Chapter 24
Eric
Looking out over the Toronto skyline, I grasp the rail on the balcony on the top floor of the penthouse suite I’d rented for the evening to attend Emma’s wedding.
Her smile as she walked down the aisle to marry Lucas plays through my mind and it catches and squeezes at my heart.
She had looked so very beautiful – so much like the Emma that I’d first met with that radiant smile back in place, happiness radiating from the very essence of her.
He had put it there…
Not me.
I allow my mind to float away.
To dream.
What would it be like to make love with someone like Emma?
To have someone so in love with you that they can’t breathe correctly without having you in their life?
Someone who was so radiant that their inner beauty caused you to feel a small amount of happiness for the first time in your life?
Glancing up at the dark night skies, I look up at the stars and ask in a choked voice, “Why? Why did you bring her into my life? To tempt me? To make me want her when I could never have her?”
I hear the balcony door slide open and squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I’d never gone to the lobby bar when I returned to the hotel. My stomach muscles tighten in repulsion as I feel arms slide around my naked waist, as a hand slides up to grasp a nipple between two fingers to roughly tweak them.
The other hand slides down, wrapping around my cock and starts to pull and tug.
Wrapping my hands tighter around the railing, I allow my head to drop forward.
I was still drunk enough to allow myself to pretend, so I close my eyes.
I see Emma in her wedding dress, her beautiful full breasts that I never got to sample, taunting me and I inhale deeply.
What would she have tasted like? – I allow my mind to wander.
Nothing but pure sweetness.
I feel my cock jolt to full wakefulness and I groan as I think of her smile, how it always seemed to radiate through me even though it had never once been directed at me.
I think of those sweet lips of hers as they turned up into that smile and I fantasize, not for the first time, how it would feel to be with her, to touch her softness.
Her lushness.
I feel the hands release my nipple and cock before they slide to my hips, prompting me to turn.
I don’t fight it, it feels too good…
This pretending…
That Emma is here.
I feel a mouth wrap around my now pulsating cock and I keep my eyes closed.
What would it feel like to push my cock past those sweet lips of hers, knowing that I’d never be there if she wasn’t in love with me.
That thought is like an aphrodisiac as I think of it…
To have someone so sweet, so pure that they only allow you to touch them…
To trust only you enough with their body…
Their heart.
I feel myself start to spurt and my hand comes up to her hair, my breath hissing from my throat as I feel the convulsions overtake me.
“Oh Emma…” I whisper.
Opening my eyes, I stare into the eyes of the woman kneeling before me.
Hastily, I step away from her, my cock popping out of her mouth as the revulsion returns.
As she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, my stomach jolts, threatening to erupt.
I quickly turn away from her as my roughened voice barks out, “Get out.”
“You can’t be serious,” is all she says.
Clenching my teeth, I keep my head turned as I reply, “Yes, I’m serious.”
A few seconds of silence and then I hear her murmur suggestively, which only repulses me further, “Whoever this Emma is has you totally fucked up but I’m good to pretend I’m her.”
I feel her hands begin to slide around my waist again and angrily, I step away from her before turning to face her.
Her too blond hair looks way too fake…
Her heavily made up face way too fake…
Her breasts completely wrong in their smallness…
“You could never be her,” I grit out.
Her face changes, becoming nasty as she says, “You easily replaced her a few minutes ago.”
Anger slowly begins its pulse through me.
But it’s not anger at her, whatever her name is.
It’s anger for me.
That I allowed memories of Emma be tarnished by being with this woman…
It seemed wrong that I’d allowed this to happen and I was now angry with myself.
Someone like Emma would never have anything to do with someone like me…
A complete fuck up who pretended a bar pick up was someone who I loved.
“You know what? This isn’t worth it,” I hear the blond sigh out. She finally turns, reopens the balcony door before throwing over her shoulder, “You’re an asshole. I can understand why Emma ditched you.”
I don’t respond, only stand there watching her through the balcony door as she hastily pulls on her clothes all while throwing angry glances my way.
When the door to the hotel suite shuts loudly behind her, I sigh out, trying to catch my breath…
Feeling frozen now as numbness slips over me.
Slowly, I turn…
Once again facing the Toronto skyline…
Stepping closer to the rail, I grasp it tightly, my chest aching…
My heart thumping painfully…
Looking down at the darkened street below, I silently wonder what it would be like to allow myself to fall into that black abyss.
To just allow myself to slip away…
Finally taking away my pain.
