Chapter 15
Emma
Feeling Lucas's weight on top of me, so completely surrounding me, finally feeling as if I’m whole again if only for a moment, I close my eyes.
My heart beats rapidly against where his chest is connected to mine and I know that it will always only beat for him.
Bringing both of my arms up to wrap around him, I hold on tight.
I’m terrified to deal with the upcoming reality that is going to eventually seep in.
After a few moments, Lucas lifts his head and places sweet kisses on my lips, my eyes, my forehead. I then hold his eyes for a few moments, finding it hard to believe that he’s here with me at this moment.
I open my mouth to tell him how much I missed him but instead I feel a wet tongue lick my cheek.
I burst out laughing as Quinny turns her attention to the side of Lucas's face. He allows her the small pleasure as he winces, trying not to laugh.
Still chuckling, I say softly, "I think I should take her out."
Lucas squeezes one eye shut as Quinny proceeds to lick up his forehead.
"A good idea," he replies as he ducks the next tongue swipe up his face to kiss me again.
An immediate loss, and something that can only be described as panic, settles in when I feel Lucas slide from within me, disconnecting us before pushing himself up and off me.
It takes everything in me to not reach out.
Instead, I force the panic away as he looks admiringly down at me still sprawled on the floor, completely naked, while he quickly adjusts his pants. With a grin breaking across his face, one that breaks my heart because it’s the one I had missed and now knew I wanted to see every morning, he stands.
But it now may be too late for me to have him in my life every morning.
So much time has passed - so much has changed, that I may never have that chance again.
"You look like you have been ravished," he says with pure male smugness as he bends forward, holding out his hand to me to gently assist me so I can stand, completely naked – and yes – deliciously ravished, next to him.
I allow a small amount of relief to spiral through me that he hasn’t tackled the subject of us.
Of what’s next…
Because I need the time to think, to pull myself together just in case he tells me this has been nothing more than a one-night reunion between former lovers…
That would break me.
Looking up into his happy face, I take what he’s currently offering as I playfully reach up and tousle his hair before giving it a gentle tug. He laughs and catches me around the waist, easily lifting me off my feet before planting a swift kiss on my lips.
His strength, always able to make me swoon and my heart race, is one of the many things that I missed most about him.
And I sigh in reluctance as he releases me.
I never, ever want him to let me go again.
"Would you like to go for a swim?" I ask softly, searching for a way to keep this light between us.
To keep him here with me for as long as possible.
"I don't have swim trunks."
Smiling gently at him, unable to resist touching him again, I place my hand on his chest as I reply, "Your boxers will suit fine. There's never anyone around the pool this time of night."
Lifting my hand from his chest, Lucas places a kiss to the palm of my hand and with that sexy, saucy grin in place, he quickly unzips his pants, pushing them to the floor before stepping out of them. He equally as quickly unbuttons his shirt and I watch as his chest is revealed to me. Unable to stop myself once again, I reach my hand out and trail my finger over the ridges of his muscles before placing a kiss to his beating heart.
I take a deep inhale of his scent and close my eyes.
I want to beg him to never leave.
To never do what I’d done and walk away from us.
I feel his hand come up to my hair, gently resting against the back of my head just as I feel his lips in my hair.
Tears well up as I yearn for what I had before.
To be with this beautiful man, back in his vineyard and making love underneath the dark skies only illuminated by the stars.
Was it too late to tell him that all I ever want – still wanted - was him?
I close my eyes briefly and listen to his heart beat, hoping it still beats for me.
Opening my eyes, I whisper against his chest, "I'll go dress quickly."
"Hurry up," he whispers into my hair, once again kissing me on the top of my head. As I step away, he grasps my hand, his fingers entangling through mine slowly before letting go.
I smile at him, the happiest I’ve been for the first time since I left him despite this overshadowing of fear that he has to leave soon or that he may not want me as much anymore.
In my bedroom, I quickly pull on my yellow bikini and as I walk back into the living room, Lucas gives a soft whistle. With Quinny tucked underneath his arm, standing with only his boxer shorts on, his muscled physique seems to fill up my condo…making it seem not as lonely as it once did.
I need him back in my life, - my heart silently acknowledges.
His eyes rest on my breasts and I feel myself flush, between my legs pulsating instantly. His fascination with my breasts had always, in turn, been such a turn on for me too. It’s as if he has somehow made them more sensitive, feel more sensual, with just a look from him.
Only him.
And my body eagerly responds, as it always had, to that heavy-lidded passion filled gaze, as I feel my nipples become tight – aching – as a heat fills each globe with the warm rush of blood.
My nipples poke their stiff peaks at the yellow fabric of my triangle top, begging him to just reach out and touch me, causing my breath to catch at this feeling…
That I’d missed so much.
