I lace my fingers through his, hating how cold he feels. It isn’t right, none of this is right, it isn’t fair. I want to scream out with frustration, to yell and thrash, to cry out in sheer agony with every passing moment.

Come back to me, Jayden, I cry out inside my mind. I need you, I want you back with me.

“Hey.” Pippa’s soft voice calls out behind him. “Is everything alright in here?”

I turn to look at her with tears behind my eyes. “It’s been four days, Pippa. He hasn’t woken up for four whole days. What did the doctor say about that? He said it was bad, right? That every day he isn’t awake is bad.” I stare desperately down at the lifeless man on the bed below me. “What if he never wakes up, Pippa? I’m scared.”

She wraps her arm around me and tries her best to comfort me. We’ve been in the same position ever since I got out the hospital bed myself, begging for Jayden to come back around again. “The doctor said that the bullet didn’t hit him anywhere major. I think that’s the main thing to take from him, isn’t it? Jayden got lucky.”

“He didn’t get lucky. Look at him. He’s in this bed because of me. He shouldn’t be here.”

“Jayden is here because he made the choice to save you from Bryan. Nothing to do with you.”

But Pippa didn’t see it, she cannot understand what it was like watching Bryan shoot Jayden seconds before the police took him down. My whole life shattered and fell apart at that moment, I felt the man I love ricochet from the bullet and slide to the ground in even more blood covering him. I fell with him, sobbing as I felt his life ebbing away. I wasn’t sure what was going on around me, all the chaos just melted into nothing. It was only me and him. I clung to Jayden begging him not to die on me until the paramedics took him away.

I thought then that I’d lost him, I assumed that heartbreak was coming for me again. I guessed in that moment that I wouldn’t ever be able to have it all and that absolutely broke me. I don’t remember even being brought here, not until I woke up in a room that was crazy white with my father and son by my side.

“Where is Peter?” I suddenly blurt out. “He isn’t alone with Dad, is he?” I still can’t trust, even now.

“Nah, Tommy is with them too. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do that. They are getting some lunch in the canteen now. Then I might take Peter back to mine for a while, let him go to sleep for a while.”

“Yeah, of course.” I squeeze Pippa’s hand. “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done. You’ve all been so great for me. I don’t know where I would be without you. I’d be dead, I’m sure.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, not at all. We all want to help.”

I lean my head against her shoulder and weep for a while. I don’t want to be the sort of person to give up hope, but it’s only getting worse and worse. Every second that I’m without Jayden is torture.

“Can you be sure to bring Peter in before you go though? I want to say goodbye first.”

I can only let him go at all because I know that Bryan and the cronies that the cops could find are all locked away, awaiting trial. No amount of money would afford them bail after what they did, so they are stuck leaving the world a much safer place to live in. It’s hard to be apart from Peter, but I still want him to feel like I’m not smothering him, so I’m dividing my time between him and Jayden where I can.

He gets along great with Tommy anyway, and I think he’s enjoying the supervised time with his grandfather, even if I don’t like it. He’s been locked away from everyone for too long now, I have to let him roam free.

“Of course I will. Then I’ll promise him ice cream so he is willing to leave with me. And just so you know, Jayden is going to be okay. Trust me about that. That guy is a fighter and he would do anything for you. He will fight until the bitter end, until he wakes up again. He won’t let you go a second time.”

“I really hope you’re right, Pippa, I’m so scared to lose him now. After all this time of being kept apart we were almost together, I almost had the man that I’ve always been in love with. And now Bryan’s taken him away.” I shake my head sadly. “He’s stolen him from me all over again.”

“He hasn’t taken anything away from you. You’re here, he’s here, no one died. Even Peter is alive, which no one thought possible. I know that it might not seem like it right now, but this is the start of something better.”

With that, she slides away, off to get my son to bring him to me. I take her words and I churn them around in my stomach trying to digest them because they should feel nice, but they don’t. They don’t feel like the uplift I need. While Jayden is in that bed, everything hangs in the balance.

“Jayden.” I take his hand once more and try speaking aloud, just in case he can hear me. “I need you to come back to me. I appreciate that your body might need time to recover after everything, but if you could just give me a sign that you’re going to come back to me, I would really appreciate it. A squeeze, a breath, anything.”

I get nothing and it crushes every inch of me. Disappointment swirls violently throughout my body. I don’t want to have come this far just to lose him now, I, would rather still be locked in Bryan’s cell at his whims.

