Chapter Eight
Mila
I had just finished wrapping the ice cubes I’d taken from the kitchen in a soft cloth when I heard a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I called. “It’s open.”
A second later, Devon walked in. “Hi,” I said, surprised to see him. “What are you doing here? Have you heard anything?” I asked, sitting up a little straighter.
“No… uh… what are you doing?” Devon asked, eyeing the cold cloth in my hand.
“Oh… I was just applying some old home remedies to my bruises… reduce the swelling a little.”
Devon stood uncomfortably by the side of my bed. There was no real place for him to sit apart from the bed.
“Sit down,” I said.
He sat down on the very edge and regarded my arms carefully. I was wearing a tank top and shorts, and he could see the full extent of all my bruises. The older ones had slightly yellowed, and they were looking sickly, but they felt a lot better. The newer bruises were beautiful shades of blue and purple however, and they smarted more than I was willing to admit.
“He’s not going easy on you, is he?” Devon asked.
“He never claimed he would,” I said.
“I can talk to him if you want.”
“No,” I said immediately. “Please… don’t talk to him. I don’t want him thinking… I… don’t talk to him.”
Devon raised his eyebrows but nodded. “Ok,” he agreed. He wrung his hands together for a moment. “I guess I just wanted to see how you were doing… how you were coping living here with a bunch of men.”
I smiled. Devon and I hadn’t grown up together. We had met through our father, but even those meetings had been insignificant because Devon had been years older, and forming a relationship with me hadn’t been high on his priority list. The bottom line was that I didn’t really know him all that well. Even when we had made an attempt to meet each other when we were adults and our father was out of the picture, the conversations had been forced.
Now that I saw him regularly and was fully immersed in his world, I was learning more about Devon. He was protective and loyal, he was considerate, and he had a softer side to him that Dad had never possessed. I had never met his mother, and I wondered how much he took after her.
“I’m fine,” I told him. “I mean… I think I’m adjusting slowly. I’ll admit… it wasn’t really easy at first.”
“Because of Zack?” Devon asked.
“He was a part of it,” I admitted. “But it was more than that. I didn’t really get this kind of lifestyle… If I’m being truthful, I still don’t get it much.”
Devon smiled. “Fair enough.”
“Can I ask you a question?” I asked.
“Sure.”
“What made you join?”
Devon was quiet for a second. “Full disclosure?”
“Yes, please.”
“I was tired of feeling alone,” Devon replied.
I raised my eyebrows. “What?”
“I didn’t have much of a family growing up,” Devon explained. “Dad was, well… you know how he was. In and out of my life whenever it suited him. And more often than not the only reason he came to visit was that he needed something from Mom or me. I had friends that changed with every passing year, and Mom was… it wasn’t that she was a bad mother, she just worked three jobs my entire life, so she wasn’t around very much.”
“Where is she now?” I asked.
“Mom?”
“Yeah.”
“She died some years ago,” Devon replied. “Heart attack.”
“No,” I gasped. “I didn’t even know. You never told me.”
Devon shrugged. I realized just how disconnected we had been. But the moment I needed help desperately, I had called Devon, and he had shown up for me.
“Is that when you joined up here?” I asked.
“Yeah, I suppose that was the catalyst,” Devon nodded. “I think I just wanted some security. We may have our issues in this club, but at the end of the day, we’re a brotherhood. We have each other’s backs.”
I nodded. “And you like it… this lifestyle?”
Devon smiled. “It grows on you… trust me. You might find yourself liking it, too, before long.”
I smirked. “I don’t know about that. In any case, will I even have the option?”
“What do you mean?”
“I haven’t seen any women around here… and I’ve been here a week,” I pointed out.
“Oh,” Devon nodded. “Zack doesn’t really encourage us to bring our women to the clubhouse. This is mostly an estrogen-free space.”
“Apart from me.”
“Yes,” Devon smiled. “But that’s temporary.”
“You guys hope.”
Devon chuckled. “The only women that come through here are Zack’s… and they’re just passing ships. No woman ever spends more than one night with him in any case.”
I felt my hands clench a little at the subject. I didn’t want to have such a visceral reaction, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. And I couldn’t seem to keep my curiosity in check either.
“He brings home a lot of women, huh?” I asked, hoping that my tone was indifferently curious. I wondered if it was even possible to be indifferently curious. I was pretty sure that was an oxymoron.
“Usually,” Devon nodded, and then he frowned. “Actually now that I think about it, he hasn’t brought anyone over this whole week… has he?”
“I haven’t seen anyone,” I admitted.
“That’s odd,” Devon said. “He usually has a couple of girls over in any given week.”
“Geez,” I said, unable to contain my disgust. “He sounds like a pig.”
“Why?” Devon asked. “Because he’s living his life?”
