Paul

“Get it together,” I muttered staring into the nervous face in the mirror. “You’ve got this under control. You are ready.”

I tried to let my own words repeat in my head, letting them sink in, trying to get the message, but no matter what I did the nerves were not to be calmed.

I was used to this but it had been years and today was for all the marbles. It was more important than anything else I’d ever done in the sporting arena by far.

It was the day of the tournament. It had arrived far faster than I thought it would, but here we were. I had no more time to prepare. There was nothing else I could do to make sure that I was ready for this.

I was there. I just had to get the job done.

Training the past several days had been much more difficult since the accident. I knew that I should have been taking it easy. In my condition the likelihood of being injured was far more risky, but I had to do it. I was probably ready for this the day of the accident. My rides had been flawless up until then, but I was a perfectionist. I never would have been able to live with myself or sleep at night if I didn’t continue to push.

I knew that Debbie was worried about me. Her family was worried and even her friends were concerned. I appreciated all of it, but I’d always been too stubborn to let anyone get in the way of something I wanted.

I was doing this for me. I was doing this for my family. And I was doing this for Debbie too, for us. She knew that. And she knew how much I loved her. I made sure to tell her that as often as I could and to show her how much she meant to me.

But I had a job to do. And it was time to get it done.

The first two matches went perfect. I scored high eighties on both and ended up being among the top finalists to move on to the next round. I was really hoping to score into the nineties, but I was just getting warmed up. These were just qualifying rounds anyway. The way it was set up is all twenty-five riders who had been narrowed down from the pre-qualifying rounds from every county during the past week (I’d easily won my county a few days prior in a best of five rides event) were selected to move on to the final rounds today. We would each ride once and then the top five scores would be selected for the final round which would be for the one hundred thousand dollar prize money.

I was a bit nervous for the qualifying round the other day but once I was on the bull and ready to burst out of the gate I was fine. I got locked in and was able to hold on each ride for the full eight seconds. I thought I was going to be thrown off early on the last ride but I held on and made it through.

But here I was ready to compete with the big boys.

I gave myself one final look in the mirror and headed for the gate as I heard my name announced. Glancing over at Debbie who looked even more nervous than I was, I gave her a wink and a smile to let her know that this was going to be a piece of cake, even though I felt my guts turning to rubber inside.

The crowd was enormous and loud. I couldn’t believe how many people had come to this huge arena. It was bigger than anything I’d ever been a part of even when I was riding and competing regularly as a teenager.

Seeing that many people on their feet and cheering as I made my way to the gate began to eradicate the butterflies I was feeling in my stomach. I was starting to get a bit pumped up actually.

I wished that my parents were there to see it, but I didn’t want to get their hopes up about the prize money and I wanted to surprise them if I did in fact win.

Still, it would have been nice having actual family there.

But I had Debbie. I considered her closer to me than anyone in the world. She was my soulmate, even though I’d never really believed in such a thing before I met her. I couldn’t imagine a world without her in it.

And I’d never live with myself if I ever broke her heart.

All of Debbie’s friends, her parents, and her Aunt and Uncle were there to support me. That meant a lot.

A few minutes later I lowered myself onto the insane bull that began to thrash wildly the second my legs touched its back. Oh, this one was going to be wild. Probably not as nuts as “Demon” had been, but it was going to be a rough ride. I could feel it.

But the second I was there in the zone, waiting for the gate to open up, I knew I was going to ride the hell out of this bull for the full eight seconds nothing was going to distract me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

The gate open and everything happened in a flash.

My grip tightened as my body began to flail around on top of this one thousand pound muscular beast beneath me. I allowed my free arm to flail behind me careful not to touch the bull at all, but allowing the momentum to do what it needed to. I was determined to remain free and relaxed. Tensing up was the worst thing you could do. It would just zap you of your energy in no time.

The buzzard went off signaling the end of the eight seconds and the crew rushed out to help me get out of the arena. I released my grip, the rope came free as the cowbell jiggled, and I was jumping to the ground.

The second my feet hit the dirt I ran hard to the side and jumped over the fence only seconds away from being gored by that monstrous beast that I had ridden so beautifully moments ago.

