Chapter Thirty-Two
Ethan
I hadn't seen Kayla in three days, and it was killing me. I missed her far more than I would have expected. She was just another pretty model I was fucking — wasn't she?
Only she wasn't. She had become far more than that. She was my best friend, someone I could talk to you about anything, and the one person I looked forward to seeing every morning when I woke up and every night when I fell asleep. She was the one person I wanted to spend all my time with.
The long weekend at her parents' house had been fun, and a lot more enjoyable than I'd expected. Just being surrounded by them, you could feel the love and caring that they had for each other. Tommy was absolutely great. At first, I felt awkward around him, but I worked hard not to let it show, and the more I got to know him, the more I came to really like the kid.
He reminded me of myself when I had been young. I didn't have to battle anything like his disability, but my life had had its own challenges, and through it all, I maintained a love for learning, especially science. The fact that this kid was a natural-born mechanical engineer endeared him to me a special way, and I wished to hell he hadn't been stricken by that damn disease, or I'd have offered him an internship at my company.
The rest of her family was just as great and made me long for something I never even knew I'd been missing and wanting.
Her mother cooking in the kitchen while Kayla and her sisters helped gave me joy as they talked and laughed and filled the house with delicious smells. Bonding with her brother and her sister's husband Mark made me feel like one of the guys, only they both had something I didn't: a family of their own. It made me a little jealous that I couldn't call Kayla my wife. I saw her interacting with her young niece and nephew and it stirred different feelings in me, too — ones I never would have known existed since I never spend any time with children. What surprised me most, however, wasn't that Kayla was a natural aunt, but what the kids stirred up inside myself.
The toddler, Joe III, had been sitting in his highchair, getting food everywhere, while the baby, Madison, contentedly drank a bottle while being held in her father's arms. Mark was a good guy and everybody liked him. So was Junior's wife, Shelby. The spouses were as much a part of the family as the five Brandt children were, and I was surprised by how quickly I felt the level of inclusion. The Brandt's were a loving and welcoming people, and it was easy to see where Kayla got her natural kindness and sense of ease.
When Mark's cell phone went off in his back pocket and he handed six-month-old Madison to me so he could answer it, I was startled. Shit. I didn't know what the hell to do with a baby, but the napping child didn't even stir. She just snuggled against my chest and continued to make little sucking noises with her bow-shaped lips. It melted my heart instantly and made me wonder if maybe someday I could be a father.
The realization startled me. Later that weekend, when everyone started making comments about what a great couple Kayla and I made at the party, and cracking jokes about having our wedding in the Brandt backyard, it scared the shit out me. I wasn't ready for this and I had to find a way out of it.
It had been three days since we'd returned from her parents’ house, and she'd spent every one of those three nights at her apartment instead of spending a few at my place like she used to do. I missed her now that she was gone, but it wasn't something I could admit.
I was an independent bachelor, a cool and aloof playboy that women flocked to. I didn't miss having a woman by my side, and I certainly didn't chase after the love and affection of any one particular woman. They all knew how the game was played. I picked the girl I was attracted to, we had fun for while with no strings attached, and when I was done, I moved on to the next one.
The problem had occurred when Kayla started thinking about family and the future and having babies. Now that we were back in L.A., in the land of the beautiful, rich, and famous, she would get back to normal. She just needed to be reminded of the fun. I had a brilliant idea, and decided to give her a call.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked her. It was the first time I had called her, and she'd answered on the first ring, letting me know she'd been anxiously waiting for my call.
"That depends on you," she stated cautiously. "Do you have an answer for me?"
"I have something better. A date. Go out with me tomorrow."
"Ethan. I can't keep doing this," Kayla sighed, but I cut her off.
"I know you can't. I've been thinking about it these past few days and I have your answer, but I don't want to just blurt it out over the phone. Go out with me tomorrow, and by the end of the date, you'll know.
"Okay," she agreed. I felt my heart turning flips in my chest. It was so loud, I wondered if she could hear it, too.
Beaming with excitement, I said to her, "Use my account to buy yourself a new dress. I'm taking you to the hottest club in L.A. Dinner, drinks, and we'll go dancing all night long. The paparazzi will go crazy, and you'll feel like the shining star that you are."
"Oh." She sounded disappointed, and all my excitement deflated out of me like a punctured balloon.
