Discomfort circles me as I stand outside the door to my father’s home. It’s almost as if this isn’t the house I grew up in because I don’t really have any happy memories here. With my mom not around, I didn’t spend much time here at all because it never made me happy. It was more stressful than anything else. It feels the same now, I can almost feel the stress balling up around me, but unfortunately, this is something that I have to face.

Here goes nothing, I think to myself as I raise my fist. Time to face the music.

I hammer loudly, the noise ricocheting through my body, painfully aching all of my bones. I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this really, I never have had the full power around my father, but Peter’s life is at stake here. Peter, who is definitely alive, and now others are starting to see it too. I knew that my instincts were right. I can just feel that he’s still out there somewhere in the world. I just can’t wait to be back with him.

It takes a while, I actually have to knock again, but soon my dad comes to the door. His eyes widen with shock when he sees me. He actually turns an even funnier shade of pale. It’s clear he wasn’t expecting me which is fair because it isn’t exactly like I made a habit of visiting him all the time. I can’t remember the last time I came.

“Savannah?” His hand claps to his mouth in shock. “Oh, my goodness, what’s going on? Bryan said…”

“Let me guess, he told you that I was in an institution which is where I need to be?” I roll my eyes. “Well, as you can see, I’m out and I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell him. Can I come in, please?”

“Not tell him?” He stands in the way of the door frame, blocking me. “Why doesn’t Bryan need to know?”

“Because I haven’t told him yet. So, do you think I can come in so we can talk?”

“Bryan is your husband… why doesn’t he know that you’re out of treatment?”

“He’s my husband, not my keeper. I can do what I damn well please. Can I come in now?”

As I speak about Bryan as my husband, a little bit of guilt floods me. But not much. I don’t feel so bad about it because he isn’t exactly a great man to me. If he hasn’t taken our wedding vows seriously, then why do I need to? In my mind, we’re spilt up anyway. There’s no chance of me going back to him no matter what happens with Jayden. I’m done. Ever since he’s scared me I know that I can’t be near him again.

“Don’t forget that I’m the one who’s your daughter. You should be on my side.”

Those words seem to be key and he steps aside to let me in. I push past him and wander down the hallway, ignoring all the fake happy family pictures as I go. That couldn’t be further from the truth these days so I don’t want to acknowledge that it ever was that way or that it’s just an act. I’m only here for one reason.

I move all the way into the living room and take a seat on the couch. I inhale deeply, trying to find a familiar scent, but there’s nothing about this house that feels like I was ever here anymore. It’s a stranger’s home.

“So, Savannah.” Dad perches on the edge of his chair and twirls his hands nervously. “What’s happening here? The last I heard was that you were getting help because of what’s going on with Peter, and believe me everyone understands that… well, you know, it damaged you. We would all feel the same way as you…”

“Did you go to Peter’s funeral while I was in the hospital?” I interrupt and demand. “Did you see him?”

His eyes dart everywhere. It’s as if he can’t even look at me which only confirms his guilt to me. I knew it. Whatever the hell all of this is, he’s been in on it from the start. That could be why he wanted me to marry Bryan in the first place. It’s all been some very big, convoluted thing that I need to begin unravelling.

“I did go to the funeral.” He gulps and nods. “Bryan only did what he thought was right by doing it quick…”

“You liar.” I bang my fists down, grabbing my father’s attention. “You liar. He isn’t dead.”

“Savannah, we cannot keep going through this. You should be at treatment to sort this out…”

“Don’t bullshit me, Dad.” The curse word doesn’t sit right, not when yelled at my father, but he needs to hear it now. I have to make him see how serious I am. “I know that Peter isn’t dead, I know it. You’re all just lying to me and I want to know why.” He parts his lips but I have no intention of letting him get his words out. “Before you say anything, just know that I’ve seen paper work. I know there’s money changing hands between you and Bryan and it was also obvious from his reaction when I confronted him about it that it’s dodgy.”

My dad’s face is completely red now. Guilt it written right across his face. “I don’t know what you mean…

“Dad, this is your grandson.” I try a different tactic. “Your flesh and blood. Are you really willing to just let Bryan have him? To do whatever? He’s a terrible father, I’ll tell you that now, he won’t be caring for Peter.”

“Peter is… he’s…” I can see something bubbling in Dad’s mouth. “He’s not here anymore.”

“Don’t you dare lie to me anymore, Dad. Just tell me some truth, please. Why are you all so happy for me to think that I’m going insane? That’s horrible. You do realize that, right? It’s disgusting behavior. Not only to separate a mother from her child, going against nature, but also to make me doubt my sanity.”

