Chapter Six
Mila
I woke up to the hazy memory of a faded dream. In the dream, I had been running from a huge black wolf. At first, I seemed to be getting away from the beast, but my legs kept getting heavier and heavier until I was frozen in place with the wolf fast approaching. He was just about to gobble me whole when I realized that I was in a different place altogether and the wolf had disappeared.
I looked around, and it took me a moment before I recognized the broken shingles, faded paint, and rusty door from the house I had grown up in. Everything looked the same, but nothing felt the same. I walked up to the house and looked at it, hoping to find some connection, some tiny iota of sentimentality. But all I had was a sinking feeling of doom.
A woman walked out of the front door and looked at me like I was a stranger. She was not wrong. I was a stranger to her. Giving birth to someone doesn’t necessarily mean you know that person. A shadow moved past her suddenly, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. That same feeling of doom was upon me, and this time, it was imminent. Before the shadow could step into the light, my fear woke me up.
I sat up in bed and realized that I wasn’t back home at all. I was in my half-brother’s motorcycle clubhouse surrounded by a bunch of unfamiliar men who were forced to protect me because their president had a point to prove. I still didn’t know what that point was, but I had a feeling I was about to.
I dressed quickly and went downstairs. I was early, but I didn’t care. I figured it would take me a while to get my bearings, and I didn’t want to give Zack any more reasons to criticize me. I had been living in the clubhouse for four days now, and I still couldn’t figure him out.
Was he the strong and no-nonsense leader? Was he a renegade outlaw with a shady past? Was he a complicated person with a checkered conscience? Or was he just a broken man trying to cover up his flaws? I had no idea. There were moments when he looked at me when I felt something stir deep inside my soul. There were other moments when he made my stomach turn with disgust. The only thing that was consistent, however, was the knowledge that I was deeply and intrinsically attracted to him. And that told me that I needed to stay as far away from him as possible.
After that first night when we had shared that explosively passionate kiss, there had been no physical contact between us. We had come close a couple of times, but we had managed to maintain the somewhat grey boundaries.
I knew he wanted me. That was evident from the way his eyes traveled over my body as though he wanted to devour me whole. But I had heard the men talk, and even without talk, there could be no denying that Zack was not the kind of man who liked to keep a woman around for any length of time. Not that I wanted to stick around… but I also didn’t want to put myself in the same position I had gotten into with Walter. I didn’t believe Zack would hurt me like that… but I also wasn’t willing to rule out the possibility either. After all, he was just another stranger to me.
I found Devon downstairs with Bones. Bones gave me a nod and then walked out to see to his motorcycle. Devon hung back and followed me into the kitchen.
“Zack told me he was going to be training you from today onwards,” he said.
“That’s right,” I nodded. “I was against it at first, but I’ve changed my mind.”
Devon didn’t offer an opinion on my change of heart. Instead, he nodded once and turned to leave.
“Devon?” I said, calling out after him.
He stopped at the door and turned his face in my direction.
“What was Dad like?” I asked.
Devon raised his eyebrows. “I don’t know why I would know more than you.”
“You would actually,” I said. “Every time Dad visited me, he talked about you.”
Devon seemed surprised by that. “He did?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I think he was always disappointed I wasn’t a boy. He just spent a lot of time telling me what we could be doing if I had been born a boy.”
Devon snorted in derisive laughter and shook his head. “Trust me, it wouldn’t have made a fucking difference. Dad was a shitty father whether you were a boy or a girl.”
“But you knew him better than I did—”
“Then you’re the luckier one,” Devon said. “He was a loser. He could never hold a job. He would come and visit me just so that he could swindle me out of whatever I had earned that month.”
“Still beats having a drug addict for a mother,” I said. “Loser actually sounds pretty nice in comparison.”
Devon took a few steps towards me. We never really spoke about our mothers. We never really spoke about anything too deep with one another. Our relationship had always been surface deep, and neither one of us had ever tried for more. The realization that Devon was the only family member who had really ever made an attempt to help me made me want to make more of an effort with him.
“How often did she use?” Devon asked.
“Almost every day,” I replied. “She smoked pot a lot, which was manageable. Heroin and cocaine were the nightmare drugs though. She hated to get high alone, so we always had visitors.”
“Men?”
“Mostly,” I nodded.
“Did—”
“Mila!” Red popped his head into the kitchen. “Did you forget about training?”
“Fuck,” I swore, jumping to my feet.
“You better hurry,” Devon said.
I ran behind Red in the direction of the garage. “The garage?” I asked curiously.
“There’s a back addition,” Red told me. “It’s been expanded over the years. It’s actually pretty big now. We all train in there now.”
Red led me through the garage to a door in the back that opened out into a large open space complete with a boxing ring and punching bags.
“Whoa,” I said, already intimidated by the sight.
“You’re late.”