Grasping his hand, loving how it feels in mine – so big and comforting all while sending little zings up my arm - we exit my apartment. I continue to hold his hand, my nails unable to resist grazing over the muscled sinews of his lower arm as I lead him to the pool area that also has a penned in area for small dogs. Placing Quinny inside, Lucas turns to me with an evil grin. Suddenly, he stoops and scoops me up over his shoulder, my bottom in the air as he runs with me, ignoring my squeals. I go down with a shriek as I realize his intentions too late when we are both airborne for a second before warm pool water completely envelops both of us.
Sputtering to the surface, I push my hair away from my face as I laugh aloud in the delight of having him here with me. I open my eyes to see Lucas only a foot away, his eyes suddenly intense, as they focus on my heaving chest. Then he moves closer, completely surrounding me in him as I feel his strong arms wrap around my waist. All laughter leaves me as he holds my eyes as I feel one of his hands slide down my outer thigh, to lift my leg to wrap tightly around his waist. Slowly, while staring into my eyes as if searching for something, he moves us through the water until I feel the side of the pool on my back. My breathing is erratic, my chest heaving against his as his eyes continue to probe me…
Seeking something.
And I know what it is.
He’s wondering the same thing as me…
What does this night mean…
Just two former lovers reuniting for a night? Or something more?
Slowly, his head comes to rest on my chest and I lay my head on top of his, my arms wrapped tight around his neck.
Holding on tight.
Never wanting daylight to ever come again.
"Where do we go from here?" I hear him whisper.
I squeeze my eyes shut. I don't want reality intruding.
Not yet.
But I know it has to at some point.
"I don't know," I whisper in return.
I feel his breath on my chest, a soft warm feeling enveloping me.
Lucas lifts his head, and I stare into his eyes.
After all this time, I now know I'll never get enough of him.
That it’ll always be him.
His lips lightly touch against mine and I sigh into his mouth. His hands move down my back, cupping my bottom. I feel his fingers searing into me and a flush of warmth rushes between my legs. I feel him slip one of his fingers under the elastic, finding me wet.
"Lucas..." I whisper in a small protest, wanting him to continue but also a little intimidated of someone finding us.
"Shhh..." he says reassuringly. He presses his finger deep inside me. "No one can see what I’m doing."
I open my mouth to refute what he has said but his finger feels so amazingly good. So instead, as I usually do, I lose my inhibitions and I give in. Leaning my head back against the pool wall, he pushes his finger deeper. I feel his teeth on my already hardened and sensitive nipple through my bikini top and I gasp at the sensation.
But I only absorb the feeling.
Never, ever wanting this night to end.
Lucas works his finger in and out of me a little faster and I start to pant. Suddenly, he withdraws his finger from me and I almost scream in frustration as I lift my head.
But the look of intensity on his face takes my breath away.
"It's been too long, Emma. I need to fuck you…hard," he whispers. "Would you like me to do that...here?"
Excitement courses through me but I hold back on any response.
His eyes narrow on my tightened nipples and then he brings one finger up to push the fabric to the side on my right breast. My core throbs, wanting him. He brings that same finger down, over my belly, over my bikini bottom until he reaches the juncture of my thighs. Hooking his finger under the elastic, he moves my bottom to the side.
"This would be so much easier if you turned around," he murmurs coyly, as he brings his eyes up to mine.
"Lucas... " I whisper, squirming. Wanting to give him everything he asks.
He glances around and then he wraps his arm around my waist before easily walking with me to the opposite end of the pool that’s away from the elevator and more out of sight in the darkness. Gently removing my legs from around him, he turns me until I’m facing the LA lights that I can see through the clear glass surrounding the roof top. His hands slip around to my belly, causing the muscles to jump in excitement as he encourages me to press my ass back into him.
And I can feel how hard he is.
More warmth floods between my legs.
"If anyone comes in, they will only see my back and not you," Lucas coaxes, as he whispers hotly into my ear.
I feel my breath hitch. I wriggle, wanting him so badly, the thoughts of doing this outdoors only turning me on even more.
"Place your hands on the pool wall, Emma," Lucas encourages, his hot breath on my ear sending spirals of delight through my body.
I’m helpless and will do anything he asks.
"Now spread your legs," he whispers, one hand sliding from my stomach to my hip.
I do as he asks as I look back over my shoulder.
I’m mesmerized as I watch as he pulls his underwear down enough to free himself.
I moan in anticipation.
Arching my back in invitation…
His eyes hold mine as he steps back to me. I feel him slide the tip of his cock down the crack of my ass, continuing until he is circling, circling...
"Lucas..." I sigh in frustration.
He says nothing, his eyes intense as he reaches his hand forward, grasping my exposed breast as he sinks himself deep inside me.
Filling me.
Completing me.
My breath hitches…
He stays still inside of me for a moment, his hand squeezing my breast, my nipple caught between his forefinger and middle finger.
I feel myself throb deeply just as I feel his hard-muscled stomach connect with my naked back.
My eyes slide shut even as I keep my head turned so I can watch him, make sure he’s still real whenever I feel the need, absorbing how his breath feels on my cheek, how his skin feels so right against mine.
His voice is then back in my ear as he murmurs, "I can't live a lie. I'll always want you."
