I walk forwards, but I don’t know if I’m actually moving. I can’t really feel my legs anymore, it’s almost like I’m floating on air. But not really in a great way. It’s more sluggish and annoying. I’m truly a zombie, the living dead, just walking through life without knowing how many hours have passed, never mind days. I’ve become just another pill monkey, but it’s better than the pain. I cannot stand the pain anymore, I’m better without it.

“It’s visitor day today,” the nurse tells me kindly. “Bryan is in the waiting room for you.”

My insides recoil, I don’t really want to go and see him, I would much rather veg out in my room like I’ve been doing solidly for as long as I can remember, but I don’t have the fight in me to ignore him. Plus, I know what Bryan is like. He’ll charm everyone around and see me regardless of what I want. He’s one of those people who gets what he wants, no matter what. I just can’t fight that, I don’t stand a chance in hell.

“Okay.” I nod and let the nurse guide me. My body reacts and panics, I can feel the sheer terror I experienced when he loomed over me and I thought he was going to hit me, but I still do as I’m told.

“Oh, hello there, sweetheart.” He rushes to my side and wraps his arms around me, showing off his fake caring side. I would love to resist his embrace but I’m too worn out from nothing to do so. “It’s good to see you.”

“Mmmm.” I nod, but I don’t say anything.

“I wouldn’t worry if she’s too quiet,” the nurses pipes up, defending me when I don’t want to be defended. “She’s on some medication at the moment which makes her very drowsy. It’s normal.”

“Oh right, okay. So, she can’t say much at all?”

I can hear the underlying question in his voice. He wants to know what I’ve said about him. He wants to check that I’ve done as he commanded and kept my mouth shut. What he doesn’t seem to realize is that it doesn’t matter. I can say whatever the hell I want and because he’s done his job so well that they all think I’m mad.

“She will talk if she wants to, but right now she’s very exhausted so it isn’t easy.”

“Oh, that’s okay.” He pulls me towards a chair and sits me down. “I will take it from here.”

I keep my eyes fixed on the ground so I don’t have to look at the man who took away my son. But still I can hear him, still his poisonous words flicker painfully through my brain.

“So, you’re starting to get over this nonsense then? No more worrying about things that can’t be changed?” I shrug, not committing to anything. “Good, these pills must be doing you good then.”

Yeah, I knew he’d like me all zoned out. He’s such a piece of work. Any normal husband would hate to see their wife like this, but he isn’t a normal man. He wants me to be beaten down and worthless.

“Oh, I think the nurse is trying to get my attention.” He peers over my shoulder and gives me a flirty look. “Give me a moment. You just stay here and I’ll be right back.”

I twist my neck and peer over my shoulder just for long enough to see him slide his fingers into the nurse’s. I can’t fucking believe it. He’s supposed to be here for me and he’s cheating on me. Again. He’s obviously been working his charm on her for ages and now she’s sucked in by him. Lost. I don’t even hate her for it, I just feel sorry for her. I wish I could tell her what she’s letting herself in for because it’s trouble.

But I can’t say anything. To her, I’m just the mental wife and he’s so kind for caring for me.

I sigh and stare back down, instantly noticing Bryan’s cell phone on the couch. In his moment of wanting to fuck someone else he mustn’t have noticed that it slipped out of his pocket. I know I have a while, he won’t be back for at least fifteen minutes, and even through my foggy state I have one cell phone number imprinted in my brain. My heart pounds as I actually think about it, but it doesn’t take long to make a snap decision.

I grab the cell phone and race towards the bathroom as fast as the adrenaline rush will take me through the fog of the drugs, knowing this could get me in a whole load of trouble, but I need to do this. I have to speak to him, even to just explain. I lock myself in a cubical and I hit the numbers fast. I dial quicker than I’ve ever done before knowing I might not have long before someone else comes in.

“Come on, come on,” I mutter as it rings and rings. “Privacy doesn’t last long in these places.”

“Hello?” He sounds confused, which I suppose might be because he doesn’t know the number.

“It’s Savannah.” I clutch the phone tightly to my ear. “I need help. I need an escape.”

“Aren’t you… getting help? I thought you were getting help…”

“I’m getting drugs.” I blink my eyes quickly, trying to regain my sanity. “Nothing more. No one wants to listen to me here. They are all Bryan’s fucking little minions. It isn’t helping me at all.”

“Oh God, you’re not? So, you want to get out? Can you just leave?”

“I don’t know.” A single tear rolls down my cheek. “I want to though. I want to see you. I want to find Peter.”