I looked to my right to find Zack standing there in long black sweats and nothing else. For a moment, everything else faded away, and all I could do was admire the perfection of his body. His tattoos weren’t just on his neck and arms. They covered his chest too. There was not an inch of fat on him. He was all hard muscle. His stomach was just a wall of abs that looked like they had been carved out of rock. He approached me slowly, and I felt my breath catch for a moment before I reminded myself that he was completely wrong for me.
“Sorry,” I stammered. “I was… I had… busy.”
“You were busy?” Zack asked. “Doing what?”
“Never mind,” I said quickly, looking away from his body. “I’m here now. Let’s get started.”
I walked towards the ring where I assumed we would begin training, but Zack put a hand on my shoulder and stopped me.
“Not yet,” he said. “First, put these boxing gloves on.”
I could sense all the men there watching me, but I refused to be cowed by that. I pretended as though I were alone and donned the boxing gloves that felt like they were a little too big for me. I hated to admit it, but having Zack standing in front of me shirtless was incredibly distracting. I kept thinking about that kiss we had shared, and I wondered if he thought about it too.
“Now what?” I asked once the gloves were on.
“Now… you punch me.”
I smiled. “If you had told me that, I would have insisted you train me sooner.”
Zack smiled back. “Oh, you’re not going to be able to punch me… not even close. But it’s going to be fun to watch you try.”
I took a deep breath and swung at him. He dodged it easily and chuckled to himself. “You call that a punch?”
“I’m a better kicker,” I said, through gritted teeth as my preoccupation with his looks faded to annoyance. “How about I kick you in the nuts and show you?”
“I like the confidence,” Zack said. “It’s misguided… but impressive.”
I tried to swing at him again, and he blocked me with his arm and pushed me back. I stumbled and nearly lost my footing, but I managed to catch myself just in time. I heard snickers coming from the group of men who were going about their business around us, but I tried to block them out and focus on Zack. Except that each time I got my ass handed to me by Zack’s superior skill, their laughter seemed to be getting louder and louder.
“What the hell are you assholes laughing at?” I shouted finally, unable to take the ridicule.
“What makes you think they’re laughing at you?” Zack asked calmly.
“Who else would they be laughing at?” I demanded. “I suck at this.”
“No argument there,” Zack said. “But their laughter can’t hurt you.”
I gritted my teeth together. “What do you know about being laughed at?”
“Everything,” Zack shot back at me. “You think I got here easy? I was pushed around and ridiculed. I was treated like shit. And my father was the ringleader of it all. He stood there with everybody, and he laughed the loudest. You know why?”
“He hated you.”
Zack ignored me. “He wanted to make me strong.”
“I’m not like you,” I said.
“No… but you will be,” Zack said, as he aimed another punch at my jaw.
I dropped to the ground and backed away from him. “I can’t,” I said, feeling a sob at the back of my throat. “This is… I have no idea what I’m doing… it’s too hard.”
“And you expect it to come easy?”
“How do you even expect me to beat you?” I demanded. “You’re more than a head taller, and you’re double my size.”
“Exactly.”
“What?”
“Those things can be strengths, true,” Zack nodded. “But if you’re smart, they can also be used as weaknesses. Size and strength are limiting when you need to be agile and fast. Play to your strengths. Use what you have against your opponent. Now get up.”
I gritted my teeth with determination and stood up, dusting off my sweats.
“Punch me.”
I tried again, and again it was like Zack was swatting away a fly. I sighed in frustration and made another attempt. Again, he sidestepped the punch and hit me in the back. I almost rammed into one of the punching bags.
“There is strength in breathing,” Zack told me. “Don’t hold your breath when you punch. The more you breathe, the stronger your punch will be.”
We kept up the pace for almost two hours. I wanted to quit a hundred different times during those two hours, but I forced myself to stay the course. I didn’t want Zack to think I was any weaker than I had already shown him. More importantly, I wanted his respect, and that made me realize that he had mine.
“Drink some water,” Zack said, throwing me a bottle.
His body was glistening with a light sheen of perspiration, whereas I was dripping with sweat. Zack didn’t even seem to notice, however. It was almost mid-day, and the gym space had cleared out completely. We were the only two left. Even though my stomach was complaining, Zack seemed oblivious to such human things as hunger. He walked me over to the ring, and once we were inside, he turned to me.
“I’m going to come at you,” he said. “Try and escape… got it?”
“Ok,” I nodded, knowing already that he would have me on the ground in two seconds flat.
Two seconds later, I was on the ground, struggling to get away from his grip. Zack straddled me as he kept my hands pinned to the floor on either side of my head.
“Didn’t I tell you I would have you on your back sooner or later?” Zack told me, with a smile on his face.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “When I’m done training… no one will ever have the power to keep me on my back against my will ever again,” I said fiercely.
I saw a spark in Zack’s eyes as he looked down at me. “I’m counting on it.”