Chapter Four
Megan
“Hi, honey,” Marta said, popping her head up over my cubicle. “Want a chicken sandwich? I made them only this morning.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Marta,” I said. “But I’m good.”
Marta’s eyebrows went up a little, and she stood up so that I could see her whole face. She was a genial woman with beautiful dark skin and thick black hair always tied into a topknot that was made from an intricate collection of braids.
“You’re good?” she asked.
“Um, yeah.”
“Have you tried my chicken sandwiches?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Obviously, because if you had, you wouldn’t be saying no to them now,” Marta said. She walked around to my cubicle and leaned against my desk. “Take one,” she said firmly, offering me an open lunch box filled with the largest sandwiches I’d ever seen.
“Wow,” I said. “Those look impressive.”
“They taste even better,” she insisted. “Now take one—you’re too damn skinny.”
Smiling, I took a sandwich and placed it on a tissue so that I didn’t make a mess. “Thanks.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “You’ve been moping around all day.”
I sighed. “You noticed.”
“I have two teenage daughters at home,” she said. “I’m an expert at noticing things.”
I smiled. “I guess I’m just feeling a little sorry for myself. I’m grateful to have this job, but it doesn’t pay very much, which means I won’t be able to save as much as I’d hoped. Which also means that my future plans are…far away, to say the least.”
“What were your plans, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“I wanted to study,” I replied.
“What?”
“It was journalism for a while,” I said. “But then I decided on business before…”
“Before?”
“Dropping out of college,” I said quickly so that it would be less painful.
“Ah.”
“It wasn’t a smart move,” I sighed. “I know that. College dropouts never get very far in life.”
“Don’t say that,” she said. “I never dropped out of college…mostly because I never went to college in the first place.”
“You didn’t want to go to college?” I asked.
“I couldn’t afford it,” she replied. “And, I wasn’t smart enough to get in on a scholarship. Regardless, I had two younger siblings to support, and I needed to earn money as soon as I was able to.”
I felt instantly ashamed of myself for being so self-pitying. There were tons of people who had it way worse than I did, and Marta was one of them. And yet, she could still show up to work with a smile on her face and the best damn chicken sandwiches I had ever tasted.
“I'm an idiot,” I said.
“No, you’re not; you’re worried about your future, and that’s normal. In fact, it’s a good thing—it means you care about the choices you make and the road you take. But you also need to remind yourself that things aren’t all bad. You did find this job after barely a month of looking, right?”
“That’s true.” I nodded.
“And, if you’re made permanent once your internship stint is over, then there’s room for growth. The pay will get better, and you can even take a few company recommended courses.”
“What?” I asked, wrinkling my brow.
“The company recommends certain courses for their employees. It’s a way to make sure their staff is educated and can rise quickly within departments. You can take their courses at reduced rates, too, so it’s cost-effective and extremely productive.”
“Huh,” I said, perking up a little. “I didn’t know that.”
“I can find out more if you’re interested?” Marta asked.
“I’m definitely interested.” I nodded.
She gave me a wink.
“By the way,” I said, taking another bite of her sandwich. “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.”
Marta laughed. “I told you.”
“You are a genius.”
“I think so.”
I laughed. “Thanks, Marta; you’ve really cheered me up.”
“Oh, hang in there, honey,” she said. “You just moved here; it’s a big adjustment. Wait till you meet a few people and make some friends, maybe even meet a potential boyfriend.”
“Oh, I’ve already met him,” I said. “Unfortunately, he doesn’t know it yet.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Do tell.”
I sighed and shrugged. “It’s a nonstarter. He’s my brother’s friend, and I don’t think he’s interested.”
“What makes you think that?”
“We’ve been talking for about two weeks now, ever since we met at Brent’s party, and he hasn’t made any attempt to actually meet me. He calls almost every night, and we talk for hours, and it just feels natural and easy and…right. But then he says goodnight, and that’s it.”
“Why don’t you suggest meeting?”
“He’s busy at the moment,” I replied. “He’s a firefighter.”
“Really?”
“Yep.” I nodded.
“Well, as excuses go, that’s a pretty good one.”
I smiled. “I don’t think he’s avoiding meeting me,” I clarified. “I just think he’s placed me firmly in the friend zone.”
“You’ve met him only the one time?”
“Yes.”
“Then you don’t know that for sure,” she said wisely. “Until you meet again, you can’t be sure about the chemistry. You might need to give it more time. You might need to give him a bit more time.”
“Time for what?” I asked, in amusement.
“Time to discover how wonderful you are.”
I laughed. “If he doesn’t already know that, then maybe he’s not worth it in the first place.”
“You’re the best judge of that.”
I sighed longingly. “No, trust me…he’s worth it.”
“He’s a looker, huh?”
