Chapter 13
Eric
Feeling Emma’s weight on my chest, I slowly stir from my very fitful sleep.
I sigh deeply as I look up at the ceiling in her bedroom.
The moment that I’d been waiting for – for one excruciatingly long year – had arrived last night…
And I hadn’t been able to follow through…
I hadn’t been able to take what Emma had offered.
Yes, I could have very easily pushed her back into the couch when she had turned that beautiful face up to me, her lips parting as she whispered my name, her hand coming up to touch my hair so softly.
I could have so very easily spread those beautiful legs of hers, sampled those breasts that had taunted and teased me.
But I hadn’t.
A year ago, I wouldn’t have had to think twice about it. Even if it had been only a few short weeks ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated.
But last night had been different.
I was different.
Watching Emma getting blindly drunk, watching her loosen up and letting her guard down had been enrapturing.
Watching her fall apart afterwards…
I knew I’d never be the one she wanted.
I would only be a substitution for a little while.
That she would always be thinking of him.
Lucas…the God Damn bastard.
My heart throbs painfully in my chest.
Emma sighs and shifts, her breath whispering softly over my neck as she tilts her head on my shoulder, giving me the perfect unobstructed view of her beautiful face.
Lifting my hand, I lightly trace the outline of her lips, the shape of her jawline.
She sighs again, only cuddling closer.
The faint smell of alcohol off her breath is a stark reminder of the only reason why I’m here right now.
Slowly, her eyes ease open, meeting mine.
I instantly see the regret in them and it spears through me.
Hurting so fucking much.
Her body has suddenly frozen in my arms as her mind tries to catch up.
“Don’t worry,” I manage to whisper through my suddenly dry throat, dropping my hand from her face. “Nothing happened.”
Her gaze desperately searches my face for the truth.
When Emma had crawled into my arms last night on the couch and pleaded with me to stay with her, her voice cracking as she admitted to how lonely she was and that she didn’t want me to leave, to not leave her all alone again, the plea in her voice had touched something deep in me.
Because I knew what loneliness felt like.
So instead of leaving, which would have been so much easier than staying and wishing she was mine throughout the entire night, I’d told her I would stay.
As she fell asleep in my arms on the couch, with her arms tight around my neck, I hadn’t pushed her away so I could leave. Instead, I stayed, just holding a woman for the first time in my life.
As she gently started to snore in my ear, I’d sat on the couch, my arms filled – feeling completely surrounded and wanted if only for this moment– by this beautiful woman.
And for the first time in my life, I’d genuinely wanted – needed - to know what it felt like to just hold a woman who needed me.
That feeling of being needed had seeped contentedly through me and it had been enough.
If only for one night.
I’d gently lifted Emma in my arms, careful not to wake her as I walked with her to her bedroom. As I laid her on her bed, still fully clothed, I’d stood over her, just watching her sleep.
Just wishing she felt half as much for me as she did for him.
Unable to stop myself, to not give myself at least one night with her, I’d sat on the edge of her bed, allowing my fingers to lightly trace over her arm, up her neck, before cupping her face. Her soft sigh into my hand, her whispered words, “Lucas…” had wrenched at my heart.
But I’d needed the connection.
Because it finally made me understand how someone could connect deeply – emotionally – with another person and want to only see them happy.
So, I’d shifted and lain down on the bed with her, accepting the weight of her upper body as she nestled herself in close, recognizing that she needed the body contact as much as me.
Now with her looking at me with regret, even as my heart twists at that look, I’m glad that I hadn’t taken advantage of her invitation last night.
I watch as Emma quickly pushes herself to a sitting position, her long hair hanging down around her in disarray, never looking so beautiful as she does now with the skirt of her dress hiked halfway up her thighs.
She avoids looking at me as she pushes to a standing position.
My heart throbs – hurting – as she walks into her bathroom and quickly shuts the door.
Lifting a hand to my eyes, I smell her on my hands as I rub my eyes.
Again, I sigh deeply, wanting to drown myself in a strong drink, even at this early hour in the morning.
Pushing myself up and off the bed, I glance down at my shoes that I’d left on the side of the bed last night.
I hear the bathroom door click softly open, and my attention is drawn to Emma as she reappears, her face now devoid of makeup.
If I thought she was beautiful before, Emma with no makeup on was even more stunning.
“I’m sorry,” I hear her murmur.
Shaking my head, I reply in a murmur, “No need to be sorry. Nothing happened.”
“But…” she falters then tries again, “You stayed.”
I only force a gentle smile instead of replying.
“It couldn’t have been easy for you…” she falters again and then clearing her throat she continues, “I know you’ve been hoping for something to happen between us...”
My eyes look over her face, recognizing the pity there for me and it’s not what I want.
It’s not what I wanted last night to be about.
“It’s okay, Emma,” I force myself to reply. “You didn’t want to be alone and I get that. You asked me to stay, so I did.”
She nods, and still completely caught off guard about waking to find me in her bed, she glances around her room nervously.
Looking back down at my shoes, I slip them on, the silence hanging heavily between us.
Pushing to a standing position, I slowly walk over to Emma and her gaze comes up to mine and I can see weariness enter her eyes.
I know it’s because she expects me to make another play for her.
I feel her stiffen as I reach out my hand to cup her neck. Trying to soothe her, I gently allow my thumb to trace her jawline, as I scan her eyes.
“I hate seeing you so unhappy,” I admit in a whisper. “I don’t regret anything that has happened this past year with your accomplishments, but I do regret that it has made you so unhappy. Perhaps I never should’ve interfered but perhaps it was the best thing I ever did for you because you now know you only want him.”
A sob escapes her throat and a tear slides down her cheek.
I allow it to make its path over my thumb before I pull her into me, placing a quick kiss to the top of her head before releasing her.
Turning, I walk to her bedroom door. Reaching for the doorknob, I glance back at Emma and my heart can’t help but wish that things were different. That I was the one that could put that radiance that was Emma onto her face.
But I’m not the one.
Opening the door, I walk through and softly close it behind me.