His statement catches me off guard, and a sob wells up in my throat as my eyes slide back open to hold his again.
"Shhhh..." he murmurs softly into my ear, as he slides out again before slowly pushing himself back in.
With my heart weeping even as he stirs my body to obey him, I close my eyes allowing the sensation of him filling me to overtake me as I now allow my head to hang in surrender between my wide spread arms. Both his hands move to my hips, firmly encircling my waist, as he pulls me back at the same time he surges forward to fill me.
My sensitive breasts feel the water lapping at them, causing my core to squeeze involuntarily around him as he surges forward roughly into me several times.
Then I feel one of his hands slip into my hair, gently tugging my head up and twisting it slightly, as I feel his breath once again hot in my ear.
"I had plans to ask you to marry me," I hear him admit in a whisper.
Shocked, my eyes fly open, as another sob releases from my throat.
"Lucas..." I whisper and try to turn to face him. He doesn't allow it as he releases my hair, both of his hands now back on my hips, his fingers tightening as his thrusts pick up speed.
My heart is torn…
Even as my body begs.
"But you left me Emma," he whispers harshly. "You left this."
With that, he straightens further, his back disconnecting from mine, his lips moving away from my ear, as his hands tighten again, almost bruisingly, as he drills into me.
I know this is his way of making me pay in some small way for what I did to him. But I don’t care even as another sob escapes me as I feel my orgasm wash through me. Lucas quickly follows and collapses against my back.
His heavy breathing stirs the hair that has come loose from my elegant bun that I’d painstakingly done for tonight's dinner.
There is dead silence between us other than our ragged breathing for several moments.
When Lucas slips from my body, I slowly turn to face him. He drops his gaze from mine as he pulls his underwear back into place, using it as an excuse to take time to allow himself to get back under control.
Taking advantage of the small reprieve, I do the same as my mind struggles for something to say.
"Lucas...I had no idea you wanted to marry me," I finally form the words. I truly didn't have any idea.
He sighs, and using his forefinger and thumb he rubs his eyes for a moment.
Then dropping his hand, his gaze penetrates me as he asks, "Would it have made any difference?"
I flinch.
"Never mind," he says, anger seeping into his tone as he turns from me. "I can see the answer."
I watch as he exits the pool, grabbing a towel to dry his hair swiftly before wrapping it around his trim waist.
I’m left in the pool, still floundering.
Would it have made a difference? - I silently ask myself.
I know the answer.
Thinking back to how I felt upon receiving that call from Eric with a once in a lifetime chance to follow my dream, I knew I’d still have left. If I could have foreseen the future, how much he was deeply ingrained within me, I wouldn’t have left. But coming here was something that back on that day, before I understood that I couldn’t be happy without him, I had needed to do.
I would have had to give it a try or always wonder what if.
But now I’m also wondering what if I had stayed.
My eyes burn with tears that want to fall.
Because now I know that I want to be with him.
"I didn't come here tonight to rehash the past," Lucas says, sighing heavily with regret.
I slowly swim over to the steps.
My whole body is shaking as I climb out.
Grabbing a towel, I wrap it around me before I sit on one of the loungers and stare into the blue calmness of the pool. Lucas makes a move, drawing my eyes, and a panic settles deep that this time he may be leaving me.
But instead he sits next to me on the lounger, interlacing his fingers tightly through mine.
"Maybe I shouldn't have told you that," he admits quietly.
Shaking my head, keeping my eyes on the pool, I whisper, "I'm glad you did."
He squeezes my hand, bringing it up to his lips to place a kiss on my knuckles.
"I'm sorry," I whisper and great sobs tear through me.
Pulling me against his chest, Lucas lets me sob. I think about what could have been, waking every morning with Lucas, walking the fields with him, overseeing the restaurant and inn.
I could’ve been married to him now, possibly starting a family.
Instead, I’m here spinning around in circles.
My heart squeezes in my chest painfully.
"Come on. Let's go back to your condo," he murmurs, as he gives me a final squeeze before pulling me to a standing position. He lets go of my hand to walk over to retrieve Quinny. Walking back to me, he takes my hand again and I allow him to lead me in silence back to the condo.
We shower together quickly, me only going through the motions, my mind spinning...
Spinning...
What could have been if I had stayed?
I watch as Lucas pulls back the sheets on my bed, gesturing for me to climb in. He waits until I’m lying back against the pillows before he settles himself next to me. I can't lie next to him and not touch him.
It’s an impossibility.
Especially after so long.
So turning on my side, I lay my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat.
I’d missed the simplicity of this so very much.
"When do you leave?" I ask the inevitable question as I run my finger around and around his nipple, feeling the muscle jump and flex underneath.
He's such a beautiful man.
On the inside and out.
And I’d let him go…
So very foolishly…
And now he would be leaving me soon…
He sighs and then replies softly, "Tomorrow afternoon."
A tear escapes my eye.
Why did I ever leave?
What was I going to do?
My life, my essence, was empty without him.
But would he want me back?