"That's not what you wanted? Okay, I'll tell you what. You pick the date. Where do you want to go tomorrow? Anyplace in the city. The sky is the limit."
"Any place in the city? Really? You mean it?" I grabbed onto the hopeful note in her voice.
"Of course. Just tell me where."
"Well, the place I want to go is best if we arrive early during the day, and then we won't want to leave until after midnight."
"That's fine."
"And, you are going to want to wear comfortable shoes and probably shorts and a tee-shirt."
"Okay." Now I was intrigued. "Where is this place?"
"The happiest place on earth!" she cried out with girlish glee.
"Disneyland?" I couldn't believe it. Of all the amazing places in this city, she picked a child's amusement park, but I had agreed, so I couldn't back out now. "You got it. Grab your mouse ears, and I'll pick you up in the morning.”
When I pulled up in front of her apartment the next day in the Ferrari, she looked adorable with her blonde hair parted in the middle and tied back into two pigtails. She was wearing denim cut off shorts, walking shoes, and a tightly fitted red tee-shirt that made her breasts look like two, gigantic, luscious cherries. I felt like a fool in brand new khaki shorts and a polo shirt. It was the most casual outfit I had, and I'd never even worn it before.
"Ready to go?" I asked as she climbed into the car.
"Yes! I'm so excited. I haven't been since just before Tommy's heart surgery to treat his myotonic M.D. The whole family took a trip together just in case the he didn't survive, so we would have a special memory of him to share."
"Man, that's tough." I didn't know what else to say.
"It's okay. It turned out we didn't need it; obviously, he survived fine, but we still got the awesome memories anyway. So, how long has it been since you've been to the Magic Kingdom?"
"Actually, I've never been," I confessed, and she looked shocked and horrified.
"How can you spend your entire life living in Los Angeles and not have been to Disneyland? It's the happiest place on earth."
"Well, my childhood wasn't very happy. My mother abandoned me when I was a kid, and then I was taking care of my father. By the time she came back, I was working and going to school full time. In college, my idea of the happiest place on earth was getting high on speed, and after that, it was burying myself in work. As I aged, it became building my company, and now it's having sex with you."
"Well then, it's about time you discovered a whole new kind of joy. No wonder you fear commitment and the family life; you've never had the chance to be a real kid and do real family things. Get ready for the experience of a lifetime." She beamed at me as she took me by the hand and led me up the front gate.
I felt like a fool. What was a 42-year-old man going to do at a kids’ amusement park all day? But Kayla was right. There was a magical quality to the place that allowed me to put aside such notions and throw myself into the fun. The trip on Space Mountain was my first ride on a roller coaster, and for the first time, I understood what the excitement was all about.
I loved watching Kayla's eyes glisten with joy as she sang along with the mechanical parrots in the Tikki Room, and as our boat drifted through the dark caves of It's a Small World, we kissed tenderly and I longed to make love to her so that we could make a child of our own to bring back there someday. It was the first time I had ever had those feelings, and I knew it was from feeling all the joy that filled this magical place of play and wonder.
Making it out of the crowded parking lot was hell, but we finally did it, and I had to admit it had been the perfect way to spend the day.
When we finally got home, I scooped Kayla into my arms and carried her up the stairs to our bedroom and tossed her playfully onto the bed. I threw the blanket up over us to simulate the way we had been in the park, and whispered to her with a grin, "Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, right here."
I lifted her top and took her nipple into my mouth, suckling it sensuously while she arched her back and moaned with pleasure beneath me. She unzipped my slacks, found my dick, and began to massage me there as we both delighted in each other's bodies.
Stripping off my clothes, Kayla straddled my waist and playfully began to kiss her way down my chest, working her way towards my groin.
"So, was I right? Isn't Disneyland the happiest place on earth?" she asked me with a naughty giggle.
"Oh, it was pretty happy, but I think I know a place that is even better: right here, in this bed, with you. Nothing makes me happier than when I'm with you, Kayla Brandt."
Her eyes lit up as she beamed at me with pure joy. "I knew taking you there today would finally get you to commit to me. I'm happiest when I'm with you, too. I only want to be with you for the rest of my life."
"Wait a minute. That's not what I said," I objected, bringing her trail of tender kisses down my chest to an abrupt halt. She sat up straight and stared at me with a look of true heartbreak.
"What are you saying? You still don't want to commit to me?"