“I… I…” he stammers, but nothing quite makes it out. He’s acting cowardly.

“You, what, Dad? Come on, it’s time for you to finally be honest with me.” He says nothing, making my blood boil. “Okay, so you don’t want to tell me about Peter yet? That’s fine. I’m going to assume that there’s a good reason for that and that you’re actually doing something to help me. I wouldn’t want Mom to be looking down on you, fucking ashamed of the man she married.” Again, he looks crushed by guilt, but he still doesn’t say anything. “So, instead what I shall do is ask you about the money. What’s happening with that?”

“The money is just business,” he answers quietly. “Nothing more. Nothing dodgy.”

“If that’s the case then why did Bryan freak out? I mean, he went mental. That’s not a normal reaction if it’s ‘just business’.” The sarcasm drips off my tongue. “Do you think I’m an idiot or something? I understand the world, you know. I might not be involved in the business, but I know what it looks like and that wasn’t it.”

Dad doesn’t say anything for a while, he examines his finger nails as if they are absolutely fascinating. I try to wait patiently for him to decide what to do but I can’t stop tapping my feet rapidly and angrily on the ground. To me, this seems simple and very straight forward. I don’t know why Dad is making such a big deal out of it. I’m his daughter, his flesh and blood. I’m the one that he should be supporting. Why can’t he see that?

“I think you should just go back to Bryan,” he finally tells me. “That man can protect you.”

“Protect me from what?” I demand as I fling my hands in the air in frustration. “Please, enlighten me because I can’t see it right now. Unless you know something, then there isn’t any basis for that argument.”

“He married you. He loves you.”

“Is that it?” I laugh nastily. “Because that means nothing. He might be married to me, yes, but he cheats on me all the time. He even slept with one of the nurses at the institution when he came to visit me.” Dad’s eyes widen, but I don’t even think he’s shocked. “He’s doing it all the time. And not only that, he acted threatening around me. I actually thought he was going to hit me. I was scared. He terrified me. He’s dangerous, Dad, so dangerous that I think he’s involved in Peter’s disappearance. I don’t know what the hell is going on with you and him but I’m letting you know now that I am never going back to him. I hate him.”

“You… you can’t say that.” Dad looks truly freaked out now. “You can’t leave him, Savannah.”

“Why are you saying that?” I lean in closer, silently pleading with him to be honest. “What do you know?”

Dad is silent for much too long, I can almost see the cogs ticking in his brain. He’s talking himself out of telling me the truth. I can tell by the way that his eyes are glazing over that he’s lost to me.

“Dad, if you don’t tell me this right now then I’m going to assume that you are with Bryan. If you’re with Bryan, then you’re against me. In which case, you will never see me again. You won’t see me or Peter when I get him back. You’ll be cut out of my life forever more. Don’t be a coward, just tell me already.”

But he doesn’t. He shakes his head and a tear leaks out of his eye. He’s too scared. Bryan must really have something over him. I would feel bad for him, I might even want to help him, but since he’s not willing to put himself on the line for me and Peter then I won’t help him. I would lay my life on the line for Peter, nothing would stop me. If my dad isn’t willing to do the same for me, then he’s going to be cut out forever.

“Right, fine.” I push myself into a standing position and brush a tear from my own cheek angrily. “If you don’t want to tell me, if you’re willing to lose me and Peter over this, then fine. I’ll say goodbye now.”

“Savannah,” he croaks back. “Please, go back to Bryan. It’s what’s best for you.”

I snort a sound filled with rage. “Dad, you have no idea what’s best for me and that’s why we’re done here.”

I stalk out and slam the front door loudly behind me so hard it nearly shakes the house to the ground. I want to let out a scream to set some of this frustration free, but I can’t. Everyone else has their own roles to play today and they might have had more luck than me. I can’t give in now, I need to keep on fighting.

As I get into my car and I drive away, heading back for the motel, I have to try and find a positive in what just happened. At least now I’m sure that my dad is in on something, he seems scared of Bryan, and there’s a much bigger picture in all of this. I don’t even think I’m the target really, just a pawn in the big game.

I hope Jayden and Tommy have had more success with Hank Fry. I hope they now know what the big picture is because maybe we can work with that and go smaller and smaller until we find the pin prick, the needle in the hay stack. My boy.

I’m still coming for you Peter, I think determinedly. Just hold on a little while longer.