The Boy Is Back by Meg Cabot (2)

GET IN HERE NOW.

Can’t. I’m in that meeting with the Patels.

I think they’re going to bite on the Thomas property! They haven’t even asked about the water damage!

YOUR PARENTS GOT ARRESTED AT SHENANIGANS LAST NIGHT.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDGGGGGGEE

Fudge. I mean fudge. Stupid autocorrect!

How could this have happened?

What do you mean how could this have happened? I’ve been warning you since Christmas that something like this was going to happen. But do you ever listen to me? No.

What are you talking about?

What part can’t you figure out? The part where my high school nemesis just informed me that my in-laws were arrested last night, or the part where you refuse to admit your parents need professional help?

My father is a very intelligent man. He’s just eccentric.

Marshall, your father took a left turn past eccentric and pulled into Crazy Town six months ago. And now everyone in Bloomville knows it but you.

You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?

Enjoying that my mother-in-law, who gave me knives for my last birthday, is in jail? How could you imagine such a thing?

Those were really expensive knives. They cost like $80.

Don’t you have slightly more important things to worry about right now than how much your mother spent on her last birthday gift to me? Like where your parents are, and what the Patels think you’re doing while you’re texting me?

The Patels think I’m looking up zoning restrictions. They want to put in a pool.

But I guess that’s a good question. Where are my parents now?

The Patels can’t put in a pool unless they build a ten-foot retaining wall. That house is in a historic floodplain. Remember, we had this exact same problem when the Greenwalds wanted to make an offer last year?

I AM AWARE OF THAT, CARLY. WHERE ARE MY PARENTS???

Oh, NOW you’re concerned. I have been telling you since Christmas that there is something wrong with your parents, but you wouldn’t listen.

“They’re just eccentric.” “They like collecting.” “It’s totally normal to own that many ceramic cat figurines.”

Why do I have to do everything in this relationship? WHY? You DO have other family members, including a sister who is co-counsel at your father’s private law office.

Not that she would deign to answer the phone when I called to ask the exact question you just did—where are your parents.

Don’t bring my sister into this. And what did you mean you warned me about this at Christmas? What happened at Christmas?

You mean when your parents invited us over for dinner and we saw all those turkey carcasses sitting out on the front lawn leftover from when they had us for Thanksgiving?

You didn’t find that odd?

Mom said she left them out there for the cats.

Marshall. Your parents don’t own any cats.

Oh.

Well, I guess they do now.

Yes. Every cat in the neighborhood.

Now can we please admit that your parents have a problem and DO something about it? Because I personally can’t stand the idea of Summer Hayes dishing about my in-laws on Facebook. Which, FYI, she’s been doing, in between complaining about Bailey and her Chief Massasoit costume.

What’s wrong with Bailey’s Chief Massasoit costume? Besides the fact that it’s filthy because she refuses to take it off?

Summer Hayes says other parents have been complaining that it’s culturally insensitive.

Great. I’m going to kill myself.

Right after I kill those other parents. And then my own parents.

Do you realize the Patels may be the last clients we ever have? Every single other person in this town knows that the Honorable Judge Richard P. Stewart is my father.

Which means that every single person in this town with a Stewart Realty sign on their front lawn will probably be stuffing it into their recycling bin tonight, since they aren’t going to want to associate with the son of a known felon.

Now you’re overreacting. We don’t even have the whole story yet. Your parents are innocent until proven guilty, right? That’s what your dad always said about the people he saw in court every day, anyway.

Yeah, and look what happened to most of them.

GUILTY.

Stop it. This town, like your dad, has always been pretty forgiving. They forgave your brother, Reed, didn’t they? He used to be the most hated boy in Bloomville.

Now he’s their golden child. They have the shoes he wore in the US Open hanging on the wall at Antonelli’s Pizza!

Carly, my sister is married to the owner of Antonelli’s.

Remember what the therapist said? There’s a difference between being supportive and being condescending.

Have you been able to reach Trimble? Reed? Anyone?

The receptionist says your sister got called to a meeting at her kids’ school and can’t be disturbed—something going on with Ty.

And your brother’s phone goes instantly to voice mail. I suppose, since he’s on California time, he isn’t up yet.

P.S. The therapist ALSO said you have anger issues and need a hobby.

Reed is up. He’s probably already out on the links, hitting balls. That bastard.

And if Ty is anything like her mother was when SHE was 14, I BET she got called to a meeting at her school.

Look, how many subscribers to the Bloomville Herald can there even be? 5,000? 2,000?

I don’t know. Not that many. Aren’t they always complaining about how nobody reads newspapers anymore? Journalists are getting laid off right and left, I heard.

Right! So long as no one on social media picks up on the story, we’ll be fine. This whole thing is probably nothing. A mountain out of a molehill.

Marshall, that’s what you’ve been saying about your parents for months now, and look what’s happened. I think you’re in denial. They need help. Serious help.

Come on. They’re fine. Dad’s the smartest guy who ever lived in this town. And Mom’s great! I bet this whole thing was a misunderstanding, and by dinnertime, it will all have blown over, and we’ll be having a good laugh over it with Mom and Dad. Wait and see.