"That's what I've always said. Nothing has changed between us; let's just keep things the way they are. "
"Why? So, you can fuck other women if you want to? Are you seeing someone else?"
"No, of course not, but why fix something that isn't broken? What we have together works perfectly. Let's just keep it that way."
"It may work perfectly for you, but it doesn't for me. I love you, and I want to know that you love me, too, and only me. I want to know that I can count on you to be faithful to me and that you'll always be there for me, through good times and bad, the way that I promise to always be there for you. I want to know that this relationship has a future, and that someday we'll get married and maybe even have children of our own."
It was the first time she had said aloud that she loved me, and I was dumbfounded. I loved her, too, and I wish we had spoken the words in a moment of tenderness and not in the heat of anger. Even so, just hearing her say it out loud made my heart soar.
She had gotten out of bed and was putting her clothes back on.
"What are you doing?" I cried out in sudden alarm.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going back to my apartment."
"Don't go. Stay the night. I'll have my driver take you home in the morning," I coaxed, but she was inconsolable. She grabbed a duffel bag from the closet and started shoving her things inside it angrily.
"Don't you get it? I'm not staying the night now or ever again," she raged at me, and the look in her eyes was one of pure hatred. It hit me like a punch to the gut, and I suddenly felt nauseous.
"What are you saying? You're breaking up with me?"
"How can I break up with someone who was never committed to me in the first place? I'm just not willing to be your casual fuck buddy any more. What we have may be good enough for you, but it's not for me and I'm tired of settling for less than I deserve. I did that already with Mick, but this time around, I'm not going to take so long to stand up for myself and what I want."
"You just told me you love me and now you're going to walk out and never come back?" I was incredulous. This couldn't be happening.
"I do love you, but I'm not sure you love me. It's ironic..." She laughed without humor.
"You're the one who taught me to have the confidence in myself not to settle for guys like you, and now you're the one trying to charm me into wasting years of my life with a man who just wants to use me for sex.
“For the briefest moment, when we were at my parents’ house this weekend, I thought you might have evolved from this spoiled playboy bachelor into a real man who would commit to me, but now I see that was just a ruse. Well, I can't let myself stay with you just because I love you if you're never going to commit to me. Goodbye, Ethan Colson. It's been incredible, and I'll never forget you."
She gave me one last long kiss goodbye. Then, she picked up her bag and strode from the room. I picked up a bottle of scotch from the bar and started drinking without a glass. I didn't stop until I passed out with the nearly empty bottle still in my hand.
The next morning, I felt like shit. I couldn't tell if it was the heartache or the hangover, but it didn't matter. I popped another bottle of scotch from the bar and started drinking it for breakfast. The day blurred into night, and I just kept medicating myself with liquor.
For the first time in my life, I truly understood my father. I used to think he was weak. I thought he was a fool with no courage and no will power to let the loss of a woman drive him to such despair. I thought I could outsmart him and not make his same mistakes by refusing to fall in love. I kept women at a distance, using them as sexual objects and avoiding having any kind of true emotional intimacy with them, and ever since my breakup with Gwyneth, I had succeeded — until Kayla had come into my life.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I had been doomed from the moment I first laid eyes on her, looking so intoxicating in the damn bikini top with her sweet smile and blue eyes. She was laying a trap for me the entire time, luring me in with her hot body and then trapping me with her winning personality. I couldn't stay away, couldn't stop thinking about her and wanting to know more about her.
"Ethan, wake up. It's after noon," a familiar female voice was calling my name and shaking me by the shoulder vigorously. Could it be her? my groggy mind wondered hopefully, but no — the voice wasn't right.
I opened my grainy eyes and stared blearily up into the face of none other than my former assistant, Angela. She looked beautiful, with her red hair falling around her porcelain face in soft waves, like an angel come to rescue me.
"Come on, let's get you into the shower and put some food into your stomach." She dragged me out of bed, stripped me down, and shoved me under the spray of a cold shower. The blast of icy water shocked me out of my groggy hangover, and I rushed to turn the temperature up.
"You stink and you look like shit. Get cleaned up and meet me in your kitchen," Angela insisted in the same capable tone she would use when we used to work together. She had always been superb at her job. She never took any crap from me and had a way of making sure things got done with excellent precision, and this was no exception.
She handed me a bar of soap and closed the door behind her as she left. I had to admit the hot water washing away all the spilt booze, sweat, and vomit from my grimy flesh felt good, even though my head was pounding.
