I didn’t realize how far out of the darkness Nora brought me until I let go. The moment I walked away, I went spiraling backward into the pit, and the darkness closed in. The nightmares started again, and insomnia hit me harder than it had in a long time. The only thing that kept me going was telling myself I did the right thing.

The doorbell rings, and I get up from bed to close my door. The winter formal is tonight, and Nora is coming over to wait for her date with Veronica. Knowing some other guy is going to put his hands on Nora makes me jealous. But hey, I gave that up. Ten or so minutes pass and then the doorbell rings again. That must be the girls’ dates. They’re riding with Alice and her boyfriend. I know because Veronica wouldn’t shut up about it all week.

Happy chatter fills the downstairs, echoing up the hall. I turn on music, setting my playlist to shuffle. “Wildflowers” by Tom Petty comes on and I ball my fist. I bring my arm back and go for the wall but change my aim at the last minute and hit my mattress instead. I shut off the music and turn on the TV, falling back into bed. I got maybe an hour’s worth of sleep last night, and exhaustion hits me hard.

By the time I wake up, the house is quiet, as it will be the rest of the night. Mom is chaperoning the dance, and once it’s over, she and Dad are going to a bed and breakfast for the rest of the weekend to celebrate their anniversary like they do every year. Only, they didn’t go last year. They didn’t do much of anything last year.

Mom left money on the counter for me for food, along with a note saying, ‘I love you!’ I let Charlie out and he runs to the back of the yard, looking at the treehouse. He barks and wags his tail. Nora is at the dance. There’s no way she’s sitting up there in the cold. I step out into the yard anyway, following Charlie’s line of sight, squinting in the dark.

She is there.

Moonlight reflects off the rhinestones on her dress. The wind blows the soft blue fabric around her feet. I blink, not sure this isn’t a dream. She sniffles, and I realize she’s crying.

“Nora?” I rush through the yard.

“Jack?” She quickly wipes her eyes and grabs a rung on the ladder. I climb the Kellers’ fence and she makes her way down. The Kellers’ house is dark. Veronica left over an hour ago, and Nora is sitting in the treehouse with only a thin shawl around her shoulders. Something is wrong.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ve been better.” She pulls the shawl tighter around herself. Her hair is loosely pulled back away from her face, fastened in a series of curls to the back of her head. The gems on her dress shimmer under the starlight and the hem swirls around her feet. She’s breathtaking.

“What are you doing out here?”

“I got ditched.”

“Why the hell would anyone ditch you? Your date did see you, right? How could he ditch you then?” I shake myself, and rage takes over. “That fucker. Next time I see him—”

Nora reaches for my hand, and I realize my fingers are curled into a fist. “It’s okay.”

“Your fingers are like ice.” I wrap her hand in mine.

“Yeah. I’m a little cold.”

“Come inside.”

“Are you sure you want me to?”

Her words hurt, and I feel guilty. “Yes. Please come in?”

She sniffles again and nods. We go through the gate and then around to the back door of my house. Now that we’re inside, I see that she’s shivering head to toe. I bring her into the living room, wrap her in a blanket, and motion to the couch. Every fiber of my being wants to hold her, comfort her, and warm her up.

I sit on the opposite end of the couch. “What happened?”

Nora pulls the blanket around her shoulders and folds her legs up, making herself as small as possible. It’s causing me pain to sit here and watch her shiver. I can’t hold out much longer.

“Troy and Greg brought alcohol. They wanted to spike the punch, but if they couldn’t, they were still going to drink it. Their dates too. And then drive to the after-party.” She stops, teeth chattering. “So I told your dad.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.” Her eyes fall shut and a fat tear rolls down her cheek. “I told you my parents died in a car crash. But I didn’t tell you that the person who hit us was a nineteen-year-old girl who was drunk. All the time, I wish someone would have stopped her. If one of her friends said something…took her keys…told her parents… Greg’s mom took him home, and Alice and Troy wouldn’t talk to me. Your dad almost didn’t let Veronica go. She had no idea Troy and Greg were bringing alcohol. She and Nancy were just as surprised as me. But I couldn’t risk anyone’s life. Not mine, not Veronica’s, not even bitch-face Alice. Or the people they could hit.”

