I park in the driveway and take a minute to smooth out my hair. The walk of shame is foreign to me, and while I don’t really feel shame, coming home in yesterday’s clothes is a little uncomfortable. Doug’s car is gone, but Stephanie’s is here. Knowing the chance of coming in unnoticed and being able to get to my room to change before she sees me is minimal, I suck it up and walk inside.

Stephanie is in the kitchen, seeing me right away. It’s afternoon, and she’s sitting at the island counter eating a salad.

“Hey, hun.”

“Hey.” I take my shoes off and pull my phone from my purse before I hang it up.

“How was your night?”

“Really good. I mean, it was fine.” I make a face. “Is this weird?”

Stephanie laughs and sets her fork down. “You’re making it weirder than it has to be. You’re twenty-two, Nora, and have lived on your own for the last few years. I don’t need to know the nitty-gritty details, but it’s not weird. You’re an adult.”

I let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks.”

“That being said,” Stephanie goes on. Just when I thought I was off the hook… “What are you doing with Jack? Yesterday morning you said it was weird being around him and now you’re spending the night at his place?”

“I don’t really know.” Thirsty, I go to the cabinet and get a glass. “We talked about it a lot last night, actually. He told me he still loves me and that he’s always loved me.” I fill my glass with water and take a long drink. “He said he thought I’d be happier with someone else, someone who didn’t have PTSD and the hardships that come with it, and he’s missed me every day since.”

Stephanie waits for me to continue.

“And I told him I feel the same. As hard as I tried, I never really got over him.”

“I know you never did,” she says gently. “You and Jack were so close and bonded so tightly over the pain of your pasts. Doug and I were really worried about you for a while there. I knew it would be hard, but after a year, even though you tried to cover up your pain, I could still see it. You were still in love with him. And the other day when you saw him again for the first time, I could see it there too.”

“It is stupid?” I ask quietly.

“Is what stupid, honey?”

“To have loved him all those years.”

Her face softens. “No. You didn’t obsess, and you didn’t sit around moping. The heart wants what the heart wants, and you have very little control over it.”

Something Mimi used to say comes to mind, something I never fully understood until now. Hearts are wild beasts, Nora. The sooner you learn that the better. You can’t tame something wild. Doing so puts you in harm’s way, and neither will win in the end. Wild animals aren’t to be caged. They must run free. Find someone to run with you, darling. Not ahead, not behind, but next to you.

“I tried to forget about him. Becca set me up on countless dates. You know how they always went.” I finish the water and put my cup in the dishwasher. “It feels right being with Jack again. I know we’ve both grown and changed, but deep down we’re still the same.”

“I think you have your answer then.”

“I didn’t ask a question.”

Stephanie smiles. “Not out loud.” She picks up her fork and mixes her salad. “We always liked Jack. Until the breakup, he was good to you. He respected you, and it seems it’s getting harder and harder to find a good man who respects a smart, hardworking woman.”

“It is, and it’s like we’re going backward with things in that aspect. Women are doing more than ever, and I’m getting off topic again.”

“It’s easy to do.” She stabs her fork down on pieces of lettuce. “Are you sure this is more than a summer fling?”

“Yes. The old feelings were always there. You know I don’t believe in destiny or fate since I think you can make your own, but maybe Jack is my person.”

“Make sure you’re happy and not seeking the comfort of what you used to know.”

The thought had briefly crossed my mind, that I was falling back into a habit because it was easy. Familiar. Safe. There’s nothing safe about Jack.

“He makes me happy now.”

“As long as you’re sure. Have you thought about where this is going to go?”

“Kind of. I told Jack I want to treat this like new for a while. We were apart for longer than we were together, after all.”

“What are your plans for the rest of the day?” Stephanie takes another bite of her salad.

“All I got planned so far is a shower, then going next door to tell Veronica she needs to find an emergency stripper for tomorrow night?”

“Emergency stripper?”

“I ran into Alice Bloom this morning, and she mentioned how excited she is to have a stripper at her bachelorette party because she knows Veronica got one due to her telling Veronica multiple times that she didn’t want one.”

Stephanie laughs. “If you need help browsing the image galleries of available male strippers, I’m willing to help.”

