Leo’s text woke me up the next morning. I glanced at the time on my phone. Nine-thirty. I hadn’t slept that late in years. It was a weekend, so it didn’t matter, but I still felt wrong lazing around in bed.

I read his text.

Phil dropped the tape off if you want to swing by and get it. If not I can bring it over after work. Hope you slept well.

I started to type a response, but I stopped. What I had to say would be much better in person.

I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and headed over to the store. I didn’t want to leave him waiting without a response, and I didn’t want to give myself time to chicken out.

I parked in my usual spot and walked inside. I came to a halt when I saw Leo talking to a few teenage girls.

I stayed back. He was working, and excited or not, I needed to wait.

Leo directed the girls to the poster area of the store. I walked further inside and caught his eye. He smiled as if testing the water, so I waved before walking over to the record section.

The girls didn’t seem like they were going to be leaving anytime soon, so I found Leo at the desk. “I know you’re busy so I can come back later.”

He rested his hands on the counter and leaned toward me. “Two customers doesn’t make me busy.”

“But I need your undivided attention.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Do you, now?”

“I want to listen to the tape together.”

“But that entails you letting me hear what’s on it.”

“Exactly.” I put my hands in the back pockets of my jeans. “I wasn’t fair to you. I got annoyed you didn’t tell me everything, but I didn’t tell you about this.”

“When do you want to listen?”

“I can meet you at your place after work. I’ll bring my tape player.”

“That sounds all kinds of nerdy, retro, and sexy.” He winked.

I narrowed my eyes.

He shrugged. “All right. Six-thirty?”

“Or I could pick you up.”

“I can bike home.”

“Ok. I’ll see you then.” I leaned over the counter and kissed him.

He startled, probably surprised, but he quickly responded. His lips moved against mine quickly, with an urgency that matched the way I felt.

The sound of giggling had me pulling away. I sheepishly walked past the teens who were holding posters.

“Always great to see you, Cassidy,” Leo called after me.

“See you tonight.” I’d let the girls think whatever they wanted. They were probably right anyway.

---

Despite some reservations, I headed over to my parents’ house. My text to make sure my mom was home had been a quick one, and I rationalized my visit by reminding myself I had nothing else to do while I waited for Leo to get off work. Sitting at home by myself didn’t seem like a bright idea either.

Mom pulled open the door by the time I got up the front steps. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” I was. Confused, overwhelmed, torn… but fine.

“Good.” She gestured for me to come in. “I made some coffee. I was glad you texted.”

“Great, I never had any this morning.”

“Are you sick?” She stepped toward me.

“No, I overslept.”

“Overslept for what?” She headed into the kitchen, and I followed.

“Life.”

She poured two cups of coffee. She added milk into both, and a sweetener into hers. I accepted mine, and we each took seats at the kitchen table. “How was it?”

“It was easier than expected. Steve had my stuff packed. His too. The place was almost empty.”

“You probably liked it better that way.”

“I did. Made it easier.”

“I always thought he was a nice guy, but I guess I’m not always the best judge of people.” She wrapped a hand around her mug.

“He is nice. He’s more confused than I am. He didn’t mean to hurt me. That’s why he would have gone through with the wedding. He was terrified of breaking me.”

“You’re not so fragile that you could be broken.”

“I know that, but I don’t think he did.” He’d always been worried about me, he just showed it in strange ways.

“I’m glad you realize that.”

“My life is a cake walk compared to some other peoples’ lives.”

“That is entirely true, but it doesn’t make yours easier. Where is this wisdom coming from?”

“Nowhere.” I studied my coffee as though it held the answers.

“Cassidy?”

“Yes?” I looked up and met my mom’s eyes.

“How’s Leo?”

“He’s fine.” I broke eye contact again.

“Fine?”

“Yes. He’s fine.”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“He has a daughter,” I mumbled.

“Say that again.”

I wasn’t sure why I was telling her except sometimes my mother was the only person I could really talk to. Other times she was the only one I couldn’t. “He has a daughter.”