My resolve crumbles and I take Nora in my arms. Her skin is cold and covered with goosebumps. I hold her as tightly as I can and cover us both with the blanket.

“How long were you outside? You’re freezing!”

“I don’t know. A while. I didn’t know where else to go.”

I run my hands up and down her arms. “Inside?”

“The house is locked, and my key is in my overnight bag…which is in the car that left without me. Stephanie and Doug got a call from a kid they used to foster. I didn’t get all the details, but I think he was arrested. They won’t be home until later tomorrow. They still think I’m staying with your sister at Alice’s house. They’re already upset, so why upset them more? Though they will probably wonder why I don’t have pictures from the dance.”

“Do you still want to go?”

“No. I never really wanted to go.”

“You told me you like dances.”

Nora slips her arms around me, and things start to feel right again. “I do, but there was only one person I wanted to go with. But he doesn’t like dances, and for a while I wasn’t sure if he even liked me anymore.”

“Yeah, well, he was a stupid jerk and is sorry. And he does like you. A lot.” I grip Nora’s waist. “I am sorry, Nora. I was stupid, and I thought I was doing you a favor. I’m so fucked up and you’re so…so perfect. I didn’t want to bring you down.”

“I’m far from perfect. I’m barely holding it together. And without you…”

I kiss her hard, falling back onto the couch. Nora comes with me, moving on top.

“You really were stupid for not wanting to do that anymore.” She runs a hand through my hair and kisses me again.

“I was a total idiot.” I put my lips to hers. “And I should have taken you to the dance.”

“I didn’t expect you to. I know why you don’t want to go back there.”

Memories of tackling Jason flash before me. The bullet wound tingles on my side. Hell came to earth that day, taking lives and shattering everything we held dear. It shook us all to the core, reminding us how fleeting our time is here on earth. How in an instant, life can be taken. And how it can be saved.

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve been thanked. By mothers, crying over the thought of their child being shot. By friends, for keeping them safe. By teachers. My sister. My parents. The mayor of this town. The governor of California. I even got a signed letter from the President.

Jason’s mother.

I kept her son from becoming a mass murderer.

It’s funny, how I still think of him every once in a while. He was the first person I’d go to for advice, even though nine times out of ten, his advice was total shit and I wouldn’t take it. There was something about hearing him rattle off terrible plans that got me thinking straight.

We’ll never know what really happened that day. He left no note. No reason. The only explanation we got was speculation that the medication he took for ADHD had a random and severe side effect.

Living is hard. Life is short. I don’t want to suffer anymore. I’m alive. It’s time I start acting like it.

“Let’s go.” I sit up, keeping Nora in my arms.

“Where?”

“The dance.”

She doesn’t say anything as she fights against her emotions. “We don’t have to.”

“I know. I want to.”

Nora fiddles with a button on my flannel. “Don’t take me just because you feel bad.”

“I’m not. I want to take you to show you off.” I smirk. “You’ll be the most beautiful girl there.”

She laughs. “I guess I could do you a favor and be your arm candy.”

“I’ll owe you.” I pull the blanket up to her chin. “You’re still shivering. Hang on a second.” I get up and go into my parents’ room, finding a heated blanket folded under their bed. I plug it in, turn the heat up as high as it can go, and tuck it around Nora. “You could get hypothermia being out in the cold too long.”

“I think I’ll be okay.” She settles back on the couch, carefully moving the blankets so they don’t catch on the gems on her dress. “What are you going to wear?” She looks me up and down. “It’s a formal dance.”

“I have a suit. My cousin got married over the summer and I was part of the wedding party. She had us buy the suits, and I thought it was stupid, but now I’m glad.”

Nora smiles. “I might steal your jacket.”

I put my arm around her. “You can steal anything you want.”

* * *

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Nora stops on the sidewalk in front of the school.

“Yes.” I tighten my grip on her hand, turning to face her. A cold wind blows, and snowflakes begin to fall. Nora’s eyes light up and she looks to the sky.

“It’s snowing.”

She’s wearing my suit jacket, and I take her in my arms. We stand there for a moment, watching the silent snow fall around us. Not caring if anyone sees us, I bend my head down and kiss her. Nora shivers, but I don’t think it’s from the cold.

