Chapter Twenty-One
Cam
I needed to see Alex, that much I knew for certain. I wanted to explain my mysterious departure and I wanted to find a way to get her to stay in my life. I knew after hearing her clipped message that she was pissed at me for disappearing, and I didn't blame her. I listened to her voicemail message and knew things were not looking good for me.
"Cam, it's Alex. I'm returning your call. If you want to talk to me, then find me at the hospital tonight. I'll be there from ten until ten tomorrow morning. I'm sure there will be some window of time in which we can discuss what happened last night. If I don't see you, then I guess we'll figure out another time. Take care."
I dropped my uniforms off at the cleaners and went home. Alex's message had made it very clear that I had a lot of explaining to do, and I didn't blame her a bit for being mad. Alex wouldn't be at work for a few more hours, so I changed into my sweats and sneakers and took Tesla for a long run.
As I ran, I thought about what I was going to tell Alex. I knew there was a good chance that she was going to dump me as soon as I told her who I was and how I made my money, but I also knew that there was no way I was going to be able to keep a secret from her once I told Leo that we would accept Metzler's conditions for the contract.
I also thought about Quinn. As painful as it had been to hear it, Leo was right. Quinn would have been highly disappointed to learn that I'd shut myself off from almost everything. She'd have scolded me for being so closed-minded and afraid of change, but I hadn't been ready to let anyone else in.
"We're going to have to open up and let go of the idea that we can control it all, girl," I huffed as Tesla and I ran. She ran a little ahead of me and then dropped back to match my stride as I talked to her. "I'm not sure how this is going to go, though. I don't know if Alex will like how our life works."
Tesla let out a short woof as she ran and then picked up the pace as she spotted a baby rabbit moving around under some bushes. She took off like a flash and yanked hard on the leash.
"Tesla! Stop!" I yelled as the baby rabbit sped off under the bush. I caught up to her a few seconds later and stopped to catch my breath as she nosed around the bush. "Let it go, girl. It's a baby."
"Woof!" she replied as she sat down and stared at the dense cover waiting for the baby bunny to reappear. I yanked on her leash and urged her to get moving again, and after a few tugs, she gave up her vigil and ran with me.
"You're hopeless, you know?" I laughed as we pounded the pavement and headed for home. Back at the house, I fed Tesla before showering and making my own dinner. It was still early, so I decided to stop by O'Neil's and have a beer before I went to find Alex.
"Hey, Cam, it's been awhile!" Billy called as he grabbed a bottle of Fat Tire and held it up with a questioning look.
"Nah, give me a Blue Moon tonight," I said, shaking my head. "I gotta keep my wits about me."
"You negotiating something?" Billy asked half-seriously.
"Something like that." I grinned.
"Must be a woman," he observed as he poured me a draft and stuck an orange slice on the edge of the glass.
"How'd you know?" I laughed.
"There's only two things you stay sober to negotiate," he replied. "Women and speeding tickets."
"Is that right, Billy?" I laughed harder as I sipped my beer and looked around the place. There were a few tables full of tourists, and the bar was lined with regulars who all waved at me and then turned their attention back to the hockey game on the big screen behind the bar.
"So, who's the woman?" Billy asked as he ran a sink full of hot water and began washing bar glasses.
"Her name's Alex," I said, knowing that I could tell Billy anything and my secrets would stay safe with him. He was like the Fort Knox of firefighter confessions. "She's a nursing student over at the college and is doing her internship at General."
"I see." Billy nodded. "How you feeling about that?"
"Honestly, mixed up," I said as I ran my finger down the side of my beer glass leaving a line in the perspiration. "I'm not sure how I should feel."
"She know about Quinn?" he asked as he dunked a glass into the suds, scrubbed with his rag, and then plunged the glass into the rinse water.
"Yeah, she's fine with it." I nodded.
"She know about the other business?" Billy asked. I'd told him about CSC one drunken evening when I was worried that I wouldn't be able to come up with the cash to keep it going. Billy had suggested that I find a few partners, but I'd blown off the idea once I'd gotten the life insurance check. I hadn't wanted to keep any of the money, but Leo had convinced me that I needed to invest it, even if I wasn't going to spend it myself. Billy had seconded Leo's advice, so I'd done it.
"No, but I'm going to tell her tonight," I said. "Leo's landed a big client and we're going to have to go public with the ownership to keep the contract."
"How do you feel about that?" Billy asked as one of the regulars signaled for another drink. "Be right back."
I used the time to think about how I really felt about all of this. I was angry that I was being forced to show myself and become the focus of attention again. I'd had enough of it to last a lifetime after Quinn had died, but now I wondered if I hadn't gotten too deep into my own need for privacy.
"I think I'm okay with it," I said when Billy returned from delivering the drink. "I think it's good for me to let go of the past and start to live in the present now. And maybe the attention on CSC will be a good thing for me and Leo."
"Sounds like a good attitude," Billy said with a knowing smile. "It's good to see you branching out."
"It feels good to start to live again." I nodded.
"Women will do that to you." Billy grinned. "You sure you're ready for that?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," I said as Billy reached across the bar and slapped my shoulder.
I sat and shot the breeze with him for another hour before I realized that Alex had started her shift at the hospital and I needed to see her.
#
I parked on a side street and walked in through the emergency entrance. A receptionist looked at me and held up a clipboard full of forms before she realized who I was. She buzzed me through to the ER, and I went in search of Alex.