“He treats women like shit,” I pointed out.
“He doesn’t,” Devon said, defending Zack. “Or at least… he doesn’t treat women any differently than he treats men.”
“So what you’re saying is he treats everyone like shit?”
Devon smiled. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“What’s his deal though?” I asked. “I mean… he’s really young compared to some of the other members I’ve met. How come he became president over older members of the club? Was it just a case of nepotism?”
“Of course not,” Devon said. “We vote in our president.”
“Really?” I asked. “So everyone chose Zack?”
“Yes,” Devon nodded.
“Why?”
Devon smiled. “You don’t think much of him, do you?”
“I think he’s a bully,” I said, keeping the rest of my opinions about Zack to myself. “I don’t like bullies.”
“He kind of has to be a bully,” Devon said. “He has to maintain a façade of strength and power. No one respects an MC leader people can mess with. Zack was raised on this lifestyle, but when he was a teenager, he had a falling out with his father, and he left for a time. This was before I joined up, so I’ve heard this story from older members who’ve been here longer.
“When he was in his early twenties, he showed up again and apparently when he walked into this very clubhouse, his father kicked him out. He had to earn his way back into the inner circle. He had to start at the bottom, become a pledge, and earn his patches. Everyone assumes that because he was John’s son, it came easy for him, but that’s not true.
“Zack was still trying to earn back his patches when I became a pledge myself. I watched him go through all sorts of shit, and his own father orchestrated most of it. But he didn’t complain or fight back. He took the shit and kept working until he had won back his father’s respect and trust. And in the process, he won everyone’s respect… including mine.”
“What happened between Zack and his father that caused him to leave?” I asked.
“No one knows,” Devon replied. “John never spoke about it, and neither does Zack. Whatever it was… they put it behind them when Zack came back. After the turf war blew up, and we lost John, the decision was unanimous… everyone felt that Zack was the most capable among us and he deserved to be president. There was something poetic about that moment.”
“What started the turf war?” I asked. “Was it just about territory?”
Devon smiled. “It’s never just about territory,” he said. “The truth is that Godwin and John had an old feud brewing between them that went back decades. Both were ambitious young men, and both were part of strong rival MC gangs. The Lucifer’s Knights grew in size and strength though, while John chose to keep his crew smaller.”
“Why?”
“He claimed that it fostered stronger relationships; he was looking to establish familial ties with his men,” Devon explained. “His reasoning was that strength in numbers couldn’t compare to loyalty and trust. He knew every single one of his men, and he was certain of their loyalty. Godwin couldn’t say the same. He was betrayed by quite a few of his men. Really, that was the genesis of the fight that ended up killing John.
“Godwin was deeply enmeshed in the black market—guns, drugs, and prostitutes. He was minting in money, and his attention was split. The cops were trying to make headway with the case, and they offered a huge payoff that included amnesty to anyone who came forward with information.”
“It worked?”
“Of course,” Devon nodded. “Not only was the payoff tempting to many of his men, but his crew had deteriorated from a brotherhood into a cartel. Terry Fletcher decided that the payout was worth the risk, and he decided to inform against the Knights. The problem is, he approached a cop who was being paid by Godwin. Two days later, his burned and broken body was found dumped in a lake in the middle of nowhere.”
“Fuck,” I breathed.
“The murder was linked to the Knights, but nothing could be proved. They had covered their tracks well, but they also had to pare back on their drug deals to avoid being caught since the cops were on high alert. Godwin took a major hit, and I don’t think he’s ever really recovered from it.”
“I’m confused,” I said. “I don’t understand how the Fallen Angels got involved.”
“Terry Fletcher had a brother who was also a member of the Knights,” Devon continued. “Godwin was convinced that the brothers were in it together. He tried to kill Tony, but somehow Tony managed to get away. That started a full-scale manhunt that led right to our doorstep.”
I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. “You’re saying…”
“John took in Tony,” Devon nodded.
“Isn’t that… wasn’t that a stupid move?” I asked.
“Depends on how you look at it,” Devon said. “At the time, everyone thought it was stupid to get involved, but John was making a point. He looked after his men, where Godwin hunted his down.”
“Tony wasn’t one of his men.”
“But he took him in,” Devon said. “The cops were not going to involve themselves in outlaw squabbles; if one of us got in trouble, who could we turn to? It was a strong message, and John got his point across. Godwin’s men left him in big numbers. They just disappeared on their motorbikes, and suddenly, Godwin wasn’t as powerful as he had once been.”
“What happened after that?” I asked.
“It was a challenge,” Devon continued. “And Godwin needed to meet it or risk losing his remaining men. The fight was inevitable. John and Godwin had it out for one another. We were more evenly matched now that half of Godwin’s strength had left him, but the Knights still outnumbered the Angels. Everything came to a head by Thurston Bridge.”