“Mommy!” Peter races into the room and jumps onto my lap. “Is the super hero awake yet?”

I smile at Peter’s nick name for Jayden, it’s so sweet that he calls him that because he saved us. I just know that it will disappoint him too if he doesn’t pull through. “He isn’t awake yet. Soon, I hope.”

“Oh, that’s a shame. He could have come for ice cream with us all.”

I glance up to see Pippa and Tommy standing behind me. Dad is there too, but he’s keeping himself hidden because he’s not too sure how I’ll react. I don’t know either, so it’s probably for the best.

“You guys have a nice time at the ice cream shop, won’t you?”

“Are you going to stay here for a while?”

“Just for a little bit longer, but I’ll be back for bed time. Tommy is coming then.”

“Yeah, and I’m going to do what I can to wake the super hero up since he’s slept for far too long.”

Peter chuckles, and that sound is so delicious I just want to bottle it. It’s been so long and I honestly didn’t think I would ever get to hear him again. I love his laughter, it proves that everything is okay. Time may show differently but for now it seems like Peter is alright. He hasn’t been damaged by the whole ordeal. Hide and seek might be a problem in the future but that really isn’t too much of an issue.

“I love you,” I say, just like I do over and over again while I kiss Peter’s head. I’ve always said it to him before, it isn’t something that I’ve kept hidden, but now that I have him back I can’t stop saying it over and over again. I need my boy to know just how I feel about him. “And I’ll see you as soon as I can.”

“What is your favorite ice cream flavor, Mommy?”

“Hmm, chocolate,” I reply.

“I’ll be sure to get a scoop of chocolate for you.”

“Oh, thank you, darling, that’s just so kind of you. You might have to eat it for me though, so it doesn’t melt, do you think you might be able to do that for me? Keep it safe in your tummy?”

“Yes, Mommy, I will. And I’ll see you soon. I love you too.”

He hops down and walks towards Pippa and Tommy. They reach out and take his hand to take him from the room. I smile and nod, indicating that it’s okay for them to go, I don’t mind being left alone with Jayden. It isn’t until they go that I start to feel that cold, empty sadness once more. This happy ending isn’t quite complete.

“Oh, Jayden,” I sigh wearily. “You have no idea of everything that you’ve done for me. You’ve absolutely saved me. My boy too. You were the only one who listened to me, who heard what I had to say, who believed me enough to follow through on my theory, to find my son. The way that Bryan was, how desperate he was becoming, I honestly don’t know what would have happened had we left it any longer.” I shudder, hating that thought. “You saved us all and you endangered yourself in the process. I never wanted that, I didn’t want you to end up in trouble.” I sigh and glance down. “I never wanted anything bad to happen to you, it makes me think that I shouldn’t ever have called you. I do feel bad about dragging you into this.”

I move into a standing position and pace the room as my feelings flow free. I haven’t spoken much to Jayden over the past few days, but now it’s all coming out.

“I just knew that you were someone I could believe in, I understood that you would help me. I could believe in you. And you came through. Boy, did you come through! You made everything all okay again. I just wish that you hadn’t gotten hurt in the process so we could continue to pick up where we left off ten years ago, when things were perfect. Everything between me and you has made me the happiest that I’ve ever been.”

I turn to face him and I feel compelled to go and sit by his side once more. I grab his hand and look at him, letting all the love inside of me out. There’s no point in keeping it back any longer because I might not get a chance to say it again. I hate to think it, but as the days pass it becomes increasingly clear that he might not live.

“Oh, Jayden, I love you so much. I don’t want to let you go. Don’t make me let you go.”

I feel a flicker. I don’t even know where it comes from really, it just jolts somewhere inside of me. A new flower of hope builds, I’m not even sure where from, but I cling to it. If there’s one thing that all of this has taught me it’s that hope can get me through more than anything else. I need to hold onto it forever.

“Jayden?” My voice is bubbling with nerves now, I can’t help it. “Are you in there? Jayden?”

Something so miraculous happens I’m sure I must be imagining it. An intense warm happiness floods my body completely as I see the gorgeous sight of his wonderful eyes open once more.

“Oh my God, Jayden. You’re still alive! Oh, thank goodness!”

I wrap my arms around him, engulfing him in a hug. I don’t hear the words I love you too from him, he’s too sick for that, but I can feel it. I can feel that future Pippa suggested coming once more.