The Boy Is Back by Meg Cabot (11)

OMG I can’t believe he had the nerve to ask you for help with his parents.

He didn’t. His sister-in-law did.

Yeah, but that’s basically like him asking. He has to know about it. I bet he’s still in love with you.

Are you still drunk from last night?

No. Shut up. I’m totally hydrating with vitamin water.

So what are you going to say in your reply? Are you going to tell her to go to hell? Do you even know her? I think I remember her. Carly Webb, right? She was on the volleyball team with that stuck-up Summer Walters.

It’s Summer Hayes now. Remember? You should, you tried to kick her last night.

NOOOOOOO!!!! I tried to kick Summer Walters?

Hayes. How many times have I told you? Ice wines are for sipping, Nicole, not chugging.

OMG. Henry’s right, I really shouldn’t be allowed anywhere classy like a wine boutique, only biker bars.

So how are you going to break the news that you’re not taking the job? Do you want me to do it? I’m an expert at rejecting people.

I haven’t decided yet whether or not to turn down the job.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? You’re actually thinking about saying YES???

We need the money, Nicole.

No, we don’t. I mean we do, but not that much. I can’t even believe you’re suggesting it. We do NOT need any of Reed Stewart’s money. He hurt you, Becky! I was the one who had to mop up your tears all those nights you cried after he went away and never called you again! I will never let you accept a dime of his gross preppie golf money.

Nicole, please don’t be dramatic.

I’m not being dramatic! I will not let you accept this job!

Have you ever been inside the Stewarts’ house? It’s massive.

Uh, no, I’ve never been invited inside the Stewart manor house because I’m just a lowly little scullery maid, not a stunningly beautiful princess like you, who got courted by the handsomest prince in the kingdom and then summarily dumped by him so he could go off and win all that tournament money while you toiled away at college, then your father’s business after he died, building it into this empire the prince now wants to take advantage of, which I will not allow.

Stop being insane.

The Stewarts’ place is huge. Three stories, not including the attic, basement, and detached garage. It’s historic. And Reed’s parents loved antiquing.

So Reed Stewart’s parents are now hoarders. Is that what you’re saying? You want to take on hoarders in addition to the ex who ruined your life? You’re the one who’s insane. I thought we agreed after the Mayhews, no more hoarders.

He did not ruin my life. I’m with Graham now.

A lumbersexual whose favorite subjects are locally sourced goat cheese and how to avoid tannins?

And the Stewarts are not hoarders. They’re lovely, sophisticated people. I think I recall a suit of armor and a Venetian glass chandelier. We’re not talking Princess Diana memorial plates here.

I’ve never seen a Venetian glass chandelier before. Except on PBS.

Nicole, this could be the biggest job of our lives.

It’s not about the money, though, Becky. You always told me that what we do has never been about the money. It’s about helping people during the time in their lives when they most desperately need it.

And we *will* be helping a member of the community who was extremely kind and generous to me when *I* needed help, and when many other members of the community needed help. Remember the Dumbbell Killer?

For heaven’s sake, Becky, that had nothing to do with you. Or me. Or any of us except that poor, crazy lady.

She wasn’t crazy.

She dropped a spinlock adjustable dumbbell on her husband’s head 57 times while he was asleep.

But oh yes, you’re right. That is the action of a sane person.

It was while her husband was passed out drunk and she only dropped it 12 times and it was because he’d just beat her and their three children nearly to death.

That’s why Judge Stewart instructed the jury to consider a verdict of justifiable homicide.

The judge had seen her—and her children—in court many times before, bailing the husband out of jail, always with black eyes and their arms in slings.

I think the jury did the right thing, finding her guilty of justifiable homicide.

Okay so because Reed Stewart’s dad was a social justice warrior while in his prime, you want to take this job?

It’s more complicated than that, but yes, I think because he served this community well, we owe it to him and his wife and family to help him now that he’s the one in need.

You are a complete sap. I totally get why you’re dating a guy who looks like he just walked in off a Civil War battlefield and knows fifteen different ways to describe cheddar.

I have just one question for you:

Is the real reason you’re doing this because of some kind of need for closure with Reed?

Absolutely not.

Do you swear on Dad’s urn?

Nicole!

Do you?

Fine, yes, if I must. We need to find a place to bury that, by the way. Or sprinkle the ashes. Maybe over Lake Bloomville. Dad liked to go fishing, remember?

Mom likes talking to it at night. Haven’t you heard her?

I thought she was on the phone. That’s kind of sweet, I guess.

Are we good now?

Only if you promise there’ll be Dumpsters. I know how you love a Dumpster.

I’m envisioning Dumpsters AND a couple of portable on demand storage units at the very least, since the Stewarts don’t know where they’re going yet.

Things are becoming clearer to me. And didn’t you say they live on the golf course?

Near the country club. Yes.

Now I get it. This IS about closure after all.

What would be more satisfying revenge than plopping down a bunch of PODs and a Dumpster or two in front of Reed Stewart’s parents’ magnificent mansion RIGHT IN FRONT of all of his rich friends at the country club where he humiliated you in 12th grade?

And then ripping his parents’ house apart, and throwing all their nice stuff into those Dumpsters?

Like that chandelier.

No, Nicole. That is not it at all. There will be no throwing of Venetian glass chandeliers into Dumpsters.

Sure. Sure.

But I like where this is going.

Especially since we have that six week credit with Hoosier Disposal.

Seriously. Do not start scheduling Dumpsters yet. Let me contact Carly Stewart to find out more about what’s going on. She may not even end up hiring us.

Oh, right. Who else are they going to hire?

Well, you never know. Maybe she’ll talk to Reed and he’ll say booking me is a conflict of interest. It would be kind of a weird thing, you know, to have your ex clean out your childhood home.

That he hasn’t visited in a decade? Like he should be allowed any say in the matter.

Nicole, I know it’s hard, but let’s try to be professional where Reed is concerned, just in case we do end up having to work with him.

Fine. I’ll try. But you can’t make me like him.

Trust me, I would never dream of asking you to.