"She's down in the stock room in the basement," the shift nurse said. "She should be back up in a few minutes."
"I'll go find her, if that's okay," I said as I turned toward the freight elevator.
"Suit yourself." The charge nurse shrugged. "Tell her we need more 4x4 bandages as well."
I saluted her as I hit the button and waited for the elevator to take me to the basement. It was dark downstairs, and I wasn't sure which way the supply room was until I saw a light at the end of the hallway to the right.
"Alex? You down here?" I called as I walked toward the light.
"Over here!" she called as I continued down the hallway and found her standing on top of a ladder trying to reach a large box on top of a cabinet. I could see that she was precariously perched on the top step, so I moved to the ladder and held it steady. I couldn't help but stare at her round bottom and remember the way it had felt in my hands the night before. She looked down and caught me staring and smiled as she said, "Thanks."
"Toss the box down," I said after she'd found what she was looking for. "I'll catch it."
"No, it's fine," she said primly as she navigated her way down the steps holding the box. Once she was back on the ground, she looked up at me and said, "So, you had something you wanted to say?"
There was something about Alex's face that brought down all of my defenses. She stood looking up at me expectantly as I searched for the right words to say.
"Alex, I have to tell you something," I began. She looked so lovely. I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and gently stroking her cheek. "I...I...I..." The next thing I knew, I was leaning forward wrapping my arms around her to pull her to me so I could kiss her.
Alex's body stiffened in my arms, but her lips softened as she kissed me back. My hands roamed her body desperately seeking a way to get under her scrubs to touch her skin, and when I found it I sighed into her lips and kissed her harder.
I untied her bottoms and let them slide to the floor as my fingers slipped between her legs and stroked the damp fabric. There was something that made me need to please her. I needed to feel her moving under my hands, being aroused by me, and reaching a climax because I gave it to her. I didn't understand the need driving me, I just acted on it.
Alex moaned softly into my mouth as I slipped my fingers under the fabric and dipped them into the warm wetness. Her inner lips were so soft and slippery, I knew she'd been thinking about me long before I'd shown up. I played in the wetness, tracing a slow, deliberate path from top to bottom over and over again as she moaned and pushed her hips forward to meet my hand. I spent a long time stroking the outer edges of her entrance so that when I finally pushed two fingers up inside of her, she cried out with relief.
I took my time finding the soft spot on her inner walls, and when I did, I stroked it as I pushed my thumb against her clit and applied pressure. Alex writhed in my arms as I kept my mouth pressed to hers. I needed this, and I knew she did too. I increased the tempo of my rhythm as I felt her moving closer to a climax. I stroked and pressed until she was crying out begging me to take her over the edge.
I watched as the waves began to engulf her, and when the full force of her orgasm hit, I pulled back and watched the beautiful expression on her face as she found release through my hand. I held her until I heard her breathing return to normal, and then I slowly withdrew my hand and bent down to pull her scrubs up over her hips and tie them again.
"What was that?" she asked, looking up at me with a mildly dazed expression. "What do you do to me?"
"Alex, I wasn't planning that," I said, suddenly aware of how all of this would seem if I spilled my secret after that. She was going to think I was using sex to manipulate her. My heart dropped as I realized that I'd just spoiled my chance to tell her the whole truth. "I'm sorry."
"You've got to be kidding me," she said. "That was amazing, but if that's not why you came here, why did you?"
"I wanted to tell you something," I said. "You make me want to do things I haven't done in a long time. You make me feel things I've never felt before, and I want to be around you all the time."
"I know the feeling," Alex said as the color rose in her cheeks. "I feel the same way."
"I just wanted you to know that I want you in my life," I said. "I know it hasn't been that long, but there's something special about you and I don't want to lose it."
"And that's what you ran away from last night?" she asked. I inhaled deeply knowing that now was my chance to spill it all. I needed to tell her about the company and the money because it was going to come out whether I liked it or not. Either Metzler was going to get his way or Victor was going to divulge my secrets. I had to tell Alex before it all came crashing down.
"Yeah, that's what I wanted to tell you, but was afraid to say," I said, kicking myself for chickening out.
"It's okay, you know." She smiled. "I'm scared, too. Maybe if we talk to each other honestly about it, we'll be able to work it out."
Unable to reply to her because I was burning with the shame of hanging on to a secret, I simply nodded. Alex threw her arms around my neck and pulled me down to kiss her, and in that kiss I could feel hope returning. It was a hope that I thought I'd lost the day that Quinn died.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her back. I knew I was going to have to tell her about CSC, but right now was not the right time.
"I want you to come to my place and meet Tesla," I said as I held her close to me. "Can I pick you up on Friday morning after I get off my shift? Will you be here?"
"No, I'll be in class, but I don't have to work Friday night." She smiled.
"I'll pick you up at your place at six," I said as I cupped her cheek. "I'm going to cook for you, so bring your appetite."
"Oh, wow, a guy who fights fires, is kind to animals, makes my pulse race, and cooks, too?" She grinned as she feigned swooning. "Be still my beating heart!"
I leaned down and kissed her once again before I stepped back and straighten her scrubs. She laughed lightly and then grabbed the basket of supplies she'd gathered and headed for the elevator. I took it from her even as she frowned.
"It's not a sexist thing, I'm just trying to look like I was helping rather than...uh..." I explained.
Alex threw her head back and laughed loudly, and I grinned, feeling like I'd finally rejoined the world.