I knew it was a good ride. It felt terrific. I didn’t feel anything wrong during the ride and it was over so fast. My brain did not overthink anything and I was pretty sure my body just went along with the groove. That was usually indicative of the best rides, but you would never know until the scores came back.

“That was fantastic!” Debbie said running into my arms to greet me.

She and her family had come out of the stands to congratulate me. It was a nice surprise as I was trying to get my brain back into reality and let the adrenaline that was burning through my body slow down.

“Thanks, honey,” I said. “It felt good, but let’s just hope the judges see it that way.”

“It was impeccable,” Joe said giving me a slap on the shoulder with his huge, heavy hand.

A few moments later the judges score came back.

Ninety-three.

“What?” I said in total disbelief. That was the highest score of the day. It may have been the highest score I’d ever had.

“Great job!” Debbie said before planting a huge kiss on me.

“Way to go!” Lara chimed in.

Logan gave me a big high five.

“That was sweet, man! Hell I’ve never come close to that. I probably would have been out during the qualifying.”

“Nice ride,” a voice came from behind me.

I turned to see a man I didn’t know but vaguely remembered from watching his run earlier. He was good, but cocky.

“Thanks,” I said.

“But it’s not going to be as nice as mine,” he said. “I think you just shouldn’t celebrate too soon.”

With that he walked away staring daggers into me the whole time. I couldn’t hold back a chuckle. Bullies annoyed me to no end. They were jokes, all of them. I had yet to meet one who would not back down if they actually thought they could get hurt even a little bit in a fight. The trick was to escalate it far faster than they expected. If they got in your face, then you punch them in the gut. Inflict a little pain and they’d leave you alone. That was one thing I learned very quickly as a child.

“Who is that?” I asked.

“Chip Mathews,” Logan said. “The guy is supposed to be a legend around these parts. He was a star football player in high school, star baseball pitcher, and he has been winning amateur rodeo contests since we were teenagers. He went to high school with my cousin. They were bitter enemies, apparently.”

“Yeah, he seems like the kind of guy who has a lot of arch enemies,” I joked.

“He is only speaking to you to throw you off your game because you are a threat to him,” Joe said. “You see a lot of jerks like that in this sport.”

“Oh, I know,” I said. “I’ve dealt with those types before.”

I had too.

There was still a lot of time to kill before the early rounds finished up and they announced the top five. I was pretty sure I would be among them as I didn’t see anyone there coming close to my score, but of course I still had a slight, lingering doubt in the back of my mind.

There was always the “what if”.

We all decided to grab a bite at the concession stand and relax for a bit. It was good to get my mind off the event madness going on around me. As I sat there at one of the huge tables lined up in the eating area chatting and goofing off with Debbie, her family, and her friends I felt some of the tension I’d been feeling all day start to ease up. I knew that I probably should have been focusing intently on the tournament but when it came right down to it when you were out there it was just you and the beast. It was still very unpredictable. You just had to hope that you were prepared enough to cover anything that was thrown your way. And no matter how good you were there might be someone out there who was just a little bit better. That was the way it went.

God, it felt good to be a part of this again. Riding was the only thing in the world besides writing that gave me that kind of a rush, where I felt like my life was put on hold if I didn’t have this in it. I couldn’t believe how I’d let myself get so far away from something I loved so dearly. I hadn’t felt this alive in years.

I looked over at Debbie who caught my gaze and smiled back at me. She was sitting right beside me and I pulled her closer, my arm hugging her around her soft waist. I loved this woman with all of my heart and soul. I wasn’t sure how far bull riding would take me, hell it might have just been this tournament, or how far my writing my go, but no matter what I knew that I had the love of this amazing woman and that was enough to make everything else ok.

It was a good time.

Before I knew it though they were announcing the top five winners and heading into the next match. I hugged Debbie tightly, nervously, but trying to keep my cool as they ran down the list of names. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d been so nervous. I was usually a pretty cool head. Things didn’t overwhelm me that much. I’d always felt that I could handle whatever came my way and I didn’t attach too much emotion to any outcome either positive or negative. Whatever happened I would deal with it.

