Chapter Seventeen
Cassidy
For a week, Erik had pretty much been ignoring me. He would say hi in the halls as he walked past to some sort of group he had signed up for. I didn’t think he was angry with me, but I really had no idea. We hadn’t had more than 30 seconds of time alone in any one sitting since he had returned from Christmas at my house.
He was doing what he was supposed to be doing. If he and I had truly just been patient and employee, I wouldn’t have thought anything at all about how he was acting. Erik was working his program and seemed extremely zoned in on his treatment plan and what would happen after he left the facility.
The girl in me felt left out, though. I saw him running around with a smile on his face and focus in his eyes, and I wished I was more of a part of whatever was making him happy. But the adult in me knew this was exactly what Erik needed. He needed to focus on himself without whatever it was that he and I had been doing before. If anything, his new focus on his treatment made him even sexier to me.
He wasn’t stopping to flirt with me; he wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing. His number one focus was himself, as it should be when you were in treatment.
It was funny that I was internally complaining about him not flirting with me, when only a few weeks before I had been complaining that he was flirting too much. Apparently, I hadn’t found my happy median yet.
When New Year’s Eve came, I volunteered to be on shift because I was one of the few people who didn’t want to go out. Being sober and the New Year’s holiday didn’t mix well for me. I found it incredibly hard to go out and have a good time now that I didn’t drink. Not to say that I didn’t think eventually I would be able to do it, just at the moment, I wasn’t able to find my groove.
The overnight shift wasn’t going to be boring on New Year’s. Everyone was hyped up and excited to watch the big Ball Drop event in New York City. Even though it was two hours ahead of Colorado time, it was the best event to watch on television. There were going to be some of the biggest names in music and movies on the show. I was actually excited to be at work with the patients instead of at home with my family – at least it seemed a little less boring.
Susan was the only nurse on staff for the night, and she had to stay on the secure unit with one of the technicians. I was left alone on my unit unless there was a medication issue that I had to call her for. It didn’t happen very often that we staffed ourselves so short, but I wasn’t concerned about it, at all. Everyone would be asleep after the ball dropped in New York, and then the rest of the night was just making sure everyone slept and there were no medical issues.
“All right, everyone, I’ve got snacks for the big night,” I said as I wheeled a cart full of all the snacks I could find in the back room.
There was a collective cheer in the room, and Brianna got up to help me hand out some cups with juice in them. Brianna had been a bit lost since she had returned from the hospital. She was used to caring for three small children all the time, so being in treatment and only having herself to worry about was difficult for her.
Snacks while in a drug treatment facility were like getting a letter from home. Patients got so tired of the healthy food that was being served and would become desperate for candy and soda if they could get their hands a hold of it.
“Erik, chocolate or sour candy?” I asked as I held up two boxes of candy.
“Chocolate, of course.” He laughed.
I handed out a box of candy for each patient and left the rest of the snacks for people to pillage through throughout the night. We had pulled all the couches to one side of the unit and in front of the big television so we could watch the show in comfort that evening.
“Here,” Erik said quietly as he put his hand on the empty cushion and motioned me to sit with him.
I couldn’t help but smile. I felt better about things just getting to sit near him. I had relegated myself to being his friend. I knew we both could use a nice solid and sober friend outside of the walls of Paradise Peak.
“My mom says hi,” I whispered as we watched the show.
No one else was paying attention to the two of us as we sat at the back of the group; they were all enthralled with the show on the television. My mom had continued to ask me questions about Erik every day since Christmas. She had even decided that it was perfectly fine if I wanted to date him because I wasn’t his therapist or doctor; I just worked in the same building. My father stayed pretty quiet about the whole thing, but he didn’t specifically object to my mother’s logic.
I had to admit, I had run that same logic through my mind, too. I had even taken the time to look through my employee manual and didn’t find anything that would actually prevent me from dating Erik after he left. Although, my logical side continued to say it was probably a bad idea.
Would it really be all that bad if two consenting adults, like Erik and I, decided to have some sort of relationship? Certainly it had to have happened at some point before in the facility’s history.
