Chapter Seventeen
Tristan
Molly was still sleeping when I snuck out of bed. I tiptoed around the bed where my clothes were lying in a scattered heap on the floor. I dressed quickly, hoping she wouldn’t wake up and catch me. The moment I had my pants on, I decided to slip out into the living room and finish dressing in there, but I found myself pausing over Molly’s sleeping form.
She was lying on her stomach with her face pressed to the side. The sheets were draped over the lower half of her body so that I could see the smooth curve of her back. Golden curls snaked across her naked skin and half of the pillow, and the part of her face that I could see looked peaceful and content. I resisted the urge to touch her. As lovely as she looked, I knew that the magic of the night before had been replaced by cold, hard reality.
I tiptoed out and finished dressing in the living room. I knew I shouldn’t be leaving like this, Molly deserved better, but I didn’t want to have to face a conversation. She would want to know where we stood, and I had no idea what to tell her. My life was fast-paced, my job was demanding, and I didn’t know when I would have the time to devote to her. I tried not to think about Jason as I slipped out of the suite.
I decided to head straight to my office in an attempt to distract myself with work. But somehow, I knew that no matter how busy I got, I would have a hard time avoiding thinking about Molly and what had happened between us last night.
I remembered more than I had expected to after drinking so much. I remembered how she had stood before me, proud and intoxicatingly feminine as she had undressed without any sense of self-consciousness. I remembered the way her mouth had tasted when I kissed her. I remembered the way it had felt to have her naked body pressed against mine. I remembered the moment she had told me her secret.
“Fuck,” I whispered under my breath.
I should have stopped it then. But the alcohol had put my better judgment on hold. That and the fact that I was already horny and too turned on to have stopped myself at that point. When I walked into my office, Ben was already there, leafing through files that had been piled high on top of my desk.
“Morning,” I said brusquely.
“Morning,” he replied. “You look like you need a cup of coffee.”
I ignored that and sat down behind my desk. “What have you got for me?”
“A couple of disputes that need settling.”
“Fuck. Who is it this time?”
“Tycho and Chan.”
“They have separate fucking kitchens,” I complained. “What is there to fight about?”
“Something to do with the produce man,” Ben explained. “Apparently, they both ordered the same ingredients, and now they’re fighting over who gets what.”
I groaned. “Can’t you handle it?”
“They want to speak to you,” he said with a shrug.
“Tell them I told you to handle it.”
“Don’t you think I’ve already done that?” he asked. “I’m not the boss, and they know that.”
“Don’t we have someone specific who can handle this?”
“You still haven’t hired a human resources manager yet,” he told me.
“Fuck,” I said, remembering that I had all but promised the job to Molly. I put my head in my hands and cursed at my own short-sighted behavior. “This morning sucks,” I complained.
“Does your bad mood have something to do with the fact that you’re wearing the same clothes from last night?”
I looked down at my untucked white shirt and my blue suit. “Maybe,” I admitted at last.
I looked up at Ben, contemplating how much to tell him. He was my assistant, and even though I considered him a friend, our friendship didn’t really extend to personal conversations about our lives. It was strictly business. But I was realizing that I didn’t have very many people I could talk to.
Jason was definitely off limits in this particular situation and given Gregory’s history with Molly, I didn’t want to go to him, either.
“Have you ever slept with a virgin?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
Ben’s eyebrows rose high on his forehead. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” I said, unwilling to repeat myself.
“Uh…sure,” he nodded after a moment. “Except that I was a virgin, too, and we were seventeen.”
I sighed. “It hasn’t happened recently then?”
Ben looked a little concerned. “Please don’t tell me you slept with a minor?”
“What? Of course not,” I said quickly. “She’s an adult who happens to be a virgin.”
“How much of an adult?” he asked curiously.
“Twenty-four.”
He looked surprised. “Huh… I didn’t expect that. Molly looks like she’s had experience.”
“What makes you think I’m talking about Molly?”
“Your defensiveness,” Ben smirked. “That and the fact that I saw you follow her out of the party last night.”
“Fuck.”
“Had a good time?”
“Shut up,” I said childishly.
“I knew it was only a matter of time.”
“This is serious,” I snapped. “She’s my best friend’s sister and a virgin, besides.”
“Why is that such a big problem?” he asked.
“Because… What if she gets attached?” I said, feeling like a complete asshole.
“And that would be bad because…”
“I don’t have time for a relationship right now,” I said firmly. “I don’t have time for a woman—any woman—even Molly.”
“Then you better tell her that.”
“After I’ve slept with her?”
He shrugged. “What choice do you have?”
“I promised her a job, too,” I groaned, hitting my head with the palm of my hand.
“What?” he asked incredulously.
“The human resources job,” I said. “That was Molly’s position before she was laid off, and she was really good at her job. I offered her the post here if she liked Hawaii enough to stay. I mentioned it to Jason, as well.”
“You knew all this, and you slept with her, anyway?” I could sense the judgment in Ben’s tone.
“Give me a break, okay?” I said, knowing I deserved the condescension. “I was drunk.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You weren’t that drunk.”
“Drunk enough,” I said, trying to justify my poor decision making.
