Chapter 22
Eric
I hear the music begin and my heart races.
Standing, I turn and watch as the only woman I’ve ever cared for emerges from among the vines, with each of her arms tucked into her parent’s arms.
As she looks up, her face radiates nothing but pure love and happiness.
My heart catches.
Aching…
How many nights I’ve laid awake wishing she was mine.
How many nights have I laid awake wondering how many more nights it would be like this.
Always feeling alone.
Just existing…
And now here I was, watching Emma walk towards the only man she loved.
With my heart beating in my ears, I watch her once again from the sidelines, as she begins her walk down the aisle that had been outlined in white orchids in Reid Vineyards.
I say a silent prayer that she’ll glance my way…
That she’ll show me in some small way that this isn’t what she wants.
Because no questions asked, I’d sweep her away if she even once gave me any indication.
But I know it’s not going to happen as her eyes remain firmly on the tall, dark haired guy waiting for her at the end of the aisle.
So, I continue to watch, giving every last ounce of strength that I have to be here, even as I know I’m stupid to be here…
Self-inflicting my own torture.
But yet, I needed to be here, to see for myself as Emma becomes someone else’s wife...
As Lucas reaches out his hand, I swallow thickly.
I know the better man has won.
As the Justice of the Peace begins the ceremony, I try repeatedly to swallow back the thick lump in my throat.
It doesn’t help as I hear Emma murmur her vows, promising to love and cherish only Lucas and I close my eyes.
Wishing I was anywhere but here.
Why was I here? Why I was torturing myself further? – my mind silently screams at me.
Who am I kidding?
I knew exactly why I was here.
It was because Emma had asked me to come.
As her friend.
And I’d do anything for her.
Even if it meant watching her marry the man she loved because it made her happy.
Finally, the torturous ceremony is over but then even further agony is inflicted upon me as I watch Lucas lift her veil before she steps eagerly forward, into his arms, placing her first kiss as a wife on her husband’s lips.
I hastily turn, glad that I’d chosen to sit by myself in the last row, so I can exit easily during the thunderous applause.
Heading into the restaurant’s washroom, I splash water on my face as I forcefully make myself gain control.
Was it so wrong to want what Lucas had?
I only wanted someone to look at me like that.
To feel like somewhere I belong.
The damn ache in my throat only spreads, hurting more.
The door to the washroom swings open and a wedding guest enters, whistling, the happiness radiating from the happily married couple having spread to every guest.
Except me.
I only feel as if my world is falling around me.
Hastily, I exit the washroom.
I keep my head down as I walk through the crowd, now wanting to get out of here. I’d done what I’d promised and came.
Now I could leave.
I feel a soft, feminine hand close around mine and I turn, about to make my excuse that I have to leave.
It dies on my lips as I connect with Emma’s eyes.
Her knowing eyes hold mine, searching…
“Are you okay?” she asks softly.
Nodding, I feel my eyes burn as I take in her beauty of being a glowing bride, and the longing to have someone like her spears sharply through me.
Sharper than ever before.
Her hand squeezes, her eyes now turning even softer.
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” she asks.
Swallowing thickly, I can only nod.
I see Lucas’s eyes from across the room zero in on us, his gaze dropping to our joined hands, but he remains where he is.
The bastard knows he’s won.
Emma leads me back outside to a bench that has been placed to overlook the vast expanse of the vineyard, still holding my hand as we sit.
Her thumb lightly rubs over my hand, trying to soothe me, but it only makes me want her more.
“I know you think that you’re in love with me, Eric,” she whispers.
Looking into her eyes, I don’t deny it.
“I know you don’t believe it right now but…” she sighs, her hand squeezing mine again, as she says, “I think you are in love with the thought of me. That you want what Lucas and I have.”
I remain silent, unable to speak, as I wonder how she manages to put everything together.
To see things so clearly.
“Eric…” she says again but this time I interrupt her.
“Emma…” I begin, then swallow thickly and start again. “I don’t think I can stay. Seeing you as…”
Christ, this hurts so god damn much.
Now it’s my turn to squeeze her hand, as I whisper hoarsely, “Mrs. Him…”
I can’t continue so instead I just shrug my shoulders, hoping she understands what I’m trying to say.
She nods and her eyes fill. I know it’s because she is pitying me, not because of any love that she feels for me.
Her thumb keeps rubbing my hand, trying to console me. I push to a standing position, and she does as well.
I can’t resist as I gently tug her to me and wrap my arms tightly around her as I tuck the top of her head under my chin.
“He’d better take care of you,” I murmur, my tone cracking.
I feel her sigh, her arms coming around me to squeeze me tightly as she whispers, “Despite what you think of yourself Eric, I can see the real you. You’re amazing and beautiful. You’ll meet someone someday and she’ll be so very lucky to have you.”
Her words that are meant to help me heal only hurt me more. Because even though she had seen the real me, been the only person to see it, it hadn’t been enough for her.
And Emma is what I wanted.
The door opens and Lucas steps through, his gaze raking over us and annoyance is written clearly on his face as he strides over to us.
Reluctantly, I release Emma and kiss the top of her head.
“I’ll be seeing you,” is all I murmur as I turn and head towards the parking lot, taking the option of walking around the building instead of walking through the restaurant, through the large crowd of people that are celebrating the marriage of the woman that I loved to another man.
Sliding behind the wheel of my rented car, I momentarily place my forehead on the steering wheel.
And I realize I’m once again feeling the loneliest I have ever felt.