“Tell your mom I said hi back. You’re really lucky to have her. Since my mom passed away, there hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I don’t miss her terribly.”
“I’m sorry your mom is gone. I can’t even imagine it. My mom is like my best friend.”
“You know, people always say that to me and I never really thought anything about it until I met your mother. That night at your house made me miss my own mother horribly.”
“Is that why you left?”
“No, I just had an overwhelming urge to move forward. I can’t really describe it. Maybe it was our argument, or the emotions of the night. I’m not sure. I hope you don’t think it was because of you.”
“Oh, yeah, I totally thought it was because of me.”
“Really? Shit, I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. I’ve seen you so happy this week and I figured it was probably for the best. Maybe we could be friends when you get out. I always need more friends in my life.”
Erik was quiet as we both watched the New Year’s Eve show for a little bit. He seemed like he had something he wanted to say, but then whenever he started to talk, he would close his mouth again and stop.
For a good thirty minutes, I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he would turn toward me like he was going to say something and then he would turn away. He never decided to actually say whatever it was that he had been holding onto, though.
“Watching the New York ball drop was always one of my favorite things to do as a child. I loved how thousands of people got to stand right in the middle of the city and celebrate a fresh start to a new year of their lives. I also really liked to watch the cameras as they would pan around the crowd after midnight and show all the couples kissing. It seemed so romantic to me,” I said.
“It does seem pretty romantic.”
“Except that it’s so cold there this year. I don’t know if I could stand outside for four hours waiting for that ball to drop. I’d probably rather just get one of those fancy hotel rooms and sit in there naked and watch it.”
“Cassidy!” one of the patients said as he made a dramatic shocked face.
“What? You can’t tell me you’d want to be all dressed up if you were in one of those fancy hotel rooms,” I joked.
“I know I’d be going all natural,” Erik added.
“Thank you. At least someone’s on my side.”
“Oh, it’s getting ready to start. Can I call my husband, please?” Brianna asked.
“Of course.”
Brianna darted over to the nurses’ station and dialed her home phone number as she pulled the phone as close as she could toward the television. She missed her husband and children terribly; I saw it on her face every day. Brianna had also tried to call her family almost nightly as her husband worked hard to take care of their three daughters.
“It’s starting, honey; I wanted to at least be together on the phone when the new year happens.”
Technically, the New Year for us wouldn’t start for another two hours, but it was a symbolic time, so none of us really cared that we were ahead.
“Ten, nine, eight,” we all counted down in unison with the celebrity hosts of the show. “Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! Happy New Year!” we yelled as we hit our plastic cups filled with apple juice together.
“Happy New Year, darling,” Brianna said to her husband.
“Happy New Year,” I said as I walked past Brianna. “Happy New Year,” I continued to say to each person as I made my way around the room and did a little toast with every patient.
As soon as our celebration was over, the patients trickled to their rooms to get some rest. No one was used to staying up so late and certainly didn’t feel like staying up the extra two hours for the actual New Years in Aspen.
Being in treatment was exhausting; I remembered that feeling very clearly. Not only were you getting up early and going to groups, but you were constantly thinking and analyzing everything in your life. The emotional exhaustion of being in treatment far outweighed the physical exhaustion and led to patients needing more and more sleep as their treatment progressed.
Even though patients started to feel physically better from withdrawals and their body learning to eat normal meals, sleep, and exercise, the mental exhaustion could really do a number on some. I remembered having a patient who literally slept from right after dinner until breakfast every day. She had participated in all her programming, but was just so exhausted at the end of the day, she couldn’t keep her eyes open.
When everyone else had gone off to bed, I sat with Erik on the couch as we watched the New Year’s party out of Denver. It certainly wasn’t anything even close to New York’s. But it was something to keep on in the background and gave us an excuse to sit and talk some more.
“I applied to nursing school,” I said to Erik as we sat there. “I’m not sure it’s really what I want to do. But I figure I won’t know that for sure until I give it a try. So, anyways, I decided to give it a try.”