“I’m sure Molly will take that excuse well,” Ben said sarcastically.
I sighed. “I should have just stayed away from her,” I groaned. “Why didn’t I just walk away when I saw her last night?”
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
“We’re past the point of personal now, man,” I pointed out. “What’s the question?”
“How do you feel about Molly?” Ben asked curiously.
I paused for a moment. “She’s… Well… I like her. I’ve always liked Molly.”
“That doesn’t say very much,” he said. “I’m asking you what your feelings towards her are?”
I sat back in my chair, feeling a headache come on. It felt like there was a throbbing at the back of my head. “It’s complicated,” I said at last. “I’ve known Molly since I was eighteen and she was fourteen. In some ways, I’ve watched her grow up.”
“She’s not fourteen anymore,” Ben pointed out. “Why are you so hung up on the girl she used to be?”
“It’s not that,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s me… I’m not sure I’m the kind of guy who can commit to one woman. And even if I could, I have no idea how I’d be in a relationship. I’m more likely to ignore her after the first few months. I just don’t want to attempt something I know I’m not going to be good at…not with Molly.”
“So you’re trying to protect her from yourself?”
“Yes,” I said. “She’s special, and I don’t want to hurt her. And not just because of Jason. Because she’s a good person, she’s a kind person, and she deserves to be happy.”
Ben looked at me carefully for a while. “I feel like there’s history between you two.”
I bit my lip. “I wouldn’t call it history,” I clarified. “But we did kiss one night six years ago.”
“And, have you thought about that kiss in the past six years?”
“More often than you would believe,” I admitted.
He raised an eyebrow. “I think that means something.”
“It means I’ve idealized the whole thing,” I said. “That kiss was a mistake, just like last night was a mistake.”
“You’re saying it wasn’t any good?”
“Please,” I scoffed. “The sex was amazing…probably the best sex I’ve ever had, actually. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m saying that crossing that line with Molly was a mistake. We should have just stayed friends.”
“I wasn’t aware you were friends with Molly.”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on,” he laughed. “She’s been here more than two weeks, and you’ve barely spoken to her. You haven’t even had a meal with her. Apart from that one conversation the day she arrived, when did you make the attempt to welcome her to your resort?”
“I was busy,” I said.
“Wouldn’t you have carved out the time for Jason?”
“Yes…”
“But not for Molly?”
“Molly’s different,” I said lamely.
“Molly’s different because you want to sleep with her,” he said bluntly. “Which is not a problem you face with Jason.”
I wanted to deny it, but even I couldn’t make myself lie that blatantly. “If you have a point, I suggest you get to it fast.”
“You’ve been wanting to sleep with Molly for years,” Ben said. “Probably since that first kiss, probably since before that kiss. When she showed up here, older and more confident, you were immediately attracted to her, so you decided to keep your distance. Except you didn’t do a great job of staying away from her. So you finally slept with her after years of thinking about it. I guess my question is, is the interest in Molly gone now? Was she just an itch that needed to be scratched?”
I had never considered that before. I thought about it, but my mind couldn’t seem to settle. Was that the real reason I had snuck out of Molly’s suite this morning? Was protecting her just an excuse, or was it the more convenient way out? At this moment, I wasn’t quite sure.
“Have you ever been in love?” I asked abruptly.
“Once,” Ben replied promptly.
“And did you know right away?”
“Of course not,” he replied. “Sometimes it’s not as simple as just looking at someone and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you love them. Sometimes it creeps up on you. Sometimes it takes you years to figure out. I was in my senior year of college when I realized I was in love with my best friend. We had known each other since high school.”
“Did you tell her how you felt?”
“I told him,” Ben nodded.
I raised my eyebrows. “I’m sorry, you’re gay?”
He smiled wryly. “Have been all my life,” he nodded.
“Fuck, how did I not know that?” I said. “You’ve been my assistant for years now.”
“You miss a lot when your only focus is work,” he said. “And, you’ve never cared to ask me about my life before now.”
I shook my head and sighed. “You’re right,” I nodded, feeling ashamed of myself. I had been so focused on being successful that I had forgotten about all the relationships I was sacrificing along the way, with friends and with women. “But I’m interested now. Tell me.”
“I told Eric, he freaked out, and we haven’t spoken since,” Ben said without emotion.
“Fuck,” I said. “And that was it? Your friendship was done, just like that?”
“Just like that,” he nodded. “Luckily, I started working for you almost immediately after and never slowed down long enough to feel sad about it. By the time I gave myself a little room to slow down and resurface for air, a few years had passed, and it didn’t hurt quite so bad.”
“You buried yourself in work to escape the pain of your personal life?”
“Yes,” he nodded. “Which is why you’ve always surprised me.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ve sacrificed your life without ever really experiencing it in the first place,” Ben explained. “You’ve never had a real relationship or a steady girlfriend. How will you ever know if you can commit if you’ve never tried?”
“I know myself,” I replied.
Ben smiled and shook his head at me. “I’ve spent more time with you over the last few years than anyone else, Tristan. And trust me when I tell you, you don’t know yourself as well as you think you do.”