I put on some fresh clothes and as I got downstairs, Angela handed me a huge glass of water along with several Extra-Strength Tylenol. No sooner had I finished the pills than she handed me a steaming cup of very strong coffee along with a plate of dry of toast.
"How is it?" she asked as I tried not to choke on the thick brew.
"Good," I lied and took a huge bite of toast. God, I was starving. When was the last time I'd eaten? As I chewed, I looked at her quizzically and said, "What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?" she shot back me with her usual fire. "You've got a company to run. We're in the middle of a lawsuit. Shit's falling down all around us, and the CEO and owner has been missing for three days. I figured someone better come over here and fish you out whatever muck you'd slipped down into, and it looks like I'm not a moment too soon."
"Three days?" I couldn't believe it had been so long, yet the pain of Kayla leaving me still felt like it had just happened. I looked down at my chest expecting to still see blood gushing from my open wound, but there was nothing.
"So, what the hell happened? Did that girl leave you?" Angela didn't pull any punches. I had thought I had done a good job of keeping my feelings buried, or at least hidden, but she saw right through me. Was it as apparent to everyone else?
I started to deny it, but she shot me a glare and I had no choice but to tell the truth. "Yeah. Since the night of the press conference, she'd been pressuring me to commit to her, and I kept having to explain that's not who I am. She couldn't accept it, so she left."
"So you started drinking and haven't stopped since." It was an observation, not an accusation.
"I'd been missing out on a lot of parties since I was with her. I needed to make up for some lost time," I said with false bravado, but Angela didn't buy it.
"Yeah, a party of one. I hope you didn't do anything to make it hard for her to take you back."
"Why would I want to do that? I've got tons of girls falling at my feet."
"Yeah, but none of them are her." She was rubbing it in, and it was starting to piss me off.
"So what? You don't even like Kayla," I grumbled.
"No, but any girl that can steal you away from me deserves some respect. I may not like that wholesome-girl-next-door thing she's got going, but it's clear that you sure as hell do."
"What are you talking about? I like women of all types: vixens, athletes, petite, curvy. As long as she's got tits and an ass, I'm game to fuck any girl."
"Is that what I was?" Angela shot another zinger at me, and I felt the color rise in my face.
Hiding behind my coffee mug, I said, "I was with you longer than any relationship, except for when I was with Gwyneth back in college. I'm just not capable of settling down with anyone. I'm a born player."
"Yeah, but you never felt for me what you felt for her. I saw the way your eyes lit up whenever you looked at Kayla, and when you talked about her you were practically beaming. I was no match for her right from the start; you two are meant for each other."
"How can you say that? She and I have only been going out for a few months," I said, feeling defensive.
"It's obvious. I've been working with you for a long time and I've seen you with a lot of women, including myself. You've never lit up inside the way you do when you're with Kayla. She's the first girl to touch your heart and actually get inside that barrier of yours. Let down the walls. Let her in. Go for it."
"That's not me. I'm a bachelor." I couldn't stop clinging to who I used to be. It was pure stubbornness now, but I couldn't surrender.
"Then why did you drink yourself into a coma when she left you?" Angela asked pointedly, and I had no answer. She placed her hands gently over mine. "Maybe it's time you stop fighting this and admit that you love her. Give her the commitment she wants from you."
"Why the hell should I do that?" I asked. I tried to put a surly edge in my voice, but I just sounded broken and defeated.
"Because it's obvious it's what you want, too. Your playboy days are over. Now, go make things right with Kayla so you can come back to work. We miss you."
She gave my hand a squeeze and prepared to leave, but when she tried to let go, I kept holding onto her manicured hand. Our eyes locked as I whispered softly, "Thank you, Angela. For everything."
"No problem. I didn't do it for you. I did it for me. The office is falling apart without you, and Stan is going nuts. I'd better get back to him before he completely loses it."
"Do you think he could do without you for a little bit longer?" I asked, giving her my best puppy dog look.
"Maybe? What did you have in mind?" Angela looked weary.
"I've got to plan something big to win Kayla back and I need your expert help."
"You've got it." She grinned, and I told her my plan.
"Do you think it will work?" I asked worriedly.
"No girl could say no to this, and if Kayla does, then let me know and I'll say yes to you," she laughed. It gave me the boost of confidence I needed to carry it through. I just hoped she was right.