“Thurston Bridge?” I repeated. “That old abandoned spot that nobody ever passes through?”
“That’s the one,” Devon nodded. “The fighting only stopped because Godwin was cornered, and John was severely injured. The truce was agreed in the aftermath only because Zack wanted to get the hell out of there to treat his father’s wounds, but—”
“He died…” I whispered.
“John died,” Devon nodded. “Godwin’s son died in the fight too. Zack was voted in as president, and the shaky truce between the Angels and the Knights remained.”
Devon paused for a second, and he looked a little uncertain. “What?” I asked. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Devon sighed. “Well, part of the conditions to the truce was that we stay out of each other’s business,” he explained. “Meaning the Fallen Angels don’t go after any of the Knights and vice versa.”
“So are you saying that if Walter is connected to the Knights… I might have restarted this feud?”
Devon dropped his eyes from my face and suddenly became very interested in his shoes.
“Devon?” I asked.
“This was inevitable,” Devon told me. “Each side was looking for a reason to break the truce.”
“And I’ve just given everyone the reason they were looking for,” I breathed.
Devon sighed. “Time will tell.”
Chapter Nine
Zack
“Who’s the informant?” I asked.
“Fred Gallagher,” Devon replied, as he got into the passenger’s seat.
“Seriously?”
“He was the only one who came forward and was willing to meet you.”
“He’s unreliable,” I scoffed. “And that sorry excuse of a bar he runs is a front.”
“I’m aware, but he wants to talk to you,” Devon said. “What was I supposed to do? And we have to start somewhere.”
“Where are we meeting?” I asked.
“Where else?”
“Fuck,” I rolled my eyes, as I started driving in the direction of the Horse’s Ass.
“So… how’s training going with Mila?” Devon asked.
I didn’t take my eyes off the road. “Fine,” I said, shortly.
“I’ve noticed that you’ve been riding her a bit hard.”
“Not as hard as I would like,” I replied suggestively.
I saw Devon’s eyes flash, and his tone hardened as he spoke. “She’s been through some shit, man,” he said. “You might want to take that into consideration when—”
“When what?”
“When you’re messing with her,” Devon finished.
“What makes you think I’m messing with her?” I asked.
“Come on,” Devon said. “I’ve seen the way you look at Mila. It’s obvious every time you’re in the same room as she is.”
“What’s obvious?” I said defensively.
Devon refused to answer my question. “She’s not your type in any case.”
“Oh, and you know my type, do you?” I asked.
“All I know is that Mila’s not it,” Devon said. “She’s sensitive…and innocent.”
“I don’t know if she would appreciate you saying that about her.”
“Probably not,” Devon agreed. “Doesn’t make it any less true.”
“What do you even know about Mila?” I asked. “Before this whole thing went down, you were practically strangers.”
Devon was quiet for a long time. “True, but she’s still my sister. And she came to me when she needed help. So I’m going to help her.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do too,” I pointed out.
“Is it?” Devon asked, turning to me. “Or are you just trying to settle an old score?”
I gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. “Godwin is a dangerous man—”
“I’m aware,” Devon nodded. “But we also don’t know for sure if his men are tied up in this. Walter Black could be some random loser with anger issues. Just because he’s a psychopath doesn’t mean he’s a part of Godwin’s crew.”
“I think he is.”
“No, you want him to be,” Devon said. “So you’ll have an excuse to hit at Godwin after all this time. Admit it.”
“First, we’ll find Walter Black,” I said. “Then we’ll find out once and for all if he’s just a lone agent working on his own or if he has ties to Godwin.”
“And if he doesn’t?” Devon asked.
“Then the truce will stay intact,” I said, even though it pained me to say it. “And nobody will have to worry about another faceoff with the Knights.”
Devon looked unsure, but he didn’t push the subject. I didn’t tell him that my desires were secondary to my instincts, and my instincts were telling me that this Walter Black knew what he was doing. And the only reason he was so cocky about it was because he had backing… powerful backing.
When we finally pulled up to the Horse’s Ass, it was almost eleven o’clock, but the bar looked dead. Despite the music and muted lighting, there didn’t seem to be many people there. When Devon and I walked in, there was one lonely man at the bar, sitting in front of the bartender, and a couple of guys sitting at a table across from the bar.
Devon went up to the bartender and ordered a couple of beers. “Tell Gallagher we’re here to talk,” he said.
The large, beefy bartender nodded, then disappeared through the back, while Devon and I sat down in one corner of the bar that was shrouded in darkness.
“He approached you?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Devon nodded. “I was talking to a couple of guys in here the other night, and he came up to me and said he wanted to meet with you.”
