

“No. Not at all. I want a faithful, committed relationship with you, Alys.”

She gave me a huge smile, and I tackled her back on the bed.

“Holy shit, I fuckin’ love you, woman.”

“I do have a few questions though.”

I wiggled my hips to get even closer to her hot center. “Shoot.”

“Have you…have you been fucked by guys?”

“Yes.”

“And you really like that? Having anal?”

“Yes. Have you had anal?”

Her face went pink. “Yeah. A few times. I like it all right. It’s not my go-to. But I’ve only ever had sex with Connor before you. I’m just wondering…what if you’re feeling in the mood for something like that?”

“Then, you throw on a strap-on and go to town on me.”

Alys flat-out lost her shit. She was in danger of slipping into silent laughing mode.

“You wouldn’t do that for me?” I innocently asked.

“I would do anything for you, X. If that’s what you need, I got you.”

I kissed her then. “Back at you, babe.”

Alys was nervous as all hell as we headed out to Gentilly the next day. She was so quiet and rigid in the passenger seat of my Jeep.

Phil and Kenna were wailing the lyrics of Pantera’s “Good Friends and a Bottle of Pills” in the backseat.

“You two are so fuckin’ special together!” I shouted at them over the music.

“Yeah, we are,” Phil’s bombastic voice replied.

I took my woman’s hand and squeezed firmly, letting her know everything was cool. There really was nothing to be afraid of. I would never hold her past against her, wouldn’t ever deny her the feelings she’d had for Connor. It was a complex and delicate matter, and whatever she felt was right, I would stand beside her.

Even if, one day, she chose him over me.

It would probably be better if she did.

I was just a lucky fuckin’ bastard to be given this time with her, to know what it felt like to be in love with such an amazing woman.

And, for however long it lasted, to have her love in return.

Pulling into the driveway of Kenna’s parents’ home—well, her Da and Gloria, who was Connor’s mom but Kenna’s mom, too—I parked next to the Chevy truck. Alys had told me how they all had spent their childhoods on a compound outside of Pensacola, living like dirty hippies. Kenna’s mom and Da had had a relationship with Gloria, and I thought that was pretty fuckin’ cool. Apparently, Kenna’s mom and Connor’s mom were bisexual, so Alys’s reaction to me being bisexual made sense. She’d grown up with it.

When I turned off the engine, Alys and I waited until Phil and Kenna hopped out, taking the sandwiches with them. I saw the front door open but didn’t watch who was coming out. I looked at Alys, who had her eyes closed.

“What are you afraid of?” I asked.

“How it’s going to feel, seeing him again. It hurts just to think about it.”

I took her hand and squeezed it, wanting to reassure her that it was going to be all right. “This guy is family, Alys. I know you love him, and I’m okay with that. I know you’re attracted to him, and I’m cool with that, too. We can’t always help how we feel. It’s what we do about it that matters. What is it that you want to do with your feelings for him?”

“I want us to be friends.”

“Just friends?”

She looked into my eyes. “Just friends.”

“Then, make that stone one and build on it. You got this, and I’m right here with you.”

She smiled. “I know you are.”

Infused with courage, she opened the car door and got out. I followed her, my eyes drawn to the enormous redhead hugging Kenna.

“Holy shit, Phil! Motherfucker’s nearly as huge as you!” popped out of my mouth.

And then it happened. Like when I’d first seen Alys again at the after-party at Phil’s place, my body went all tingly, and I could sense this sparkly white and green shimmer coming off Connor. Pantera’s cover of Black Sabbath’s “Planet Caravan” began pounding through my brain waves. I even turned around to check that the Jeep was off. After all, we’d been listening to the album the song was on. Maybe I’d—nope, the keys were in my pocket.

I turned to face the gang once more, witnessing the fleeting look of absolute misery flashing across Connor’s features just before he threw a bright smile on his face for Alys. His massive body engulfed her in a hug.

He was the kind of beauty people would sell their souls to have. The structure of his face alone…he looked like barely tamed wilderness. His long, wavy hair was a deep auburn, and his skin was smooth and clear, coated in a wealth of freckles. Strong, heavy brows sat over deep-set eyes the same shade of dark emerald, like Kenna’s. He had high, sharp cheekbones, a chiseled jaw sporting a few days’ growth of russet whiskers, and a mouth that was wide and full-lipped but thoroughly masculine.

He looked like a goddamn warrior with his wide shoulders and chest, long and lean torso, and sculpted arms and legs. He wore a faded Tool T-shirt, beige Dickies shorts, and flip-flops.

The sense that I knew this guy, had seen him somewhere, was overwhelming.

And then it hit me.

He was the tall, lanky redhead at the concert years ago. He’d had his arms around Alys, protecting her from the crowd.

He loves her, I thought.

He will always and forever love Alys. It wasn’t a sweet kind of love either. It was hard, burning, and painful.

Right now, he’s fragmenting, knowing she’s no longer his. He’s being blown apart inside, and he knows it’s all his fault.

What the fuck is this weirdo hippie bullshit?

I had no idea, but I knew it deep inside me. I knew what he was hiding from everyone else. When his gaze met mine, I saw all of it reflected in his eyes.

I wanted to heal that hurt. “Hey, man,” I said, smiling and offering him my hand.

“No shit!” He laughed, sounding genuinely surprised. “Xavier Johnson!”

His voice was deep, rough, and warm. When his hand closed around mine, I felt a pleasant vibration dance its way into my heart.

And, once more, I fell in love.

That makes three.

After a lively lunch with the MacGregor clan, Kenna and Connor’s da headed out to pick up Connor’s mom, Gloria, and run some errands.

Connor busted out two acoustic guitars and a freaking upright bass, and he, Phil, and I put on a jam session for our women.

Sometime in the last few hours, I’d decided that I could share Alys with Connor. No one else, just him. And, when he showed Phil and me the wealth of talent inside him, I knew this kid was the answer to everything I’d been asking the universe for since the night Jason’s granny told me my fate.

For a while, NOLA’s Junk had been talking about taking on another member, but finding the perfect fit had proven to be impossible. In the recording studio, Phil played the rhythm guitars, but he was too all over the place during shows to want to deal with it, so our roadie, Scott, usually got the gig in a darkened corner onstage.

I could tell Phil was thinking along the same lines I was. Our gazes met, and he nodded, confirming what I already knew. Connor was ours. We’d just have to talk to Flip and Jace to make it official.

Bringing Connor into the brotherhood would also mean that he and Alys would be around each other a lot. It was my hope that the three of us could come to some kind of…understanding. I wanted us to be as close as possible.

Because, one day, Connor was going to be there for her when I couldn’t. I needed to leave her in the hands of someone who loved her with his whole heart.