“Let’s go in.”

I take her hand again and walk into the school. She gives me my jacket back once we’re in the lobby. Mr. Levine is standing outside the gym, staring at his phone with a look of amusement on his face. Seeming annoyed to hear latecomers, he takes his time tearing his attention away from whatever he’s watching.

“Jack,” he sputters. “What are you doing here? I mean, it’s nice to see you. And you too, Ms. Fisher.” He doesn’t ask for tickets; I’m sure he knows I don’t have one. With a smile, he waves us through. “Have fun at the dance.”

Nora gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. My pulse quickens the farther we get down the hall. This is where it happened. This is where I shot Jason.

“It’s just me and you,” Nora whispers.

I blink, and the memories fade. Instead of blood and brain matter splattered on the wall, there are glittery snowflakes. Bass from the music thumps behind the closed doors, and a few people stand outside, talking on their way into the bathroom.

Nora is my light in the dark, and all I need to push through. I open the door to the gym and step inside. The theme is the same every year—Winter Wonderland—and the dance committee takes their shit seriously. The place is decked out, transforming the space into something almost magical.

An upbeat song plays, and I look out at the sea of people, dancing and having fun. The last dance I went to, Jason and I doubled dated with the McAllister twins. They were a year ahead of us, and we thought we were badass for not only going with twins, but older twins.

“Want to dance?” Nora grabs my other hand and pulls me forward.

“Yeah. But I should warn you, I’m not the best dancer.”

“I am. Follow my lead.” We move to the back of the dance floor, and the song ends. “Crystal” by Stevie Nicks comes on next, and Nora’s face lights up.

“No way.”

“If I told you I planned this, would it get me bonus points?”

Nora laughs. “Totally. This is one of my top favorite songs.”

“Well, then I planned it.”

I look into her eyes, heart fluttering, and take her by the waist. Nora clasps her hands around my neck and we step in together, moving in time to the music. Everything fades away.

Just me and you.

How it should be from this day on. I spin Nora around and catch a couple people staring. Dale Hollow isn’t a small enough town for everyone to know everyone, yet most recognize me. And I think it’s safe to say the majority of students at this dance are surprised to see me here.

My sister included.

“Crystal” ends and another slow song starts. I pull Nora in, resting my forehead against hers. Nora slides her hand from my shoulder to my side, slipping her fingers inside my jacket. I’m getting so wrapped up in her, being at a school dance starts to slip my mind. I part my lips to kiss her when Alex weaves his way through the crowd.

“Well, shit! It really is you.”

I lean away from Nora but don’t let go. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Talon said he saw you and I didn’t believe him. Now I owe him twenty bucks, thanks a lot, asshole.”

“I’m not sorry about that.” I laugh, then turn my gaze to Nora for a second. “Have you two met before?” Nora shakes her head, and I introduce her to Alex and his girlfriend, Heather.

“Is that a real pearl necklace?” Heather asks Nora.

She reaches up, touching the pearls. “Yes, it was my grandma’s.”

“It’s gorgeous.”

Alex gives me a look. “Maybe you can give her another later.”

Heather doesn’t get the innuendo. “Why would Jack give her another pearl necklace?”

Nora stifles a laugh.

“Did you guys just get here? I didn’t see you earlier.” Alex puts his arm around Heather.

“Yeah, about five minutes ago.”

“I like being fashionably late.” Nora lets her hands fall from my shoulder, settling around my waist.

Alex winks. “Sure, you do.”

“Come on, babe.” Heather tugs on Alex’s hand. “We’re on our way to get something to drink. I’ve been dancing my ass off. It was nice meeting you, Nora. And it’s nice seeing you out again, Jack.”

As soon as they leave, someone else marches up. I’ve always gotten along pretty well with my sister. She can be a brat from time to time but overall, we should consider ourselves lucky to be so close in age and get along as well as we do.

But right now, the sight of her pisses me the fuck off.

“Hey, guys!” She has a big smile on her face. Her date, Marcus, is at her side, and Nancy is a ways behind, curiously watching. “I had no idea you’d be here. You’re here as just friends, right?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Veronica recoils from my words. “What?”

“I need to talk to you. Alone.”