“Did he say what about?”
“No,” Devon said, shaking his head. “Just that it was connected to this Walter Black guy that we were looking for.”
“Good,” I said, growing a little hopeful.
For a second, I wondered what would happen once we found Black and managed to get rid of him. Mila would certainly have no reason to stay with us in the clubhouse. I was surprised by how conflicted my feelings were about that. Was it possible that I actually liked having her around? I had never been the kind of guy who stuck to a woman. I had never been the kind of guy to remain preoccupied with a woman. So it was unsettling to me that Mila still managed to remain at the forefront of my thoughts.
I glanced at Devon drinking his beer. I could understand why he didn’t want me near his sister, but the fact remained that my desire for her only seemed to grow with each passing day. Maybe it wasn’t about Mila at all. Maybe the fact that she was resisting me was the real allure. That explanation sat well with me, and I decided that that was all it was. I didn’t have feelings for Mila. I was just after the thrill of the chase. Once she gave in and allowed me to fuck her, my preoccupation would her would cease. At least that was what I hoped.
“He’s coming,” Devon told me.
A moment later, Fred Gallagher appeared at our table. He was a tall man who looked as dodgy as his bar. He had misty eyes, a pointed nose, and a wispy facial hair that he refused to cut. He pulled up a chair, turned it around, and straddled it.
“Hello, boys,” he said, with an insipid smile. “What brings you two to my neck of the woods?”
“You said you wanted to speak to Zack,” Devon said impatiently. “Well, he’s here, so speak.”
Fred turned to me. “You look more and more like your old man every day.”
“I didn’t come here to exchange small talk, Fred,” I said. “You have something to say to me?”
“I hear you been looking for some guy,” he said, leaning in.
“The name’s Walter Black,” I said. “Do you have any idea who he is?”
“Someone you don’t want to mess with,” Fred said, giving me a look that I assumed was meant to be a warning.
“Is that a fact?” I asked uncaringly.
“There’s been rumors and shit floating around… The Angels are throwing their weight around, trying to stir up shit.”
“We’re not stirring up anything,” I said. “We’re just trying to find this guy.”
“Why?”
“I just want to have a conversation with the man,” I said with a shrug. “That’s all.”
“About what?”
“That’s my fucking business,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Sounds like you’re messing with someone else’s business…”
I exchanged a look with Devon. “Is there someone in particular you’re talking about?” I asked.
Fred gave me a seedy smile. “People aren’t going to tolerate your lot throwing their weight around.”
“Are you speaking for someone?” I asked.
“I’m just saying—”
“Sounds to me like you’re someone’s little lapdog,” I said. “Actually, no… ore like you’re someone’s little bitch.”
Fred’s smile dropped immediately, and his cheeks went scarlet with anger. Then he stood up all of a sudden and looked down at me threateningly. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”
I took a calm sip of my beer and stood up. I was around the same height as Fred, but I was a hell of a lot bigger. Fred seemed to notice that too because I saw his Adam’s apple move up and down in a noticeable gulp. Still, he didn’t want to back down now. He wanted to at least make an attempt to show me he wasn’t scared of me. I felt Devon just behind me, waiting to provide back up if I needed it. The bartender was looking at us carefully, and the three other men in the bar had stopped drinking too.
“I’m the fucking head of the Fallen Angels,” I said, taking a threatening step towards Fred. “Who are you, and who have you been bought by?”
“I… No one has bought me,” Fred replied, stumbling over his denial so fervently that it was basically an admission of guilt.
“Really?” I whispered to him. “Because it seems like Godwin’s a little scared… Now, why would he be scared of me, huh?”
“Get out of my bar,” Fred said, trying to maintain a façade of fearlessness.
I smiled. “I’ll leave when I’m good and ready—”
I don’t know what possessed him. The man obviously had no skill, but apparently, he thought he might have a chance if he took me by surprise. He lunged at me suddenly; his fist made a whooshing sound as it hit when I moved my head to the side. I didn’t hesitate. In the next second, I had grabbed his arm and pulled it back, locking it behind him so that he couldn’t move. He struggled a little, and out of pity I let him go. But the moment he turned to face me, I sent a clean punch right at his face, and he hit the ground with a satisfying groan.
I could see blood gush from his face, and I knew I had broken his nose. I took a step towards him, and he tried to sidle away from me, clutching his nose in a panic. Everyone in the bar had frozen, even his bartender, who didn’t look like he was inclined to come to his boss’s defense. That was a smart move in my opinion.
I bent to the ground where Fred lay simpering. “Make sure you make some noise about this, Freddy,” I said. “And make sure you let everyone know that whoever Walter Black is… we’re coming for him. And I’ll leave him with far worse than a broken nose.”
