Chapter Forty-One
Blake
On Thursday morning, a county sheriff showed up at work and served me with the papers that Remy’s high-powered lawyer had filed. I was to show up in court the following week and present my side of the case to the judge in Family Court. I wasn’t surprised that Remy had moved so quickly, but I was surprised that the court had agreed to hear the evidence so fast. It made me wonder what strings Remy had pulled with the people in power and whether I had a snowball’s chance in hell of getting a fair hearing.
I spent the next several days mulling over my options and talking with my lawyer. I missed Nina terribly, but for now, I could only chat with her in text or on the phone.
On Friday night, my phone rang, and when I picked it up, I saw Nina was FaceTiming me.
“Hey, Punkin, what’s up?” I said, flipping on the video and watching as my daughter’s face appeared on the screen.
“I hate it here, Dad,” she said glumly. I could see that she was in her bedroom and that Remy had done some redecorating.
“I know, kiddo, but you’re going to have to hang tough and wait for the hearing,” I said, reminding myself not to do anything to fan the flames of resentment between Nina and her mother.
“Dad, she thinks I’m perpetually 12,” Nina said, rolling her eyes. “She treats me like I can’t do anything myself, and when I do, she yells at me for doing it wrong.”
“Patience, kiddo. Have patience,” I reminded her. It killed me to see my daughter so miserable and not be able to do a damn thing about it.
“Have you talked to Emily yet?” she asked.
“No, you know how I feel about what she did,” I said flatly.
“Dad, it wasn’t her fault!” Nina cried. “I asked her not to say anything, and she respected my wishes. You can’t be mad at her because of what I did!”
“Nina, we’ve been over this numerous times,” I reminded her. “Emily was the adult in the situation, and she should have called me to let me know you were safe. End of discussion.”
“You’re so hardheaded,” she said in an exasperated voice. “You need to forgive her, Dad. She’s the best thing that ever happened to you.”
“Besides you,” I said, without missing a beat.
“Yes, me, whatever,” she sighed. “You need to call Emily and talk to her. Forgive her, Dad.”
“First we need to get through the hearing,” I said, ignoring my daughter’s advice. “Once that’s over I’ll think about talking with Emily.”
“What did your lawyer say?” Nina asked.
“She said it wasn’t going to be a total loss, but that we’d better be prepared to suffer the consequences of your mother’s rage,” I said honestly. “I don’t know if you’re going to be allowed to come live with me full-time, Nina.”
“This sucks,” she protested. “I don’t want to live with Mom!”
“I know you don’t, kiddo,” I said sympathetically. “But you’re going to have to make the best of the situation. Once the court decides on the petition, we’ll figure out our game plan.”
Nina sighed loudly and then went on to tell me how school had been and that she’d gotten an A on her last History exam. We wrapped up the conversation when Remy called Nina to come join her in the kitchen for homework time. Nina rolled her eyes dramatically and then said, “Love you, Dad,” before signing off.
I sat at the kitchen table staring at the screen where my daughter had been, wondering how I’d ended up in this situation. I wanted to blame Emily for being irresponsible, but I knew I was to blame for ignoring Nina’s distress over having to move back to her mother’s. I’d been selfish and thought about what I’d wanted without stopping to think what Nina needed. Maybe Remy was right. Maybe I was a lousy parent and Nina would be better off with a mother who set limits and paid attention to things.
On Saturday, I spent the day cleaning house in case someone from the courts wanted to come see the environment Nina had been living in. I knew it was a long shot, but at this point, I was willing to do anything to make sure she could continue to spend time with me. As the hours passed, I felt more and more anxious about losing Nina, and by Sunday afternoon, I’d not only cleaned the inside of the house, I’d done yard maintenance and fixed the loose gutter on the side of the house.
By dinner time, I was feeling restless and was dreading spending the night alone, so I showered, pulled on jeans and a T-shirt, and headed over to The Lucky Clover for a drink. I turned on my phone to call Tony and saw the text that Emily had sent me the day before. I’d ignored it when it first showed up, and now I hesitated for a moment, then deleted the message before I texted Tony and asked him to meet me for a drink.
The bar was pretty empty when I arrived, and I was surprised to see KO back behind the bar.
“Where you been, lady?” I asked, as I shed my coat and sat down on a stool.
“Away,” she replied with a smile. “What’ll it be, big guy?”
“Give me a whiskey and a draft,” I said, pulling out my wallet and tossing a 20 onto the bar.
“Going straight to the hard stuff, eh?” she laughed, as she took the bill and set it on the register before she poured my shot.
“Just need to relax a little,” I said, as I pulled the glass of amber liquid toward me and stared into it as she drew me a beer.
“I heard about your daughter,” she nodded, setting the foaming glass in front of me. “I’m glad she got home safely.”
“Yeah, well, that might not be the end of it,” I said glumly. I knew Emily was living at KO’s house, and that if the bartender was back, then she had surely heard about what had happened.
“So, what’s going on?” she asked, as she turned on the sink beneath the bar and poured soap into one side. When I didn’t say anything, she shrugged and began washing dishes without a word. When one of the old guys at the end of the bar signaled her for another round, she turned off the water and walked to the end of the bar.