“Oh.” Her response mirrored the one I’d had the night before.

“He’s a widow.”

“A widow?” She set down her coffee cup. “At his age?”

“Car accident.” I shared one of the few details I knew.

“That poor little girl.” Mom’s face filled with sadness.

“I know…”

“Have you met her?”

“No. She lives with her grandparents.”

“Oh, why not with him?” She sipped her coffee.

“I think he’s trying to get back on his feet.”

“That’s understandable.” She wrapped her hands around her mug again. “I can’t even imagine.”

“I know.”

“This changes things for you.”

“It doesn’t have to.” I brought the coffee to my lips and took a tentative sip.

“It doesn’t mean you can’t be with him, but it changes things. You need to admit that to yourself before you go any further with him.”

“You mean because I’d be part of her life too?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “You said there are grandparents involved? It has to be the mother’s parents. He said his lived on the west coast.”

“Yes.”

“They might not want you around her—there are going to be obstacles.” She released her coffee. She was making a list. Planning. She was so much better at that than I was. I could do it well for work, but I couldn’t for my personal life. It was as though I was naturally compartmentalized and nothing I could do or try could change that.

“I’m not planning to marry the guy.”

“But you are planning to spend time with him.”

“So what are you suggesting?”

“I’m not suggesting anything. I’m making sure you realize what you’re getting yourself into.”

“I don’t even know how long I’m going to be here.”

“You’re not going back to Philly.” She knew that as well as I did.

“No, I’m not. But I could go somewhere else.”

“Don’t lie to yourself. You have no plans to leave anytime soon.”

“I need to figure out what I want.”

“That you do.” Mom sipped her coffee.

“Don’t you have some advice?”

“This is new territory for me, but I do know you have to figure out what you want and what you really feel for him.”

“I feel something. There’s no question about that.”

“Have you felt that something before?”

“No. It’s a new something.”

She sighed. “You are so difficult to understand.”

“No I’m not. I’m simple.”

“You’re not. You feel and see things so differently than I do. You’ve always been that way.”

“And is that a bad thing?”

“No. Not at all. Sometimes I think you get more out of life than I do.”

“I’m going to see what happens.”

“Good.” She took another slow sip of coffee. “You can’t get anywhere in life if you don’t take chances.”

“You’re usually the one warning me to be careful.”

“Now isn’t the time for that. You’ve already jumped out of the plane. You might as well enjoy the fall.”

“The fall? Isn’t that a bad analogy?”

“No. It’s a fall—but that doesn’t mean it has to be bad. Sometimes the best parts of life come after you’ve fallen the furthest.”

“That strangely makes sense.”

“I know you don’t think I can relate, but I’ve lived a life too. I’ve made mistakes and fallen flat on my face, but I always got back up.”

I stood and gave her a hug. “That was a way more helpful pep talk than I expected.”

“I’ll pretend that wasn’t a back handed insult.”

“It wasn’t.” I returned to my coffee. I needed caffeine to keep me on my game.

---

The afternoon dragged on agonizingly slow. I went for a walk in the park, parking legally this time. It gave me something to do; however, it also made me think about Leo more, which wasn’t necessarily the best thing.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to think about him, but I didn’t want to think about how much I wanted him. I wasn’t used to that feeling. Usually in the beginning of a relationship I wasn’t concerned with what it would become. With Leo it was different. I was desperate to know if we’d work out. I’d never wanted a magic eight ball more.

I finished my light hike and returned home in time to shower and change before driving over to his apartment. I was five minutes early, but this time I didn’t sit in the car.

I took a seat on the top step. I had more time to overthink things, which wasn’t good, but it was only five minutes. I’d been waiting all day. Surely I could handle five minutes more.

I heard footsteps and jumped up expecting to see Leo. Instead it was a woman who appeared to be in her mid-thirties. Her blonde hair was tied back, and her black skirt suit was paired with high heels that clattered on every step as she made her way up.

