I lay awake listening to his even breathing. Kyle was going to be okay. Whether he knew it or not, he’d come back from the loss and move on. I didn’t know if admitting my love for him during such a devastating time was a mistake, but taking Grace’s advice seemed like the only option. He needed to understand he wasn’t alone and he had so many people who loved him. If he couldn’t be strong for himself, he needed to be strong for everyone else.

“Jade?” His soft voice broke me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“Are you awake?”

I smiled to myself, remembering a similar conversation weeks earlier that had started the opposite way. “I’m awake.”

“Want to go for a walk?”

“Now?”

“Yes. I need one.”

“Absolutely.” I slipped out from under his arm. “Let me see if my clothes dried out yet.” I’d emptied out the entire contents of my bag in the hopes that something would be dry by morning.

“What’s wrong with what you’re wearing?”

I shrugged. The borrowed t-shirt and shorts were comfortable enough to sleep in, but I needed something else if we were going to walk any real distance. “I guess nothing, but I’d kind of like some underwear.”

“All right, I get that.”

Thankfully I found a dry pair of underwear, and I put them on under my borrowed clothes. Kyle watched me, not moving until I was fully dressed.

“Stare much?” I teased. It felt good to tease him again.

“I’ll never get tired of watching you.”

“I never thought I’d hear you say that again.”

“And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for making you feel unwanted.” His eyes said more than his words. The emotion inside them reminded me that I had to be careful. He was vulnerable.

“Ready for that walk?”

“Absolutely.” He took my hand and led me outside. The rain had stopped at some point, but the grass was wet. It was still dark out, but the chirping of birds suggested that morning was closer than it appeared.

“Where are we going exactly?” I didn’t care where he was leading me, but I wanted to talk. Or really I wanted to hear him talk. I wanted to hear his voice somewhere other than his voicemail.

“To my favorite spot.”

“I’m excited to see it.” I squeezed his hand.

We walked across the soggy ground, as I ignored how wet my feet were getting in my flip-flops, until we reached an old tree with a hunting stand perched in the high branches. The tree overlooked a large pond, and a ladder was attached to the side of the tree.

He started up the ladder first. “We’re here just in time.”

“In time for what?” I carefully climbed up the ladder rungs.

“The sunrise. Dylan and I used to get up early and come out here to watch it when we were kids. There’s nothing like it.”

He put an arm around me, and I leaned into his side. The sun started its breathtaking journey into the sky. The bright and vibrant colors were painted across the open sky, showing themselves little by little much in the same way my feelings for Kyle had grown.

We sat there long after the sun had taken its place in the sky. We were both trying to hold onto the moment, a moment we knew couldn’t last.

He kissed my forehead. “I guess we need to go.”

“We do.” I didn’t want him to leave his happy place, but he needed to make the funeral. Not only would he regret it if he didn’t go, but it would hurt his family. Feeling guilty for something that wasn’t his fault was one thing, he didn’t need to give himself something real to feel bad about.

He laced his fingers with mine. “Will you come with me?”

I looked down at our entwined hands that fit together perfectly. “Of course.”

“And after? You’re not going to leave?” There was a vulnerability in his eyes and voice that nearly broke me.

“I’m here for as long as you need me.”

“Even if that means forever?”

“Even if it means forever.” I squeezed his hand.

---

Funerals are always hard, no matter who they are for. Death may be a natural part of life, but there is nothing that comes natural about laying someone to rest—especially when the person is as young as Dylan.

My heart broke as I watched Grace and Steve standing by as his casket was lowered into the ground, but I forced myself to stay composed and focused on holding Kyle’s hand. He held on with dear life, almost hurting me with the intensity of his grip. He hadn’t said a word since we’d pulled up to the small graveside service open only to family and friends. Kyle had declined the opportunity to speak, and Dana did it instead.

My friend Juliet gave me a sympathetic look from where she stood tucked against her boyfriend’s side. Her relationship with Dylan was complicated and ugly, but I knew she hadn’t come for him. She’d come for Grace and maybe herself. Sometimes you need to physically see something before you can get the closure you need.