Leaning forward, I feel the breeze on my face, as I question the dark night, “Would anyone really miss me?”
***********
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Excerpt from my next book in this series
Entwined
Chapter 1
Grasping Cass’s hand, I can’t help the laughter that bubbles up from my throat unexpectedly…
Bringing me so much relief…
Lessening the constant and heavy pressure that I feel daily between my shoulder blades.
I let my head fall back and I stare up at the disco ball, it’s strobes mesmerizing my alcohol sodden brain. Then I just close my eyes and allow my body to slip away…
To just slip away…
Pretending for a moment there are no constraints.
Extending my arms out, I twirl, breathing in the feeling of freedom.
Even if it’s just for a moment…
That the mountain of responsibilities that I face every day are not waiting for me, overwhelming me as they usually do.
No, instead I allow myself to pretend, just for a moment, as my body moves however it wishes…
And right now, all it wants to do is dance.
The multiple drinks I’ve already consumed certainly helps.
Cass, slightly drunk and giggly herself, tugs on my hand, prompting me to open my eyes and lift my head. Still holding my hand, she lifts her arm high, silently encouraging me to do a spin.
And I do…
Just allowing myself to spin round and round again…
Forgetting everything.
Letting it all go for tonight.
Losing myself to the loud bass of the raucous music surrounding me, that seems to be enveloping my soul.
Dancing in a room filled with people, yet all by myself.
It feels so damn good.
So very wonderful.
The song comes to an end, and with it, I come to a perfect, if somewhat drunken stop as well.
Laughing, I release Cass’s hand and pull her into me for a hug, so appreciative to have her as my friend. She had always been there for me. We had met only a few years ago, when I’d been at my lowest, but our friendship had been real and strong from the moment we met.
She was who I leaned on when I needed someone.
When I reached the point that I felt I couldn’t go on, when I feel weak and broken, sometimes so god damn tired that I felt I couldn’t go on, she was my person.
After the letter I received this week, she knew I was once again close to my breaking point, so she called me this evening, insisting that we go out dancing. I’d immediately responded no, as I usually do when she mentions going out. With the burden of my responsibilities, plus all the bullshit going on in my life, how could I just leave everything and pretend all was okay in my life? But Miranda had overheard our phone conversation and she’d immediately insisted that she would stay and look after everything. She had firmly told me to go, to let my hair down and forget about everything.
I’d hesitated but the look Miranda had given me - that look of pity, had prompted me to accept Cass’s invitation.
And to be truthful, it had been tempting.
To just be me for one night.
I haven’t felt like me for so long.
And right now, - I admit silently, - being me felt great.
“Don’t look now but there’s a guy heading our way with his eyes solely focused on you,” Cass shouts over the music.
I feel my muscles automatically tense as I brace myself for the oncoming usual pick up lines. I’m sure they haven’t changed much since I last dated.
Plus, the last thing I wanted was attention from a man. They brought nothing but pain and grief, and I’d had enough to last a lifetime.
Cass gently tugs my hand, her eyes sobering a little as she says, “Alexa…” She pauses, the beat of the next song beginning before she continues, “Don’t push this guy away before he even gets here. Just relax and dance with him. Despite what you think, not all men are pigs.”
A quick, reflexive response bubbles up in my throat but I push it back.
Then Cass’s eyes turn teasing as she tries to lighten my mood as she quips, “Who knows! He could turn out to be a great one-night stand if you’d only allow it.”
I know Cass’s dealings with the opposite sex have been far different from mine. She was with a guy who was completely devoted to her. She’d never gone through what I had, and while she’d been by my side as my world started to crumble, she never knew what it was like to have someone you love and depended upon to completely destroy your life.
To turn it completely upside down.
But how could it hurt to do what she asks tonight? To just simply allow myself to dance with a guy? – I silently ask myself.
After all, it would only be one dance. It’s not like I had to bring him home or anything.
It’s just one dance, - I silently, but reluctantly, convince myself.
Cass gives my hand another gentle, reassuring squeeze before releasing it.
Sighing, I don’t have any further time to contemplate as I hear a male voice shout into my ear, “Wanna dance?”
Turning, I look up into the face of the handsome, dark haired guy who is towering over me, which is easy to do given my petite five-foot frame. His overly muscular shoulders prevent me from seeing anything other than him and I mentally sigh again. His muscular frame would be a turn on for some girls but not me. To me, he looks like one of those guys that hang out in gyms with other guys, flexing their arms in the mirrors to see who had the bigger muscles.