She paused on the step below me and held out her hand. “You must be Cassidy.”

She was so confident and was acting like she owned the place. That meant she probably did. “Hi. Are you Leo’s sister-in-law?” I returned her handshake.

“Yes. I’m Gabby.” She smiled.

“Nice to meet you.” I forced down my nerves. There was no reason to be nervous. I was an adult and had every right to be visiting Leo.

“Same to you. I’ve heard a lot about you, which says a lot if you know Leo.”

“Oh.” I was surprised he’d talked to his family about me.

“Oh?”

“I didn’t realize he’d mentioned me.” He’d been so secretive with me I assumed he was secretive with everyone.

“He hasn’t been out with a girl in ages, and he’s been out with you nearly every day since he met you. He also willingly talked about you, which says a lot.”

“Now I’m nervous about what he told you.”

“Your name, that you’re a few years younger than him, just broke off an engagement. You have an uncanny amount of things in common with him.”

“That sums it up mostly.” I didn’t need to bring up the job thing since I was no longer unemployed.

“He’s a good guy.”

“I know.” I wrapped my arms around myself.

“Please don’t hurt him.” Her eyes pleaded with me.

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

“He seems strong, but he’s fragile in his own way. Do you know his story? Has he finally told you?”

“Yeah. He did.”

“Then you can understand when I tell you he has these crazy walls built up—he has had them for as long as I’ve known him, but Nikki got under them. When she died he went into this depressed state. Then he snapped back.”

“For Naomi.” I wanted Gabby to know I knew about her.

“So he told you about her too?”

“Yes.” I didn’t mention how long I’d known.

“And you are here, which means you didn’t run away.”

“Why would I run away?”

“You’re in your twenties. When I was in my twenties I would have run from a guy with a kid.”

“Listen, I don’t know what he told you, but we’re still getting to know each other.”

“Is that your way of saying you plan to run when you have had your fun?” She scowled.

“No.” I shook my head. “I’m saying I don’t know what either of us want from this. I’m willing to give it a shot if he is, but I also don’t want to push myself into his life if I’m not wanted.”

“You’re wanted.”

“We’ll see.” I shifted nervously.

“I hope things work out for you guys. He seems happy, and he deserves to be happy.”

“He does.” That didn’t mean his happiness needed to come from being with me.

Leo rode his bike into the driveway, ending our conversation.

“It was nice to meet you Cassidy.” Gabby smiled.

“Same to you.” I smiled back before she walked down the stairs. I followed, feeling funny about waiting outside Leo’s door now.

“Uh, hey Gabby…” Leo looked between us.

“I was introducing myself to your friend.” She patted his shoulder. “Don’t be a stranger.” She walked off toward the main house.

Leo watched her walk away. “Sorry if she said anything at all inappropriate.”

“No, she was nice.”

He gazed at me. “You look weird. She said something.”

“No, really. I’m just nervous about the tape.” I held up the tape player.

“You promise that’s it?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Yes.” Nothing she said had changed how I already felt.

“Ok. Well it’s nice to come home to you waiting for me.” He walked his bike into the garage.

“Yeah, I was impatient and got here early.”

“Impatient to hear the tape or to see me?”

“Both.”

“Good answer.” He took my hand and headed toward the stairs I’d just descended.

“How was the rest of your day?”

“Uneventful.” He reached the top step.

“Yours?”

“I had coffee with my mom.”

“How was that?” He unlocked his door.

“Great. Kind of exactly what I needed today.”

“Always a good thing.” He opened the door and gestured for me to walk in.

He walked right over to his dresser. “I’m kind of sweaty.” He walked back over shirtless and holding a new t-shirt.

I enjoyed watching him pull on the fresh shirt a little bit too much.

He caught me looking. “If I did that to you I’d probably get in trouble, huh?”

“No. I’m an equal opportunity ogler.”

“Is that a thing?”

“Probably not, but I’m going to pretend it is.”