Then I stood up and nodded to Devon. “Our business here is done; let’s go.”
We headed out of the bar, and the moment we were back in the car, Devon sighed deeply. “Fuck.”
“Did that convince you?” I asked.
“Do you think Walter Black is an alias?” Devon asked.
“Definitely.”
“For Godwin?”
“It can’t be,” I said. “Mila described the guy, and she placed him at around our age. It can’t be Godwin. But it’s definitely someone connected to him, and it’s definitely someone protected by him.”
Devon shook his head. “Fuck,” he repeated.
Chapter Ten
Mila
“Hi, Lonny,” I greeted as I made my way through the living room.
“Hey, Mila,” he greeted, as he looked over my sweatpants and workout bra. “Are you training today?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck… it’s Sunday.”
I smiled. “I need to practice.”
“You actually sound like you’re looking forward to training.”
“Maybe I am,” I said, giving him a wink.
“Fuck… how did he manage to convert you?” Lonny asked.
I shot him a glare and refused to answer. “Lonny?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you have someone… a partner or a wife?”
Lonny smiled. “Why do you ask?”
“I’m just curious,” I admitted. “I haven’t seen any women around here, and I was just wondering how that works, especially if you have families at home waiting for you.”
“I’ve got a wife and two kids at home… boys. Their names are Langdon and Kyle,” Lonny told me.
“No way,” I said. “How old are they?”
“Langdon’s four, and Kyle’s one.”
I smiled. “And your wife… she doesn’t mind?”
“Mind what?”
“Um… mind you being part of this crew?”
“Nah, she gets it,” he said.
I nodded, realizing that I’d probably have to pry any more information out of Lonny. “I’d better head into the training ring,” I said. “Don’t want to be late.”
“Don’t let him kill you,” Lonny shouted out after me.
I smirked. “Please… worry about your leader,” I yelled back. “He’s the one who should be scared now.”
His laugh followed me all the way to the garage. I walked through to the training area, which was deserted save for Zack, who was already there pumping weights while he waited for me.
I could see the impressive size of his bicep as I approached. As usual, he was shirtless, and I felt my pulse race a little faster.
“Ready?” he asked, without even looking up at me.
“Yes.”
“Let’s go then,” he said.
We spent an hour warming up because our training sessions had gotten increasingly more intense. Then, we spent half an hour practicing my boxing before we moved on to weapons fighting. My weapon of choice was a dagger, which was light, small, and easy to use. As it turned out, I was a natural. Even Zack had admitted as much.
“Ok,” Zack said after we had been at it for another half hour. “Take five.”
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“But… I can go a little longer.”
Zack raised his eyebrows at me. “You need to drink some water, or you’re going to pass out,” he said, throwing me a bottle and gesturing for me to sit down for a moment.
We sat down together side by side, and after I was done, I passed the bottle of water back to him. This was the first time we found ourselves utterly alone in the training room. Usually, other members of the crew filtered in and out, but Sundays were usually reserved for their families. I glanced at Zack, wondering about his relationship with his father and what had led to the fallout Devon had mentioned to me.
“What?” Zack asked, with raised eyebrows, and I realized he had caught me staring.
“Uh… nothing.”
“You were staring.”
“No, I wasn’t,” I said defensively.
He smiled. “It must be hard to keep your eyes off me, huh?” he said. “Don’t worry; I get it. It’s hard for most women.”
I rolled my eyes. “Trust me; it’s not as hard as you think.”
“Sure, Mila,” he said sarcastically. “Whatever you say.”
“You’re not my type, Zack,” I lied.
“Good-looking and masculine is not your type?”
“Arrogant and rude is not my type.”
“You could have fooled me,” he said. “Considering the things you’ve told me about your ex-boyfriend.”
I frowned. He had me there, and he knew it.
“It’s just as well,” he continued. “Devon told me to stay away from you. He seems to agree that I’m not your type either.”
I glanced at Zack, wondering if he was just making things up to try and get a reaction from me. “Devon said that?”
“Sure,” Zack nodded, leaning back a little. “He thought you were too innocent and inexperienced to handle me.”
“Excuse me?” I said, feeling myself rise to the bait despite my better judgment.
“You disagree?”
“I’m not used to this lifestyle,” I said. “But that does not mean I’m… innocent.”
“And what about inexperienced?” Zack asked, catching on to my omission. “Do you agree with that?”
I gritted my teeth together. He was more perceptive than I had given him credit for, but I was fairly certain he had no idea just how inexperienced I was. Who would ever expect to come across a twenty-three-year-old virgin in this day and age? But how could I possibly admit that to him?
“I have plenty of experience with men like you,” I bit back.
“Really?” he asked. “Do tell.”
“I don’t have to tell you anything,” I snapped. “We’re not here to get to know one another. We’re here to train.”