I had no interest in muscle-heads that were so caught up on their looks that they felt it necessary to preen in front of a mirror with other likeminded men.
“Sure,” I respond reluctantly, wishing I could go back to just a few moments ago to when I’d been so carefree, just dancing by myself.
Just like everything in my life, I always preferred to be on my own. My life was way better that way I’d come to realize. It was less complicated and way easier when you didn’t have another person to worry about.
To think about.
The dark-haired handsome stranger smiles wide and his professionally whitened teeth flash overly bright with the strobe lights.
For a moment, I contemplate changing my mind again.
But what was one dance on a crowded dance floor? – I silently try to convince myself once again.
Forcing a smile onto my face, I watch him wearily as he attempts to get his body to move in some form of a coordinated dance effort.
I can’t help but inwardly wince at his attempts.
There’s no doubt that he’s sexy, hot even, and if it was any other woman here, they would probably already be all over this man, taking him home for the night.
But I was far - very far, away from ever doing anything like that.
I was in no way attracted to this man.
But that didn’t mean that I couldn’t stop these thoughts and just enjoy this dance.
So, closing my eyes to his erratic dance moves that are only another thing to add to the list of the things that are turning me off about this guy, I lift my hands to my hair, pulling the long, heavy strands up and off my neck to allow a little of the cool air from the overworked air conditioner to cool my skin.
And it feels so heavenly.
The music continues to pulse around me and my body, of its own accord, focuses on the beat.
How it’s making me feel alive for the first time in such a long time.
Reopening my eyes, my dance partner has his eyes trained on my breasts, which he quickly retrains to my hips, and I watch as he swallows thickly.
I know he’s playing out some sort of sexual fantasy with me out in his mind.
And despite how I feel about men, or about him, I have to admit that I find it a little…empowering…
It’s been a while since a man looked at me like he’s looking at me. It’s also been a while since I allowed a man this close to me and the sexual power that I’d forcibly buried for so long brims slightly to the surface.
Would it be so wrong to allow myself to simply feel like a woman? - I silently ask myself.
And then the thought floats away as my intrinsic sexual feminine power, along with the alcohol buoying my courage, takes over.
Turning so that my back is now to my dancing partner, I don’t push away his hands as they come to rest on my waist. Instead, I look over my shoulder at him, smiling slightly in encouragement, as I say loud enough only for him to hear, “Just move your hips like this.”
He grins wider, only too happy to try the small hip gyration if it means that there’s a possibility I’ll take him home.
He has no idea that there’s not a chance of that happening.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to enjoy this small moment of feminine power that I feel. It’s been too long since I felt this, and it felt good. Plus, my dance partner desperately needed to learn some new dance moves, and that much I could teach him.
After a few seconds, he finally gets his hips into some semblance of a hip thrust and I can’t help but wince again internally as I realize, that despite his good looks and large muscular frame, he was anything but sensual when it came to innately knowing how to move his body.
I silently pity any woman that sleeps with him.
Men who had no idea of how to make their body move to music often made for sad bed partners.
I can’t help but burst into laughter as my dance partner attempts another move that can only be described as purely hilarious.
But the laughter feels wonderful, and along with the alcohol pumping through me and my movements to the music, I feel happy…
Carefree for the first time in such a long while.
Turning my head to look for Cass who had headed across the dance floor somewhere, my heart leaps and then comes to complete standstill…
Standing on the edge of the dance floor, sipping on a clear drink, is the guy from the washroom at Jack’s bar that I’d helped a few weeks ago.
If I thought he was the epitome of an Adonis back then, dressed in a suit and tie, drunk and anger radiating from every pore of him as his hand dripped blood from having shattered the mirror…
Having him stare at me so intently – so intoxicatingly – from across the dance floor, dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt that shows off the tattoo that spirals up his left arm that had been covered by his clothing that night in the washroom, only makes the magnetic pull I felt then pale in comparison to the sheer sexual magnetism I feel towards him right now.
My nipples pucker and my body flushes responding to his magnetism.
I instinctively know somehow, that standing across the floor from me was a man, without ever knowing him, who would have that intrinsically sensual awareness of knowing exactly how his body moves.
He knows exactly how to please a woman, - whispers through my mind and it remains there, taunting me as I return his gaze.
I’d thought of him several times over the past few weeks.
How could I not?
Just looking at his face…
He was simply, and beautifully, gorgeous.
He had a face that would haunt any woman’s dreams.
And he’d been haunting mine.
