Chapter Forty
Jace
I spent the week trying to figure out what to do. I saw Daphne every day, but we hadn't had sex again since that night on the couch. I loved just being with her. We had dinner together, watched television, cuddled…normal couple stuff. Things that I, as a priest, should never experience.
The only way I would ever be able to completely devote myself to her is if I left the church. I wished that was as easy as quitting a job. There were so many parts of it I loved and so much of it I believed in deeply. It wouldn't be easy, but when I compared it with the idea of leaving Daphne, there was no contest. I had to be with her. She’d become my lifeline.
I was about to go out to the grocery store when my phone rang. I looked at it and saw that it was Ryan. I rolled my eyes. I love my brother, but sometimes I am just not in the mood for him. With a deep sigh, I slid it to answer and put it to my ear. “Hey, bro, what’s up?”
“Nothing much, I just wondered if you happened to catch that Yanks’ game last night?”
“Yeah, they got lucky.”
I wasn’t a Yankees fan; it drove my brothers crazy.
“Lucky my ass,” he said. “It was pure skill and they’re going to the Series this year.”
I laughed. “You keep dreaming, little bro. Maybe one day that’ll come true. Doubtful, but nothing is impossible.”
“Like you having sex?”
“Man, Ryan, you have got to stop saying that. For one thing, it never should have happened while I was still wearing the collar.”
“Wait…what? While you were ‘still’ wearing it? What do you mean by that?”
Damn, I didn’t mean to bring this up until I decided for sure what to do. I was stuck now. I knew Ryan and he won’t just let anything go. “Yeah, I’m thinking about leaving the church.”
“For what? A good fuck?”
“Ryan! Knock it off.”
“Sorry…Father. Jace, listen to me, and let me finish before you chastise my language, okay? Some things just need to be said straight up. Man, the first time I got me a taste of pussy, I knew what it must feel like to do drugs. I would do anything to get it again, and again and again. But dude, after a while…as much as I still love me some pussy…I figured out it’s not worth giving things up that are that important to you.
“You’ve been the best one of us your whole life. Grandma saw it and that’s why you’re the one she pushed towards the church and not me or Max. Look, I’m as Catholic as the next guy…” I laughed, I couldn’t help it. “What? I go to church…almost every Sunday.”
“Okay, forgive me. I somehow thought that living the life of a good Catholic, the rest of the week mattered.”
“Look who’s talking.”
“I know this, Ryan. This is why I need to leave. I don’t want to live a double life, but I do want to live a life with Daphne. She’s what’s been missing all along. She’s what I’ve been looking for. I love her.”
“Whoa, the L word. Wow! So, you’ve decided this for sure?”
“No, not for sure. I know that it’s what I want; I’m just still trying to figure out if it’s the right thing. I’m hoping God will send me some kind of sign.”
Ryan busted up laughing. I waited until he was finished and then I said, “It’s so good to have your support.”
“Hey, I’m an asshole and we both know it. But, I always have your back, no matter what you decide, okay? Just make sure you’re doing what’s best for you in the long run.”
“Thanks, man. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”