“Oh, you have no idea,” I said. “He’s got that careless handsome ruggedness about him. And even better… he’s actually fun to talk to. I mean he can actually hold a conversation. How rare is it to find a man who’s hot and smart?”
“Rare,” Marta agreed. “Trust me; I’m still looking.”
I finished my work a little earlier than usual, and so I decided to make a few calculations to see where I was at and how far I would need to go in order to make my future plans possible again. When Brent had agreed to let me stay with him, I had insisted that I would contribute to the rent once I found a job. He had told me that wasn’t necessary, but he hadn’t insisted too hard, and I felt obligated to make the offer and keep to it.
Now that I had landed a job, I was contributing four hundred dollars towards the rent, and I had to factor in another hundred dollars for other general expenses for the month. That meant I was left with about a hundred dollars to put in my savings account. My calculations only served to pull down my mood and make me feel sorry for myself again.
Instead of wallowing, I packed up and headed back to Brent’s apartment. It was a thirty-minute walk, but I needed to save money wherever I could. When I got home, Brent was lying in front of the television with his shirt off, slurping noodles from a bowl.
“Uh…you’ve got a couple of noodles on your chest,” I pointed out to him.
“Oh, nice.”
“Nice?” I said, unable to conceal my disgust. “You’re a pig.”
“And you’re a nag.”
I frowned. “When did you get home?”
“I’ve been home all day,” he replied, without taking his eyes off the screen.
“Don’t you have a job?”
“I’m using up my sick days,” Brent said. “Besides, I’ve started up a business recently, and it’s starting to pick up steam.”
“What business?” I asked curiously.
“Buying and selling,” he replied distractedly. “It’s complicated; you wouldn’t understand it.”
“I wouldn’t understand buying and selling?” I asked incredulously.
“Yeah… Can we talk later? I’m watching something.”
I rolled my eyes, but I didn’t want to start a fight, so instead, I kept my tone even. “I’d be happy to leave you to your show, except that you’re kind of watching it in my bedroom.”
“Fuck, you’re right.” He nodded. “Use my room till I’m done.”
Wordlessly, I went into his room and shut the door to drown out the sound of the television. I was lying on Brent’s bed, dreaming of living in an apartment on my own, when my phone started to ring. I glanced down and saw Phil’s name on my screen. For the first time since I’d met him, I hesitated before answering. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to him. It was just that I was frustrated with how things were between us.
There was so much chemistry there. There was a definite connection, and yet, for some reason, Phil seemed oblivious to it. Or maybe this was just all in my head, and the chemistry was one-sided. Given the state of my life, I needed something to be happy about, and I had hoped that Phil would give me that little spark of hope. The fact that he was handsome, accomplished, and brave only made my yearning greater—and that meant that I was perpetually disappointed.
“Hi,” I said, finally picking up.
“I was afraid you weren’t going to pick up,” he said.
“Why?” I asked, deciding to be a little flirty today to see how he’d react. “Did you miss me?”
“I like talking to you,” he replied. “You know that.”
It was a lukewarm answer and one that took pains to keep things clear and platonic. “How was your day?” I asked.
“Pulled a car off an old lady,” Phil replied proudly.
“Wow, really?”
“Well…me and seven other guys,” he laughed. “But it’s still worth mentioning, I think.”
“For sure,” I agreed. “How’s the old lady?”
“She was fine. She just needed some oxygen once we managed to clear her from the car,” he said.
“Was that because of the car…or because of you?” I asked teasingly.
“Huh?”
“She probably saw you and felt a little light-headed,” I told him. “Good-looking men have that effect on women.”
“It was a pretty massive car…it could have nearly crushed her to death. She was very lucky.”
I didn’t know if he was completely obtuse, just disinterested, or if I was just horrible at flirting, but Phil was giving me nothing in return. He deftly changed the subject, and I listened without really hearing him. My mind was tired and frustrated, and it was just one of those days when nothing seemed to go right. Halfway through the conversation, I zoned back in and listened to the last half of one of Phil’s fireman stories.
“You’re lucky to have found a job you love so much,” I said.
“It gives me purpose,” he replied. “I suppose that’s what I was searching for this whole time. I just didn’t realize it until firefighting found me.”
“Purpose,” I repeated. “What does it feel like to have it?”
“It feels like…you’re complete,” he replied.
I smiled for a moment. “Phil…”
“Yes?”
“I have to go now.”
“Now?” He sounded surprised. We had only been talking for about half an hour, and that was a short conversation for us.
“Brent wants his room back, and I’m tired, so I wanna get to bed early today,” I lied.
“Oh…okay, sure.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” Phil replied.
I wondered if it was disappointment I was hearing in his voice or if that was simply wishful thinking on my part. Either way, I needed to do some soul-searching. Because I was missing something in my life, and apparently, that something was purpose.