When I’d been at Jack’s bar and I heard the shattering of a mirror in the men’s washroom, I’d immediately went to check it out.
Opening the door to find a tall, large, dark blond Adonis of a man with blood dripping uncaringly from his hand had momentarily stunned me.
Or perhaps it was the immediate - and intense - magnetic pull that this man seemed to radiate that had stunned me.
Whatever it was, the feeling of his overly large masculine presence in the room had obliterated all of my senses as I moved forward instinctively to help him.
It was only when I moved a little closer, smelled the alcohol off his breath, that I realized just how drunk he was.
Along with how deeply angry he was.
After tending to his hand and helping him out to his limo, I knew my best bet was to get away from him.
And quickly.
Because my response to him scared me and I knew a man like him was best to avoid.
But now here he was…
Staring at me with an intensity that was causing my body to respond to him.
A response that my body hadn’t felt in such a long, long time.
That now seemed like it was a craving…
Like a drug.
And for the first time in my life, I wonder what it would be like to pick up someone like him for a one-night stand.
No strings.
Just sex.
Something I’ve never done.
But I want to…
With him.
Look at that face, - I silently sigh, - that body.
My body pulses, reacting to his magnetic field, as if reaching out to him and I forget about my struggling dance partner as the Adonis lifts his glass mockingly to his lips. While still holding my eyes, he takes a slow drink, taunting me with those lips of his and I can’t help but wonder what he would taste like.
And then I can’t think of anything other than finding out.
Murmuring, “Sorry,” over my shoulder to my dance partner, I remove his hands from my waist and I head over to the devastatingly, tall man, ignoring the anger and arrogance radiating from him.
If anything, it only drew me in further because he was like a wild, beautiful stallion that needed taming.
And taming wild, beautiful stallions is what I live for.
Maybe it’s the alcohol but I can’t think of wanting anything more at this point than seducing – tasting – taming - this man.
Reaching him, feeling like a strobe of fire has been ignited in my body, I look up into his ocean blue and angry eyes.
Slowing reaching out my hand while still holding his eyes, I take the glass from his hand, and lay it down on a nearby cocktail. Extending my other hand slowly, I reach out to take his hand in mine.
As my finger first touches the back of his hand, I hear him inhale sharply and I know he’s feeling the same thing as me.
Pure sexual electricity.
Seeping into us…
Entwining around us…
Encouraged, I slowly slide each of my fingers through his, loving how his large masculine hand completely engulfs mine.
He’s so large in all the right ways, - my mind whispers and I feel the very core of me squeeze tight in anticipation.
Not tall and obscenely muscular like the other guy. No, this Adonis was taller with the perfect amount of corded muscle that told me underneath his t-shirt was a perfect washboard stomach.
The fingers on my other hand tingle with wanting to feel how those perfect muscles would tense and flex underneath my fingertips as I gently raked him with my nails…
Feel them underneath my lips as I softly bit him as I trailed my mouth lower.
I should be shocked by my thoughts…
But he has somehow been able to make me forget about what I should or shouldn’t do.
I can’t help but smile softly up at the angry, beautiful man as my mind continues it’s imagining as I think about what it would be like to tame someone like him.
To have him beneath me, bucking like a beautiful, untamed stallion…
Making him mine for one night.
The music changes into something slow and soft, prompting me to lightly tug his hand in an invitation to dance with me.
He follows me without a word and when I turn to face him, I see him swallow thickly and I know he’s just as affected by me as I am of him.
But I still see that the anger remains in his eyes.
And it’s okay.
Because I want to be the one to seduce the anger from him.
To make him forget who he was for a moment, just as he has done for me.
Slowly, I place his hand on my hip, my other hand going up to rest over his heart for a moment before I slide it behind his head and slowly pull him down to me.
His breath mingles with mine and I taste the faint trace of gin.
And I love a good gin.
Lightly, I touch my lips to his, just lightly grazing…
Wanting to savor him…
Gently soothing him out of his anger.
I hear him groan, see the anger dissipate from his eyes just as I feel his other hand grasp my waist.
Tight.
Then his lips are on mine, almost bruisingly, but oh so satisfyingly.
Our height difference is irrelevant as I lean up on my tip toes to take in as much of this man as I can.
His hands squeeze my waist as he pulls me tighter to him, easily lifting me from my tiptoes, and my feminine power only swirls hotter through me.
His tongue swirls inside of my mouth, his taste of gin only making me crave more of him and I repeat the action to his mouth, his taste filling me...
