“God this place can be boring,” my fellow journalist, Jim, mutters in disgust. “Sometimes I wish I could work somewhere like New York where there are gruesome crimes all the time. They get a choice of story.”

“Hmm, it’s not always boring, you know. Sometimes things do happen around here.”

“Oh, right.” His face stains a funny shade of red as he realizes who he’s talking to. He stuffs his hands awkwardly into his pockets and turns away. “Of course. I’m sorry, Pippa. I just forgot. I didn’t mean to…”

Even though it was two years ago now, no one can forget the time I was heavily involved in a news story myself. A kidnapping plot which also unveiled years of blackmail, faked deaths, and extortion. Of course, it wasn’t me directly linked, but my best friend, so I was a part of the rescue team who stopped it all.

That was a mental time of my life, one I don’t think I’ll ever fully move past. Especially on the long and boring days that have followed. It’s not that I miss the drama exactly, I wouldn’t ever want to be involved in something like that again, it was just the high emotions that ran through us all at the time. All four of us…

“Erm, how is your friend these days? She’s doing much better, I imagine? Her little boy too?”

“Oh yeah Savannah is great, and Peter is doing amazing as well. She and Jayden are doing really well, actually. They’ve just found out that they have a baby on the way so there’s a lot of happiness on that front. I’m really pleased for them.”

I am, of course I am, but I can’t help being a bit jealous too. Savannah has been able to move on with her life because she has so many things keeping her going. I’m the one who’s left a bit… aimless…

Career wise, things have been great, and of course it’s wonderful to have my tightknit group around me, but there’s one thing that’s missing, and it’s something that I haven’t ever been able to discuss never mind anything else. It’s the one aspect of that whole story that I cannot move past, no matter what I try…

“Oh, Tommy, we shouldn’t be doing this,” I told him as my eyes rolled backwards. The sensations he had racing through my body at a million miles an hour had me already seeing stars. “This is wrong, you know that, right?”

He nipped my neck before answering, making me squeal out as the pleasure pain sensation sent me spinning. “This is a celebration, isn’t it? We finally put an end to that bastard’s reign of terror. Why not enjoy ourselves?”

At that, I allowed myself to be dragged under the waters of pleasure with Tommy because he was so right. We had been through a lot together, our bond had been sealed a while back, and to be honest I always felt like there was something subtle sizzling between me and Tommy anyway, even before we ended up in his motel room bed together, where he sent me flying to places I’d never been before. The three times that we had sex that night were unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. The pleasure was intense, overwhelming, powerful…

I knew then that he’d changed my outlook on everything. I never would be satisfied in the same way again.

But then I woke up the following morning, cold and alone, with only a note on the pillow next to me. As affected by the whole experience as I was I’ve kept the note. I still have it today in my bed’s side drawer.

‘Pippa, I’m sorry. I can’t give you any more than that, even if I want to. Tommy x.’

He’d left me gone back to the army barracks without even a glance backwards. But, yeah we’ve seen one another again since that moment. With our best friends now married to each other, it’s impossible to avoid one another, but we just deal with it by never speaking about it. I’ve since learned that he’s been badly burned in the past which is why he won’t ever commit, and unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be something I can change, so I just have to accept it for what it is.

Even if we were phenomenal together, even if I can still feel that chemistry burning between us now, we will always just be friends and never anything more. Not even friends, really, just associates.

What I really need to do is stop thinking about him, so I can finally move on.

“Hey, girl.” Janice, one of the news researchers, slides in the chair next to me. “How’s it going?” She doesn’t give me a chance to answer, but then she never does. “You know it’s my birthday today, right?”

“Oh my God.” I smack my palm against my forehead. I vaguely remember signing a company card a few days ago, but I don’t even think I looked at who it was for. “Is it? I’m so sorry, I spaced out…”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want anything. I just wanted to know if you’d come out tonight for a few drinks.” She nudges me playfully and wiggles her eyebrows. “I hear that Gerard is going to be out. You’re dating him, right?”

Urgh, Gerard. He’s just one of the few guys that I’ve been on a date with in the last couple of years to try and move past my one night of steamy passion with Tommy. I keep picking men that are perfect for me on paper. They are good-looking, hard-working, ambitious, kind, often funny… but none of them do for me what he did, and unfortunately, he’s ruined me. No man will ever quite match up and I kinda need that now.

Damn Tommy with his rugged looks, his slight scar under his chin, his dark, brooding eyes, and scruffy blond hair. He’s the exact opposite of what I always thought I liked in a man, yet somehow it worked. I just need to keep on hunting until I find that chemistry again. It must be out there, there cannot only be one man to make me feel that way. I’ll have to just keep on trying and recover from every disappointment quick.

To be honest, it probably doesn’t help that no man has even made it to the bedroom in the last two years. I have become a virgin again. I can usually tell just from the lack of banter, and very occasionally from the kiss that it isn’t going to be what I want. Unfortunately, that included Gerald.

“Nah, we didn’t quite work out.” I give her what I hope is a breezy shrug. “But it isn’t awkward or anything, so yeah, a night out sounds awesome actually. I could use a drink and a dance, it’s been a while. Since Savannah is now pregnant, it isn’t as easy to head out on a night of fun on a whim.”

“Oh right, yeah. Well, I have lots of male friends anyway, so you might find your Prince Charming,”

“Hmm.” Well, that’s one thing Tommy definitely isn’t, a Prince Charming. He isn’t about to come into my life again and sweep me off my feet. It’s more likely to be a damn fight, one that I can’t win. I need the try and view him as one of the frogs I need to kiss along the way rather than the end goal. “Yeah, here’s hoping.”

“But you have to keep your hands off Alex.” She wiggles her finger at me, mock telling me off. “That man is mine. I have wanted him forever and tonight is the night where I’m finally going to claim him as my own.”

I do hope that she does. Even if I cannot have the man that I want, I don’t want other people to be unhappy. I’ve never been like that. I offer her the brightest smile I can manage and I stand to move away.

“Right, well I better get back to it, but I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight.”

“We’re meeting at eight PM at The Stag. The theme is supposed to be cocktail dresses, but I highly doubt that will stick. It should be fun whatever though! I’ll see you then.”

As soon as she leaves I slump back into my chair, disappointment crushing me. I don’t know what it is, I haven’t ever been the sort of person to chance after the wonderful love story, I’ve always been much too practical for that, but since it’s getting nearer to my thirtieth birthday every single day I kinda yearn for it.

But not just with anyone… with the man I cannot have.

I groan and slump my head forwards, hitting it on the desk hard. This is stupid, I cannot keep falling down this rabbit hole, I need to stop it already. Not everyone gets the love story that they want, and I’m sure that’s okay. That might just have to be me…