My sister swallows hard. She knows what’s coming. “Okay.” She tells Marcus she’s going to use the bathroom and walks out of the gym with me. Nora actually does go into the bathroom, giving me a few minutes to talk to Veronica.

“You left Nora,” I start.

“What was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, how about not ditch her? She didn’t have a key to her house and if I hadn’t taken Charlie out when I did, I wouldn’t have seen her. She was sitting outside shivering and crying.”

Veronica casts her eyes down. “She told us she was going home, and she left. I thought that’s where she went. And everyone else was leaving, and the night was already ruined. Greg’s parents made him come home, and Troy was only allowed to come because Alice spent a grand on her dress. He’s so grounded after this. And Dad almost didn’t let me come, and Nancy and I aren’t allowed to go to Alice’s after this and have to go back to her house instead. Mom’s been all over me this whole dance too, watching like a hawk. Marcus and I had no idea that Troy and Greg brought alcohol. Dad wouldn’t let me drive with them, so Marcus and I ended up driving together in his mom’s minivan and not the Escalade. A minivan. I made him park at the back of the lot so no one would see us.”

I blink, at a loss for words. “Are you fucking serious?”

“I don’t see why she had to say anything. I mean, if she didn’t want to drink, then like, don’t drink.”

“You don’t get it, do you? It’s not about her drinking or not drinking. It’s about everyone else.”

“I do get it, and I’m saying is why ruin the fun for everyone else?”

I throw up my hands. “Because they planned on drinking and driving. That’s how her parents died. They were hit by a nineteen-year-old drunk driver. Nora was in the car. She watched them die and got hurt herself. Is that enough of a reason?”

“Oh my God. I didn’t know. I didn’t think—”

“No shit, you didn’t think. You’re a shitty friend. You’ll be lucky if she still talks to you because if you did that to me, I’d want to fucking punch you.” I turn and walk away, so pissed I need to leave before I say something I’ll regret.

“Jack, wait.”

“Forget it. I’ll take her home. Have fun with your friends. They seem like real winners.”

I go around the corner to wait for Nora. She’s standing in the threshold of the girls’ bathroom and comes down the hall the moment she sees me. I pull her to me and kiss her hard. We stumble forward, and I press Nora’s back against the wall, hand going to the slit in her dress. I feel my way up her thigh.

Heels click on the tile, and we break apart just in time for a group of girls to rush into the bathroom.

“Want to dance for a few more songs then get out of here?” She runs her hands along my back.

“Yeah, if that’s what you want.”

“I’m hoping I didn’t miss the ‘Cupid Shuffle.’”

I raise an eyebrow. “The what?”

Nora laughs. “It’s a dance. If it comes on, I’ll show you.” She takes my hand and leads me in. Mom is waiting by the doors, a big smile on her face. I pull my hand from Nora’s before she has a chance to see.

“Jackie,” she says and grabs me away from Nora and hugs me. “I was told you were here and didn’t believe it.” She holds onto my shoulders and leans back. “You look so handsome. And Nora.” Mom lets go of me and wraps her arms around Nora. “Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

“Um, you’re welcome.” Nora’s voice is muffled in my mom’s hair.

“Mom, you’re squeezing her.”

“Oh, sorry dear. I’m in shock. Good shock, but shock.” Mom reaches into her purse and gets out her phone. She’s going to take at least a dozen pictures, which is actually fine. Nora gets her phone out as well and hands it to my mom so she can have some for herself. “What made you decide to come, Jackie?”

“I needed a new date,” Nora answers for me. “You heard what happened to mine, right?”

“Right, and you did the right thing. I’m proud of you.” She has us pose for pictures and asks me to pick up Veronica in the morning from Nancy’s house. Then she tells Nora to have fun and not stay up too late before ushering us back into the dance.

“She has no idea my asshole sister ditched you.” I take Nora’s hand and lead her back onto the dance floor.

“And the Kellers have no idea I’m not going to Alice’s house tonight.”

We stop under a canopy of white mesh and blue string lights. If she’s suggesting what I think she is, there will be no stopping me. I run my eyes over her, feeling desperate and greedy. I want her. All of her. I want to open up completely and give myself to her, and I want to be her first. Her only.

If I open up completely, there’s a good chance I will swallow her whole.