“Morning,” I say softly, setting a plate of French toast, scrambles eggs and bacon on the dresser. I didn’t mean to wake Jack, but his eyes opened when I came into the room. He told me he’s on high alert, unable to shut off the part of his brain that tells you if you’re in danger or not.

We stayed on the balcony for hours last night. I fell asleep snuggled against Jack’s chest, waking at sunset. He was asleep too but woke easily just from me sitting up. We came back into the bedroom, and I tried to stay awake and scratch his back until he fell asleep. I think he fell asleep soon after I did, but I can’t be sure.

I didn’t get up again until nine-thirty and was able to get out of bed without waking him. Charlie was on Jack’s other side, head pressed against Jack. Some animals are special and can sense things in people without being trained to do so, and Charlie is no exception.

He knows, and I’m positive Charlie barking last night helped wake Jack up. He wouldn’t leave the bed when I got up in the morning, and his loyalty to Jack pulls on my heart. He’s a damn good dog.

While breakfast was cooking, I googled PTSD, trying to read everything I could. My freshman year, we covered it in Psych 101 but only briefly. I know there is no getting over PTSD but it can be managed. I’m sure Wyatt’s death is what triggered Jack, and I wish he’d opened up to me yesterday instead of acting like he was okay.

There’s no shame in not being okay sometimes. I love him. All of him. The good, the bad, and the dark too.

“Morning,” he replies and sits up. “It’s almost eleven?”

“Yeah. I suppose I could have made you lunch instead of breakfast, but I know you like bacon.”

He smiles, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. “I do.”

I bring the plate and his coffee to the bed and sit next to him. “How are you feeling?”

“Stupid.”

“Jack,” I start.

“Don’t, Nora.” He takes the coffee. I bite my lip and look away, not sure what to say. I can only imagine how it feels, not really knowing the horror it is to live with it.

“You’re not stupid,” I tell him. He doesn’t respond, and the dynamic between us shifts. I don’t know how to help him, and for the first time, I feel like he doesn’t want my help. Which is exactly why I’m going to keep trying. “How are you feeling?”

Jack looks at me for half a second. His brown eyes are clouded with anger. It’s easier to feel angry. It’s hard to deal with the raw painful emotions he wished would have faded. I wish it would fade. I wish I could take it all away.

“Tired.”

“Do you want to lay back down after you eat?”

“No,” he says sharply. Then he closes his eyes and sighs. “I won’t be able to sleep. Or I think I won’t. I don’t want to have another nightmare.”

“I’ll be here.”

“I know.” He turns to me and I lean in, kissing him gently on the lips. He puts his coffee on the nightstand and takes me in his arms.

“Does talking about it help?”

“Sometimes.” He twists a strand of my hair around his fingers. “I want to forget and live a normal life. I hate how mad I am all the time. I had normal.”

“We’ll find a new normal. We had it before, and we can find it again.”

“Yeah. We did.” He lets out a breath and I feel him relax. “I love you, Nora, and I don’t want you to feel like you can’t do what you want because of me.”

“I am doing what I want.”

He takes my face in his hands, lowering his forehead to mine. “If you want to go back to Berkeley and take the internship, you should. It’ll fucking suck to not be able to kiss you every day, but we’ll make it work.”

“I know we’ll make it work, but I don’t want to go back.”

“Why not? It seems like a good opportunity.”

I twist toward him, hooking my leg over his. “There’s no guarantee they’ll even hire me once the internship is over, and maybe it’s pretentious of me to say, but I don’t want to be an intern. I want to try to get an actual job. I have an actual degree now, after all.”

“That’s a good reason. But they will pay for you to go back to school.”

“If I get a job,” I remind him. “And honestly, the thought of going back to school gives me a bit of anxiety.” I look up at him, smiling. “I think you remember I’m a bit Type-A when it comes to academics.”

“A bit?” His lips pull into a smile. “I very vividly remember you making me study on a snow day. Mostly because my dad almost walked in on us having sex, but also because you were hardcore about math.”

“I still am. Which is why taking a break is sounding better and better. Being back made me realize how much I miss this place. I have a home here. Stephanie and Doug are my legal parents and would be over the moon happy if I came back here. And there is you. You’re kind of a big deal to me, you know. You always have been.”

“I know.” His dark eyes meet mine. “As long as your happy, Nora. That’s all I ever wanted, and I don’t want you to sacrifice your full potential for me.”

He’s been hurting for so long and won’t hesitate to put himself through more pain if he thinks it’ll make my life better. “That’s what love is,” I whisper. “It’s not just a feeling. It’s an action. It’s making sacrifices and putting each other's needs before your own. It’s letting go and welcoming the free fall into the unknown. You have no idea where you’re going to land but you trust it will be a good place because anywhere with the person you love is a good place.”

Jack strides forward and takes me in his arms. “You are my good place.”