He walked over and put his hands on my hips. “Thanks for that kiss earlier today.”

“You’re thanking me for kisses now?”

“One as unexpected as that. I stopped worrying and got to enjoy the rest of my day.”

“I can’t say the same.”

“Why not?” He leaned in.

“I’m nervous.”

“About the tape?”

“About the tape. About you.”

“There’s nothing to be nervous about me.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine. “Should we listen?”

“Yes.” I took a seat on the couch, clutching my tape player. He pulled a clear tape out of his messenger bag and sat down. I waited nervously. “Wait.”

“Ok.” He rested the tape on his lap.

“This tape is probably going to seem really silly to you.”

“It’s not.”

“It is. I can promise that.”

“I’m not going to find it silly. It’s important to you.”

“You promise not to laugh?”

“As long as it’s not funny.”

“Ok, then. Let’s try this tape.”

I watched with my eyes glued on the tape player.

I braced myself. The air filled with the sound of recorded silence that only happened with cassette tapes. I startled as loud and horrible heavy metal music filled the room. “What is that?”

“You tell me. It’s your tape.”

“That’s not my tape.” I pressed fast forward and then play again. The same music played. “This isn’t my tape. Where’s my tape?”

“This is the one Phil gave me.” He took the tape out and put it in the other way. He pressed play and a different but equally as bad metal song started.

“He gave you the wrong one.” I fought to keep my voice level. This wasn’t Leo’s fault.

“Ok. I’ll call him.”

I waited while he called and then shook his head. “He’s not picking up.”

“Can you text him?”

“He doesn’t have that kind of phone.”

“What phone doesn’t let you text?” I narrowed my eyes.

“A retro Nokia from the late 90s.”

“Of course.” I shook my head.

“We’ll find your tape.” He tapped my leg.

“This was stupid anyway.” I walked over to the window and looked out. With everything Leo had been through, my experience was nothing.

He put a hand on my arm. “It’s not stupid. It’s important to you.”

“Do you remember the last time you were happy?” I focused on a tree in the distance.

“Yes. When I can home to find you here.”

“I mean truly happy.” I turned to look at him.

“Is there a difference between happy and truly happy?”

“Yes. I mean really, truly, whole body happy. The kind of happy that lasts for days, or months, or years and you—”

“I’m going to stop you right there.”

“Why?”

“Because that doesn’t exist.”

“Yes it does.” It had to. Otherwise what was the point of anything?

“Ok, instead of this turning into an argument, I’ll turn your question on you. When’s the last time you felt that way?”

“When I was eleven.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“It was.”

“You haven’t been happy in over fifteen years?”

“I’ve had fleeting moments of it, but not that all-encompassing feeling.”

“Which doesn’t exist.”

“I thought you were humoring me.” I sighed.

“I am. Continue.”

“When I was little I had a best friend.”

“Many children do.”

“Leo.” I glared at him.

“Go on.” He gestured with his hand.

“The kind of best friend you do everything with. We were inseparable from kindergarten on, and I was never happier than when we were together.”

“Sounds like a good sort of friend.”

“She was. She got me. I could always be myself with her in a way I couldn’t be with anyone else.”

“And I am guessing she was the other half of the awesome twosome that was written on the tape?” He pointed to this one even though the label wasn’t there.

“Yes.”

“What happened? Why is this story in past tense?”

“She got sick and died in sixth grade.”

“Wow. Young.”

“Very. She developed leukemia.” I still remembered the day I found out. I’d held in my tears until I was alone in my room, but I hadn’t stopped for hours.

“And your life changed after that?”

“I never made a friend like her again.” To be fair I’d never tried as hard as I could have.

“Never?”

“Never. I’ve had friends, but no one who’s stayed around long. No one who has really gotten me.”

“I get you.” He took my hand.

“You seem too, which is weird because I barely know you.”

“We’ll find the tape.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. We’ll find it.”

“I don’t want you taking any more time away from your daughter.”

