Chapter 11
Eric
Sighing deeply, I raise my hand and gently tap on Emma’s door.
Today was the one-year anniversary of Magnum & Steins and I was still nowhere closer to Emma than the day she arrived. Yes, we had developed a cautious friendship and she no longer gritted her teeth around me, but I still was a long way from being in her bed…
From having her look at me the way she looked at Lucas.
That light in her eyes that had initially attracted me has still not returned and I was beginning to realize that it may never return.
That I may never see that again.
I also knew I was the cause of it.
But today was another milestone for our accomplishment in the success of the restaurant and Emma deserved to celebrate after all of her hard work so I’d asked Emma to join me, along with our chef and his wife, for dinner in celebration. I’d booked a table in another restaurant wanting to give Emma a break from Magnum & Steins completely. My only hope for tonight is to have her relax.
And I also have the desperate hope that I’ll see some of her happiness return tonight.
To bring back the radiant Emma that had drawn me in, - and yes, the one I’d stamped out - instead of the Emma I now see every day, to help me get rid of some of this guilt I’m feeling.
I’m starting to hate myself too much for what I’d done to her.
I hear the door unlock and then it swings open.
My breath catches.
She looks absolutely stunning in a dark blue, cocktail dress that clings to all of the right places.
Clearing my throat, wanting to put her at immediate ease, I say in as close to a companionable tone as I can, “I picked up Tom and Tracy on the way and we have champagne in the limo.”
Emma smiles a small smile, one that causes my heart to twist painfully in my chest.
It’s the one she has unknowingly adopted since the day she moved here.
It was a smile that tried to hide her loneliness and her pain.
I watch as she turns to take her purse from the console table next to the door.
Feeling suddenly awkward and unknowing what to say or do, I take a step back as she steps out and pulls the door closed. I stare at the back of her head as she ensures its locked, my heart twisting once again that I was the one who had made her so unhappy.
I’m so sorry, Emma, - my heart silently confesses. But I don’t want to see you happier with someone else. I only wanted to keep you for myself. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met and I’m so god damn sorry for all that I’ve done.
I open my mouth, to openly admit to her that I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done, the misery that I’ve caused but nothing comes out. Then she is turning and heading down the hall towards the elevators and I slowly follow, the words caught somewhere between my heart and my mouth.
As the elevator doors slide shut in front of us, the air in the elevator - for me - seems heavy, as if it’s waiting for me to say something.
To admit that I’d made a mistake.
Once again, I open my mouth, but Emma beats me to ending the silence between us as I hear her say quietly, “Thanks for tonight, Eric. I needed this.”
Instead, my mouth snaps shut as I struggle with how to respond. How she could be thanking me after everything I’ve done…
I didn’t deserve her thanks.
Because I was the one who stole that joy from her eyes. The happiness from her heart.
The elevator doors slide open and I’m prevented from attempting any response as Emma steps out of the elevator.
I hear her warmly greet Bertrand and I also hear Bertrand’s low whistle in appreciation while I remain standing inside the elevator struggling with emotions I never felt before.
The elevator dings, signaling that it’s about to close the doors again, prompting me to quickly step off before I’m carried to another floor.
Bertrand’s eyes come to me as he holds the door open for Emma and I see the pity in them for me as he says softly, “Have a good evening, Mr. Eric.”
Even he knows I don’t stand a chance with Emma.
Forcing a strained smile, I step through the open door as I reply equally as soft, “Thanks, Bertrand.”
Richard, my chauffeur, smiles at Emma in welcome as he swings the limo door open and I watch as Emma bends, causing her dress to ride higher up her thighs as she joins Tom and Tracy in the limo.
Sighing deeply, giving my head a quick shake in an attempt to shake off some of my melancholy thoughts, I follow Emma into the limo.
I listen to Emma and Tracy excitedly chat about the upcoming evening and I’m glad that I arranged for Tom and Tracy to be here celebrating with us. If it helped put a smile on Emma’s face, then that was all the reward I needed.
Handing Emma a glass of champagne before pouring one for myself, I continue to listen to the ladies’ chat, with Tom interjecting from time to time, throughout the drive to the restaurant.
Pulling up outside one of LA’s premier dining establishments, I press the button to connect with the ear piece in Richard’s ear to tell him I would escort the ladies out of the limo. As I stand by the limo, I hold out my hand to assist Emma and as she looks up at me before taking my hand, my heart gives another little twist at the hollowness in her eyes.
I can’t help myself as I gently give her hand a squeeze. Her eyes well up and my heart aches.
Not for me…
But, unselfishly, for her…
Slowly, I release her hand and turn to assist Tracy from the limo. I continue to stand next to the open door as Tom unfolds himself from the limo, needing the time to regain control of some of my emotions.
Swinging the limo door shut, I turn and forcing a smile I don’t quite feel onto my face, I hold my arm out to Emma to lead her inside the restaurant entrance. Following the host to our table for the evening, I pull Emma’s chair out before taking my seat next to her. I force myself out of my mood as our evening meal begins, not wanting anything, not even my mood, to make Emma any sadder than what she is.
I can’t help but notice that Emma drinks quite a lot throughout the evening, but I don’t say anything as I’ve been down that road.
That road of drinking too much in the hopes that eventually it will numb the pain just a little.
That desperate desire to just feel a little less of the searing emotional pain.
Another jeering pain inflicts itself on my heart as I finally see what my selfishness has done to the only person in this world that I care about.
“Let’s go dancing!” I hear Emma suggest in a louder tone than usual to our dinner companions.
Tracy, having consumed her fair share of drinks as well, nods excitedly as she suggests a place not far from the restaurant.
I hear Tom groan and I force a fake chuckle as I pull myself out of my thoughts, before I say, “It appears to be turning into a ladies’ night.”
Tom groans again, mumbling underneath his breath.
Chuckling again, my mood a little lighter now that I can see that this night has been successful as Emma seems to be finally fully enjoying herself, I stand and assist Emma from her chair. Quickly, her and Tracy link arms and Tom and I are left to follow them out of the restaurant, down the three short blocks to a night club.
I pay the cover charge for all of us and the girls quickly enter and head straight to the dance floor as Tom and I head to the bar.
After ordering drinks for all of us, I turn to watch the girls dancing drunkenly on the dance floor, my heart longing for Emma.
“You okay?” I hear Tom ask.
Breaking my gaze from the girls, I turn and glance at Tom’s concerned face. Quickly, I break the connection before allowing him to see too much.
“Yeah, just a few things on my mind,” I reply and lift my drink to take a sip.
“You seem a little concerned about Emma,” he says knowingly.
Smirking disdainfully at myself, I reply, “I was the one who took her happiness away and I’m not quite sure how to bring it back.”
Tom looks at me questioningly, as he never knew me before Emma, before she made me feel like a human, but I once again break eye contact and look down at the glass I have clutched tight in my hand.
The current song ends and I hear “Feel So Close” by Calvin Harris begin.
Turning from the bar to look back at the dance floor, I watch Tracy walk towards Tom and grasping his hand, she pulls him unwillingly to the dance floor. My eyes go to Emma, now dancing by herself with her eyes closed, as if lost, completely alone even though she is completely surrounded by people.
My heart once again aches for her and laying my drink down, I head towards her, wanting so desperately for her to never, ever feel the way that I do.
To feel completely lost and alone.
Insignificant…
Like no one cares…