But I wanted this so badly. I hoped Debbie couldn’t tell how nervous I was. I didn’t want to worry her at all. I knew she worried about me a lot as it was and I didn’t want to give any of those stressors merit.

I’d gone out there and given it my all, even though my whole body felt like it was going to give up on me. I was still dealing with a lot of pain in my ribs and even the back of my neck from where I’d fallen the other day. That coupled with the number those goons did on me that night, and my body was screaming for a few weeks of total rest.

After this tournament I promised myself I would do just that.

The announcer called the fourth name and paused for the applause from the crowd before continuing. “And finally, the last rider to make it to the top five and move into the final round to ride for that one hundred thousand dollar prize…. Mr. Paul Henry!”

My legs buckled, my mouth went dry, and my head began to spin.

Was this really happening? I couldn’t believe it. I’d known that I had a shot at this, but it was still wishful thinking until it actually happened. The shock that it was happening was almost more than I could bear. For a few seconds I thought that I might actually pass out from the head rush of excitement coursing through my body. I felt the buzz of the adrenaline washing through every cell inside of me and I felt almost blissful for a moment.

And then I snapped back into reality.

Debbie was hugging me. Her family and friends were all gathered around me giving me a group hug. I could hardly breathe at the moment and the lack of open space was making it worse, but I loved it. They were giving me the adulation that came with my small victory. And I greatly appreciated it.

But I wasn’t finished yet. In fact, I felt like this was just the beginning.

Now it was down to the wire.

“Way to go!” Debbie shouted in my ear before giving me a big hug and a kiss. “I knew you could do it!”

I held her tightly in my arms and inhaled her sweet scent deeply. It had such a soothing, calming effect on me. She always had since the moment I met her. I took whiff after whiff of her and sank into the softness of her body. I could feel the love she was giving me and I tried to send those same vibes back to her.

“I knew you’d be in the finals,” Joe said slapping me hard on the shoulder with his huge hand.

“Thanks,” I said.

I looked around at the other riders who were being congratulated by their friends and families. They all were excited, all of them with the same gleam in their eye that they might actually win this thing. And it was possible that any one of them might actually win it.

But I was determined to make sure I came out on top. I had to. It meant more to me. It wasn’t just about me winning money for me; it was about my family. They were counting on me.

Then my eyes landed on something unsettling.

Chip Mathews, the first name that had been called to the top five, was glaring at me. His eyes were like cold, steely, daggers that were aimed at my head. I could almost visually see him decapitating me in his mind.

I felt the anger rise up within me and I glared right back at him, my teeth gritting slightly.

Debbie noticed the change in my demeanor and peered into my face trying to determine what was wrong.

She noticed I was looking at something and she followed my gaze over to Chip, who was still looking at me.

Then his gaze softened slightly and he half smiled in a cocky manner before walking away.

“God, what a jerk,” Debbie said.

“Yeah,” I replied. “I guess he really has it in for me now,” I chuckled.

“You will put his score to shame,” Debbie said with a smile.

I nodded. I damned sure was determined to try.

It was time.

This was what I had prepared for. This was what I’d worked so hard for the past few weeks. It was the thing I’d thought about almost nonstop since I’d first decided to enter this tournament. I was ready. I was confident. There was no more time to think.

I lowered myself onto the bull. It began to jostle around inside the cage while the handlers worked to get it settled.

I tried to clear my mind. I wasn’t worried about the bull. It would be fine once it cleared the gate. I could feel the strength of the bull beneath me. Its muscles were tense, strong, and ready to work in a coordinated effort to destroy me. I hadn’t expected anything less.

I slipped my hand into the grip squeezing hard until it almost felt numb. I was still nervous, anxious, and most of all excited. I knew that once the gate flew open all that would disappear. Because then it wasn’t about the prize money or the crowd. Then it was just about me and this animal going head to head and I was determined to come out on top.

For some reason I looked up right then. I’d told myself that I was just going to concentrate on what I was doing with myself and the bull, but for whatever reason I found my eyes gazing upward. I immediately wished I hadn’t.

