I don’t wait for my dad to object. The second after I hear those words, I’m stepping over Charlie and heading out the door.

She’s dying.

I jam my feet into my shoes and don’t waste time with a coat.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Dad demands. “I told you not to see her again.”

I open the door and hear Mom’s voice as I leave the house.

“She’s about to lose the only family she has left. Now’s not the time, James.”

The door slams behind me, shutting out their voices. I run through the snow, finding Nora standing in the Kellers’ driveway next to Stephanie’s car. Her arms are wrapped tightly around herself. She’s not crying and doesn’t look sad.

She looks absolutely terrified.

“I’m so sorry,” I say and take her in my arms. Her whole body is trembling as if she’d been standing out in the cold again. The front door opens and light from inside the house spills out. I don’t let go of Nora, not caring who sees. Keys jingle as Stephanie and Doug hurry to the car.

“Hi, Jack.” Stephanie unlocks the car. “Are you coming with us?”

“Yes.”

Doug gets in the driver’s side and starts the engine. I get in the back next to Nora. Her eyes are wide, and she moves on autopilot, sitting but not buckling herself in. I reach over and pull the seatbelt over her body, clicking it into place. Doug backs out of the driveway and takes off.

My phone rings, vibrating in my back pocket. I pull it out and decline an incoming call from home. I’ll deal with whatever consequences are coming my way later. Right now, Nora needs me.

Her purse is between us. Using my phone for light, I look inside for her iPod and put her playlist on shuffle. I scoot over into the middle seat and give her one of the earbuds. She puts it in and takes my hand. The harder I try not to watch the clock, the worse the sense of urgency builds up inside me. Nora must feel ten times worse.

The miles pass and minutes turn into an hour. Nora rests her head on my shoulder and closes her eyes. Stephanie tries to make small talk, but the car is too tense, and it feels awkward and forced, which is exactly what it is.

The parking lot of Meadow Haven is empty save for a few cars I assume belong to the staff. The front doors are locked at this hour, and we ring a bell and wait for someone to come get us. A nurse’s aide takes us to Mimi’s room and the sight of her lying motionless in the bed makes my stomach hurt.

Nora lets go of my hand and goes to her bedside. I hang back, not sure what to do.

“Should we go in?” I whisper to Stephanie.

Her eyes are glossy. “Let’s give her a minute. She knows we’re here.”

Watching Nora cry and not being able to do anything to ease her pain is one of the worst feelings in the world. She takes Mimi’s hand and talks to her, tears falling freely from her face. The nurse comes back, checks on Mimi and pulls Stephanie aside to talk to her.

I go into the room and stand behind Nora, hand resting on her shoulder.

“Do you think she can still hear me?” Nora’s voice is paper thin.

“Yeah. I do.”

“Good.” She brushes Mimi’s hair back. “I told her it’s okay to go. She doesn’t have to suffer anymore. She doesn’t need to worry about me. I’ll be all right.” Nora wipes away her tears. “I have you.”

Guilt twists inside of me. “Yes. You do. You will always have me.”

* * *

We walk out of the nursing home at three-thirty in the morning. Mimi hung on for hours, listening to Nora read her favorite book. I’ve seen death before. I’ve watched life leave and have seen a body become nothing more than an empty shell.

Watching it slowly happen over hours is different, and I can’t tell if it was better or worse. I tried to find the peace within the morbidity, to reassure myself ‘she’s in a better place,’ but it all felt like bullshit.

The sun is coming up when we pull into the Kellers’ driveway. Several times, I thought Nora fell asleep on the drive home. I’d look over, and find her eyes wide open, staring into space. It was her grandma’s wish to be cremated with no funeral. Nora told us Mimi thought funerals were a waste of money and didn’t want to put Nora through the heartache of planning one.

So this is it. Her ashes will arrive in the weeks to come. Nora boxed up the few personal possessions Mimi had in her room and brought them home.

“Thanks for coming, Jack.” Stephanie pulls her purse over her shoulder and Doug takes the box from the front seat. “I know how much you two care for each other.”

Did she know too? “Yeah. I do care about her.”

Nora gets out of the car and the wind tousles her messy hair. Her brilliant eyes are bloodshot and puffy from crying.

“We’re going to take this in,” Stephanie says, and she and Doug shuffle forward. “Come in soon and get into bed, okay? You need sleep.” They go inside through the garage, and I realize they’re giving us a few minutes alone on purpose.

I envelope Nora in an embrace and put my lips to hers, tasting salty tears. Nora throws her arms around me and kisses me hard. The desire I always feel for her surfaces, hot and desperate. I kiss her back even harder. She needs this just as much as I do.

And she has no idea this might be the last time.