“True,” Zack nodded. “And you know what’s a great training technique? Motivation.”
“What are you getting at?”
“We get into the ring and whoever manages to disarm or corner the other gets to ask a question… and that question must be answered honestly.”
It was a dangerous idea, but I knew that backing down from it proved that I was trying to avoid answering certain questions.
“Fine,” I said, with a confidence that I most definitely did not feel. “Let’s go.”
Smiling, Zack walked to the ring, and I had no choice but to follow behind him. I was at an unfair disadvantage, and we both knew it, but I was also too proud to point that out. Instead, I vowed to do my best and focused my mind as I ducked into the ring and reached for my dagger.
“Ready?”
I nodded once, and we began. Within ten seconds, he had me flat on the ground, and my dagger flew out of my hands and landed on the ground beside Zack.
“Ok, my question,” Zack said happily. “Ready for it?”
“Just ask and get it over with,” I said, through gritted teeth as I pulled myself up off the ground.
“Are you attracted to me?”
He was smiling knowingly at me, and despite the fact that the answer was obvious, I knew he wanted me to admit it out loud.
“Well?”
“Fine,” I said, forcing the words out. “I’m attracted to you. Are you happy now?”
“Very.”
“But trust me… I don’t want to be.”
“No need to elaborate,” Zack said, in a self-satisfied manner. “The yes was all I really needed to hear.”
“Come on… let’s go again,” I said,
I was fast, but he anticipated my moves, and he had me on the ground, but this time it took him longer, and I managed to keep my dagger in hand.
“Fuck,” I screamed, banging my hands down on either side of me.
“Next question,” Zack said, clearly having a great time. “Do you fantasize about having me fuck you?”
I gritted my teeth and struggled to my feet. “Zack—”
“Answer the question honestly, please.”
“Yes,” I hissed. “I have thought about it. But I also fantasize about punching you in the face a couple of times every day.”
“Again… no need for added commentary. The yes suffices.”
“Let’s go again,” I said, feeling the adrenaline pumping through my body, fueled by new determination.
I wasn’t sure if his concentration was lowered, or if the adrenaline gave me the boost I needed, but I actually managed to whirl through his defenses and have my knife at his throat. He stopped short, and then his expression of shock turned up into a huge smile.
“Fuck, you did it.”
“I…did,” I nodded, panting a little. “I actually managed to back you into a corner.”
“If this was a real fight, you could have finished me off.”
“The night’s still young,” I told him.
“You’ve earned the right to ask me a question,” Zack said.
I wondered if I dared, and then I decided that I did. “What happened between you and your father?” I asked. “Why did you fall out with him?”
Zack clearly wasn’t expecting that question. He froze for a second, and then his expression ironed out into one that I couldn’t read.
“Seriously?” he asked. “That’s your question?”
“Yes,” I said, refusing to take it back. “Are you refusing to answer it?”
“No,” Zack said, after a moment. “Fair’s fair, and you earned an honest answer.”
He didn’t seem in a hurry to reply to me, however, and I decided to allow him to take his time. This must have been a hard subject for him to broach.
“You know what?” I said, changing my mind. “It’s ok… you don’t have to answer.”
“No,” Zack said firmly. “A deal’s a deal. You asked a question, and I have to answer honestly.”
I waited patiently. When Zack finally spoke, his voice was almost monotone and devoid of all emotion. “I was…rebellious as a teenager,” Zack admitted. “And because of that, Dad and I didn’t get along very well. I got mixed up with the wrong crowd. They were a bunch of other high school kids who were into drugs. Dad told me to stop hanging out with them, and I refused. He told me that if I wouldn’t follow his rules under his roof, then I just had to get out from under it. So I left, and Dad let me go.”
I watched Zack’s face carefully. He seemed detached from the story, as though he had no real connection to it whatsoever. I wondered for a moment if he was really telling me the truth, but I had no reason not to believe him. It seemed a fairly small issue to have been so badly blown out of proportion, but there were all sorts of families in the world and all sorts of parenting techniques.
“But you came back?”
“Because I realized that Dad was right,” Zack replied. “I had to earn back his respect but… in the end it was worth it.”
I nodded. “Thank for you telling me the truth,” I said.
He avoided making eye contact with me. “Don’t thank me,” he said, in a barely audible voice.
Silence fell between us for a moment, and then Zack seemed to shake off the quiet. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s go. We’re not done with training yet.”
We started another round, and this time I came at him with more confidence than before. But my mind was preoccupied with what Zack had just revealed about his past, and he managed to disarm me and throw me to the ground. Before I could recover, he was kneeling on top of me, and I was trapped between his legs.
“You seem to like this position a lot,” he said, back to his old self.
