Chapter Thirty-Nine
Blake
Nina refused to talk to me the whole drive home, and when I let her into the house, she ran to her room and slammed the door. I started to follow and then decided to let her cool down before I demanded that she explain where she’d been. I changed my clothes and went to the kitchen to make breakfast.
As I fried the bacon and scrambled the eggs, I thought about how pissed I was at Emily for not calling me. It was one thing to protect a confidence, but it was an entirely different matter when the Waltham PD was out looking for my daughter. Emily was irresponsible and I’d been right to tell her so.
“Goddamn it,” I muttered, as I cracked an egg and watched the shell split into tiny fragments in the bowl. I tried fishing them out with a spoon and then my finger, but they wouldn’t budge from the bottom of the bowl. I smashed the bowl in the sink as I yelled, “Son of a bitch!”
The bowl shattered, and the mixture of egg and pottery flew out of the sink, landing on the floor. I could feel the rage building, and I knew I was on the verge of losing control. I gripped the edge of the counter and breathed deeply as I began counting backward from 100. It was a technique my mother had taught Brian and me when we were young, and it came in handy on those off moments when anger and frustration threatened to spill out in damaging ways.
It was the only way I’d survived the last year of my marriage to Remy.
I felt the torrent of emotions begin to subside as I drew deep breaths, and when I got to 50, I knew that the storm had passed — for now. I cleaned up the mess and pulled the carton of eggs out of the fridge and started over. I wasn’t sure if Nina would eat, but I made enough for her and put it on a covered plate in the oven in case she decided to come out of her room.
I’d just sat down to eat when the doorbell rang. For a moment I felt hopeful, thinking maybe it was Emily, but then I realized I’d burned that bridge to the ground. “Damn right,” I grumbled, as I got up and went to open the door. Moments later, I was sorry I had.
“You stupid son of a bitch!” Remy screamed, as she stormed into the house waving a fist full of papers at me. “You irresponsible bastard! You found her, and you didn’t call and let me know? How could you be such an asshole?”
“Remy, look, I did—” I began.
“The fuck you did!” she yelled, cutting me off. “There is not a single message on my phone. You most definitely did not call me to tell me you’d found her!”
“Remy, listen, it’s been crazy this morning,” I pleaded, trying to get her to calm down.
“Blake Gaston, you are the absolute worst father in the world,” she shouted. “You let our teenage daughter stay home by herself while you’re out indulging in your little hot-for-teacher fantasy, and then you go to work instead of looking for her!”
“That’s a little dramatic, even for you, Remy,” I replied dryly.
“Did you or did you not leave Nina home alone last night while you went out with your girlfriend?” she asked.
“I went to the Celtics game with Emily,” I said defensively. “I was home by midnight.”
“And you left our teenage daughter here alone while you went out?” she continued.
“She’s 16, and it was a school night, Remy!”
“And did you or did you not go to work overnight even though you knew Nina was missing?” she asked.
“I reported it to the police and let them do their job!” I shouted.
“I see,” Remy said, shifting into deadly calm mode. “And you didn’t feel that it was something important to share with her mother.”
“Remy, I didn’t want you to worry,” I sighed, feeling frustrated that I had to repeat myself. I knew why she was mad, but I was so pissed at her for always putting me down, I didn’t care. “I knew that there was nothing you could do from a distance and that by the time you got back, the chances were good that Nina would be home.”
“But you didn’t know that for sure, Blake,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “You seem to think that parenting is a one-person job, and that I don’t deserve to be included in the decisions you make regarding our daughter.”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Remy?” I shouted. “I involve you in every single thing I do with Nina. Why are you making a federal case out of the one time I hold back information in order to keep you from worrying?”
“One time?” she said, raising an eyebrow as she thrust the papers in her hand at me. “When were you going to tell me about filing paperwork to change Nina’s permanent address?”
“Again, what the fuck are you talking about?” I said, as I took the stack of papers from her and began reading.
“You knew that Nina wanted to come live with you full-time, but you didn’t bother to ask me how I felt about the arrangement, or even inform me that she wanted to live here!” Remy shouted, as she paced the foyer her heels clicking on the wood floor. “I am her mother! I have rights, too!”
“You don’t have the right to tell me what I can and can’t do, lady!” I shouted, slamming my fist on the table holding mail and keys. The impact rattled everything on the table, sending the basket with car keys and change crashing to the floor. I roared, “Goddamn it, Remy!”
“STOP IT, YOU TWO!” Nina screamed, as she emerged from her bedroom. “Stop it! I’m sick and tired of you two fighting over me! I never get the chance to say what I want because you two are so busy fighting about what it is YOU want!”
“Nina, honey,” Remy said, reaching out to her daughter.
“NO! Do not ‘Nina, honey’ me!” Nina screamed, as she batted her mother’s hands away. “You are a pain in the ass, Mom! You hold on to me so tightly I can’t breathe! Is it any wonder I’d want to live at Dad’s? At least he gives me space!”
“Too much space, apparently,” Remy muttered, as she backed away from Nina and shot me a murderous look.