“I erm… I don’t know if I should be telling you this but I might have found the van…”

“Fuck!” My eyes almost pop out of my head. This is what I’ve needed. This is what I’ve been hunting for, hope. I don’t need therapy or pills, I need the hope that I’ve given up on. “You have?”

“I don’t want you to get your hopes up too high, but I have a lead that I need to follow up on.”

“Come and get me,” I beg. “Pippa knows where I am. Come and get me, please.”

He pauses for a while before answering. “Yeah, okay, I’ll see what we can do.”

The door opens and panic bubbles up. “I have to go,” I whisper. “Please, come and get me soon.”

I hang up before he can answer me and race out of the bathroom with my heart thumping in my ears. Of course, Bryan isn’t back yet so at least I’ve gotten away with it. I slide the cell phone back where it once was and I sit back in the chair, staring at my feet and acting like the doting, waiting wife. While he fucks another woman.

As the time ticks past I don’t think about Bryan, I think about Jayden. I can barely process what he just told me but it feels good to know that finally someone might honestly believe me. If he comes for me, if he rescues me from this hell hole then I’ll know… there’s a real chance that Peter might be alive.

There’s a small smile playing on my lips as Bryan comes back. I can smell the scent of sex wafting off of him. It’s so fucking obvious what’s happened but I don’t care. It gave me the chance to call Jayden so I’m glad.

“Right, sweetie.” He leans down and kisses the top of my head which I have to really resist the urge to wipe off. “I have to get going because work needs me.” He scoops up his cell phone. “You’re okay, right?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.” I stiffen up and wait for him to go, which thankfully he does.

Once he’s done, I get back up and I head into my room. This time I can do it alone, I’ve found some inner strength. Jayden is my inner strength. Him and his belief, also the fact that my boy might be alive.

I lie back on my bed and slide my eyes closed, enjoying the privacy I can get in here. At least I can be alone for a few moments to process what’s just happened. All of it is too much. But in a really great way.

“I’ve come here to get you,” I imagine Jayden whispering into my ear. “To save you from this life, from your horrible husband, from the torture that you’ve had to suffer. I will make it okay again.”

I don’t know what happens to my body, it’s intense, I feel everything explode like crazy. My core pulses in my panties, a part of my body come back to life that’s been dead for far too long. I can’t even help myself, I act on impulse as I slide my hand down, down, down into my panties. I’m acting like a freak but who cares.

“I would rather be with you,” I imagine myself whispering back. “Not him. He treats me like a shot and cheats on me all the time. You have always been a good guy. I should have always been with you. You’re the one.”

I slip my fingers underneath the material, feeling my pubic hair and I picture that it’s Jayden touching me all over. I little groan flies past my lips and I haven’t even reached my soaking wet folds yet.

“You’ve always been the one, I never should have allowed my father to control me.”

I imagine the weight of him on top of me, pinning me down as my fingers edge between my folds. I slide them in and out, plunging rapidly, still aware of the millions of people in this place. I could get caught but right now the pleasure is bubbling so rapidly between my thighs that I don’t think I could stop.

“Oh, Jayden.” In my mind, I imagine my fingers are his cock, sliding in and out, sending my head spinning. “Oh, God I’ve wanted to do this for too long. I wish his had happened so much earlier.”

I imagine his mouth all over my neck as I use my thumb to brush over my clit. I picture his kissing me everywhere. His lips are soft and needy, his mouth feels incredible against my skin. I fall deeper, I sink under the waters of pleasure, falling happily into the bliss. He feels so fucking good. After being locked away for so long, after trapping my desire inside, it feels so good to let it free. In such an inappropriate place too, it’s so naughty.

“Oh, Jayden… you are my hero.”

As the burning hot pleasure creeps up my thighs, I think about how much I can trust him, how I can give myself over to him, how amazing he is, and by the time the bliss hits my core I have to bite down on my pillow to stop the screams from bursting free. It’s the most phenomenal sensation I’ve ever had racking through my body before. My body bucks and writhes, it flips under the intense pleasure. I fly about in the bed, thrashing as I contract and squeeze my fingers tight. It’s everything. It’s all because of him too, Jayden is the only one who can make me feel this way.

Once the pleasure subsides and I’m left in a pit of post coital bliss I curl my knees up to my chest and silently pray for him to come for me. I need Jayden here right now, holding me tightly in his arms, embracing me and loving me. I want him here, I want to be his. Forever.

Come to me, Jayden, be my hero for real… please.