“I might send you pictures for final approval.”

“I’ll be of assistance.” She winks. “Would you like to invite Jack over for dinner tonight? And if you want to go back to his house after, you can. I’ll miss you, but I’m not too old to remember the feeling of getting back together.”

“You and Doug broke up?”

“A bunch of times. We were the Ross and Rachel of our friend group.”

“What made things stick?”

“We realized we’re better together.”

* * *

“It’s going to be fine.” I run my fingers through my wet hair, doing a shitty job of combing it, but getting enough tangles out to put my locks in a braid. “We’ll find something.”

Veronica paces up and down the living room. “How the hell was I supposed to know her saying she didn’t want a stripper meant she really did? Is that some sort of warped reverse psychology? If it is, she’s going to end up divorced sooner than I think. Don’t tell her I said that.”

“Veronica, chill.” I open my computer and wait for it to connect to the wifi. Stephanie comes in carrying a bottle of wine and three glasses. She pours maybe a fourth a glass into mine and fills hers and Veronica’s halfway up.

“Thanks.” Veronica takes her wine and gulps some down.

“I’m sure you’ll find something.” Stephanie sits next to me on the couch.

“For tomorrow?” Veronica takes another drink of wine. “Only the fat ugly ones will be left.”

“Most professional male strippers are attractive,” I try. “I mean, you’ve seen Magic Mike, right?”

“That’s what Alice will be expecting.” She finishes the wine and sits in an armchair across from me. “She’s going to expect the perfect tall, dark, and handsome guy.”

“Jack’s tall, dark, and handsome.” Stephanie nudges me.

“He does look good with his shirt off.”

“Ew.” Veronica wrinkles her nose. “He’s my brother. Don’t even—no, just no.”

Stephanie and I laugh. “I’m sure we’ll find someone who fits the bill.” I open a Google search and type in ‘male strippers, Dale Hollow, CA’ and see what pops up. It takes a few seconds of filtering through results to find a link worth clicking on.

“Ohhh, look at him!” Stephanie leans in. “Hire him! Or him. Or that guy.”

I turn my computer around to show Veronica. “See, lots of hot guys.”

“Wow. They are really hot. They look like models.”

I spin my computer back around. “They do. Too much.”

Stephanie nods. “Reverse image search ‘em.”

Five minutes later, we discover all the images used to advertise the strippers are stolen from fitness models’ Instagram accounts.

“Onto the next site,” I say, and continue my search. I find one of the highest rated ‘professional party dancers’ in the area, but of course he’s booked. The next site we check out has fake images again, and the next has rates so high it’s insane.

“Oh my God. I’m going to have to hire my brother.” Veronica refills her wine.

“I don’t think Jack would go for that.”

Veronica takes a big drink. “I’m already dealing with enough shit from Alice.”

“I could probably get Doug to do it.” Stephanie winks. “He has a very sexy dad-bod.”

“I’m about ready to say screw it and let Alice deal. She insisted she didn’t want a stripper over and over and even gave me a list of activities to do and not to do.”

“She sounds like a bridezilla,” Stephanie says.

“She’s terrible.” Veronica sighs. “I thought it would be fun planning the wedding and the bachelorette party but she’s sucking the fun out of everything. It makes me want to elope. Well, if I ever get that far in life.”

She sits by my side, looking as I search for a reputable stripper to hire…if there is such a thing. Half an hour and a handful of phone calls later, we have a stripper booked for tomorrow night.

“Thanks again for saving my ass,” Veronica says. She just walked out the front door. “You really should come tomorrow. It’ll be fun. Even more so since the sexy cop is going to arrest us all.”

“Other than you, I don’t like anyone else in the bridal party. Or the bride. I don’t even know anyone other than you, Nancy, and Alice.”

“That’s all who I know too. Please come! At least check out the stripper you helped hire.”

“I did put in a lot of work finding the guy.”

“So, you’ll be there?”

“Yeah, I’ll stop by.”

* * *

“Hey, babe.” Jack takes the porch steps in one stride. The swing sways behind me when I get off to meet Jack. Before any more words can be said, we embrace and kiss.