“Don’t blame everything on Dad like you always do,” Nina warned. I remained silent, knowing that anything I could say might tip the balance in either direction, and I didn’t want to alienate my daughter before I understood what was at stake. “You’re constantly on my case about everything, Mom. You nag me about my room, about my grades, about my weight, about every little thing! I’m sick and tired of it! I can’t breathe when I’m with you!”
“What on earth are you talking about?” Remy said. The look of shock on her face told me that she had no idea that Nina had been gathering evidence against her for so long. “I just want you to be the best person you can be. I want you to be a responsible adult. I want people to like you.”
“No, those are your hang-ups, Mom!” Nina cried. “You always push things on me when it’s you that’s worried about how everything looks! You’re such a bitch!”
“Nina!” Remy and I both said at the same time.
“Don’t talk to your mother that way, young lady,” I warned.
“Or what? You’ll cut me out of your life just like you did Emily?” Nina dared me. “You’re no better than she is, Dad. You just pretend like you’re the good guy, but you never stand up to her! You’re weak, and you know it!”
“NINA!” Remy yelled. “Knock it off, young lady! I’ve had about enough of your smart mouth and your disrespectful attitude.”
“Whatever,” Nina said, rolling her eyes as she slumped against the wall. I was still stinging from the accusation she’d leveled at me, and stayed silent as Remy moved toward Nina and began speaking.
“See?” Remy said, turning toward me. “This is what happens when you let a teenager run wild. I’ve had enough of this, Blake. She cannot behave like this and every time she comes back from spending time at your house her attitude is worse than the time before.”
“And you’re blaming all of this on me?” I said, looking at her in disbelief.
“I am,” she said coolly. “And this afternoon, I’m going to have my lawyer draw up the paperwork to file for sole custody.”
“MOM!” Nina shouted. “You can’t do that!”
“Nina, your father left you here alone while he went out on a date with your teacher,” Remy said. “He’s a bad role model and a worse parent, and I think any judge worth their degree will agree with me.”
“Remy, don’t do this,” I warned. “This is wrong, and you know it.”
“Do I, Blake?” she asked, cocking her head and giving me a hard stare. “Is it really wrong when our daughter’s safety is at stake?”
“Mom! Dad didn’t do anything wrong!” Nina protested. “I got mad because he didn’t let me have my way when I asked if I could come live with him!”
“And no one thought it might be a good idea to involve me in this conversation?” Remy asked, looking back and forth between Nina and I. “Nina, get your things. You’re coming home tonight, and we’ll see about what happens after the judge rules on my petition.”
“Remy, don’t do this,” I pleaded. “Please. Just don’t.”
“You should have thought of that before you chose your girlfriend over your daughter,” Remy said coldly. She turned and snapped her fingers at Nina and said, “C’mon, get your things! Let’s go!”
“Mom!” Nina protested.
“Do not argue with me, Nina Marie,” Remy warned. Nina’s shoulders dropped as she gave in and slunk off to get her things.
“Remy—” I began.
“Blake, I don’t want to hear another word from you,” she hissed. “You didn’t know where she was last night and we still have no idea where she went. And you work a job that keeps you away from home for 24 hours at a time. It is more than obvious that you do not take your responsibility as a parent seriously enough to warrant shared custody of our daughter.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I protested.
“And you have no idea what you’re doing to Nina,” she spat back.
“God, you really are a bitch,” I said, regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth.
“I’m sure the judge will be interested to hear how you really feel about the mother of your child,” she said, in a voice that was chillingly calm.
“Do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better,” I said as my frustration rose. “But Nina is going to hate you more than she already does if you go through with this.”
“Yes, well, that might be true,” Remy said. “But at least if she’s living with me, I know she’ll be alive to do it.”
Having delivered the last blow, Remy grabbed her purse and walked to the front door. Over her shoulder, she said, “Tell Nina I’m waiting in the car.”
I watched as she walked down the driveway and slid into the driver’s seat of her expensive sedan. I knew she wasn’t making an idle threat, but I also knew that her anger at me was clouding her judgment of the situation. I’d fight for Nina, of that there was no doubt.
“Dad, I’m sorry,” Nina said, as she emerged from the bedroom carrying her bags. “I didn’t know that this would happen.”
“Oh, Punkin, I know you didn’t,” I said, as she dropped her bags and threw herself into my arms, weeping like she had when she was small. “Don’t worry, your mom is just upset and scared over what happened. I’ll find a way to calm her down.”
“But she’s going to take me away from you!” Nina wailed.
“No, she’s definitely not going to do that, kiddo,” I reassured her, as I kissed the top of her head. “No one can take you away from me. Not even your mom.”
I held my daughter as she cried and thought about how I was going to counter Remy’s charge that I was an unfit parent. I thought about Emily and how she’d betrayed my trust. If she had only told me that Nina had returned! I was furious with her, but I also knew it wasn’t entirely her fault, it was just easier to blame her — for now.
I had no idea how I’d do it, but I knew I wasn’t going to give up without a fight.