I tried to push him off me. “Give me back my dagger.”
Zack laughed, but he refused to get out of my way so that I could stand. “You owe me an honest answer,” he said.
“Ok?”
He leaned in close so that his lips were only inches away from mine. I felt my heart rate rise up rapidly, and I felt a strange tingling between my thighs.
“Do you want me to kiss you right now?”
I felt my breath catch, and for a second, I considered lying. But I knew it was useless. I wanted him. I had been dreaming of the kiss we had shared every day since it had happened.
“Yes,” I replied before I could stop myself.
His lips were on mine in the next second, and I could feel his hands on my breasts, clawing at my clothes frantically. I had never experienced a connection quite as overwhelming, and for a second, I was immersed in the beauty of it. Then I felt Zack’s hand slip down into my pants, and the wall went up. I pulled back and pushed him off me.
He was so surprised by my reaction that he rolled off me easily, and that gave me the time to jump to my feet.
“Mila—”
I didn’t stop to turn back or speak to him. I just jumped from the ring and ran for the door, trying to hold back tears as I went.
Chapter Eleven
Zack
“Zack?”
I looked up. Red, Smith, and Justin were staring at me as though they were trying to figure out what was wrong.
“What?” I asked.
“We’ve been speaking to you for the last ten minutes, and you didn’t seem to be listening.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Well, that was clear,” Red nodded. “Is something up?”
“Nothing’s up,” I snapped. “I was just… thinking.”
“Worried about Godwin, huh?” Justin asked.
Obviously, they would assume the rival MC club preoccupied my mind. And any other day, it would have, but all I could focus on was that morning in the training ring with Mila.
She had disappeared into her room for the rest of the day, and she hadn’t even come out for lunch. We had all congregated in the living room for dinner, and there was still no sign of her. The obvious chemistry between us had sparked and burned, and I was certain that we would end up fucking in the middle of the boxing ring.
Then something had turned on in Mila’s brain, and the desire I had seen in her eyes had been replaced by… fear? I wasn’t quite sure. She had high tailed it out of there faster than I could have imagined, and I had sat in the boxing ring looking after her, wondering what the hell had gone so wrong so fast. It wasn’t that she wasn’t into me because her own answers this morning had confirmed that that was not true, so it had to be something else.
“Zack?”
“What?” I barked.
I turned to Lonny, who had just walked in. He raised his eyebrows at my harsh reaction. “I brought burgers for everyone. You interested?”
“No,” I said shortly, before getting up and walking upstairs.
I could hear the guys resume their conversation once I cleared the room. I stared at the wall between my room and Mila’s, contemplating whether I should just leave her well enough alone or barge in on her and demand to know what had gone wrong this morning.
I had never been so conflicted before. Nor had I spent this much time worrying about a woman or her feelings. I usually stayed clear of shit like this. I wasn’t interested in long-term relationships. Any time one of the guys came with news of a steady girlfriend or an engagement, I mourned the loss of their freedom. So why was I pursuing something that was bound to lead nowhere?
As much as I’d disliked Devon trying to warn me about staying away from Mila, he had a point. She was wrong for me. My lifestyle scared her, and my behavior repelled her… most of the time. Was I just reading too much into a purely physical connection? Maybe that’s all it really was: lust. But if that was the case, then why did Mila run from me?
I went into my room and shut the door. I collapsed onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. “Fuck,” I said, unable to get Mila out of my head.
As strange and unsettling as her reaction had been that morning, I kept thinking about the moments leading up to it, and every time, I got an erection so painful that it made my head spin. I hadn’t had sex since Mila had arrived and that was starting to bother me too. The day I had told Mila I was going to go out and fuck some random girl had never actually come to pass. If I was being honest, I had just been trying to make her jealous. She certainly seemed to be for two seconds there.
I had actually gone so far as to head into town to one of my favorite bars. There’d been a couple of girls who’d caught my eye, all of whom seemed willing to come home with me if I’d approached them. But every time I thought about going over and making my move, Mila’s face popped into my head and my mood shifted so far that I’d come home alone and gone to bed horny.
I thought about the little game we had played this morning during training. It had started out as a good idea, and then Mila had derailed the whole thing with her question. I hadn’t been expecting that, and despite my insistence on honesty, I had lied, and I suspected that Mila knew as much too.
I sat up as I heard a noise coming from Mila’s room. We shared a wall, and that meant that I could hear what was happening in her room if I paid close attention. She seemed to be pacing, and I wondered if she was obsessing about this morning like I was.
“Fuck it,” I said, standing up and walking over to Mila’s door. I knocked hard and waited for her to reply.
First, there was silence, and I knew she knew who was at the door. “Mila,” I said, taking care that I didn’t speak too loudly so that the boys downstairs didn’t hear. “Open the door.”