“How was the meeting?”

“I’m not sure how to describe it,” he says honestly. We go back to the swing, sitting with Jack’s arm around my shoulder. “A group of people talking about their shitty pasts is depressing. But it’s good to be around others who understand what it’s like to be stuck in a flashback.”

“I see why it’s hard to describe.” I inch closer, needing to feel him against me.

“Once I lost you, I had no one to talk to who didn’t make me feel like I was being judged or pitied. Or worse, acting like they understand like my fucking dad does.”

“It’s a safe place.”

“I guess. Most of the guys have been overseas and seen some awful shit. I’m the only one who shot their best friend, though. Sometimes I don’t think I need to go anymore, but I keep going because the guys need the support. And I think it’s still there, deep down. The darkness and the memories. I don’t think it’s possible to get over it. You just learn to deal. Bury it with better memories.”

“You’re a good person, Jack. Don’t ever forget it.”

He kisses the side of my head. “I don’t think you’ll let me.”

“Nope.” I look out at the horizon. We’re about an hour from sunset, and the sky is brilliant shades of gold and orange already. “Thanks for coming to dinner.”

“This is what normal couples do, right? Have dinner with their girlfriend and her—do you call them your parents?”

“Legally they are, even though I didn’t change my last name. And it depends on who I’m talking to. Sometimes, I don’t feel like explaining things. Most times. Okay, all the time unless there’s a reason to explain it.”

“Makes sense. Did you tell them about us?” He takes a section of my hair and plays with the ends.

“I did.”

“Do they hate me for breaking up with you?”

“Are you nervous?” I ask with a smile.

“Not exactly, but this is a big deal, right? Going with the whole starting over thing, I’m meeting your parents for the first time and want them to like me.”

“You are nervous, and it’s so cute.”

He gives me a blank stare. “I don’t do cute.”

“Well, you did me.”

He laughs. “You never were good at making jokes.”

“Speaking of things I’m not good at, I felt bad saying no to Veronica and I’m going to the bachelorette party.”

“Pushover.”

“I know,” I laugh. “I won’t stay for the whole thing.”

Doug pulls into the driveway, and Jack and I go in for dinner. Stephanie and I already made the food, and I set the table before Jack got here. We’re eating in the formal dining room, and since I’ve lived here, I can count the times we had a meal in here on one hand.

“Should I have dressed up?” Jack asks, and I laugh.

“I’m wearing yoga pants and a T-shirt.”

“Have you seen your ass in those things? You’re a fucking ten, Nora. But that doesn’t answer my question.”

“You’re perfect like that.” Jack’s always been casual in his appearance. Naturally handsome, the no-effort look works for him. His go-to outfit is jeans, a T-shirt, and a button up flannel over it if it’s cold. And it looks good on him.

“As long as you think so.”

The four of us sit around the table, and as much as I wanted to deny it, there was a little bit of tension when we first sat down together. Usually laid back and cracking even worse jokes than mine, Doug’s protective side came out, and I’m well aware he looks at Jack and remembers the nights I spent crying myself to sleep. It took through all of dinner and into dessert for things to finally ease up and feel normal.

“How’s life in the mountains?” Doug asks Jack.

“Quiet. Which is how I like it, though I can’t imagine I’ll be the only one up there for long.”

“I agree. I’m surprised the land has been left as is for this long.”

“It’s kinda sad, isn’t it?” I stick my fork into my salad. “Soon the only natural land we have left will be what’s protected.”

“It is,” Jacks agrees. “There are a few more acres for sale around me. If I could buy them, I would.”

“I haven’t been hiking in years,” Stephanie says. “A bear crossed our path once and it freaked me out so much I never went back.”

“And she got lazy,” Doug teases. “The terrain isn’t easy.”

“I never hiked the trails in the mountains,” I say. “I always wanted to though.”

“You should. If you thought the view from the cabin was impressive, wait until you’re actually up at the top looking down,” Jack says.

I steal a look at Jack, remembering the one and only time I’ve been near the trails. It was after the Winter Formal, the night I lost my virginity to him when we stood in the freezing cold, watching snow fall into the lake.

I want to do that every year, no matter what.