Obliterating any rational sense I had left.
I wanted this man and I knew I wasn’t letting him go without having more.
My breasts swell further, between my legs now flushed with a heat that is begging for him to satisfy.
I groan into his mouth as my breasts, connected to his chest, pulsate and beg for more as he pulls me impossibly closer. One of his hands releases my waist as he slowly slides it down my leg, down to where my mid-thigh length dress ends. I feel his hand tighten as he encounters the skin of my outer thigh and my body flushes, sending more liquid between my thighs as a throbbing pulse begins to make its demand to be satisfied. My hips gyrate, of their own accord, against the rigid hardness between his powerful thighs.
Hastily, he releases me to grasp my hand, tugging me along to a darkened hallway…
But I don’t protest.
No.
It’s an impossibility to stop this from happening right now…
Because I can only focus on having more of him in whatever way he chooses.
I feel the most erotic feeling pulse through my entire body as he pushes me up against a wall.
He has completely surrounded me.
I lose any rational thought as this gorgeous man brings his hands up to grasp my breasts through the sheer material of the sloped bodice of my dress, his knee moving between my legs as he purposely causes friction in the exact right spot.
Showing me what I instinctively already knew.
That he knows a woman’s body…
How to please a woman in exactly the right way.
I catch my breath as my body reacts to the feeling of being nothing but a sexual and sensual woman for the first time ever.
Not even Jack had made me feel this way.
No, this felt like some sort of sensual magic that only this Adonis seemed to hold over me.
His eyes hold mine for a moment before he reaches down to the hem of my dress causing my heart to race in anticipation. Slowly, he raises the hem up my leg, torturing me, making me want to scream at him to hurry. But then finally, he slides his hand past the elastic of my underwear until he is possessively grasping a globe.
My center throbs as I absorb the feeling of having his middle finger resting so close to where I want him to be…
So bad.
Bringing my hand up to his head, I reach up and pull him down to me for a kiss.
Encouraging him.
His lips become rougher and rougher as our kiss deepens, between my legs begging for him to insert the tip of his finger inside of me.
To give me just a little relief.
Squirming against his leg, my arms wrap tight around his neck, as I silently beg him with my body to take what I’m offering.
He moves his upper body slightly away from me, ending the kiss to stare hotly into my eyes as he keeps one arm wrapped securely around my waist.
I feel as if I’m light as air.
Moving his leg from between mine the same time he removes his hand from my ass, makes me instantly want to scream at him in frustrated unfulfillment but then I hear the zipper of his jeans.
Which only incites my lust more.
Yes, – I silently whisper to him, wanting him so very, very bad.
“Condom?” he whispers.
Trying to ground myself for a moment, to focus on his question, I can only shake my head and whisper, “Pill.”
The question tries to break through the sensual fog around my brain and I know, somewhere in my brain, that we should stop. I don’t know this man, don’t even know his name, but I can’t imagine not allowing myself to experience him…
Here and now.
Between my legs is burning – yearning – for this man, one I’d never felt before…
Only with this man.
I could only think that I wanted him to satisfy the ache that I’d managed to ignore for the past five years…
Making me powerless to ever think of stopping this.
He holds my eyes for a moment, and then without warning, he tears my underwear completely away from me. Then he’s lifting both of my legs to wrap around his waist only moments before he’s sinking himself deep inside of me.
My head falls uncontrollably back to the wall as this man possesses me, completely annihilating all of my senses.
And any remaining sensibility I have left.
Lifting my head, my eyes catch his as he pulls out and then roughly pushes back in.
Then everything suddenly changes as my eyes catch and hold his.
All breath leaves my lungs as I feel myself responding, once again, in yet another way I never had with any man.
As if there is another connection happening between us outside the sexual attraction…
Something very deep.
Curling its way through me.
Possessing me…
It momentarily scares me but then he’s withdrawing again, his eyes holding mine as he once again slides so very deep inside of me.
His eyes seem to gentle even more, and my success in taming him races powerfully through my body, but then he lightly brushes his lips over mine, as if he is now savoring me and I forget about everything but this feeling of being savored…
Impaled on his thickness.
His hands tighten on my waist as he steps back slightly, to leverage himself, to anchor me further to him, as he begins pumping his hips faster and faster.
I feel my body respond to his rough thrusts…
Only wanting more.
More of him.
Tightening my legs, I encourage him until he hits exactly the right spot and I lose all my breath as my toes curl and I begin to feel as if I’m floating.