I felt like I was babbling a bit, but I felt a little uncomfortable with Erik and I being alone.
He tried to look excited for me, but there was something holding him back. I knew the feeling. I had wanted to move forward and nursing seemed like a good option. I’d get paid well and could stay in my same profession, but I wasn’t sure my heart was into being a nurse. I figured that’s what school was for, though, to check things out and see if I liked them.
“Good for you,” he replied without going any further.
Our conversation seemed more strained without other people around. The sexual tension between us grew, and I felt like I was being pulled from one side of the couch toward him. My breathing increased. My lips felt dry. I couldn’t stop looking at his damn muscular arms and wishing they were around me.
When midnight finally hit for us, it was like an alarm when off and I knew I couldn’t keep myself to my side of the couch. There was music playing on the television, and I looked at Erik just at the same time he looked at me. Our eyes were focused on each other and no one else.
“Happy New Year,” I said as I moved over with every intention to give him a hug.
But Erik had different intentions. As I leaned in to hug him, he gently grabbed my face, looked around the unit, and whispered, “Happy New Year,” before he pulled my lips to his.
The touch of his lips on mine was more than I could have hoped for. My body moved up next to him and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I let his mouth press into me and separate my lips as his tongue entered me. A feverish need to take off his shirt hit me, and I reached for it like we were in a private apartment or something.
“Not here,” he grunted. “Come with me.”
Erik grabbed my hand and led me to his room. The door had barely shut behind us and I was grappling with his t-shirt and pulling it over his head. My hands pressed up against his bare skin like it was a medicine I desperately needed. I couldn’t get enough of him. I wanted more. So much more of him.
His hands quickly pulled my scrub top off and unhooked my bra. The release of my breasts made him pause as he looked at them in admiration before he brought his lips to meet my nipple and pulled it into his mouth. Yes, I wanted his lips on my nipples. I wanted his lips all over my body.
I didn’t care that we were in his small room on the unit. In that moment, all I could think about was how much pleasure I felt as his body and mine touched.
I let out a primal groan at the pleasure his mouth was giving me. My hands wrapped into his hair as I closed my eyes in utter enjoyment of the moment. He moved to the other breast, and I felt his hands as they pulled on the strings to my scrubs and started to press them down toward my knees.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I wanted this. Everything in my body wanted Erik, and there were no other thoughts in my head. I had to feel him. I had to feel how hard he was for me, so I reached to his pants and pulled them down.
My need for him grew and I found myself falling to my knees and pulling his erect body into my mouth. Its size was pleasant, and I heard him moaning with each stroke of my lips.
Of course, I had some amazing tricks available with the tongue piercing, but I didn’t need to use them. He was already overflowing with excitement, and I just wanted to enjoy every second of it.
Within seconds, his body had released precum, telling me he was ready to explode. It had been over a month since he’d had a woman, much longer since I’d been with a man. His body needed a quick release, and I could only think about giving it to him.
My lips wrapped firmly around him and I thrust deep over his body. My hands braced on his hips as I moved and took him in deeper and deeper. I wanted him to get the release. I needed to feel that pleasure as he gave in, but I held my tongue at a gentle angle so my silver piercing didn’t glide against him just yet. I knew if it touched the tip of his hardness, Erik would be undone within moments.
“Cassidy, stop…I’m going…” he started to say through breathless words.
But I wasn’t stopping. I continued until he pressed his hands against the door and let out a deep throaty groan of desire as his body released the weeks of tension that was built up. That was what I had been waiting for. I wanted to see him finally give in to his release.
In one swift motion, Erik grabbed me, pulled me up off the ground, and pressed me onto his bed. He was like a wild animal as his eyes looked at me and devoured my naked body as I laid there waiting for him to take me. I was dripping with desire for him as he pressed my thighs apart and climbed over me.
His warm skin pressed against me as I let my hands move up and down his muscular frame. I felt myself relax as I guided his body into me. His hips moved slowly, and his lips moved to my neck as he started to thrust with my motions. Our bodies felt perfect together as we pulsed and thrust in a rhythmic motion.