“It’s all fucked up,” I said quietly, when she returned from taking care of the other guys.
“What’s fucked up?” she asked, without looking at me.
“My ex-wife has filed a petition with the court to get sole custody of my daughter,” I said, as I lifted the whiskey and quickly tossed it back. “She thinks I’m an irresponsible parent, and I’m beginning to wonder if she’s right.”
“That’s bullshit,” KO said matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t know where my daughter was for almost 24 hours,” I shrugged. “So, if the shoe fits…”
“Look, I know you blame Emily for a lot of this,” KO said, looking straight at me. “And she’s feeling awful about what’s happened, but you need to talk to her, man.”
“I’m not sure there’s a lot to talk about,” I said flatly. “She didn’t tell me that my daughter had returned. That’s a breach of trust.”
“You’re such an asshole,” KO said, shaking her head. “You’re going to blame Emily for the trouble you have with your wife simply because she was caught between trying to make sure your daughter didn’t take off running again and making a call to you?”
“She’s an adult! She should have acted responsibly!” I said, raising my voice as I felt the anger rising inside me.
“Don’t fucking yell at me, man,” KO warned. “I’m just saying that maybe you need to take a good look at your own responsibility in the matter before you point the finger at someone who was caught between a rock and a hard place. You know that Remy met up with Em at your house earlier this week and was exceptionally rude to her, right?”
“She did? She was?” I said, stunned that Emily hadn’t said anything about it to me.
“Yeah, Remy treated Em the way Em’s mother treats her,” KO nodded. “All manners and nice, but underneath it she just tore her to bits.”
I said nothing as I downed my beer in three swallows and tapped the bar for another round. KO refilled my glasses and stood silently waiting for an answer.
“Are you saying this is all my fault?” I finally asked.
“I’m not, but I think you are,” she said, as several guys entered the bar and sat down next to the old guys at the other end. KO left me sitting there brooding while she went to take their drink orders.
“What do you mean I think it’s my fault?” I asked when she returned.
“I mean, I think you feel guilty for not being able to read a teenager’s mind and for going on a date with Emily the night that Nina ran away,” she said. She waited for her words to sink in, and then leaned across the bar and added, “And I think it’s a lot easier for you to blame Emily so you can run away from what you feel about her.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, looking away. I did know what she was talking about, but I hadn’t yet admitted it to myself, so hearing her say it was unsettling.
KO opened her mouth to say something else, then closed it and walked away. I tossed back the second whiskey and was halfway through the beer when Tony came bursting through the door hollering, “Bartender, pour me a beer! We’re gonna celebrate tonight!”
Tony slapped me on the back as he shed his coat and took a seat on the stool next to me.
“What are we celebrating, man?” I asked without enthusiasm.
“I’m gonna be a dad!” Tony said happily.
“So, you got laid, did you?” I chuckled. “Congratulations, buddy.”
“Thanks. Anita and I talked it over, and we found a middle ground, man,” he nodded. “And I gotta tell you, it’s been damn good since then.”
“Imagine that,” I said without enthusiasm. “Talking it over solves the problems.”
“Yeah, man, it sure does,” he said, giving me a confused look. “What’s going on with you?”
“Eh, Remy,” I said, without elaborating. KO pushed Tony’s beer down the bar and left us alone.
“What’s she done now?” he asked, before downing half the beer.
“She’s filed a petition to get sole custody of Nina,” I said. “She blames me for what happened, and says I’m an irresponsible parent who can’t be trusted to raise our daughter.”
“That’s bullshit!” Tony yelled. “What the fuck is wrong with that woman?”
“I don’t know, maybe she’s right, you know?” I said glumly.
“She’s not right, B,” Tony protested. “You’re a great dad. She’s just mad that Nina’s growing up and you can’t control her.”
“How the hell did you arrive at that conclusion?” I asked frowning at him.
“Man, I was a teenager once, too,” he laughed. “I can’t believe you don’t remember what that felt like! To want to be grown up and make your own decisions, and to be pissed off when your parents wouldn’t let you.”
“My parents never stopped us from making decisions,” I said, thinking about how I’d never rebelled against my parents because I’d never had to.
“Then you’re one lucky son of a bitch,” Tony laughed. “The rest of us have had to forge our own paths in the face of resistance.”
“But I never resisted Nina,” I said angrily. “I’ve let her do what she wanted to do — within reason.”
“No, you’re a good dad,” Tony agreed. “But have you ever thought about the fact that maybe you’re the good parent and Remy’s the one who is irresponsible?”
“What the fuck?”
“C’mon, man, she’s got an iron fist when it comes to Nina,” he said, shaking his head. “Maybe she’s the one whose not doing the parenting thing right. Think about it.”
I nodded but said nothing. Until Tony said it, the fact that Remy might be the bad parent had not crossed my mind, but it didn’t change the fact that Emily was the one who’d made the decision to keep vital information from me.
And yet, I kept replaying KO’s admonition and wondering if there was still a chance for me and Emily to make things right.