“I want to spend time with you. You make me happy. Maybe I don’t agree that there is such a thing as complete, all-encompassing happiness, but I do understand the importance of being happy. You make me happy. I want to make you happy.” He took my hands in his. “When you are happy, I’m happy. I can give more to my daughter when I’m happy. I understand loneliness and an empty feeling that won’t go away.”

“The tape isn’t going to change that for me.”

“Of course it won’t.” He squeezed my hand. “But maybe it will give you closure, or maybe it won’t.”

“It’s why I quit my job.” I walked back to the sofa. I’d already started barring my soul, so I decided to go with it.

“Meaning?”

“I worked in-house at an insurance company. One of my cases had to do with a little girl with leukemia. We denied coverage for an experimental treatment. She died. I know the treatment may not have worked, but it would have been a chance. A chance is something. Of course I had to defend our company against the decision.” I pulled my knees up to my chest. “I just couldn’t. We were wrong in so many ways, but legally there were loopholes in the contract. It didn’t cover it.”

“And then everything clicks into place.” He sat on the couch and pulled me into his arms.

“I can’t do it anymore.”

“You aren’t doing it. You quit.”

“But what am I going to do? I can’t work for Clay my whole life.”

“It’s been a week.”

“So?” I wiped away tears I regretted shedding. I had no right to cry over something like this in front of Leo.

“You get time to figure out what you want and need. Life sucks sometimes. It does. I know it as well as you do, but you have to get back up.”

“You’re strong. You’re lucky.”

“You’re strong too. You did amazing yesterday.”

“Putting boxes in the car?”

“You packed up your old life. You did it and kept your game face on. You knew you’d made the right decision, and you didn’t look back. That’s strength.”

“I guess so.”

“Trust me, I know.” He put his arm behind me on the couch.

“Get Naomi back with you.”

“What if I suck at it?”

“At what?”

“Being her caregiver?” His eyes were filled with such fear.

“You’ve done it before.”

“Nikki did it all. I worked all the time.”

“You could take it slow.”

“We’ll see. But right now there is only one thing we might be able to fix.”

“And what’s that?”

“Getting you your closure.” He shifted on the sofa next to me. “You up for a drive to see Phil and find out where your tape is?”

“Sure, and I can drop you off to see Naomi after.”

“I’m not using you to get rides to see my daughter.”

“But we’ll be really close.”

“I saw her this morning—I don’t have—” His expression didn’t match his words.

“You do. You need to see her any chance you get.”

“I know. I miss her. I miss seeing her every night.”

“So you will again tonight. I can pick you up before work tomorrow—”

“No. We can stop by together and then come home. We’re staying here tonight.” He patted the couch even though I was sure he didn’t mean there literally.

“I like to help.”

“I know that, but that doesn’t mean you can avoid reality because of it.”

“I’m not ignoring reality.”

“We’ve spent one night together. Aren’t you in the least bit curious what would happen if you stayed again?”

“I’m scared.” I’d already started opening up and continuing with it was becoming easier.

“Scared? Is there something I should know?”

I sighed. “I’m falling for you.”

“Great, because I’ve already fallen for you. That doesn’t make me scared.”

“But I’ve never done the casual, temporary thing. I don’t know if I’ll be very good at handling the end.”

“Why are we talking about the end at the beginning?”

“Because for some inexplicable reason I need to know. I need to know how we end.”

“And you assume there will be an end? You can’t imagine this working out?” He gestured to us both.

“Everything ends.”

“It does. Trust me. My wife died. I get that, but you can’t spend your life afraid of the end.”

“I’ve never been before.” I crossed my arms.

“Yes you have.”

“Have not.” I shook my head. “You wouldn’t know.”

“You stayed with Steve because you were afraid.”

“That’s different.”

“You were afraid of the end.” He looked deep into my eyes. “Don’t be afraid. It’s going to ruin the ride.”

“Let’s do this.” I stood up before I sabatoged things even more with my doubts.

“That’s the spirit.” He grinned.