I instinctively looked over to where Debbie was sitting with her family. I expected to see her watching me with a nervous expression on her face. I loved having her in my corner like that, knowing that she cared about me no matter what happened and that she would always support me in anything I was doing. A man needed the support of his significant other emotionally. It gave me a confidence boost when I needed it most.

But what I saw did not do that.

There standing in front of her on the bleachers, leaning over her in a very smarmy, creepy way, was that dirt bag Chip Mathews.

What the hell was he doing?

It became clear almost immediately. From his body language and the goofy grin on his face, to the way he kept trying to touch Debbie he was flirting with her, hardcore. The bastard.

I saw his hand reach up and try to caress Debbie’s shoulder while she wiggled away. I couldn’t hear what was being said but Debbie was definitely telling the guy to get loss. She was getting fired up and was about two seconds away from slapping the jerk.

Logan and Joe were coming over to intervene just then. Chip didn’t seem to bothered by them. He ignored them almost completely and continued to harass Debbie.

I knew I should have let it go. They could handle it.

But it was my duty.

The anger welled up inside of me until I couldn’t think straight. I knew that every instinct I had in that moment was wrong. It was a silly thing to do and to this day I regret it, but I couldn’t control myself. When it came to Debbie I really could not see straight. Everything was about her.

This pig was trying to harass the love of my life? He knew she was with me and he had the audacity to try this crap? Looking back I fell right into his stupid trap, but I don’t think he ever intended for it to go as far as it did. Chip had severely underestimated how quick to anger I could be under the right circumstances.

Before I even realized what I was doing I was jumping up off the bull and hopping over the gate.

“Where are you---?” The handlers’ voices protested.

But I barely heard them.  I was in a rage that I hadn’t known before or since. Everything in the world was greyed out. All of my thoughts were on Chip Mathews and the fact that I was about to destroy him.

I reached the bleachers where Debbie was sitting on the first level. Chip didn’t see me at first. He was still too much into his little routine of harassing my girlfriend.

“You son of a bitch!” I growled.

I grabbed Chip by the shirt collar and threw him backwards causing him to stumble off the step of the bleacher and land hard on the ground.

“How dare you!” I screamed.

“Paul—“ Debbie protested reaching towards me.

But I was too far gone into this. I couldn’t stop. My pulse was racing, my head felt numb, and I could see nothing but red. I wanted to destroy this scum bag.

Chip quickly leapt off the ground with surprising agility for a guy his size. He came at me with a haymaker right hand which I blocked and countered with a hard right of my own. I connected hard to his jaw. I’d stepped into the punch and hit him with everything I had. This combined with the fact I was wearing a heavy, thick glove was enough to shut Chip down.

He wasn’t completely out, but he was out of it. I could practically see stars floating around his head as he tried to stagger to his feet, repeatedly failing and slumping back to the ground.

Just then several men stepped in between us and began to break things up while they waited for security to arrive.

“Break it up! What the hell are you guys doing?” One of the men yelled in my face.

I felt like belting him with a punch but I held it back. The anger was beginning to subside in me.

“Why did you do that?” Debbie asked.

“What are you talking about? That jerk was pawing all over you,” I said.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Debbie said. “You will be kicked out of the competition for this.”

“I don’t care,” I said. “Some things are more important.”

Debbie threw up her hands and then rested them on the back of her neck as she tried to handle some of the grief she felt. I could see she was trying to fight back tears from her eyes.

“Dammit,” she said, a few tear drops finally edging out of the corner of her eyes.

She rested her head on my chest and I pulled her near.

After the mayhem died down the judges quickly reached a decision that both me and Chip would be kicked out of the competition for fighting and unsportsmanlike conduct. I’d blown it. I would not win the money. I might never even be allowed to rodeo again if word of this got around to the other organizers.

Dammit.

But as Debbie and I walked to my truck I didn’t feel sorry for what I’d done. I knew that it was the right thing to do and I was pretty sure given the same circumstances I would do it again. I felt devastated about the money, but sometimes you have to make hard choices in life and some things are actually worth fighting for.

Debbie would always be worth fighting for. And I knew that she would always fight for me the same way. That was one of the things that made us work so well together.

Our love was strong enough to endure anything. No matter what happened we would always have that and I firmly believed every bit of it deeply in my soul.