Debbie

“Why am I doing this?” I asked out loud to my reflection. I checked my makeup and my outfit for the third time and decided that I looked decent enough.

Well, except for the slight bit of a belly bump I could see. Of course I was the only person who could see it apparently. Everyone else thought I was crazy when I mentioned it. I was barely ten weeks pregnant and I already felt like I was huge. When I really started to show I was going to freak out a bit.

But I was excited. A beautiful baby was on its way.

It had been weeks since I’d heard from Paul. Hell, it had been almost two months. And still nothing. The longer it went the angrier I got. I kept trying to figure out what went wrong and what I could have done to stop it. Was Paul using his father’s death as an excuse to move back home permanently and just kick me to the curb? Was he done with me? And why not call me and break up with me like a real man if that’s what he wanted?

Or was it something else entirely that wasn’t his fault. Did something awful happen and he just couldn’t contact me?

I had no idea what to think or which way to turn. My parents had been very supportive of Paul in the beginning since he’d been gone, but the longer it went on without word the more bitter they were becoming. Even my mother who was the sweetest, most understanding person I knew was ready to slap Paul silly if she ever saw him again for impregnating her daughter and then disappearing.

I kept reminding her he had no idea about the baby, but she didn’t care. She had lost her patience.

And I had started to lose mine.

That was why I had agreed to a date with Roy Denton. I’d known Roy since we were kids. We’d been in the same classes all through junior high and high school. We lost touch for a few years while he went to college, but he was back in town now and working with his father. They were both pharmacists in the local pharmacy his father owned.

Roy had always had a bit of a crush on me, but I’d never given him a serious shot because he just wasn’t my type and I didn’t think we were all that compatible.

But I was feeling very desperate and a bit jaded over the way Paul had just disappeared on me. I was pregnant. I was scared. And I just wanted something to take my mind off things for a while.

Roy was going to provide that distraction tonight. I just hoped I didn’t lead him on too much. I was not at all interested in starting a new relationship.

I loved Paul. I missed him so much. I thought about him constantly and I felt sick all over when I did. What was going on? Had he really just decided to dump me that way? I thought I knew Paul. I thought he loved me. Surely, there had to be some other explanation.

But as time rolled on I began to wonder less and less. I’d reached the point now that I’d almost resigned myself to it. Paul was gone. And he wasn’t coming back. I needed to start getting on with my life.

This thought regularly brought me to tears.

“Debbie! Roy is here!”

My mother’s loud voice echoed upstairs to me. I was actually looking forward to the evening. It might be fun anyway.

“Coming!” I called back, trying not to be as loud as my mother.

I gave myself a quick, last look in the mirror and walked out the door.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs and turned the corner to move towards the kitchen I saw Roy standing in front of the kitchen table. My mother was sitting on the couch in the living room. She smiled approvingly at me and continued knitting her latest garment.

“Hey,” I said to Roy as I entered the kitchen.

He turned around quickly, looked me over in one, swift, glance and flashed his best smile.

“Hi!” He said excitedly. “Wow, you look fantastic.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Are you ready to go?”

“Sure,” Roy said nervously as he hurried to walk out of the kitchen.

It was then that I noticed my laptop was sitting on the table opened up to my Facebook page. I hadn’t closed it when I went upstairs. I thought I’d locked it…

I quickly exited out of Facebook and shut down the laptop.

As I followed Roy down the hall to the front door a nagging thought ate at me. Was Roy snooping my Facebook page?

No… he wouldn’t… would he?

I tried to ignore it but the feeling bothered me. I told myself I was being silly. I was just nervous and looking for any reason at all to not like Roy.

I missed Paul. But I was trying to move forward. I just had to keep moving one day at a time. That was all I could hope for.

The evening was started off with dinner at Dashes, a nice French restaurant a town over from ours. I’d heard about it before but never had the chance to try it until now. It was fantastic and a lot of fun. I loved the accents, the charismatic way the waiter took our orders, and the overall atmosphere was so serene and almost glamorous. I worried that I wasn’t quite dressed up enough, but Roy told me I was fine.

Roy pulled out all of the stops. He ordered a great appetizer, the best entrees, and even an amazing desert. I tried to only eat half of each thing because I wanted to savor all of it and not be too stuffed to move later.

After dinner we went dancing in a nice jazz bar I’d never been to either. I had never really been that into Jazz music, but now I really enjoyed it there. Roy and I even danced a few slow songs. He was surprisingly a decent dancer.

Before I knew it Roy was dropping me off at my parent’s house. I’d never expected to have as much fun on a date with Roy as I did. He really wasn’t my type. He was skinny, kind of on the shy, nervous side, he had a soft voice, and he lacked a lot of confidence.

But he was nice. We had a lot of great conversation and several things in common. As the date progressed he came out of his shell a little more and relaxed quite a bit.

“Roy, thanks so much for tonight,” I said. “I really needed it.”

“Sure, I had a great time,” Roy said.

We stood there for a moment longer. I started to turn to go inside when Roy made his move.

He reached out and touched my hand softly. It felt nice, comforting. It had been a while since I’d felt that.

Then Roy leaned in and kissed me quickly on the lips.

And I let him.

My first thought was to turn away and explain that I still loved Paul. And that I still hoped he would return soon. I didn’t want to lead Roy on. He really was a great guy. But it wasn’t right.

Yet, somehow it felt fine. It felt good. I was glad I’d let him kiss me.

I said goodnight and went inside.

My mother was still waiting up on the couch watching old Matlock reruns.

“So, how did it go?” She asked.

“It went good,” I said.

I kissed her goodnight on the cheek and went upstairs to get ready for bed.

Yeah. It actually went really well.