For the longest time, I had convinced myself I didn’t miss having a man in my bed, but as Erik moved on top of me, I knew I had been lying to myself. I missed it very much.
My body filled with excitement and I felt my muscles tensing around him as his thrusts drew harder and harder. I willed my orgasm to stop as I tilted my hips down. I wanted more of him. I wanted longer with his body pressed against mine. Whatever I had to do, I would not let myself give in to the pleasure quickly building in my body; I needed just a little bit longer.
Thoughts raced through my head as I tried not to let my body give in to my desires just yet. I wondered if someone would catch us, and my eyes darted to the door. The idea that I was doing this with a patient hadn’t really sunk in yet because my need for Erik was so intense.
His lips moved vigorously from one side of my neck to the other before he pressed them against my mouth as his thrusts continued. His hands grabbed a hold of my hips and forced them up toward him and with that movement, I started to become undone. His hands held my hips so close to him that I had no choice but to submit to the rush that started to come over me.
Harder and harder he moved, and I met the movements with my desire. Soon, I felt my body tensing up, and I latched my arms around his back, urging him to thrust even harder. I wanted him – all of him – inside of me. There was no holding myself back any longer. I had to let him finish me off.
When my body finally released, it was an intense orgasm that I couldn’t control. My moans were only muffled by his mouth around mine as I thrust my hips against his and felt my whole body giving in to his. The release was like nothing I had felt in years, and I didn’t want it to stop. I could have let the rumbling go on for hours because it felt so absolutely perfect.
“Cassidy,” a voice called from the other side of the door. “Cassidy?” the voice said again as it moved down the hall.
“Shit,” I said as I jumped up and pulled my scrubs on quickly. “I’m screwed.”
I didn’t know who was out there. It could have been Susan, or just one of the other patients, but I knew I needed to be out at the nurses’ station and I wasn’t supposed to be in a patient’s room. I really wasn’t supposed to have been having sex with a patient in their room, either.
“Literally.” Erik laughed as he got dressed.
“It’s not funny,” I scolded him.
“I know,” he said as he grabbed me and kissed me one last time before pulling the door open and releasing me into the day area.
“Hey, Brianna,” I said as I saw her walking down the hall. “Sorry, I was just getting Erik some water.”
Brianna didn’t look like she believed a single word that I was saying to her. She stood there with a sheepish smile on her face as she looked at me and then his room. I felt like she knew what was going on. She looked like a woman who was smart enough to figure out why I had been in Erik’s room and why my hair looked all tussled and my face was flushed with excitement.
But luckily, she didn’t press the subject and continued on to ask what she needed from me. I’m sure I would have tried to make a story up to say what was going on, but I was a horrible liar, so I was very grateful she didn’t need my explanation.
“Could I call my husband again? I know the phones are supposed to be off limits this late, but I just need to talk to him.”
“Sure,” I said with a bit of relief. “When I’m working, you don’t have to ask. I think you guys should get to talk to your family whenever you’d like. Just as long as your family is all right with you calling at this hour.”
“Yeah, I’m just calling my husband’s cell phone. If he’s asleep, he won’t hear it. I just wanted to talk to him one last time, and I couldn’t get to sleep.”
“Yep, go ahead and give him a call,” I said as I walked away.
I certainly couldn’t deny her request. I moved behind the counter and noticed I had my scrub shirt on inside out. I tried to play it off until Brianna finished her call and went back to her room, then I snuck into the back room and switched it.
As I stood looking at myself in the mirror, it was beyond obvious that something else had been going on in Erik’s room. My hair had half fallen out of the ponytail it was in. My shirt had been inside out, and my cheeks were flushed from the excitement. I was grateful that Brianna hadn’t decided to question me more about what had happened. I would have certainly been fired if I had been caught.
Erik peeked his head out of his room and looked around before shrugging his shoulders as if asking who had been out there calling for me. I shooed him back into his room. As he closed the door, he pressed two fingers up to his lips like he was kissing them and then blew it my way. It was not what I had expected from him, but I smiled and waved for him to shut the door.