The Boy Is Back by Meg Cabot (38)

Don’t even try to pretend like Reed didn’t spend the night last night. Mom and I both saw his car.

I expect a full report later.

That was fun at his sister’s house, but what a byotch! Someone should fully report her to Adult Protective Services. Or maybe Child Protective Services.

And if later you hear from her (Trimble) that her life-size Dalmatian statue is missing from her yard, it totally wasn’t me who took it.

OK, I might have decided to liberate it. Someone like her doesn’t deserve a thing of such beauty.

PLEASE don’t tell your new boyfriend that I stole his sister’s Dalmatian statue.

Ha, I guess he’s not your new boyfriend, right? He’s your new old boyfriend!

Anyway, way to go. He’s sooooo much better than the lumbersexual cheesemonger.

Aren’t you glad I told you to cliiiiiiiiiiiick that story in the Herald????

Honey, I’m just so happy about you and Reed. You know I’ve always liked him so much.

Now, I know you two probably want to spend some time alone, but just in case you’re free for dinner, what’s his favorite food? Because I’ll make it. Is it chicken? Because I managed to get Rhonda Jenkins’s recipe for baked chicken and I was thinking of trying it out tonight.

Let me know. Bye now.

What if I don’t want to go to lunch with your friend Leeanne? What if I just want to stay in your bed and ravage you instead?

I think we’ve done enough ravaging of one another in my bed for one morning.

There can never be enough ravaging where you’re concerned.

I haven’t seen her in months.

I haven’t seen you in ten years.

You saw me naked all night long.

A thousand nights will never be enough.

Stop sexting me in front of your niece while she does her Indian war dance.

I’ll sext you in front of anyone I want. You’re mine now, and I’m never letting you get away again.

It would be unwise of you to do so, since I know all of your family’s darkest secrets.

You don’t know my darkest secret.

Um, I believe I’ve known it for quite some time. It involves a certain part of your anatomy.

Not that one. The other one.

Which one is that?

That I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ll never stop loving you.

Oh, THAT one.

No, I think you need to say it a few more times.