“No,” she replied immediately, and her voice was slightly muffled. “Go away.”
“No,” I shot back. “We need to talk.”
“About what?”
“You know about what,” I said.
“I don’t want to talk about that,” she said. “Please… just leave me alone.”
“I’ll give you up to the count of five, and then I’m breaking this door down.”
“You wouldn’t?” she asked, but I could tell she was uncertain.
“Watch me,” I said confidently. “One… two… three… four—”
Just before I went with ‘five’ the door opened, and Mila stared at me with flashing eyes that were in equal parts angry and conflicted.
“What the hell do you want?” she demanded.
I walked into her room, backing Mila further into it. Then I turned around and locked her door. “Alright,” I said, turning to her. “Now what the hell went wrong today?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” I repeated, in disbelief. “You freaked out on me and ran!”
“Because I realized it was a mistake,” Mila shot back. “It was a mistake to get involved with you.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” she said, raising her voice. “You’re a brute… an egotistical brute who is prone to violence. I don’t want to get involved with someone like that.”
I found myself getting on the defensive, despite my resolve to stay calm. “Get involved?” I repeated, in a quiet voice. “Whoever said anything about getting involved? All I ever wanted from you was a good fuck.”
She winced at my words, and I felt a stabbing pain in my chest that I couldn’t immediately identify. All I knew was that I didn’t like seeing her react that way. Mila fell silent for a moment, and her blue eyes seemed to get softer and sadder. I had been trying to hurt her and apparently, I had managed to do just that. I realized suddenly what that uncomfortable stabbing feeling in my chest was. It was regret… regret that I’d hurt her that way.
“Mila,” I said softly, taking a step towards her.
She backed away from me and flinched. I froze and stared at her for a moment. “Are you scared of me?” I asked.
I saw her tense a little, but she didn’t answer me. Was it possible that she was really scared of me? I was trying to protect her… I was trying to make sure she could protect herself. Surely, she knew that I would never hurt her? Sure, I was rough with her. I was vulgar and rude and sometimes dismissive, but that was how I was with everybody. I figured she just knew that about me. But what if she was taking everything personally?
“Mila—”
“I’m not scared of you,” she said, as her eyes snapped up to meet mine. “Ok?”
I raised my eyebrows. “Ok,” I nodded.
“I just… my whole life has been a series of bad choices and shitty luck,” Mila said. “And when it comes to men… I don’t ever make the right decisions. I choose assholes that don’t treat me right. I choose men who don’t actually give a shit about me.”
I opened my mouth to tell her that that wasn’t true in my case. I did give a shit about her. But the words froze on my tongue, and I realized I had never been that honest with anyone in my life. I wasn’t used to tender words or sentimental displays of affection. I was exactly the brute that Mila said I was. I shut my mouth and waited for her to finish her thought.
“I choose dangerous men,” Mila went on. “Maybe in some twisted way I actually believe that those men will protect me. They’re strong and confident and powerful, and I assume that I will be safe with them, but it’s just not true. It was true of Walter, and it’s true of you. I’m not saying you’re like him because I don’t actually believe you are. But you are still a dangerous man, and you live a dangerous lifestyle and… I’m not interested in being used until you get sick of me.
“Because you will get sick of me at some point, right?” Mila asked. “You said it yourself… all you wanted from me was a good fuck.”
I wanted to tell her that that wasn’t true. I had only been trying to hurt her because her rejection had hurt me. But that was a little more honest than I was capable of at this point.
She was looking at me as though she expected me to say something. And I did have lots I needed to say. I just didn’t have the courage to actually say them. “I guess there’s nothing more to say then,” I said.
I wondered if it was my imagination or if Mila looked slightly disappointed. She nodded and turned away from me. I could see only her profile. With her silky waterfall of auburn hair and her light blue eye sparkling in the muted light, she definitely didn’t look like she belonged here. A part of me realized that she deserved better too. She deserved more than a man like me… a man with baggage that I would carry around with me for the rest of my life.
I was about to turn for the door when I changed my mind. “You know what… fuck that,” I said, turning back to her. “I was there this morning, and I’m pretty sure you felt everything I felt this morning. You wanted me, but something is holding you back.”
Mila glanced at me. “Yes,” she nodded, at last.
“And you’re not going to tell me what that is?”
I saw Mila’s jaw clench. “Why should I be honest with you?” she demanded. “You haven’t been honest with me.”
She did know that I had lied about the reason for my falling out with my father. She was far more perceptive than I had first realized. But I was feeling a little better because this proved that whatever stood between us was not dead yet. There was still hope. I didn’t know what that hope was for exactly, and at the moment I didn’t care to.
“Goodnight, Mila,” I said, without reply. Then I walked out of her room.